Tempting

by Crystal Kaswell

  But then...

  His shirt is wrinkled. His hair is a mess. His eyes are heavy. Tired.

  "We just got in." He nods to the black suitcase next to him. Then to the car parked on the street. A rental car. Emma is in the passenger seat, staring at the mirror. "Emma insisted on fixing her makeup. I told her I wouldn't wait."

  I nod. That's so them.

  "Your mom told me what's going on. I'm sorry, Kay. I wish things were different."

  "Me too."

  His eyes meet mine. They promise that everything will be different. But he doesn't say anything.

  I try to find the words, but I can't. Mom is moving toward us.

  She stops at the door. Smiles at Brendon. "Mr. Kane. You didn't have to come."

  His eyes meet mine. He raises a brow. She doesn't know?

  I shake my head. She doesn't. Not yet. But I'm going to tell her. I'm going to stop taking on the whole world by myself.

  "I get a little protective of Emma," he says.

  Mom nods. "I can imagine. She's a spitfire."

  "You have no idea," he says.

  Mom laughs. It's the first time she's laughed since I've been here. "Well, come in. We've already got a pot of coffee on." She looks out to the car. Waves. "Hey, Emma. Come in whenever you're ready."

  Emma steps out of the passenger seat. Taps the key fob. The car beeps locked. Her eyes meet mine. She mouths I'm sorry. I think. She's far away.

  "We'll put out the air mattress for you. And there's the couch. It's very comfortable." Mom leads Brendon into the kitchen.

  "We have a hotel," he says.

  "Nonsense. You've been so hospitable this year. Kaylee sent me pictures of her room. It's beautiful. And I remember your house. This is the least we could do."

  His eyes meet mine. He raises a brow, offering me a chance to object.

  I want him here. Fuck, I want him here so badly it hurts. But I want him here as mine. If he's not...

  I don't know.

  God, the sight of his dark eyes and his soft lips is enough to comfort me. To remind me that there are beautiful things in the world. That one day it's going to be okay.

  "You should stay here," I say. "We have good coffee. Dad's obsessed."

  He nods. "I'm sold."

  Emma rushes in through the door. She presses it closed behind her, rests her suitcase against it.

  She goes straight to me and throws her arms around me. "I'm so fucking sorry, Kay."

  "Me too."

  "I love you."

  "I love you too."

  She leans in to whisper. "And I'm sorry my brother is an idiot. He... I think he's going to come around. But I get it if you don't forgive him."

  I don't know what I forgive. I'm not ready to ask myself that yet. I release Emma. "You want coffee?"

  "Of course." She smiles. "You look good."

  "You too."

  She smacks her lips. "It's not too much?"

  "That's in your vocabulary?" I tease.

  Mom laughs. "Your hair is darling, Emma. I wish I could pull that off."

  "You could, Mrs. Hart. Though I think purple would suit your complexion better. There's this great new brand with smokey colors. The purple would look fierce on you," Emma says.

  Mom laughs. "I'll think about that."

  Brendon's eyes meet mine. I'm not sure exactly what he's saying, only that I want to hear every drop of it.

  Chapter Fifty-Four

  Kaylee

  We go straight to the hospital with Grandma. Brendon and Emma introduce themselves and say hello then they wait in the lobby.

  Mom and I stay with her all morning. Dad joins in the evening. We get home, have dinner together, make small talk about nothing, sleep in separate spaces.

  It's like that for days. We spend every minute of visiting hours in the hospital. Emma and I talk all night. Brendon is just there. Waiting for me. Ready for when I need him.

  It's like that all week.

  Until Friday.

  I wake to Mom standing over my bed, tears running down her cheeks.

  I don't have to ask to know. It's written all over her face.

  Grandma is gone.

  The world is a little colder.

  A little darker.

  A little uglier.

  I want to be strong for Mom. So she can fall apart. But I can't bring myself to leave my bed.

  Dad brings me breakfast and tea.

  I force myself to brush my teeth. Wash my face.

  Then I collapse back in my bed. It whispers of Grandma too. The hot pink sheets. The landline phone in the shape of lips. The boy band posters all over the walls.

  She'd want me to celebrate her life, not mourn her death.

  And I want to do that.

  But it hurts, knowing she's not here anymore.

  That I can never go to her for advice. Or read her another chapter. Or argue about whether or not I'll call her Gigi.

  Emma brings me lunch and dinner. She sits with me as I pour my heart out. Hugs me as I cry.

  But I don't fall apart until the sun sets. Night falls over the house slowly. My room is silent. I can hear my parents go to bed. My mom sobbing. My dad comforting her.

  Emma turning on the TV.

  Footsteps moving toward my door.

  A soft knock.

  Brendon's voice. "Hey."

  "Come in." I pull the sheets a little higher. I'm not ready to face him, but I need his comfort. It's confusing. My first thought is that Grandma would know what to do.

  But she's not here.

  She's never giving me advice again.

  She...

  I choke back a sob.

  Brendon steps into my room and presses the door shut behind him.

  He lays in my bed behind me. Wraps his arms around my waist and pulls my body into his.

  And he holds me as I sob.

  As I release every bit of hurt.

  I fall apart in his arms.

  Even with everything between us, he's the only person I trust to piece me back together.

  Chapter Fifty-Five

  Kaylee

  I wake up alone.

  Even so, the world is a little less cold.

  A little less dark.

  It hurts a little less, Grandma being gone.

  I manage to drag myself out of bed. I brush my teeth, shower, put on makeup, blow dry my hair. I feel better. Not great. But better. Like I can actually face the world.

  I pull on an old dress. It's a little small, but it's stretchy enough to be comfortable. I'm about to move into the hallway when I see it.

  A note on my desk.

  Meet me at the boardwalk at noon. I have something to show you.

  - Brendon

  And there's the exact address. And a detailed drawing. A blooming rose in the shape of a heart, covered in thorns. It's beautiful. Intricate. Incredibly Brendon.

  My stomach flutters. It pushes away the darkness flowing through me. I actually feel warm. Alive. Like the world is a place where good things can happen.

  It still hurts.

  But I'm pretty sure I can survive it.

  Mom is strangely okay with my request to borrow the car. Emma too. She doesn't ask where I'm going or insist on coming. Dad either.

  It's weird.

  Like they know what Brendon's up to. And are somehow okay with it. But that isn't possible. If my parents knew we were sleeping together, they'd kill him.

  Or maybe...

  I mean, I told Grandma.

  She might have narced on me. And I wasn't exactly subtle about crying to Mom about a guy who didn't love me.

  The sad promise of Love Will Tear Us Apart flows through the speakers. Joy Division is the only band Brendon and I like. Well, the only band he'll admit to liking. He hates the indie pop and pop-rock I play. (Sue me, I like vaguely pop sounding things). But he's different with some of the pop-punk bands. Maybe it's all high school nostalgia. Or maybe it's a secret love of well-recorded, melodic music.

&n
bsp; I'm going to call him on it one day.

  But not today.

  Love has already torn me apart.

  I'm just hoping it puts me back together.

  I check the address again. Almost there. My fingers curl around the steering wheel. My heartbeat picks up. I don't know what this is, but guys don't leave beautiful drawings and promises as break up notes. I think. I don't know anything about guys.

  Grandma would tell me to be brave. To go with it. She'd say something cliché about how she regrets all the things she didn't do. All her mistakes taught her things or brought her joy. Even her ex-husband. He brought her Mom. And that was worth everything.

  I turn into the beach parking lot. It's half empty. And there, in the corner—that's Brendon's rental car. I think. It's some generic black sedan with a big yellow sticker advertising the rental company. It could be anyone's rental car.

  I park at an end space. Turn the car off. Force my hands into my lap.

  They're shaking.

  But it's a good shaking.

  A nervous energy I'm capable of feeling alive shaking.

  I climb out of the car, tap the lock, hug my purse.

  A breeze blows over my shoulders. It's a cool day and the ocean breeze isn't helping matters. This dress isn't nearly warm enough. And it's not a boardwalk dress. My hair isn't right. Or my makeup. Or my shoes.

  No. This is fine. It's clothes. They aren't what matters.

  I cross the parking lot and climb the wooden steps to the boardwalk.

  He's standing there against the railing, the sand and the ocean and the sky his backdrop.

  He looks so good. All tall, dark, and handsome.

  Those same black jeans.

  Those same coffee eyes.

  That soft smile curling over his lips.

  I move toward him. Until I can smell his soap. My fingers curl around the note. "It's a beautiful drawing. New?"

  He nods. "Had something in my head I had to get out."

  "What does it mean?"

  "I'll get there." He takes my hand. "I promise. But give me a minute."

  I nod. A minute is too long. A second is too long. All this air between us—it's too much. But I need to hear everything.

  "Your mom and I talked."

  "Oh. You told her?"

  "Not everything. But I will. We agreed that you and Em should move in together. If you want."

  Me and Em with our own place? We always talked about that. But once I started working, I realized it would be forever before I could afford it.

  "Emma refused to let me cover her half."

  "Of course."

  "Your Mom... Your grandma took out a life insurance policy awhile back. It's a few hundred thousand dollars. And you're the sole beneficiary."

  "What?"

  "She wanted to make sure you'd have enough to study whatever you wanted."

  "Oh."

  "I tried to get your old place back, but the subletor refused to leave before the lease is up. It can be yours next September. But I figured you'd rather find one place and make it home."

  I nod.

  "I found you two a place. It's in Santa Monica. It's halfway between the beach and SMC. If you'd rather save everything, I can find you a cheaper place." He pulls out his cell and hands it to me.

  I flip through the pictures of the apartment. It's small, but it's nice. Big windows. Hardwood floors. Two little bedrooms. A balcony. An ocean view if you look from just the right angle.

  "It's yours if you want it."

  I nod. "I do."

  "And I..." He stares back into my eyes. "That night Emma found out, she said something—"

  "Said?"

  "Yelled something that stuck with me. I'm supposed to protect you from guys like me."

  "But you—"

  "Let me finish." His voice is strong. Even. Sure.

  But I can't wait.

  I need to know that he's mine.

  I force myself to nod.

  "I couldn't stop thinking about it. I've believed that I'm no good for a long time. My mom made sure of it. That was why I tried to stay away from you, Kay. Not just because you were young or because you were Emma's friend or because it would fuck up everything in my life. Because I didn't want to hurt you."

  Words claw at my throat. Somehow, I manage to nod instead of speaking.

  "But the more time I spent with you, the more I wanted to peel back all your walls. I wanted to find the things that hurt you and destroy them. I wanted your heart."

  "I wanted to give it to you."

  "I know. You trusted me."

  "I still do."

  His lips curl into a half smile. "That was everything I wanted. Still is. But it's also everything that terrifies me. You're as bright as the sun, Kay. You have this big, beautiful life ahead of you. And the thought of snuffing out even a hint of your boundless potential—it guts me."

  He moves closer.

  Until I can feel all the heat of his body.

  His hand goes to the neckline of his t-shirt.

  "It still does. But I want to get through that. If you're willing to have me. If you have the patience for it."

  He pulls his t-shirt down his chest.

  There's fresh ink on his skin.

  Right on the spot I chose.

  Serva me, servabo te.

  Save me and I'll save you.

  "Brendon." I reach for his skin. "Can I?"

  He nods.

  I trace the lines of the ink. "When?"

  "Before I left. Walker did it."

  "Yeah?"

  "Told me he'd kick my ass if I fucked this up."

  A sob rises up in my throat. "He meant it?"

  "I think so. Pretty sure Dean and Ryan will join him."

  My heart warms. The guys look out for me. They support me. I do have people who love me. Who want me to be okay. None of them can replace Grandma, but it helps, knowing I have support.

  "I mean it, Kay. I know you'll always feel a little broken. And I'll always worry I don't deserve you. But I want to be there, by your side, to help you through every ugly moment. And I want you by mine."

  A tear rolls down my cheek. "I want that too."

  He cups my cheek with his palm. Wipes a tear with my thumb. "Those happy or sad?"

  "Both."

  "I love you. I have for a long time. And I will for longer."

  I nod. "I love you too."

  He wraps his arms around me and he kisses me like he can't get enough of my lips.

  Like he can't get enough of me.

  God, he tastes good.

  I don't come up for air until I'm dizzy.

  With love and lust and the comfort of knowing he's by my side.

  For everything.

  Forever.

  Epilogue

  Brendon

  Kaylee steps out of the humanities building with stars in her eyes. She stretches her arms over her head as she lets out a soft yawn.

  Her lips spread into a smile as her eyes catch mine. Her movements get faster. The exhaustion fades from her expression.

  I move toward her. Meet her at the halfway point of the sidewalk.

  She jumps into my arms and squeezes me tightly. "I thought you had to work."

  "I finished early." I soak up the feeling of her body against mine. She's so warm and soft. And she's mine.

  All mine.

  Fuck, it's still hard to believe.

  I set her down on the concrete, but I keep my arms around her.

  Her green eyes fill with affection as she looks up at me. "I missed you."

  "I missed you." I bring one hand to the back of her head, undo her ponytail, and run my fingers through her hair. "How was it?"

  She smiles. "Easy peasy."

  "Easy?"

  "Relatively speaking."

  She's been locked in her studying cave for the last two weeks. It's been torture. But it's worth it for the look on her face.

  I cup the back of her head. "Straight As?"

&nbs
p; "I think so. But we'll see." She slides her arm around my waist and rests her head on my chest. "Tell me we're going straight to your place."

  "My place? What would we do there?" I play dumb.

  "Brendon Kane, this is not the time to be a tease."

  "There go my plans for the afternoon."

  Kay laughs so hard she shakes. "Okay. You can tease. But not until we're at your place."

  "I'm not following."

  "You are too." She slides her hand under my t-shirt and presses her palm against my stomach.

  "I have a surprise for you."

  "Yeah?" Her voice lifts. "Something, ahem..."

  I chuckle. "No. After."

  "After." She looks up at me. "I like after."

  "Me too."

  Kaylee giggles as she steps into the house. She surveys the living room like she hasn't seen it in weeks. I guess she hasn't. I'm not sure she's done anything but work, sleep, and study for the last two weeks.

  "It's so much cleaner without Em here." She runs her fingers over the spotless dining table. "Almost freakishly clean."

  "And your room?"

  "Good point." She takes my hand and follows me to the stairs. "I miss this place."

  "I miss you here." Nearly every night, I fall asleep wishing she was in my bed. But I made her mom a promise, that Kaylee would live with Emma until she graduated from college.

  Today was Kaylee's last final. The last day of freshman year. That leaves three years to go.

  Fuck, three years until I have her around twenty-four seven.

  If I'm lucky, she'll graduate early.

  No, I'm lucky either way.

  I whisper in her ear. "Go to my room, strip, and sit on the bed."

  She stops short. "Strip to what?"

  "I want you naked on my bed."

  Her tongue slides over her lips.

  "I want you coming on my face until you can't take it anymore."

  Her pupils dilate. She nods and takes a shaky step forward.

  I watch her climb the stairs and move down the hallway. She's practically bouncing. She wants me that badly.

  Fuck knows I want her... I'm not sure I have words for how much I want her.

  It's been two weeks since I've watched Kay come.