Dreaming of a Western Christmas: His Christmas BelleThe Cowboy of Christmas PastSnowbound with the Cowboy

by Lynna Banning

  She shot a glance at Micah, but the boy had already bounded up the stairs to the church doors and disappeared inside, Bruce fast on his heels.

  “Levi, I—”

  “I’m not asking you for anything.” Not yet, anyway. His hands tightened on her waist, but he resisted the urge to pull her closer. If he did, he would never let her go. “I just want to know. Do you regret it? The truth.”

  She shook her head. “No. Of course not. But—we need to talk.”

  “Agreed.” He didn’t like the way she said it, as if they were on different pages of a book. “About what?”

  “I—” She stopped and captured her bottom lip with her teeth. When she looked up at him, he could see the fear and uncertainty in the depths of her green eyes. “Do you want me?”

  Levi cupped her cheek, the warmth of her skin seeping through the leather, making him want her all over again. How funny that touching her could hold such power, but it always had. He had never forgotten it. Never forgotten her.

  “Darlin’, wanting you is buried deep into the marrow of my bones. It isn’t going anywhere. Tell me you don’t feel this thing between us every bit as strong as I do.”

  She let out a sharp laugh and she gazed up at the deep azure sky above. “I do,” she whispered. A sweet smile played on her lips and he wanted to kiss her so thoroughly in that moment that what was left of the town would be scandalized if they knew. The only thing that stopped him was the but lingering at the end of that statement, unspoken but written in her eyes, in the uncertainty he saw there. But whatever it was that held her back, it hid in the shadows.

  “Come with me to Salvation Falls.” The words shot out of him before he could think. But what was there to think about? He loved her. Lived and breathed her. He’d always known it. As much as he told himself to forget her, he couldn’t. Hadn’t wanted to. She’d been home to him. The smell and touch and feel of her. All of it. None of that had changed.

  “Levi—”

  But he didn’t let her continue. He couldn’t. Her tone had the edge of rejection to it, and he’d had enough of that from her to last him a lifetime. This time it would be different. It had to be. “We could be a family, Ada. Glennis Creek is a dying town. Before long it’s going to be nothing but empty structures and memories. Micah will have a better chance for a future in Salvation Falls. We all will. The future we always dreamed of. Don’t you want that? Don’t you want to spend the rest of our lives like last night?”

  Color that had nothing to do with the cold air blossomed in her cheeks. She stared at a point on his chest and closed her eyes, her lashes fluttering lightly against her skin. He waited, his breath stuck in his throat, until finally she answered with a nod of her head.

  He let the breath rush out of him and smiled, the future he’d been robbed of eight years earlier opening before him. “Well, all right, then.”

  “Levi, there’s something I need to say.”

  “Ma!” The church door banged open and Micah’s excited expression filled the doorway, something dark smeared at the corner of his mouth. “Grandma has chocolate squares. They’re delicious!”

  Levi laughed as Micah disappeared back inside. “You best get on in there before he gets his fill and has the bellyache to prove it. We’ll talk more tonight, all right?”

  “Okay.” She smiled, but it looked forced. He leaned down and planted a kiss on the tip of her nose, then reluctantly let her go.

  He waited until she disappeared inside the church before making his way down Main Street to the telegraph office, determined to make contact with Sheriff Donovan Hunter and begin preparing for the future he’d promised Ada all those years ago.

  * * *

  As Ada entered the church, the scents of pine and fir filled her senses and the quiet hum of women’s voices lifted in song reached down and soothed her rattled nerves. Marilla stood in front of the choir, directing the ladies as they sang “What Child Is This?”

  Once upon a time, she had stood among them. Now she stood on the periphery, no longer a part of the daily life of Glennis Creek. Most thought her exile was her own doing, a response to deep grief over the loss of her husband. Neither she nor Marilla had done anything to correct the misconception.

  What would they think once they heard Levi was back in town and staying at the cabin with her?

  Levi.

  She took a deep breath. He wanted her. He wanted her and Micah to go with him to Salvation Falls. To have a life together. Her heart tried to soar at the news, but it remained too tethered to the past to take flight. She still had to tell him the truth and when she did, when he learned she had kept the truth from him, had allowed his son to be raised by another man—would he still want her then? Would the idea of starting a new life wither and die, killed by the secrets she had kept?

  “Ma, come and try the cookies!”

  Marilla turned and her arms stopped conducting; the singing petered out as if that was what held the ladies’ voices aloft and without it, they could not go on.

  “I believe you have had enough cookies, young man,” Ada said, focusing on her son for a moment, a brief buffer before she faced the task at hand.

  “Ada. It’s lovely to see you. I didn’t expect you and Micah until tomorrow.” For the past two years, they had come down from the mountain and celebrated Christmas Eve with Marilla, returning that evening and spending the morning as just the two of them.

  “There was a sudden change of plan.”

  “I see.” She turned behind her to the choir. “Ladies, this might be a wonderful time to break for lunch. I’ve made arrangements with Linwood to prepare a lovely meal for you at the hotel. Please, enjoy yourselves while I have a visit with my grandson.”

  Micah grinned and eyed the plate of cookies again.

  Ada gave him a warning look and then returned her attention to Marilla. “It’s just to be a brief visit, I’m afraid. I hope it isn’t too much of an inconvenience.”

  Her former mother-in-law pulled herself up to her full height, her stature made even more impressive by the fancy plumed hat she wore and the smart dress of silk taffeta, the underskirt sporting a red-and-green plaid reminiscent of the season. She was a large woman, built strong and sturdy and made to last. In the end, she had done just that—she’d outlived her husband and her son until only she remained of the family.

  “My grandson is never an inconvenience.”

  Ada did not miss the emphasis on grandson. “Of course.” She gave Marilla a tentative smile and received the same in return.

  Their relationship had never fully mended after her return following Levi’s arrest. The breach of her mother-in-law’s trust had never completely healed. Micah provided a bridge between them, a link, even though they both knew not an ounce of Baxter blood flowed in his veins. Regardless, Marilla had embraced the boy and loved him all the same.

  What would she say now when Ada told her Micah’s real father had returned to town? Would it be the final crack in their relationship?

  Once the other ladies had filed out of the church, Marilla turned to her. “And what has caused this change in plan?”

  Micah wrapped his arms around his grandmother. “Grandma, we have a visitor. He got attacked by a bear but his dog saved him and he let me name his pup so I called him Bruce!”

  He bent and picked up Bruce, who licked his face, then looked at Marilla expectantly. She took a step back, her attention transferring to Ada. Despite the smile she kept on her face, an underlying current of tension ran beneath her words. “My, my, but that is quite a bit of excitement. And what has happened to this man?”

  Ada’s heart pounded in her chest and she spoke up before Micah could. “He is staying with us until he is well enough to travel.” And take us with him.

  Marilla’s gaze turned icy. “You have a strange man staying with you and my grandson in the cabin?”

  “Oh, he ain’t a stranger.”

  “Micah,” Ada interrupted. This was not a conversation she wanted to
have with him here. “Why don’t you head down to the mercantile and see if Mr. Pickering can set aside the things on our list?” She reached into her pocket for the short list she had written out. “I’m sure there will be a peppermint stick awarded for your assistance.”

  Micah did not need to be asked twice. The boy had a sweet tooth that was insatiable. He took the list, kissed his grandmother and ran down the aisle in the wake of the choir. “C’mon, Bruce! Bye, Grandma! I’ll see you later!”

  His words echoed down the hallway, partially drowned out by Bruce’s excited barking.

  Ada waited until the church doors had closed behind him before turning back to Marilla.

  “What does the boy mean, he isn’t a stranger?”

  Ada clasped her hands in front of her in an effort to keep them from shaking. It had been a long time since she’d stood up to anyone. She was well out of practice.

  “It’s Levi MacAllistair.”

  Marilla grasped the pearls at her throat and took a step back, one hand gripping the pew next to her for purchase. Ada stood still, waiting for the news to sink in before she continued. “New evidence proved his innocence and he was freed. On his way to Salvation Falls he had a run-in with a bear. He made his way to the cabin and we took him in.”

  “And you thought to bring him here? To flaunt him in front of the entire town?” Marilla spat out the words, her expression one of shock and anger. “You promised. We had an agreement!”

  Ada let her gaze drop. She had promised. Years ago when fear had made her brain so addled she could think of nothing else to do. Levi’s trial hadn’t been going well, the guilty verdict a foregone conclusion. The town had been out for blood after losing one of their own. She would have been left alone and pregnant, both she and her child shunned and abandoned with no means of support. Save for Marilla and Harlan. All she’d had to do was promise to never breathe a word of Micah’s parentage. To never allow the stench of scandal to taint the Baxter name.

  “I kept my promise,” she whispered. The cost had been great, but she’d endured it for Micah’s sake.

  “Do you think the people around here won’t talk? Plenty still remain who remember what happened. It will take one look at Micah and that man together for them to start whispering and asking questions all over again. Harlan deserves better than that!”

  “Harlan deserves nothing from me!” She clamped a hand over her mouth but it was too late—the harsh words were already out there, the damage done.

  “He took you in after you deserted him to lie with another man.”

  Ada’s hand dropped away and she acknowledged the truth of what Marilla said. But it wasn’t the whole truth. “You took me in and convinced him to marry me. And every day after that, Harlan made sure he reminded me of the sacrifice he had made. The burden he’d taken on. He treated me with cold contempt and Micah as if he were an interloper. He never once showed my son the smallest amount of affection. Don’t tell me you didn’t see it.”

  Marilla pulled her mouth into a stern line. “What did you expect from him after what you had done?”

  “I expected him to hate me. But not Micah. He had no say in what happened. He was just an innocent baby. He deserved better than what he got from your son. He deserved a father who loved him.”

  “And you think that’s what you’re going to get with that outlaw? A deserving father who will stick around and raise his boy properly? Does he know Micah is his?”

  “No. I haven’t told him. Or Micah.”

  “But you plan to, don’t you? I can see it in your eyes. You think you can go back and recapture what you’ve lost. It’s a fool’s errand, Ada. You’ll end up hurt and devastated just as you did the last time.”

  “Perhaps.” She understood the risk. But she couldn’t live with the secret rotting inside of her any longer. Not now, when Levi was free in the world, able to be a father to their child. “But he deserves to know. They both do.”

  “And then what? You expect it will be sunshine and rose petals forever after?”

  Ada liked the idea of that. It had been a long time since she’d basked in the sun or allowed happiness to creep in and spread its light. So long she could no longer recall the feeling. But being near Levi made the memory a little stronger. Brought the possibility of feeling it a little closer.

  “I want to be happy, Marilla. Is that such an awful thing?” There. She’d said it. Claimed the need she’d shoved into a dark corner for too many years, thinking she didn’t deserve it for all the hurt she’d caused. Not just to Harlan and Marilla, but to Micah and Levi, as well. She’d thought she had been doing the right thing, but had she? Or had she simply done the easier thing? The necessary thing? She didn’t know for certain any longer. But she couldn’t change the past—she could only deal with the present and hope for a better future.

  Marilla’s expression softened and for a brief moment, Ada saw the woman who had first taken her in at fourteen. The woman who had soothed her fears and promised her everything would get better.

  “It isn’t an awful thing, Ada. But be careful what you wish for, my dear. Some say the truth will set you free, but from what I’ve seen, it only ties you down all the tighter. Don’t expect absolution for your choices.”

  “I don’t. I made my choices. And I’ve made this one. Levi has a right to the truth.” The more time she spent with him, watching him with her son—their son—the harder it became to deny. Harder still to ignore the fact he’d be a wonderful father to Micah. The father the boy should have had instead of the one he’d ended up with. Now he had that chance. They all did. But at what cost?

  “So be it. But know this, I will not pick up the pieces a second time. I wash my hands of it.” Her voice quieted and sadness darkened her eyes. “I wash my hands of you.”

  Ada sucked in a breath as the word cut into her, softly delivered on sharp edges. She understood, but the understanding didn’t make it hurt any less. “Fair enough.”

  “When will you do it?”

  “I’m not certain. After Christmas Day.” If things went badly, she did not want to ruin the day for Micah. He’d been so looking forward to it, even more so since Levi had arrived. “He’s asked us to come with him when he leaves for Salvation Falls.”

  If he rejected her now, would he claim his rights as Micah’s father and take her son with him regardless? The possibility frightened her more than she’d thought possible, resurrecting all the fears Harlan had embedded deep within her since the day she’d been forced to crawl back to him.

  “And you’ve said yes?”

  “Yes, though he may change his mind when he learns the truth.” Fear of the unknown turned her stomach, and she placed a hand against her middle to try and contain the feeling before it spread through her.

  “I won’t wish you happy,” Marilla said, stepping forward. She placed a hand over Ada’s. “I can’t. You understand?”

  Ada nodded, words unable to break through the lump in her throat.

  “Goodbye, dear.” Marilla kissed her on the cheek and let go of her hands, walking down the center aisle without looking back. The finality of her words rang out like church bells and resonated deep within Ada.

  She choked on a sob as the church door closed behind the woman who had been a second mother to her, leaving her alone with her fears.

  But fearful or not, she had set upon this road, and she had to complete the journey.

  Chapter Eight

  “You’ve been quiet.” Levi glanced over at Ada as they entered the cabin, their arms laden with supplies.

  “Have I?” Even her response came as an afterthought, a few beats after he’d made his observation, as if it took a moment for her to pull herself out of wherever it was she had gone.

  Her arms wrapped around the small package she’d purchased in town, holding it tightly against her chest as if to ward off the cold that had permeated the cabin during their absence. Her silence, the way she avoided his gaze, left him unnerved. Something had changed
during her visit with Mrs. Baxter, something that had left an indelible impression on her. Something she appeared disinclined to share with him.

  Micah came in after them with an armload of wood, Bruce trotting behind. Ada turned to her son as she set down her package. “Get washed up and ready for bed, sweetheart. I’ll be in to tuck you in—”

  “Ma!” He turned on her and the dog followed suit, plopping into a sitting position at the Micah’s feet. “I’m not a child. I’m eight years old, practically a man! I can tuck myself in.”

  Something rippled across Ada’s features at Micah’s words but Levi failed to read it, his mind too stuck on the actual words to think about much beyond that.

  I’m eight years old.

  Except that he wasn’t. He was seven. He had to be. Because if he wasn’t then—

  He looked to Ada. She did not gaze his way, but kept her eyes fixed on the boy. A muscle beneath her ear jumped and one hand fisted tightly at her side. When she spoke, her voice was wrong. Too high. Too lighthearted.

  “I suppose you’re right. You’re growing up faster than I’d like, but I can’t stop it. Very well, then. Off you go. Tuck yourself in, little man.”

  Levi stumbled backward, the world tilting and throwing him off balance. Ada kept talking in that voice that didn’t fit, as if nothing had changed. Yet everything had.

  Micah straightened. “Really?”

  She nodded again. “Off you go.”

  Levi watched it all, each word and movement coming to him as if through a filter, the rosy glow of the day stripped away, leaving a raw image he’d been unprepared to see. Ada had put his earlier suspicions to rest and he’d let the idea go, accepting her words as truth, certain she wouldn’t lie to him. Not after all they had meant to each other. The things they’d been through.

  But she had. She had lied.

  He’s seven.

  Except that he wasn’t. He was eight.

  The truth settled around him, its pieces too broken for him to fit them back together, and still she avoided his gaze.

  “Can I take Bruce with me?” Micah asked.