thefiremargins

by Lisanne Norman

  "So what, Ghyan? He wants to know her cub is his. What could be more natural? If you think that bothers me, you're mistaken. Last time we spoke you complained I needed to learn to care about her, now you're amused because you think I do! I suggested you as the priest for the new clan because I felt you genuinely cared about the people in your charge. We're working toward the same ends. Stop treating me as if I'm the enemy."

  Kaid was letting his quite justifiable anger mask the sudden fear that Ghyan's remark had caused. He remembered Noni asking who'd fathered Carrie's lost cub. Had she seen something in the future that she wasn't telling him?

  Ghyan was silent for a few moments. "You're right," he said, his ears going flat. "It was unworthy of me. I apologize. Of course I'll help you all I can."

  Kaid picked up his mug again, pushing the disturbing thoughts to the back of his mind. "We've all had to put duty before our personal wishes at some time, Ghyan," he said. "If what you've just told me doesn't show you the hand of Vartra positively at work in their lives, then I don't know what He has to do to convince you. Only He could arrange the timing of everything so it all fitted together."

  This time, Ghyan's gaze was curious. "Father Lijou said you were unusual."

  "Did he also tell you that for good or ill, once I give my oath, I keep it?" Kaid said. "I don't give my oath lightly, Ghyan, but Kusac is my Liege, as is Carrie. You still see Kusac as the youngling you knew at the Guild, not the adult he's become; that's why you don't trust his judgment."

  Ghyan sighed. "Once again, you may well be right. How can I help you?"

  "I need time in the Shrine room, to mediate. Will this be possible? When do you expect Father Lijou?"

  "About an hour before second meal. We're still finishing off decorating the Shrine room, although it's almost set up. As I said, Father Lijou is dedicating the Shrine today. He gave us our statue of Vartra. A small one, to be sure, but then the actual Shrine is too small for a life-size one. It was a most generous gesture on his part, as is his offer to come and do the dedication."

  "Very," said Kaid, wondering what was behind the Head Priest's gesture. "Considering how Ghezu views us, I'm impressed. Lijou couldn't have had an easy time justifying it to him."

  "I believe our Leader is more than capable of handling the situation," said Ghyan, his tone becoming formal. "Our Order is independent of Stronghold. Father Lijou is co-ruler of the Brotherhood with Leader Ghezu, not his subordinate."

  "There's no need to be defensive, Ghyan. You've not been involved in the Brotherhood's religious functions. They're somewhat different from yours, even leaving aside the fact that we're all trained as lay-priests," said Kaid. "I'll agree that outside the Brotherhood, Ghezu has no authority over the Order, but that's not the case within Stronghold. Rulla's been with you for some time now, surely he's told you something of the religious setup?"

  Ghyan's ears gave the tiniest of flicks.

  Kaid grinned. "Let me guess. You thought it was just his bias."

  "You have to realize," Ghyan said, his tone defensive again, "that when you hear tales of the absolute head of your Order having leadership wrangles over the deployment of personnel, they do seem somewhat unbelievable."

  "I'm sure they do," Kaid said, getting to his feet. "However, now you can put them in their correct perspective. Shall we join Dzaka and Rulla for first meal?"

  "Yes. Of course. I'd forgotten about that," he said as he rose. "After we've eaten, I'll get Rulla to show you to your rooms."

  "I'd also appreciate it if I could have a look at some of the records you've been compiling of the God-Visions and dreams experienced by Leska pairs, and the Brothers."

  "You know about my work?"

  "I keep my ears turned to the wind, Ghezu," said Kaid. "It may be that we can collaborate. I've had one or two visions of my own lately."

  "I'll pull them out for you later today."

  * * *

  Rulla took them to their rooms. They were small, and though the furnishings were austere, there was a meditation mat and lamp in each of them. Dzaka elected to go with Rulla and organize the local younglings and cubs into flattening the front yard while Kaid decided to remain in his room until Lijou arrived.

  The building had once been a communal school and nursery, but for now they had more need of a Shrine with the religious guidance and teaching it would provide. A school building and nursery could come later, when the estate had its own population of cubs.

  Kaid spread the meditation mat on the floor, then placed the low table and lamp in front of it. Going over to the bed, he dug in the small kit bag he'd brought, bringing out a packet of his favorite incense. From the cupboard set atop the drawer unit by the window, he took out the standard flask of oil and incense bowl which he placed on the table to the right of the lamp.

  He dug in his pocket for an igniter, then undoing his belt, he shrugged off his jacket and flung it on the end of the bed. Finally, he squatted down on the mat. Putting the igniter on the table, he picked up the oil flask, and as he poured it into the lamp, he quietly began murmuring the litany of Preparation.

  The bronze lamp was shaped like the flower of the nung tree, symbol of hope and rebirth. The outer bowl was sculpted in the form of the nine petals that protected the inner stamen from which the three wicks protruded. Surrounding it were three ornamental filaments.

  Threes again, he thought, his mind drifting as he took the charcoal out of the incense bowl. The igniter's red glow spat and crackled as it spread across the black disk. Hurriedly he placed the coal back on the surface of the sand-filled bowl. Taking a small block of incense from his packet, he put it on the table before lighting the lamp.

  It flared brightly for a moment, then settled down to a steady yellow flame. He continued reciting the litany as he crumbled the incense onto the charcoal. Once more it spat and hissed, this time sending up clouds of blue smoke until the resins had melted over the surface of the block.

  The heavy scent filled the small room, and as he finished the Preparation, he began the Relaxation, withdrawing his mind from the reality of his surroundings through the familiar phrases and the flickering light of the lamp. Deeper and deeper he let himself sink, until all he could sense was a gray mist surrounding him.

  He waited, drifting patiently, praying that the God would be accessible today.

  * * *

  "How're things at the main estate?" asked Rulla, leaning back against the wall, nonchalantly chewing his stim-twig as he watched the younglings padding around with buckets of earth for the cubs to enthusiastically stamp into the wet ruts and holes.

  "Things are quiet," he said. "Kaid has me doing electronic surveillance shifts at the gatehouse and accompanying Clan Leader Rhyasha and Clan Lord Konis when they need an aide."

  Rulla nodded. "He's seeing you widen your experience," he said. "That's good. And Ghezu?"

  "He's getting twitchy about my weekly 'Nothing to report' reports."

  Rulla took the twig from his mouth. "The time will come when Ghezu asks you do to something you can't. What then, Dzaka?"

  "I'll avoid it."

  "And if you can't?"

  Dzaka turned to look at him, his green eyes cold. "I'll have to decide at the time, Rulla."

  "If you've still to decide, what are you doing here?" he demanded, straightening up, his ears giving a brief flick of annoyance. "You've had plenty of time to make up your mind."

  "It's easy for you, isn't it, Rulla?" said Dzaka. "You knew what you were going to do from the first, didn't you? Never had any doubts. And, of course, Ghezu freed you from your Oath. Tell me what you would have done if he hadn't released you?" He looked back to where the cubs were happily sending mud splashing everywhere before continuing. "You haven't had any choices to make. I face death on every side, Rulla. Had you thought of that?"

  "Don't you trust us to protect you, youngling?" asked Rulla, a sneer in his voice as he lifted an eye ridge in mock surprise. "If you wanted to leave the Brotherhood now, all it woul
d take is asking Kaid. We'd all back him."

  "Listen to yourself, Rulla," said Dzaka, looking at him again. "You'll back him. Not me. Hardly calculated to inspire my confidence."

  Rulla gave a snort of derision and put his twig back in his mouth. "Why should any of us back you, youngling? We don't know you, and before you say because we're guild brothers, think again. One of our prime rules is that Brothers never take opposing contracts. You let yourself be maneuvered into that position, then compounded your idiocy by not telling anyone!" He shook his head. "You give us reason to trust you, Dzaka, and we'll back you against Ghezu."

  The younger male said nothing, returning to watching the cubs.

  Rulla observed him from the corner of his eye, but Dzaka remained still, showing no emotions, neither his body nor his face giving away what he felt. After a few minutes, Rulla took the twig from his mouth once more. "If it happens again, Dzaka, tell one of us," he said quietly. "The Brotherhood looks after its own. A way out can be found. Leader Ghezu has always had a tendency to blur the lines between breaking guild policy and fulfilling difficult contracts. We older ones have found ways to deal with him. As we hear it, he's gotten worse since he brought Kaid back."

  Dzaka said nothing, continuing to stare stonily ahead at the yard where the cubs' pothole filling detail had degenerated into a mudslinging match.

  Rulla sighed, then pocketed his twig before turning his attention to his charges.

  "Just what the hell do you think you're doing?" he roared, striding forward to the margins of the mud field. His hand snaked out to grab the nearest youngster by the scruff, holding him up until he was glaring eye to eye with him. "Look at you! I could plant next year's grain crop on you, and it would grow! What d'you think your mothers will say about the state of you?" he demanded, looking past his dangling catch to pin the other half a dozen youngsters with his glare.

  "We'd finished, Brother Rulla," stammered his captive.

  "Did I hear you speak?" he thundered, shaking the lad.

  "N ... no, Brother!"

  "The beach is five minutes' run from here," he said, dropping the cub to the ground. "I expect to see you back here, without a trace of mud, in eight minutes!"

  Rooted to the spot with fear, not one of them dared move.

  "What are you waiting for?" he roared, watching his victim scramble to his feet and take off in the direction of the sea.

  The others left, running for dear life. Beyond them the ten younglings who'd been carrying the buckets of earth, rushed up, attracted by the noise. They stood beyond the yard wall, mouths open in grins.

  "Did I say you were excused?" demanded Rulla, turning an angry face on them.

  They disappeared on the heels of the cubs.

  Rulla turned and walked back to Dzaka. "I'm going in for a c'shar," he said.

  Dzaka frowned briefly. "The cubs?"

  The other gave a purring chuckle. "They'll find us. They've done their work, let off some steam, now it's time to reestablish the discipline. Are you coming, or do you fancy a cold swim, too?"

  Dzaka's mouth opened a fraction in a grin. "No. I think I'll pass on that one for today," he said, following him in to the refectory.

  * * *

  The mists resolved so gradually that it took Kaid some time to realize that they had. His surroundings weren't familiar. He'd expected the God's temple, instead he saw a cavern, its walls lined with spars of wood. At first he thought the two figures were engaged in some kind of highly ritualized dance, then he realized they were fighting.

  His role as an observer was totally passive: he had no control over the scene before him, being unable to either move closer or shut his eyes to end it. As the scene unfolded, he realized they were fighting with knives, and that they each wore padded body armor. A practice session then, some portion of his mind observed.

  The younger male was faster, quicker on his feet, darting in, then dancing back out of range. The older male, however, waited, using the minimum of energy, always meeting each attack with a deft counter. He had the experience and the patience. Then there was a quick flurry of movement from him and suddenly it was over. The younger male lay on his back, throat and belly exposed, knife held pressed beneath his ear.

  As he was released, and a hand held down to help him rise, the scene faded, returning Kaid to the mists. Once more he floated in timelessness until suddenly it was ripped apart and he was catapulted into another scene.

  This cavern was brightly lit, but cold. At the half dozen benches sat young adults, most of them scribbling on the pads of paper that lay there. Once more his vision focused on the same young male, whom he could now see was mountain-born like himself.

  A striking female, her pelt the color of pale amber, was approaching him and he turned to speak to her. Kaid could feel the youth's intense interest in her. He spoke, then, as she turned away again, he was suddenly gripped within the young male's thoughts as everything spun sickeningly around him and her mind exploded within his.

  "No! Dear God, not a Leska Link with him! Not Rezac!" he heard her cry before darkness descended on him.

  It was later and they'd just left the building. Dropping onto all fours, they began to lope for the tree line, heading down the hillside. Faster and faster he ran, trying to deny what had happened while all he could remember was her reaction of hostility to what he'd been before. He knew she'd looked into the depths of his soul and condemned him without understanding. Then the world around him erupted in coruscating colors and sounds, and with a cry of impotent rage and pain, he was pitched back to the gray mists, shaking and trembling as if it had happened to him.

  You thought to avoid me? said the voice he knew so well. Think again! You and I have an appointment at the Fire Margins, Tallinu. See that you keep it. The voice died away to a whisper, leaving behind it a faint, echoing laughter.

  * * *

  Abruptly he returned to the reality of his room and the glow of the lamp. No more was it a gentle anchor beckoning him to safety, now it seemed to leap and flare, casting ominous shadows around the room.

  He was lying on his side, his body still shaking from the realism of his experience. For perhaps the first time in his life, fear gripped him in its claws and wouldn't let go. What were the odds that they'd have almost identical backgrounds?

  Coincidence, he told himself, and memories from the past, nothing more. Only echoes. A replay like the one Carrie had at Noni's.

  Still shaking, he pushed himself upright, trying to remember the words of the litany to banish fear but his mind seemed frozen in that faraway time. The female— so fair, the color of Rhyasha Aldatan, even down to the braided hair. But the hatred she'd directed at him! And the male, from the mountains like him, from Ranz where you still walked with the packs or died on your own, a victim of the pack-wars. He knew what it was like, having lived there for several years when he was a youngling.

  It wasn't me, he kept repeating to himself, he was younger— until at last he believed it. And the female wasn't Khemu, with hair and pelt the color of soft moonlight. This one had been as bright as the sun, but her mind had seared Rezac just as surely as Khemu had seared him. There lay the true horror, all the other aspects of the ancient memory adding up to that final climax. He shuddered again, leaning forward abruptly and blowing out the lamp.

  He'd had his message from the God, and there was no comfort for him in it.

  * * *

  As they walked through the thinning trees toward the clearing, Carrie stopped and turned to him. "We're here now," she said. "What's all the mystery about?"

  "I wanted us to have a break away from everyone," he said, reaching out to take her hand. "A couple of days on our own."

  "Sounds like a good idea to me, but where are we going, and why all the mystery?"

  "We're camping not far from here, and actually, I do have an ulterior motive," he admitted, then hesitated. Despite all they'd been through together, despite the love they shared, she still had that quality about her th
at kept him unsure of her at times.

  "What is it?" she asked gently, her hand tightening round his. "You're still shielding something from me."

  "Tomorrow's our Link day," he said, reaching out to touch her cheek, "and you're fertile again. By tomorrow evening, you'll be pregnant."

  As he felt the shock his words caused her, she tried to pull away from him.

  "Carrie, listen to me," he said, reaching out to draw her into his arms. "Jack and Vanna haven't managed to find a way to prevent that yet, but we still have one choice left. We can choose to have this cub, to make it ours. En'Shalla, a child of the Gods, free of all the Guilds and Clans."

  "I don't believe you. How can you know I'm fertile when I can't even tell?" she demanded, still twisting within his embrace.