When You Only Need To Ask (The House of Siin)

by Stephens, Hadleigh

  His eyes lock on mine as he raises his head, the corners crinkling up nicely. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.” His index finger lightly circles around my eye. “That hurt?”

  I shrug. “Not really, and don’t ask me to give you a number between one and ten.”

  He chuckles. “Wouldn’t think of it.” He tilts his head. A mixture of curiosity and amusement flashes in his eyes.

  I huff out a breath, my shoulders lift and lower exaggeratedly in pique. “Okay, just a tad.” I hold up my fingers a little apart with a slight squint to my eyes.

  “Just a tad?” He repeats with his eyes all squinched up and the flash of another grin.

  “Yep.” I glance up at him timidly. “You say that all the time.”

  He screws up his face in a way that shouldn’t be cute, but it is. “I do?”

  “Yep.” I reach up and tug on his goatee. I couldn’t stop myself.

  “I’ll need to work on that.” He grimaces. “Immediately.”

  “It’s cute.” I let my hand slide from his chin and lay it against the center of his chest. I want to rest it over one of the firm pecs that are teasingly visible beneath the pockets of his shirt, but can’t bring myself to do it just yet.

  “You think so?” He takes a step towards me. “Sounds a little wimpy now that it’s been brought to my attention.”

  I giggle and my ponytail swings back and forth. “It’s super-duper cute.”

  “Glad you think so.” He grabs a hold of my swinging ponytail and pulls my head back just enough to be playful. “Just warning you because I just might say it again, Angel.” He leans in, his hot breath brushing over my mouth, mingling with mine, sending shivers racing down my spine as his mouth travels the final inch taking full command of my lips.

  “Kimber!”

  “Fuck,” Cooper growls against my mouth before pulling his lips away but not before his teeth nip at my bottom lip one more time, the side that doesn’t have the split.

  Heat floods my cheeks as my brother’s voice reaches my ears and I don’t have time to move away from Cooper before he steps through the doorway into the room and comes to an abrupt halt. I’m assuming he stops in his invasion of my room when he sees Cooper standing so close.

  My stomach dips. I draw in a shaky breath, prop my fists on my hips, and brace for something extremely unpleasant. I blow out a breath. “Hey, Merrick.” I throw him a cheerful smile even though I can tell my cheeks are probably stained a bright pink because they feel way too hot to not.

  “Cooper.” Merrick’s brow lifts, his mouth quirks up at the corners as he takes a step back. He leans his shoulders against the doorjamb with his arms folded over his chest and his eyes volley back and forth between the two of us with way too much interest.

  I look up to the heavens, or at least the ceiling of the hospital room, thinking that if I had a second or two I might be able to offer him a bland expression, but it’s just too much work. So I lower my eyes to shoot an arsenal of daggers in Merrick’s direction deciding then and there that I’m gonna kill him.

  Merrick slams a hand over his heart with a grunt like I’d fatally wounded him.

  I snort.

  Cooper allows my ponytail slide sensually through his fingers without a care for my brother’s prying eyes. I shiver as his hand skims down my neck, across my shoulder, and the rough pads of his fingertips glide down the back of my arm causing goose bumps to rise. He doesn’t stop until he’s able to lace his fingers through mine. And no matter the looks Merrick sends his way, he doesn’t move. In fact, he presses me even tighter against his right side.

  “Merrick.” Cooper nods acting as if having me plastered against his side is the most normal thing in the world.

  Merrick’s brow can’t get any higher on his forehead. “Taking up residence I see, Coop.”

  “Kimberly, Kimberly, Kimberly.” My nose wrinkles at Colt’s sing-songy call as he jogs into the room seconds behind Merrick. “Well, well, well. What do we have here?” He waggles his dark brows. “You’ve got your very own welcoming committee.”

  “Colt,” I drawl with a hint of irritation sprinkled in for good measure. “Can you dial it down a notch or two? It’s been a rough couple of days.” My foot starts an agitated tap against the yellowed linoleum and my fingers start a rapid drumming at my waist.

  Colt rushes across the room, pulls me from Cooper’s steel grasp, gathers me close in his arms, and presses me tightly up against his chest. He towers over me and holds my gaze. “Love ya, Angel baby.” He places a loud, sloppy kiss on my forehead.

  “Eww, Colt.” I swipe my forearm over my forehead with a grimace. “Love you, too.” His arms tighten around me like two bands of steel and I let out a moan as a sharp pain hits me. But Colt always gives the best of hugs and his embraces are too comforting to pull away, so I don’t. “Watch the ribs though.”

  He loosens his grip a little. “Sorry, Angel baby.” He bends down until the tip of his nose touches the tip of my nose and his eyes cross. He does this all the time. Has for as long as I can remember. It’s our thing. Don’t know where it came from or how it started, but he’s always done it. “Passed Penny and Jen in the hall, they taking you home tomorrow?”

  “Yep.” I cross my eyes back at him, a smile playing with the corners of my mouth.

  Colt whispers where only I can hear, “I swear to God that I didn’t know it was that bad, Angel.”

  My breath hitches at the emotion in his voice. He’s the only other person alive besides Cooper now that calls me Angel. It means something to him just like it means something to me.

  I swallow because my throat’s suddenly gone quite dry. “I didn’t realize it was that bad either.” I suck in a hiccupping breath and whisper, “I’m so sorry.”

  Gathering me in his arms he hunches over, his face in my neck breathing deep and I feel a shudder pass through his body. “Nothing to be sorry about, Angel.”

  Feeling a little uncomfortable with all the public displays of affection, I pull back. Colt drops his arms because he knows what it means when I do that. Knows I need a little bit of space to get my mind right. I take a step back to see Cooper studying me with a look of curiosity on his face and I take a deep breath and work at clearing the lump that’s filled my throat with Colt’s brotherly concern.

  Merrick takes three long strides into the room and cuffs me on the shoulder before pulling me close, but a little more gently than Colt had. “We’ll leave you be.” He twists and spears Colt with a look, then he adds in a mock wicked voice, “Must return to Sin. Bwahahahaha .” His broad shoulders lift and he rubs his hands together like Snidely Whiplash from Dudley Do-right. “The masses desire corruption.” Then he winks down at me. “If you wanted a day off, Kimber, all you had to do was ask.”

  “Oh brother,” I murmur, looking up to the ceiling again before covering my face with my hands.

  Colt grabs a hold of Merrick’s arm and drags him practically kickin’ and screamin’ from the doggone room. He knows exactly what sorta damage Merrick’s capable of. He calls over his shoulder, “See ya, Coop.”

  I shoot him my most lethal look when he wags his eyebrows. Obviously I need to work on my look a little more because he didn’t fall dead on the yellowed linoleum as soon as it hit him. Damn.

  I know I’m in trouble when Cooper puts his hands at my waist and without a word, lifts me up on the edge of the bed. I watch as he pulls up a chair, its legs scraping loudly across the linoleum floor. He sits down smack dab in front of me. The muscles in my shoulders tighten at his words.

  “Let’s talk.”

  Chapter Ten

  Conversation should be a matter of equal give and take

  I’d say a slight frown mars my forehead at his words but that would be a big fat lie. My entire forehead feels like one big crease because I know what he wants to talk about and I’d prefer to put it out of my mind like I always do with difficult subjects.

  “About?” I drawl out the word, even though I know it
’s not cute to act like an idiot but I’m going to try it anyway. Once again, doesn’t work. Now if I only remember that the next time I try to play that card with him.

  “You know what, Angel.”

  I hang my head, huffing out the next words in frustration with enough air to ruffle my long auburn bangs. “What is it with you guys not wanting to leave well enough alone?”

  “When we’ve reached ‘well enough’, I’ll leave it alone. Until then…” He lets the remainder of his words fade as he sits back in his chair and props his feet up on the railing of the bed on either side of my legs. Once again he cages me in rather effectively with very little effort on his part but a firm hand masquerading as a relaxed stance. I mean really. I roll my eyes. It amazes me how ingenious some guys can be.

  “Did you know Nate was a regular at the club?”

  My gut tightens at his question and my heart pounds twice as fast as it should. I shake my head.

  “At least two or three nights a week.”

  I scowl at him from beneath my bangs and continue shaking my head from side to side. Really? Why didn’t I know this?

  “I don’t know Nate, but Jamie told me a few things that have me a tad worried.”

  “How do you know Jamie?” I practically interrupt, swallowing convulsively as I try to grasp all that he might know and all that has him worried.

  “He’s fire chief, Angel.” His deep brown eyes flicker over my face. “A civil servant just like me. In a small town like Edgeview we kinda get to know one another.”

  A lump forms in my throat and my mouth goes completely dry. Not a drop of saliva to be found. “You make it sound like a requirement to being a civil servant is belonging to the club.”

  He flashes a one dimpled, crooked smile. “Not a requirement.”

  I snort.

  “What I’m about to mention and the questions I’m going to ask are not to hurt you.”

  I stiffen. “Okay.”

  Cooper lowers his feet to the floor, reaches over, and pours a cup of water from the pitcher on the hospital tray holding it out to me.

  “Thanks.” My hand trembles a little as I accept the cup and lift it to my mouth tossing down a much needed drink of the water.

  He studies me. “Need some more?”

  I clear my throat. “No.”

  He removes the cup from my hand and sets it aside. His eyes turn serious as he speaks. “Did you know that Nate keeps more than one sub?”

  I shake my head. Fuck! I hadn’t known. Fucking bastard! Dick. Dick. Dick. It hadn’t crossed my mind that I meant that little to him. I hesitate, weighing my desire to know the answer with my desire to remain ignorant and in the dark. “How many?” My voice comes out small, weak to my ears, which I don’t like. I want to be the one in charge of my future, destiny, whatever you want to call it. I don’t want to be just a bit player. Makes me mad that I’d let Nate lead me along without any say so. Made me mad that others knew just how weak I’d been.

  “I believe he has three.”

  I slowly lift my head shock warring with knowledge at what he revealed and my heart stutters in my chest. Huh? I release my breath on a deep exhale. “Probably why he needs the club,” I say dryly. “Easier to fish when the ponds stocked with what you want, then you don’t have to work so hard.”

  His eyes narrow. “Something like that.”

  It’s not like I’d been happy with Nate. I felt imprisoned with Nate and with no way to get out. I don’t know why. I don’t know why I hadn’t thought I could just say this isn’t working for me and move on?

  Just because I’m a little reserved in some situations doesn’t make me weak or stupid, but after a while Nate had made me feel just that. He’d taught me to wince, to cringe, to recoil, to fear. I hated that about myself. I used to be so strong. I used to smile. I used to feel carefree but no longer. Now I walked a step behind. I hesitated before speaking a single word. I hadn’t been able to make a single decision without his input and I’d grown to hate myself for it.

  I guess I’d covered up what had been going on so well that I hadn’t even realized how far I’d gone until I looked in the mirror and really saw myself. In the thin hospital gown with bruises and dark circles and cuts and swollen eyes and a split lip it finally hit me. I didn’t recognize my own face. My gaunt appearance horrified me.

  I knew I was too thin. So thin that it’s as if I haven’t eaten in a while. My cheekbones jutted out and my ribs are more than visible. My stomach’s concave and my collarbone shows in a scary fashion.

  Seeing myself in the mirror all skin and bones in the hideous hospital lighting scared the shit out of me and made me realize that even if I am a sexual submissive I don’t have to be a twenty-four/seven slave without a thought in my head. Particularly to someone that is a control freak and doesn’t care how it affects me.

  I have no desire to experience that again.

  None.

  “Jamie mentioned a couple of other things that concern me.” His chocolate eyes with golden flecks peer at me cautiously like he’s trying to gauge my reaction. “And I think they concern you as well.”

  I close my eyes because I’m can’t seem to relax when I look at him. “He’s a dick,” I toss out almost randomly.

  One thick brown brow lifts and there’s a slight kick to his lips. “You talking about Nate?” he asks, I guess just in case I was talking about Jamie.

  “Yep.”

  “Jamie said Nate’s super strict on his subs.” Cooper’s eyes don’t leave me as if he wants to make sure he sees every nuance of my reaction to his comment. “I guess some like that, but not my thing.”

  “Strict?” I ask like I don’t understand what the heck he’s talking about.

  “Yeah, like measuring out their food kind of strict.”

  I nearly choke and all he does is reach over for the cup he’d set aside and hand it back to me. Not missing a beat.

  “Counts their fuckin’ calories kind of strict.” Cooper’s eyes narrow slightly and his words sound to me like he’s speaking through a clenched jaw, yet he doesn’t stop. I hold my breath until my chest aches and listen even though I really want to put my hands over my ears and hum.

  “Umm…?”

  “Keeps track of their measurements on a chart kind of strict,” Cooper adds with another growl. “Weighs them daily kind of strict.”

  I slice my hand through the air, cutting him off. “How do you know all this?”

  “According to Jamie, Nate brags about it all the time.”

  I stare wordlessly, processing his answer, then lower my eyes. “Brags about it?” The words squeak out. I can’t help but wonder, does the whole town know what I’ve done? It doesn’t surprise me. There aren’t any secrets in a small town. Gossip is king—or queen. My family has been the main attraction of most of the juicy tidbits for generations. And boy did this small town like cutting people up real good with their busy tongues.

  “Yep.” He mimics my reply perfectly. “Do you want to talk about it with me?”

  “The minute we’d started dating, I don’t even know if it should even be classified as dating, he took over,” I reveal cautiously. “Took over everything. And I mean everything.”

  “Is that what you mean by he’s a dick?”

  I didn’t hear him move but the next thing I know a finger’s under my chin lifting my face up and up until I’m forced to look into his eyes. My face flushes brightly. I don’t want to acknowledge out loud who I was. Who I am. Heat burns behind my eyelids, my throat feels clogged, and I just want to pretend none of it happened.

  “Answer me, Angel.”

  My stomach clenches. I nod because I’m unsure of what to say.

  He taps my lips, sliding his finger across their softness.

  “At first it felt good. Deliciously freeing. I didn’t have to think about anything but The House.” His hand drops when I start talking. He just watches me intently, waiting for me to continue, and I do.

  “He told me wha
t clothes to wear. He told me how to fix my hair. He told me what to eat.” I’m quiet for several seconds and he asks without taking his eyes off me.

  “Is that what you wanted from him?” His face grows taut as he waits for me to answer.

  “Gradually it changed to what I couldn’t wear, to how I couldn’t wear my hair, to what I couldn’t eat. Then it became I dressed too sexy, then not sexy enough. I fixed my hair too sexy, then not sexy enough. I’m too fat, I ate too much.”

  He gives me a hard stare which makes me even more nervous. “You can stop anytime you want, Angel.” Setting his fingers back under my chin, he lifts my face to his scrutiny and I want to pull back. Boy do I want to pull back. But I also like him. Doesn’t he have a right to know what he might be walking into? I mean if he’s really serious about taking this anywhere? I take a deep breath.

  “At first it was spankings for pleasure, which felt magnificent. Freeing.” I close my eyes thinking back on those times and how they had made me feel. “Then the spankings, for pleasure, just a got a little harder and it was a little more freeing.” “Then he made me b-b-bleed, which scared the fuck out of me because I-I-I…” I clear my throat. “I had no idea.” I wince as Cooper’s brows draw together but he stays quiet and lets me talk.

  “Then it was because I didn’t obey. A little more blood.” My voice grows more ragged with each word. “Then it became beatings for punishment alone. It was all done so gradually, so subtly, I would’ve missed it.” I look up but I don’t really see anything. “In fact I did miss it, until last night.” My chin starts quivering so he grips it gently. Every cell in my body cringes when I force the next words out. “He punched me. He punched me so hard my whole head felt as if it was going to explode.”

  I’m embarrassed.

  Framing my face with his hands, he pulls me in for a hard kiss.

  “What was that for?”

  He studies me closely, his expression relaying a deeper concern than shouldn’t be there because we barely know one another. “You looked like you could use one.”

  “My family makes its living with sex stuff. A very lucrative living, I might add.” I release a breath through my teeth. “I’ve seen the stuff. Talked to people. How can I accuse someone of hurting me when I should’ve recognized all the signs? I’ve taken all the fucking classes, Cooper. My brother’s insisted. I’ve read the literature. I know about safe words and consensual. I know.”