She hadn’t meant to kiss him last night, but she was surprised that she didn’t regret it. She’d almost agreed to follow him home last night too, but she’d managed to catch herself. Lunch to talk about the health fair had felt safer...but it wasn’t.
Not really.
Her stomach twisted as he stared at her. Why was she trying to kid herself? She wanted to be near him.
Needed to be near him.
She was still worried about ending up like her mother, loving a man who was too busy to see her—to love her back. But Eli was busier now than he had been a decade ago, and he’d made time for her. They’d shared tacos, looked at community art, he’d delivered tea to her, and last night when he’d held her as she cried, another bit of the wall she’d built around her heart crumbled.
They were older now, wiser, more sure of themselves. Maybe a second chance could work between them...maybe. Then a little voice prodded at her.
He still didn’t know about her double mastectomy, did he?
“Do you want me to make a pot of tea? I also have soda, and I am pretty sure Lizzy wouldn’t mind you sneaking some of her milk,” Eli said as he set a plate before her and wandered back to the stove.
“Water works.” Amara’s eyes gleamed. “I wouldn’t want to steal milk from such a cutie.” She pulled back a stool and sat. “Lizzy really is adorable.”
“She is,” Eli agreed as he set his plate on the counter and sat beside her. “So, I have an important question.”
What did he want to know? Amara’s stomach flipped. Once Eli had known everything about her. Did she want him to know everything again? Even the bits she found difficult to talk about?
Yes, maybe, she thought indecisively.
“Ask away.”
“Why are you making up a cat?”
She tilted her head as Eli’s masculine scent teased her nostrils. He smelled just like she remembered—like home. Focusing hard, she stared into his dark chocolate eyes. “I didn’t make Pepper up. He was an incredible cat who liked to tip glasses off the counter far too often. I got very tired of cleaning broken pottery, so all my cups are still plastic. But I lost him not long ago.”
Amara set her fork down, smiling as she remembered Pepper’s antics. “I still tell funny stories about him at work. It helps patients relax—especially children.”
Eli gripped her hand. The touch was comforting, but as his thumb rubbed the delicate skin on her wrist, she wanted to pull him close. What would he do if she kissed him again? Really kissed him this time?
Her skin lit up as he held her hand. Such a simple touch, but it made her crave so much more. She’d lain awake last night, replaying those moments. Questioning herself for kissing him. Kicking herself for not kissing him again, more deeply.
Eli’s dark eyes were lit with an emotion she wanted to believe was desire. “I was convinced your cat had really destroyed your breakfast by tipping milk into your eggs.” Eli chuckled.
Amara laughed too. “That was Pepper’s favorite trick. Though I admit that when I’m trying to calm an adult, I change the milk to coffee.”
“You actually started drinking coffee? Why have I been bringing you tea?” Eli protested and leaned and close.
If she moved a few inches, she could kiss him again. Was that what he was hoping she’d do? Amara frowned as she pushed back at the desire building in her belly. “Nope. Sorry to disappoint you.”
“You could never disappoint me.”
His words were soft, but they struck her hard. What would he think of her scars? Would they disappoint him? Worry stabbed at her brain again, and she pulled away.
She cleared her throat, then shrugged. “Coffee works better with adults.”
“Because that’s what adults drink.” Eli’s smile wasn’t as wide as before, but he didn’t release her hand.
And she didn’t pull it back.
“How is your mom? There is a specialty grocery down the street, and I stop in to grab naan bread a few times a month. I tried to make her chicken curry once, do you remember? It was a disaster.”
Amara swallowed. It was a reasonable question; Eli had no way of knowing how much it would hurt her to answer him. She squeezed his hand, drawing strength from the heat of his body. “Mom passed a little over three years ago.” Amara bit her lip as tears coated her eyes. Why was this still so hard for her to talk about?
Eli held her gaze as he reached for her other hand. “What happened?”
“Breast cancer. By the time Mom finally went to the doctor, she was already stage four,” Amara said.
“That’s why you reacted so strongly to Seth’s cancer yesterday.”
“Yes.”
And no.
She should tell him that she’d learned of her own cancer risk and alleviated as much of it as she could. But she feared he’d look at her like Joe had. Or rather, stop looking at her at all.
The more time she spent with Eli, the more she realized how different she was with him. Relaxed, happy, ready to love... But she refused to examine that thought too closely.
“I took care of her. Was there for every step of her treatment and the final decisions she had to make. My father was too busy. Some business deal in California. He barely made it back in time for the funeral and waited less than three months to remarry.” She couldn’t hide the anger as the words flew from her lips. Amara was surprised by how much she wanted to talk to Eli about this. Joe hadn’t wanted to hear it, and she hadn’t wanted to share it. But with Eli...
“After she passed, I felt so alone. Then the man I was seeing ended our relationship. Actually, Joe chose someone new before telling me we were over.” Amara shook her head. She hadn’t meant to lay any of this at Eli’s feet. She never usually unloaded on others. Except she always had with Eli.
“I am so sorry, Amara. But you’re not alone now,” Eli whispered as he held her gaze.
“At least for today,” Amara said, trying to find a way to lighten the mood as she skewered a tomato. “Though I could definitely be bribed to return for this.”
“Then I will ask Mom for the recipe and practice cooking it whenever I have a chance.” His cell buzzed, and Eli silenced it. But it immediately started buzzing again. “Guess Marshall really needs something.” Eli squeezed her hand. “I won’t be long.”
Amara squashed the tinge of worry in her belly. It was just a phone call from his father. Eli was raising Lizzy, and it was obvious from the little girl’s smiles that Eli had changed. He spent as much time with her as possible. He made sure to be at his mother’s art shows, and he hadn’t given in to his father’s demands to become a surgeon.
Eli was back in less than five minutes. “Sorry, Amara. Marshall will call or text twenty times a day for a week, then I won’t hear from him for a month. Now he’s asked me to up my role at the research group. Even though I’m not a surgeon.”
“You’re an amazing doctor.” Amara hated the uncertainty she saw crossing Eli’s face.
“Thanks.” Eli’s lips brushed her cheek as he grabbed the dishes and took them to the sink.
Without thinking, Amara moved to stand beside him and wrapped her arms around him. “I bet you’ll do wonderful things for the company. Have you put your notice in at Boston Gen.?” She didn’t want him to go, but Eli could do good work at his father’s research group.
“Of course not. Marshall still practices several days a week. I can do both. I already have been doing both and raising Lizzy.” Eli’s brows were knit as he filled the sink with water and dish detergent.
His words sent a flash of concern down Amara’s spine. Grabbing a dish towel, she dried the dishes Eli washed. Tapping his hip with hers, Amara said, “You can’t do it all, Eli. And that’s okay. You’re already remarkable, you know.”
“Remarkable?” Eli raised an eyebrow. “If you keep those compliments coming, I may never
stop smiling.”
Amara shook her head. She was glad the statement made him happy, but if he was doing so much, something would break.
And then he’d blame himself.
“I’m serious.”
“I know. But it’s only part-time, Amara. Mostly I’m reading research grants on my couch. I’m not sleeping at the office, I promise. But I don’t want to talk about Marshall anymore.”
Amara let out a sigh and laid the towel on the counter. “What would you like to discuss?” She’d come to talk about the health fair, after all.
“Do you ever wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t let you walk away?”
“What?” Yes. That’s what she should have said, but that word was caught in her throat.
“Do you ever think about us? Wonder what-if?” Eli’s words were soft as his eyes raked across her face.
“All the time.” The truth finally slipped out, and she stepped into his arms. Whatever happened, this was where she wanted to be right now.
The smell of his cologne cascaded over her. His head lowered. His kiss was soft, not demanding, but a part of her heart knit together as he held her. This was where she’d belonged so long ago.
Wanted to belong again.
Eli broke the kiss and pushed a bit of hair away from her cheek. “I should have promised you what you needed then. I wanted to, but I was too caught up in the lure of being like Marshall. Better. I still want Boston General to be in the national rankings, but I don’t need it like I did. Give me a second chance, Amara. Give us a second chance. Please.”
What was she supposed to say? So many thoughts were running through her mind. “What if you never make the list, or if Boston Gen. doesn’t?” She loved their hospital, but its administration wasn’t interested in courting editors to achieve rankings.
“I want to tell you that it won’t matter, but I suspect it will always sting a bit. But I’m not going to give up time with Lizzy, and hopefully, you, to chase that dream. Life is too short, and these last few weeks, I realize how much my life was missing something. It was missing you.”
Eli ran a hand through his hair. “Lizzy and I are going to the zoo day after tomorrow. Want to come with us?” He reached for her hand. “It’ll be fun and probably a little crazy with a toddler in tow.” Eli shrugged. “It could be a date or just...”
Amara dropped a light kiss on his lips. “It’s a date. What time?” Maybe she was being reckless with her heart, but she didn’t want to tell him no. There’d also been a hole in her life since she’d walked away from Eli. It disappeared when she was with him, and Amara didn’t want it to reopen.
A brilliant smile spread across Eli’s face. “How about I pick you up at nine? That way, we’re there when the zoo opens and can see a good portion before Lizzy needs her afternoon nap.”
“Sounds good.”
“I just need your number.” He laughed. “That sounds so weird.” He ran his hand through his hair again.
Amara lifted her cell and opened her contacts. “Have you changed yours since college?” She’d never been able to delete his number.
Despite their parting, the thought of severing that final connection to Eli had always made her cry. He was too important to just wipe away forever. She’d looked at it multiple times, almost dialed it a few times too. Which was why DO NOT CALL was written in the Business Name section under his name.
The expression in his eyes sent a thrill down her spine. “Nope.” He grabbed his own phone and sent a text that immediately pinged on her phone’s screen.
She stared at the silly emoji. “Guess we’re good then.” Amara’s heart leaped as she leaned toward him; Eli hadn’t deleted her number either.
“We’re home,” Martha called.
Amara jumped back.
His mom’s eyes flicked between Eli and Amara, and she winced. “Sorry. Lizzy was falling asleep in the swing. I didn’t...”
“It’s fine,” Amara squeaked. “I needed to get going anyway. We can discuss the health fair after the zoo. Or at the hospital.” She hesitated only a moment before dropping a light kiss on his cheek. “Thanks for lunch, Eli.”
CHAPTER SIX
ELI PULLED AT the collar of his shirt for the sixth time. He’d changed once already and was feeling more ridiculous by the minute. There was no reason to feel nervous; it was just a trip to the zoo, wasn’t it?
He shook his head. Dating jitters had never plagued him before. Except, this wasn’t just a date with Amara.
Today could be the start of a new chapter for them. And Eli was going to make sure Amara had a great time.
His phone buzzed with a text from Marshall, and Eli sent a quick response. He waited a minute and then added a note that he’d be at the zoo with Amara and Lizzy and unavailable. He wasn’t sure Marshall understood what that meant, but his father’s texts and calls had been never-ending the last two days. However, today Eli was just going to enjoy the perfect weather outside with Amara and Lizzy.
Amara’s text pinged into his phone.
Want me to pack any snacks?
Nope. I got this!
He could balance everything. She’d see.
He smiled as she sent back a thumbs-up icon. The connection he felt with Amara hadn’t been present with anyone else. Eli had always assumed his memory was mistaken and had reinforced an ideal that hadn’t existed.
But it wasn’t.
“Momma!” Lizzy screamed as Eli grabbed her diaper bag and picked her up.
His heart broke as Lizzy looked at the door. Eli kissed her cheek and redirected her attention. “We’re going to see monkeys.” Eli tapped her nose to make her laugh. “We just have to stop and get Amara first.”
Lizzy’s small face puckered as she stared at him. Eli knew she didn’t completely understand what he meant, but he sighed in relief when she snuggled against his chest. He’d never realized how much parenting was flying by the seat of your pants, doubting easy choices and gathering as many snuggles as possible. It was exhilarating, exhausting and perfection.
Ruffling Lizzy’s curly dark hair, Eli tried to calm his nerves. The weather was perfect, and Amara was coming. Today was going to be fun.
* * *
Eli’s skin tingled as his eyes landed on Amara. She was dressed in a lightweight gray tank top and blue shorts, and her dark hair was pulled into a side braid. She waved and he grinned.
Amara hustled to the car, giving him a quick kiss before turning to smile at Lizzy. “Hi, cutie!”
Her cinnamon and tea scent flooded his senses. “We would have come up to get you,” Eli said. “You didn’t have to wait on the sidewalk for us. Or are you hiding something in your apartment?”
Amara shook her head. “Not hiding anything. I’m just excited to go to the zoo.”
He saw her cheeks heat as she returned Lizzy’s wave. She was obviously just as excited as he was for today. “I’m really looking forward to it too.” He laid his hand on her knee before brushing his lips against hers, relishing the moment.
“Monkeys!” Lizzy screamed from the backseat.
Amara’s fingers rubbed her lips as she stared at him. “I think someone wants to go see the monkeys.”
Lizzy clapped her hands and shouted, “Monkeys,” again.
Perhaps a zoo date with a toddler hadn’t been such a great idea. But Eli wanted Amara to get to know Lizzy. Wanted Amara to see that he understood the importance of family now.
“Monkeys, here we come.” Eli exclaimed as they headed out.
* * *
They were on a date...
And a light kiss, barely more than a peck, was enough to make her blood sing. She’d thought of kissing Eli nearly every free minute of the last two days. That should thrill her.
But she was still hiding an important part of herself. Amara wasn’t ashamed of her new body. It was heal
thy, and her reconstructive surgeon had done an excellent job, but she still looked different. It had bothered Joe so much. He’d looked at her like she was broken when she’d healed, then found comfort with another woman. If Eli ever looked at her that way...
Amara knew she should tell him—wanted to tell him. But the words had never found their way into any of their conversations. The everyday banter they’d shared had been easier. Safer.
This might not be a traditional date, but here with Eli was right where Amara wanted to be. She couldn’t seem to stop smiling. Lifting Lizzy, she held her up to see the monkeys, careful to keep her far enough away from the glass that she couldn’t bang on it.
“Monkeys,” Lizzy squealed and laughed as Eli snapped a few pictures.
“You’re going to fill up your phone with pictures of her.” Amara grinned as Eli snapped a few more. The happiness in his eyes was contagious.
“Not just of her.” Eli showed her the screen. He’d caught an image of Amara laughing with Lizzy and a monkey watching them in the background. “Hard to tell who’s having more fun. Lizzy, you or the monkey,” Eli teased.
Then his phone buzzed, and Amara saw him immediately shift from Eli back to Dr. Collins. She’d watched her father do that too, whenever his work called. But they weren’t on call this weekend, and her phone was still blessedly silent. “Everything okay?”
“Marshall’s texting. He wants me to go over some documents later.”
“Really?” She tried to keep her voice light. Amara had known when she’d agreed to this date that Eli was already splitting his time between so many projects. It would be disingenuous to complain now. “Hopefully, it’s nothing urgent.”
“It’s always urgent. At least, according to Marshall.” Eli winked and then made a show of turning his phone off. “But I’m off the clock today.”
Amara’s heart raced as Eli placed the phone in his back pocket. Her father had never turned his off. He’d barely ever looked away from it. Her mother used to say that if she needed to speak to her husband, she had to video call him—even if they were in the same house.
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