Her mom had laughed, but Amara had seen the hurt behind it. Eli putting away his connection to the outside world for a few hours meant more than he realized.
Amara was glad Marshall, or anyone else, couldn’t interrupt them, but Eli’s phone was also a camera and she didn’t want him to miss out any memories. “What about taking more pictures of this cutie?”
Eli looked at his niece. “Today, we’ll just have to rely on our memory—like in olden times.” He laughed. “Perhaps it’s time to invest in an actual digital camera, though. Then I can fill up my phone’s memory card and the camera’s memory with pictures.”
Amara grinned as he made faces with Lizzy. Even with his overloaded schedule, Amara doubted Eli would forget Lizzy’s birthday or miss every dance recital like her father had. Eli was a committed dad, but would he be as committed to her?
Her heart wanted to believe it, needed to believe it, but her brain still urged her to be cautious. This was, after all, only one perfect day in a few weeks of good times. What would happen in a few months or even years? Particularly if neither he nor Boston General received the recognition he wanted?
Lizzy gripped their hands as they walked toward the prairie dog exhibit, and Amara looked at the little girl. “Want us to swing you?” Amara laughed as Lizzy looked at her with surprise.
“I used to love it when my grandmother and mom would swing me when I was little, in grocery store parking lots and even at the zoo. If my fuzzy memory remembers right,” Amara explained. She winked at Eli before looking at Lizzy. “Just hold on tight.”
As Lizzy’s peals of laughter rang out, his gaze bored through Amara. Her skin tingled, and her heart pounded so fast, she thought it was trying to fly from her chest. This was the definition of happiness. This was the life she’d always wanted, the life she’d craved.
With Eli.
“Again!” Lizzy shouted.
“That does have a tendency to happen,” Amara said as Eli’s eyes sparkled. He was an incredible dad and an amazing doctor.
He was just perfect.
* * *
Lizzy clapped as they walked into the petting zoo, then yawned. The day had been lovely, but the little one was quickly losing her ability to stay awake. Amara suspected the toddler would be asleep before they got to the parking lot.
“I’m going to buy some food,” Eli said. “Then, we can feed the goats.”
“Why don’t we see how she does with the goats first?” Amara suggested. “We can always bring her back another day...” Amara made the offer without thinking; still, it felt right. She’d come to the zoo with Lizzy and Eli anytime he asked.
But Eli had already started toward the small hut where a bored teenager was handing out cups of goat pellets. Amara grinned. Eli was having just as much fun, if not more, than his niece.
He was a natural at parenting, even if he overthought birthday cakes. Her heart pounded as she stared at him. If they worked out as a couple this time, would he want more children?
That thought sent a blast of panic through her. Eli had been back in Amara’s life for a little over a month, and she was already thinking about family. Wondering what if... Because that was what Amara had always dreamed of.
A family.
But happy families took work and time. Still, Eli had promised he would put them first. No, she remembered. He’d promised he could balance his responsibilities perfectly—his patients, his work for the Collins Research Group and his family. Could he keep that promise? If he didn’t, was she strong enough to demand it, or walk away?
Biting her lip, Amara held Lizzy as she studied the goats.
Stop worrying, she ordered herself.
Before she’d passed, her mother had warned Amara that constant worrying wouldn’t stop the future from happening and only resulted in regrets. Amara wanted to live life without fear, but what if she made the wrong choice and got hurt...again?
Eli’s arm slid around Amara’s waist, and some of her worry fell away. Eli was here now; that’s what she should focus on. As he held up the cup of pellets, his warm gaze pushed the last of her doubts to the back of her mind.
They entered the goat pen, and Amara barely managed to control her I told you so when Lizzy refused to get down. The little girl wanted to see the goats but had no desire to pet one. Or use the goat food that Eli had purchased.
“It will be fun.” He held up the cup and tried to coax Lizzy to take it.
“No!” Lizzy shouted before she buried her head in Amara’s shoulder.
“Want to watch Daddy feed the goats?” Amara suggested and was rewarded with a nod.
Lizzy’s giggles were contagious as Eli marched over to the biggest goat. The goat grabbed for the cup, and Eli jumped as the animal quickly gobbled everything in sight.
“Well, that went fast. I’m going to find a trash can,” Eli said as Lizzy yawned—again. “Then we should probably head home.”
Amara leaned against the petting zoo fence as she held Lizzy. With Eli gone, the goats quickly lost the last of their appeal to the toddler. After a few minutes, Amara turned to look for Eli. The sun was bright, but she could see a trash can less than thirty feet from her.
Where was he?
“Charles Xavier!” The mother’s screech tore through the petting zoo. “Get back here!”
Before Amara could react, a young boy bowled into them as he rushed toward the goats. She gripped Lizzy to her chest but couldn’t keep her balance. Pain ripped down Amara’s left arm and stars danced in her eyes as Lizzy screamed. Despite the pain, she managed to control her fall enough to blunt any injury to the little girl.
“Amara! I’m so sorry.” Eli was suddenly next to her, reaching for Lizzy.
Tears stung her eyes, and her derriere was more than a mite sore from the tumble. And her arm burned. As Amara touched her shoulder, she was surprised when her fingers came away covered in blood.
The cut ran from the top of her shoulder to an inch above her elbow. Amara stared up at the fence and glared at a nail she hadn’t noticed. She had landed just right to catch the stupid thing. This was not the way she’d wanted the day to end.
Breathing through the pain, she let Eli examine her arm while she kissed the top of Lizzy’s head, trying to comfort her as well as she could with one hand.
“I think you need a few stitches.” Eli pushed his hand through his hair. “I’m so sorry,” he repeated.
“Did you push us?” she asked.
Eli’s mouth fell open, but he still looked worried. “What?”
Why did this bother him so much? It was an unfortunate accident that no one could have foreseen. “You’ve apologized twice for a kid getting excited and accidentally pushing us over. Or are you apologizing for my unluckiness to catch a barely exposed nail just right? This is as far from being your fault as possible.”
His eyes shifted a bit as he brushed a loose piece of hair from her face. “You’ll need stitches and a tetanus booster.”
“Eli.” Amara pressed her closed fist to his shoulder, trying to offer some form of comfort without getting blood on him. “I’m going to be fine. I promise.”
Eli pulled a T-shirt from Lizzy’s diaper bag and pressed it against the wound. “Guess it’s a good thing I always pack a change of clothes in case she gets messy.”
“Yes.” Amara winced as she held the shirt against her shoulder. “Hopefully, this isn’t a favorite outfit.”
“Nope,” Eli stated as he helped Amara to her feet and picked up Lizzy. “We need to get you to Boston Gen.”
Amara flinched as another bout of pain shot down her arm. “Not an ideal way to end our date.”
“The next one is going to end better,” Eli promised.
Next one.
Amara sighed as he wrapped an arm around her. “You’re getting blood on your shirt.”
“I don’
t care.” Eli kissed her forehead as Lizzy reached for Amara.
The toddler’s small demand made her want to beam with joy. Despite their tumble, Lizzy was fine and still wanted Amara to hold her. She’d enjoyed their zoo date, even if it was ending with a few stitches.
“Amara hurt her shoulder, sweetheart. We have to go get her looked at.” Eli frowned as they walked from the petting zoo. “I really am so sorry, Amara.”
Since she was holding Lizzy’s shirt against her arm, Amara couldn’t hold his hand, but she leaned her head against his shoulder. “Don’t worry.”
* * *
Eli couldn’t believe he was sitting in Boston Gen.’s waiting room with Amara. Technically, he knew he wasn’t responsible for the accident. But if he’d just dumped the cup in the trash and come right back, they’d have been halfway to the car by the time the other child had reached the petting zoo.
Instead, he’d stepped away and checked his phone.
After he’d made such a big deal about turning it off.
And then he’d sent a handful of texts back to Marshall.
He probably shouldn’t care what his father thought. Eli knew that, but after years of almost no communication, he wanted to help Marshall now that he’d asked for Eli’s assistance. To prove to him that he was a great physician. If he never made the rankings like Marshall had, knowing his father respected him would be enough.
When he’d heard Lizzy scream, Eli had raced back and felt his stomach drop at the blood traveling down Amara’s arm. “If they’d just let me put a few stitches in your arm, we’d have been out of here hours ago,” he grumbled. At least his mother had picked up Lizzy.
He sighed as Amara leaned her head against him. If they were pretty much anywhere else but here, this would feel perfect.
“You’re not on the clock. I’m sure Griffin or one of the other doctors will be free soon.” Amara pecked his cheek. “Patience is a virtue.”
Not one he’d ever excelled at.
“How is it feeling?” Eli asked.
“Like a nail cut into my skin.” Amara sighed. “Sorry, Eli. I know you’re upset, but at least we have a fun story to tell.”
“A fun story?” He raised his hands and gestured to the gray walls of the waiting area. “Not sure this really counts.”
“Sure, we can tell people how I saved Lizzy from a rampaging goat, while you were off scouting a long-lost trash can.”
Her laughter was contagious, and Eli joined in despite the guilt racing through him. “I don’t think that’s how it happened.”
Except for the part where he’d been too far away to help.
* * *
“When you told me that Lizzy hated going to sleep, I thought you were kidding. She really is passionately against bedtime,” Amara said. They’d picked Lizzy up from his mom’s apartment on their way home from Boston Gen.
Despite the seven stitches in her arm, Amara wasn’t sure she’d change anything about today. Spending the entire day with Eli had quieted most of her worries. She was glad they’d had the health fair to discuss because Amara hadn’t wanted their time together to end. She wasn’t sure she’d ever get enough of spending time with Lizzy and Eli.
“Lizzy lures you in with her cuteness, never showing the monster beneath it—until bedtime,” Eli teased and dropped a light kiss on her lips as he passed her a grilled cheese sandwich.
Her heart felt like it might explode. The kiss wasn’t enough. Amara wanted more, so much more. But their stomachs growled, almost in unison, and she laughed. There would be plenty of time for kisses later—there would.
“I think all toddlers are tiny adorable monsters.” Amara sat next to Eli on the couch, enjoying the warmth coming off him.
He took a few bites of his sandwich before wrapping an arm around her shoulders—careful to avoid the line of stitches. “No, but she does have a stubborn streak. Reminds me of my brother.” Eli chuckled.
“So, you and Sam had the same stubborn streak?” Amara asked as Eli put his hand over his heart, pretending she’d wounded him.
Eli nodded. “I prefer to think of the quality as ‘determined’ when it’s me.”
“Determined?” Amara whispered, enjoying the slow smile spreading across his face. If she kissed the delicate skin along his collarbone, would Eli still groan and pull her close? Amara felt her cheeks heat as she stared at his lips. They were so near.
“Should we discuss the health fair?” Eli asked huskily. “Or, is there something else you might like do?” His finger slid along her jaw.
As his gaze swept her body, panic raced across her skin. She still hadn’t mentioned the scars across her chest. Or the reasons she’d elected to have a preventative double mastectomy. She needed to...and now was the perfect time. Or at least as good as any. But as the memory of Joe’s reaction danced behind her eyelids, the words refused to materialize.
“Health fair,” she squeaked, hating the touch of anxiety racing through her.
“Oh...right,” Eli said before withdrawing his arm and grabbing her empty plate. “Just let me get my notes.”
Amara took several deep breaths, trying to calm the rush of emotions tumbling through her.
I had a surgery that drastically changed the odds that I’ll get breast cancer despite my genetic markers. But it means I look different from the last time we were together.
Those words should be so easy to state. Eli was a physician, he’d understand. But Joe was a doctor, as well...
Eli returned with a giant binder and laid it out on the coffee table. Amara hated that she was grateful to have a reason to put off the conversation a bit longer.
“This is what I’ve done for the last few years. Each year the booth is different, so we need to pick a theme and then look for a giveaway and...”
The binder had more tabs in it than most patient folders. Amara stared at it. When he’d mentioned that he’d won each year, she’d hadn’t realized Eli was planning a major event. “Woah...wait, I thought we’d partner with a local health agency like the American Cancer Society or the Red Cross.”
“The health fair draws attention to Boston General. The better the booths, the more attention, and the better chance someone nominates us for awards,” Eli stated as he flipped through the binder, not looking at her.
Grabbing the binder, Amara laid it in her lap. “That is a lot of pressure to put on a health fair.”
On himself.
“And unrealistic to boot!” Eli hid his insecurities better than he had years ago, but they were clearly still there—bubbling just under the surface.
“No, it’s not.” Eli’s voice was tense. “Community involvement might be one of the criteria for getting on the list.” Eli pushed his hand through his hair as his eyes held hers.
Amara wished there was a way to make him see himself, truly see himself. He was a great doctor, no matter what a stupid list said. Stroking his cheek, Amara took a deep breath. “You don’t know the criteria for the thing that you’re chasing after? That’s a bit crazy, Eli.”
“I’ve tried to figure out the criteria for years, but it’s been a bit elusive.” Eli gripped her hands and added, “I even asked Marshall, since he’s been on the list a dozen times. But he just said someone nominated him.” Eli smiled.
It was so close to a grimace, Amara’s heart shook. Eli was chasing a goal with no known path to success. That could drive anyone to madness.
Shifting the conversation, she asked, “What did you do with all the extra vacation days you won?”
“What?” His eyes roamed from her to the closed binder. “Why?”
His defensiveness worried her. He was requesting shifts off to see his mother’s art shows. Surely Eli was taking his vacation days? He reached for the binder in her lap, but she held it tightly.
Eli raised an eyebrow as he reached around her. “Come on, Ama
ra. Let me have my notes.”
She stood and moved to the other side of the room. “No. Not until you tell me what you used your extra vacation days for last year. Did you go to Rome or Scotland? What about California or Hawaii?”
Eli’s lips turned down, and she wanted to shake him. “Did you go skiing? Or hiking?” She knew the answer, but she hoped she was wrong. “The beach? A resort? Eli?”
When he still refused to say anything, Amara dropped the binder on the floor, ignoring the thump it made. “What did you do with the days you earned by putting so much effort into your booth for a grand prize you might never get?”
He looked away. “Nothing. At the end of last year, I had ten unused vacation days that I forfeited. Are you happy now?”
The dismal statement broke her heart. Why would he ask her that? “Of course not.”
Amara returned to the couch and wrapped her arms around him. Her breath hitched as his fingers ran along the back of her spine. She was not going to let his soft touch distract her.
“We used to talk about traveling all the time. Remember those silly guidebooks?” Amara grinned as a bit of the tension eased from Eli’s features. “Now you’re earning extra vacation days and not using them. You’re following your father’s path, but don’t have the map.”
Amara put her finger over his lips before he could interrupt. “You are one of the top doctors at Boston Gen. You could work anywhere. You’re a wonderful, attentive father, an impressive doctor and gorgeous. You do not need to be on some artificial list to prove your worth. You can chart your own course now.” Amara gripped his knee. “You are enough, Eli.” It was the truth.
If only she could make him see it.
“Gorgeous?” Eli asked and raised an eyebrow.
“All the compliments I give you, and that’s the one you focus on.” Amara playfully rolled her eyes. Her chest tightened as Eli leaned toward her. He was so close, and she’d missed him so much. Her heart pounded as she stared at his full lips.
Falling Again for the Single Dad Page 9
