Empty Without You
Page 12
I was somewhat shocked tonight to read in the paper that [Postmaster General Jim] Farley is going to issue a Mother’s Day stamp in your honor May 3rd. God knows you are a mother alright, but not old enough to be honored in connection with Mother’s Day! I always think of the Mother’s Day mother as an old lady with a wistful expression and a cap and shawl.
And now I’m going to bed—to try to dream about you. I never do, but I always have hopes. The nearest I ever came was one night this week—I think it was the night I ate the Mexican dinner. My dream that night was that I was going to marry Earl [Miller], and your mother-in-law was simply furious! Isn’t that a honey? The truth is, I almost never dream.
I’ve been thinking a lot tonight about Prinz and wondering if he misses me as much as I miss him, the dear pup.
Well, good night, dear. Sweet dreams!
H
[April 25]
THE WHITE HOUSE
Washington
Darling one, I got no letter to-day so it will be Friday before I hear again, which seems a long time!
This has been a nice day—lovely weather & I got out at 10:45 & rode with Anna & John [Boettiger] & enjoyed it. We got in at 12:45 I had some National Theatre people to lunch. Afterwards I went to a Thrift Shop entertainment, a Kentucky mountaineer work sale & called on poor old Nora [Duse].27 It is sad to be helpless & poor & old, isn’t it? I hope you & I to-gether have enough to make it gracious & attractive!
You will be amused to hear that a Denver hotel man wired me to-day ordering a “suite” of furniture! Wouldn’t it be a joke if old [Senator Thomas] Schall, meaning to do me harm[,] had brought me a new source for revenue?28
Fifteen more days! Dear one, I would give a great deal to put my arms about you to-night!
A world of love,
E.R.
On April 29 as Lorena was driving on a country road near Tucson, Arizona, she hit a patch of loose gravel and Bluette went hurtling down an embankment. Even though the convertible rolled over several times as it tumbled down the hill, Lorena walked away unscathed. “I had apparently carried most of the weight of the car on the back of my neck while it was rolling over,” Lorena later wrote. “You have to have a darned good neck to get away with anything like that. I think mine had no doubt got toughened up these last five or six weeks from carrying the weight of the world on it.”29 Lorena sent a wire to the White House immediately after the accident, prompting a frantic telephone call, telegram, and letter from Eleanor, who offered—apparently in earnest—to abandon her official duties and become Lorena’s driver. The resilient chief investigator spent only one day resting before she resumed her work, but the bottom of that Arizona hill was the end of the road for Bluette.
[April 29, 1934]
WESTERN UNION
[from] THE WHITE HOUSE WASHINGTON DC
[to] MISS L A HICKOK
PIONEER HOTEL TUCSON ARIZ
TOO SORRY WILL TELEPHONE YOU TONIGHT OR TOMORROW ABOUT PLANS LOVE AND THANKFUL YOU ARE NOT BADLY HURT ANYTHING ELSE CAN BE QUICKLY REMEDIED
ELEANOR
[April 29]
THE WHITE HOUSE
Washington
Hick darling, I’ve just talked to you & hearing your voice has scared me. Your wire did worry me for fear you were worse hurt than you realized & the “what might have happened aspect” I can’t face even now. Darling, I ought to drive you! I’m glad though you aren’t off [afraid of] driving & gee! you are swell about it. Of course you must have a car & I’ll send whatever you need.
A world of love & I will say a prayer of thanksgiving to-night. Bless you!
E.R.
[April 30]
THE WHITE HOUSE
Washington
Hick dearest, I would telephone again to-night just to be satisfied about you but decided I wasn’t justified [in spending the money] unless you weren’t well! I have a feeling you will be more upset to-day than yesterday but perhaps I’m wrong & I certainly hope so. I still tremble when I think about it but I haven’t told anyone outside the house because I thought you’d rather tell those you wanted to have know.
To-day has been a busy day. People to see from 9:30 on, 2 guests to breakfast, press conference 11-12:45, the press girls to lunch, 2 Girl Scouts from Maine to greet, hair & nails, then people to see till 6:30[,] now I must dress for dinner!
I’m nearly over my cold but going slow for a day or two when I can but haven’t been able to this day!
Oh! dear one I love you & long to be with you when things go wrong. Bless you & a warm kiss to you.
Devotedly,
E.R.
[May 3]
THE WHITE HOUSE
Washington
Hick darling, To-day has been an easier day. I drove Louis one hour & a quarter this a.m., had people to lunch, several appointments—then with F. & the Daniels30 to the unveiling of [William Jennings] Bryan’s statue down by the [Potomac] river in the rain but a fine figure & as I listened to Mr. Daniels I decided he [Bryan] accomplished a great deal but I did not like him.31
We returned to Anna’s party & the kids enjoyed seeing “Papa” [FDR] spank her. She is 28 & how much further ahead than I was at her age.
We are having a dinner to-night for [Puerto Rican] Gov. [Blanton] Winship who arrived here a few days ago. I haven’t found out what is happening but will know more when you arrive.32
A world of love to you dear one. I will be happy to hold you in my arms on the 11th.
Devotedly,
E.R.
Eleanor and Lorena were at the White House together from May 11 to 23, but the visit ended on a sour note when Hick wasn’t able to spend the final morning alone with the first lady, whose letter written immediately after they parted included one of her increasingly frequent apologies.
[May 23]
THE WHITE HOUSE
Washington
Hick dearest, I know how you felt to-day, you couldn’t let go for fear of losing control & being with me was hard & I imagine I made it worse by sending you to say goodbye to Tommy but she spoke of it at breakfast & I was so afraid she’d come & stay & spoil our little time together. Darling I love you dearly & I am sorry for letting my foolish temparament [sic] make you unhappy & sorry that your temparament [sic] does bad things to you too but we’ll have years of happy times so bad times will be forgotten. July is a long way off but when it comes we’ll be to-gether.33
Perhaps this will reach you to-morrow night so sleep sweetly & a world of love dear one,
E.R.
This letter provides another example of Lorena’s dramatic mood swings. Despite her near-fatal accident, her general fatigue, and the gloomy tone of most of her letters before and after this one, the tone of this particular letter was euphoric.
May 24th
Dayton Biltmore
Dayton, Ohio
Dear You:
I saw my first subsistence homestead today, and, lady, did I get a kick! The contrast between those homesteaders, busy, planning, working, really happy and hopeful, and people on relief—gosh! You just must have seen some of the things I’ve been seeing these last few weeks to appreciate it, that’s all.
I found one family actually living in their house! A neat, attractive, clean house, with rugs and couch covers, colorful things, that the woman had woven herself, on a hand loom. Outside was their garden, well underway, with strawberries almost ripe, and a sow with four little pigs, a big flock of chickens, and some rabbits, for eating, all in excellent condition. And, darling, you should have seen the expression of contentment on that woman’s face as she showed me around.
Furthermore, those people are going into debt only a little over $500 for their house! The people who are going to live there are building the houses themselves, helping each other, under good supervision. So they go into debt only for the cost of the material. The land was bought by the community, and each homesteader will pay rent on his share to the community—between $3 and $6 a month—covering taxes, amortization of the debt f
or the land, and so on. One of the homesteaders and I figured out this afternoon that a man with a family of five could get by there on $40 a month cash income.
Oh, my dear, you’d get a kick out of this place! I’m so thrilled about it.
I could go on and on, but I’ll have to do it in a report, I guess. Elizabeth Nutting, who runs the cooperative here, just called to say she’ll be stopping by for me in ten minutes to go out to dinner! More later—
Later: It’s now nearly 11. Elizabeth is a wonderful person. She is practical and a good business woman. She is a very attractive woman and yet has the mind of a man. I must take my bath and go to bed. I’m getting up early tomorrow morning to write a report.
Good night, dear. I hope your day has been happy and not too crowded.
H
[May 30]
49 East 65th Street
New York
Hick darling, It was good to find your Saturday & Sunday letters here & I hope for word to-morrow. Dear I’ll try to do my share towards living up to our resolutions. I will try to keep on an even keel from now on.
The one thing I wanted to take you to task for is that phrase “she has the mind of a man.” Why can’t a woman think, be practical & [be] a good business woman & still have a mind of her own?
We went to “Tobacco Road.” Never have I seen on a stage a more revolting 1st act, then 2nd & 3rd were horrible but interesting but I don’t really think that type of play helps even the poor whites.34
Well, dear one, I love you tenderly & I wish you were here with me to-night, but you are happier & interested & I’m feeling well & rested so we are going to look forward to a grand two weeks to-gether in July. Where shall it be? Goodnight, sleep well & my thoughts are with you.
Devotedly,
E.R.
Eleanor sending Lorena a pressed rose from the garden at Val-Kill was a romantic gesture that the first lady hoped would soothe Hick during her difficult times.
[June 3]
Val-Kill Cottage
Hick darling, I wonder if any of the sweetness of this little favorite rose of mine will linger by the time it reaches you? My garden at the cottage was a lovely sight in full bloom & unconsciously I wanted you to see it with me.
We got here [Hyde Park] at 9:15 & at 10:30 I went out with F. in his car & drove over all the little roads on this side of the place & some on the other. I hope Franklin has a few years here. He would really enjoy it & I believe he would enjoy it even with Mama here. I kept thinking of the mess we had made of our young lives here & how strange it was that after all these years I return here as indifferent & uninterested as a stranger & I doubt if any child has any feeling about it because nothing has ever been his or her own here. It is a pity one cannot live one’s life once again but at least we can try to keep one’s children from making the same mistakes.
We got in at 12:30 & I had a swim & talked with Mama for an hour. She is unhappy & I see why & yet I feel so strongly she brought it all on herself but she can’t help it for she just doesn’t understand.35 She’ll be 80 in Sept. & I must make an effort to make it a happy day for her. I’ve been such an unsatisfactory daughter-in-law.
God bless you dear & good night. I would like to really kiss you tonight but I do in spirit,
E.R.
June 6th
Hotel Negley
Florence, Alabama
Dear You:
Today has been strenuous. I took a quick look at the transient setup—thousands come here looking for work, you see, and present quite a problem—and spent the afternoon looking over Muscle Shoals—Wilson dam and power house, Wheeler dam, the houses they are building there for the engineers and their families, the construction camp and so on.36 It’s all on such a huge scale! But darned interesting. Always in the background, though, is this dreadful relief business—dull, hopeless, deadening. God—when are we going to get out of it? As nearly as I can figure it out, most of the relief families in Tennessee are rural, living on sub-marginal or marginal land. What are we going to do with them? And, so low are their standards of living, that, once on relief, low as it is, they want to stay there the rest of their lives. Gosh! TVA is now employing some 9,500 people.37 But it doesn’t even make a dent!
Well, I must stop and order my dinner. I’m pretty tired. I’ve simply got to get a report off tonight, and it’s very hot. So I’m having dinner in my room, in my nightgown, and will start the report as soon as I’ve eaten—
Good night, dear. I hope the train isn’t too hot tonight. And that the roadbed won’t be too rough!
H
P.S. With the possible exception of the one on Puerto Rico, this is probably the poorest report I’ve ever written. I must pull myself up. But how? I am so tired.
H
[June 8]
THE WHITE HOUSE
Washington
Hick darling, Your letter of Wednesday night troubled me. You cannot get so tired it always results in mental and emotional depression & that feeling of the “utter futility” of all things is a result of weariness. Darling, do take care of yourself.
The decision [on our vacation] is up to you. Either I meet you in Banff38 or in San Francisco. If it is the latter I can probably make it the night of the 10th if it is the other by the 12th anyway.
Your report is very good, you are too tired to judge.
I’ve worked all a.m. & am now off to lunch with Frances [Perkins] & Isabella [Selmes Greenway]. A world of love & I wish I could put my arms about you,
E.R.
In mid-June, Anna filed for divorce from Curtis Dall in Reno, Nevada. To fulfill the Nevada residency requirement for a divorce, the first daughter would stay with Bill and Ella Dana, long-time Roosevelt family friends, on their ranch near Reno for the next several months.
June 15th
Burlington Hotel
Akron, Colorado
Dearest:
The Denver papers just arrived with pictures of Anna and the story plastered all over the front page. Poor child—she barely got out of Washington before it broke. I’m afraid this will make it a pretty hard trip for her. Too bad she couldn’t have got out there and settled before the whole thing got out. Well, it had to get out sometime of course.
Well, I entered the Colorado drought area today—in hail and a cloudburst! It was very funny really. As I drove out of Fort Morgan, about 35 miles west of here, young Terry Owens, one of the field engineers who is driving me about, announced with a flourish, “You are now in the drought area.” He had hardly got the words out when simultaneously we got a flat tire and it started to pour! Hail, too! And there has been a severe electric and hail storm here tonight, with a regular cloudburst. They had one last night, too, and they now consider the drought broken in this part of the state. Too late to save the small grains, but they think there will be plenty of good grazing and possibly some corn. The rain, after its long delay, brought tragedy to some. One farmer, living on lowland, lost all his stock in last night’s rain. Forty-two head of cattle, all drowned. Isn’t it ironic? Yesterday he was worrying about his cattle starving to death because the drought had burned up all their food. Today his stock was all dead any way, drowned, and everything else swept away—his house and his barns under water.
I spent most of today tramping around in the beet fields. I had my first look at child labor—children 8 & 10 years old working in the beet fields. It was not a nice picture. I ought to write a report tonight, but I’ve gritted my teeth so much these last two days that the roof of my mouth is all raw. So I think I’d better go to bed.
Darling, I hope Anna won’t have too bad a time, and that you and she both will be bothered as little as possible.
Good night, dear person. Akron, Colorado, is many, many miles from Washington, D.C., but I’ll be thinking about you tonight, as I drift off to sleep.
H
Eleanor wrote this letter while visiting her godmother Susie Parish, whose husband Henry Parish was ill.
[June 17]
U
ndercliff
Orange, New Jersey
Hick darling, I am feeling better to-night than I was last night which means I suppose that I feel more charitable! I breakfasted in bed, talked to Cousin Susie & spent an hour & a half this morning in the hospital with Cousin Henry. He is an angel & how he stands his life I don’t know. He only worries about her! She & I had lunch on the porch, then she rested & I wrote letters & at five we had a tea party, about 30 people. Now she is resting again. Will you tell me how anyone could sleep at night for she spent the whole morning in bed! I’d love to make her live your life for a week. I do hope you are not completely exhausted & I can hardly wait to hear your decision on a car.39 I rather like the idea of us both having Buicks!
If you can’t take more than two weeks holiday, I’ll go along on your schedule the last four days & you can work while I look on & then I can take a night train from wherever we are into Seattle.40 Only don’t be too far away from a train!
Dearest one, I love you dearly & I think of you so much, take care of yourself.
Devotedly,
E.R.
Eleanor and Lorena’s travel plans were falling into place, propelled by the various people they hoped to visit during the trip. Eleanor would spend several days in Chicago with her brother, Hall Roosevelt, before flying on to Sacramento to connect with Lorena. Then the two women would drive to Colfax, California, to visit Roy and Ellie Dickinson, the woman Lorena had lived with in Minneapolis. From there they would drive to the Dana ranch near Reno, Nevada, to see Anna for several days before completing their holiday alone in Yosemite National Park and San Francisco.
[June 18]
THE WHITE HOUSE
Washington
Hick dear, I came in & found your letters & wire. I hope we hear soon about the car but if you don’t have it in time I’ll try to arrange to rent a Buick in Sacramento. Let’s do this, I’ll fly from Chicago early on the 10th & get in late at night. We’ll go to Colfax & spend 5 or 6 quiet days. Then we’ll get the car, motor to Anna & back over a lovely route—thro’ the Yosemite & in to San Francisco. Two days there & 3 or 4 days up to Seattle. This leaves us leeway to move slowly from Anna to San Francisco & stay over a day or so if we like. I have maps & directions & will arrange a way by which I can get a ranger as guide if you wire me to Washington that this plan suits you!