Empty Without You
Page 21
Much, much love,
E.R.
[November 21, 1938]
Henry Grady Hotel
Atlanta
Hick dearest, Talked to F. about a plan for National Committee publicity. Eddie Roddan, you & a youngster. He’s much interested but doubts if Jim [Farley]30 wants a liberal democratic party. I’ll talk to Jim soon & let you know how things develop. I’d rather see you in private business & yet this cries to be done & is most interesting.
To-morrow will be busy. I don’t suppose I can reach you on Thanksgiving Day by wire so here is my love dear & may you have much to be thankful for,
E.R.
November 22nd [1938]
New York World’s Fair
Darling:
You were a peach to talk to the president about that Democratic Committee job. Many, many thanks. No, I don’t think Jim is much interested in a liberal Democratic party, but let’s hope he has the political acumen to keep it more liberal than the Republican party. I think the National Committee job might be interesting.
Worked until 8 tonight, and, since I came home, I’ve packed. We drive to the country tomorrow night,31 and I don’t expect to be back here until Monday night, although I’ll be at the office Friday and Saturday morning.
I have to go to a business dinner the 27th. What about the 28th? We do have the darnedest time getting together.
I have much to be thankful for—a great deal of that “much” being you.
Good night and bless you!
H
During a quick trip to New York the day before writing this letter, Eleanor had not found the time to meet with Lorena but had telephoned her.
[January 3, 1939]
THE WHITE HOUSE
Washington
Dearest, It was a flying trip to N.Y. but it was good to hear your voice.
I had my talk with Jim [Farley] to-day & he seemed to take kindly to the idea of using you but said he must talk to Charlie Michelson32 & see about funds. I said $500 a month expected. I just pray it goes thro’ but am far from sure yet!
I’m playing a rather mean trick to-night, pleaded a headache & sent Mama down to sit as hostess at the Diplomatic dinner! She told everyone at lunch to-day how much she disliked having to sit so far down the table so I thought this was a good way to put her at the top & I’ll stay in my room & really be able to enjoy the music for a change!
Much, much love dear,
E.R.
January 19th [1939]
New York World’s Fair
My dear:
Cold and snowy again this morning. I have a kind of half a case of the grippe, which I am fighting off. I don’t feel sick enough to go to bed—and, after all the time I’ve lost with my teeth, I’d have to be really sick to go to bed.
I probably should not try to keep the Little House and the car on top of my other expenses. My third heavy—and what might be termed, with the others, luxury—expense is Prinz. And naturally I simply won’t entertain the thought of giving him up. There are limits, after all.
Now of course it would be perfectly reasonable to say that it was silly—insane, really—for a woman of 45, almost 46, without a cent in the world except her salary, without any very promising prospects for a well paid job in the future, etc, etc to try to hang on to these three luxuries. All the sane arguments are on that side, I know. They just can’t be answered logically at all. But I’ll just have to answer them in my own way. Living—just going on living—simply doesn’t mean a God damned thing to me, dear. I’m being perfectly honest when I say I’ll be relieved when it’s over, provided the actual ending isn’t too painful. You are always horrified when I say that I wish it had happened when I had that automobile accident out in Arizona. But I still do. I’d have died happy, as happy as I’ve ever been in my life, and it would all have been over. But it didn’t happen that way, and here I am.
I’m not complaining, dear. Nobody has a perfect time in this life, of course. Lots of other people have had harder times. But in the final analysis each person has to live his life alone and fit himself to it in his own way.
Much love, dear.
H
[January 31, 1939]
THE WHITE HOUSE
Washington
Dearest, We’ve just had our last dinner & musicale till spring & then oh! boy, we’re going to have ’em every other day!
Now for the interesting news. Charlie Michelson came in to-day & we talked over the plan & he’s thrilled with the idea & with having you. Says you are ideal. They don’t want to start till April but he would like you to come & see him so I wondered if you’d let me give you the trip down & back on March 3d or 4th as a birthday present? It would be fun to have you here!
Much love dear,
E.R.
By the spring of 1939, Lorena’s worklife was busier than ever, as the World’s Fair was preparing to open on April 30. Nevertheless, she continued to hate the PR job. Perhaps to boost Lorena’s sagging spirits, ER gave her a particularly lavish birthday gift.
March 9th [1939]
New York World’s Fair
My dear:
Your “little” gift was at the apartment when I got home last night, and it left me a bit breathless. I’d hardly call a box of lingerie like that a “little” gift. Well, anyway, it’s gorgeous stuff, and I love it. Many, many thanks.
I finally brought most of my birthday cake here [to the office] today and passed it around. Not a chance to have anyone in for a party at home, and I was afraid it would just dry up. It certainly was a delicious cake, dear. And thank you again for it.
Much, much love, dear.
H
On the morning that Eleanor wrote this letter, the German army had invaded Poland. She was in Hyde Park for the last weekend of the summer.
[September 1, 1939]
Val-Kill Cottage
Dearest, I grieve, but I can’t lunch Friday. I may be down [in New York City] Wed. & we might do it that day. I’ll let you know.
F.D.R. telephoned at 5 a.m. to tell me about Poland & so I sat with Tommy & listened to Hitler’s speech. His voice is to me so unattractive! It all seems so senseless, he must have all [the territory] he wants & so Europe will be a battlefield. I feel deeply discouraged!
I hope you have a peaceful week end & that you get labor day [off] for you deserve it. I’d like to pay all your indebtedness & have you pay me as suited you, would you like to do it that way?
Much, much love,
E.R.
At 11 a.m. on the day that Eleanor wrote this letter, Great Britain had declared war; six hours later, France had followed suit. In the fireside chat that FDR delivered in the evening and that Eleanor refers to, the president proposed the sale of arms to Great Britain and France on a cash-and-carry basis. The proposal, which Congress quickly approved, demonstrated FDR’s uncanny ability to read the national mood—people wanted to support the Allies but feared American involvement in armed conflict.
[September 3, 1939]
Val-Kill Cottage
Dearest, A cloud seems to hang over everything but somehow I feel more reassured now that it is done. If they had let Hitler repeat his past performances I think we would have felt more uncertain, tho’ Lord knows this may mean a Europe in ruins.
We listened to F.D.R. & I thought him restrained & wise in what he said. War must affect us all but there is no use in making people fear our being drawn in till it is necessary & I pray that may never be.
I hope you had a quiet Sunday & feel better dear.
Much, much love,
E.R.
When Eleanor wrote this letter, she was beginning a month-long speaking tour in the Midwest and South. The last sentence is very telling.
[September 23, 1939]
Hotel Woodworth
Robinson, Illinois
Hick dearest, You’ve asked about questions [being asked by people attending the lectures], they are dull, run about like this: “Do you think we can keep out of war? What can
women do to keep us out of war? What can we do to remain neutral?” Last night I had written questions & was asked if I loved my husband, which I did not answer!
E.R.
November 1st [1939]
New York World’s Fair
My dear:
It was good to hear your voice this morning. I needed reassurance! I had wakened at 6, moaning and covered with a cold perspiration, dreaming you had died! Second morning in a row. Only yesterday morning it was Prinz—he had been run over by a train. Funny, because I hardly ever dream. I shall feel better after I’ve heard from you tonight.
It would be so much better, wouldn’t it, if I didn’t love you so much! It makes it trying for you.
You are very sweet to me always.
H
Lorena was spending her two weeks of annual vacation at her country home.
November 30th [1939]
The Little House
Moriches, Long Island
My dear:
I’m all dressed up in new corduroy breeches and hunting boots ordered with $11 of the money you gave me for my vacation. I paid bills with the rest. I’d been wearing my riding breeches and boots down here, but the woods, especially in wet weather, would soon ruin them utterly. So I’ll keep them to dress up in and wear these for rough work. Boots, tan with rubber bottoms, $7. Breeches, dark blue corduroy, $4. Gee, I love clothes like these.
Only three more days of my vacation. Well—it has been a heavenly interlude—something to look back on. I wish you could have come down. Well—maybe sometime you won’t be so busy in November. Or I’ll take my holiday in Summer.
It’s sweet of you to invite me down to the Gridiron Widows’ party, but I think I’d better sit tight financially. I got my first request for a loan from Ruby this morning.33 It may be only a short loan, but it means I can’t buy a doggoned Christmas present again this year.34 It wouldn’t be only the fare, but I’d have to get my evening things out, have them pressed, etc. So I think I’d better just slip quietly—and inexpensively—out to the country and see Prinz.35
Much love.
H
December 1st [1939]
The Little House Moriches, Long Island
My dear:
Just heard over the radio that you’ve been given some sort of award as the “leading statesman of the week” for standing by the American Youth Congress.36 Good for you! I’m darned proud of you and glad somebody had that much sense.
Well, the vacation is about over. These have been two perfect weeks, anyway. I can’t ever remember having had a happier time on a vacation—except that time you and I drove around the Gaspé Peninsula. We did have a good time on that trip, didn’t we?
Much love.
H
Despite ER’s repeated efforts, Democratic National Committee staff members had still not found the money to create a job for Lorena.
Christmas night 1939
10 Mitchell Place
New York City
My dear:
I just sent you a belated Christmas wire—and I hope it gets there before you’ve gone to bed! Yours was here when I arrived from the country today, and I should have sent one off to you at once. But I did have to hustle to get the house in order and dinner ready on time,37 so I let it slip. And now they’ve just gone.
It’s been a queer Christmas. I haven’t been terribly unhappy—I don’t get terribly unhappy any more. But just sort of miserable and hang-doggish. Utterly lacking in enthusiasm. And not liking myself. Of course it would be so much better if I had a job I liked. But, oh Lord, how does one go about using people & selling oneself. I know how to get newspaper jobs. But that was my profession, and I had such confidence in myself. Well—I’ve got to start doing something unless Jim [Farley] comes through pretty soon.
Got up at 6 this morning, cleaned up this place and cooked a fairly elaborate dinner for Ruby and Julian. I do wish I were fonder of them—it would be so much easier. I got awfully annoyed inside tonight when I discovered they had given presents to some people, on money they had borrowed from me—when letting them have it meant that I couldn’t get presents for anyone!
Well—to pleasant topics!
The turkey and the plum pudding,38 darling, are delicious, and the turkey so big that I could just get it into my oven and that was all. If it had been an ounce bigger, I’d have had to send it out to be roasted! And good—I think it’s even better than the one you sent for Thanksgiving. I’ll have enough to last me the rest of the week. Ruby indicated that she thought—because I did it last year, I guess—I’d give them what was left, but I fooled her, although I did weaken and give them some to take home with them. Well—it’s a lovely turkey, dear, and I wish I could give you some of it!
Another very pleasant thing. Julian got a letter telling him to report to the Census people this week for a job.39 Darling, if you only knew how grateful I am! Somehow, just to say “Thank you” seems inadequate!
Good night, dear, and bless you.
H
Eight
1940–1944
Enemies Abroad;
New “Friends” at Home
During the early 1940s, the most compelling drama playing out in Eleanor and Lorena’s correspondence was the one that reflected events that were unfolding on the world stage. World War II widened the gulf between the first lady and Hick, propelling Eleanor into even greater service to her country as an international ambassador—a voice of stability, morality, and humanity in a chaotic world.
Lorena’s life during the early 1940s was blotted with more medical and financial difficulties. Health issues included more dental problems, repeated bouts with fatigue, diabetes, a low blood count, menopause, and heart trouble; economic issues included long periods of unemployment, a salary history that crept downward rather than upward, and the realities of a job market that was not exactly bursting with opportunities for a middle-aged woman. Lorena was not left entirely on her own, however, as the first lady repeatedly came to her aid. Eleanor helped by providing Lorena with a place to live and prodding a potential employer toward making her a job offer; at other times, ER’s generosity came in the form of hand-me-down dresses, boxes of fresh fruit shipped from Florida, a check to pay for a new set of curtains, and even the services of a maid. What this multitude of contributions added up to was the reality that Lorena, who in previous stages of her life had insisted upon being totally self-sufficient, was gradually but undeniably becoming financially dependent on Eleanor.
One aspect of the relationship that did not waver was Lorena’s support and encouragement of Eleanor. “I’d never have believed it possible for a woman to develop after 50 as you have in the last six years,” Hick wrote on one occasion, and “I grow prouder of you each year,” she said on another. Lorena also continued to proclaim her undying love for the first lady. “You are still the person I love more than anyone else in the world,” Hick wrote.
By 1942, however, another woman began gaining prominence in Lorena’s life. In fact, Marion Harron—a judge in the United States Tax Court who was ten years younger than Hick—lavished so much attention on Lorena that she was competing with Eleanor as the central figure in Hick’s life.
By 1940, a new person also had entered ER’s emotional life. Joe Lash, twenty-five years younger than the first lady, was an intense and moody intellectual who shared her progressive social ideals. Eleanor and Joe spent many days together until he was inducted into the army in 1942. Scholars consider their intense relationship to have been that of a mother and her devoted son.
Because of Eleanor’s rising stature as a global ambassador combined with Lorena’s growing friendship with Marion and Eleanor’s involvement with Joe, this period marked a dramatic reduction in the volume of letters they wrote. In 1939, they had written each other a daunting 533 letters; by 1944, that figure had plummeted to fifty.
By the end of January 1940, Lorena’s job with the Democratic National Committee had finally been created, with her responsibilitie
s centering on reaching out to disenchanted voters. She would spend half her time in New York and half in Washington. Although Eleanor invited Hick to stay at the White House when she was in Washington, the first lady no longer asked her friend to sleep in the sitting room adjoining her own bedroom. From this point on, Hick would occupy a small bedroom across the hall.
January 29th [1940]
10 Mitchell Place
New York City
Darling:
I think I can stay at the W.H. alright if you want me to, and there is room. I’d like to very much, because it gives me at least a few glimpses of you. But I’m not going to hang around the place the way I used to. I shall live, as far as possible, a normal business life, going to the office every morning, putting in a full business day, usually lunching out. It’s better so, dear. That business of moping around the W.H.—never again.1
Now you are either laughing like Hell or a little bit hurt inside. I hope—and believe—you are laughing, dear.
I’m glad your nose and throat are better, dear, and please don’t think I’m unappreciative.
You are sweet and thoughtful and generous, and I love you—with all my heart!
H
Never before had an American president served more than eight years in office, but Eleanor was now beginning to face the unpleasant prospect that her husband might break that tradition. The last two words in the first paragraph of this letter aptly summarize Eleanor’s attitude toward that prospect.
[February 11, 1940]
Dearest, Your Thursday letter came to-day & that third party business is really bad.2 Everywhere I go people talk it & to-day Mr. [Bernard] Baruch3 who came in for an hour seemed won over to the idea that circumstances would close in & make F.D.R. run & win. I groan!