Empty Without You

by Roger Streitmatter

  April 13th [1945]

  The Little House

  Moriches, Long Island

  Dearest:

  It seems like only a few minutes ago when I was writing you, yesterday, a letter about housekeeping and gardening and feeling, although I did not mention it, very complacent about the progress of the war.1 I guess I never realized what implicit faith I had in him [FDR] until now—since he has gone.

  It was wonderful and reassuring to hear your voice this morning. No use burdening you with my bewilderment and terror. After all, I guess I only felt like millions of other people in the world. And they’ll all be telling you! You are like that—people instinctively run to you for comfort, even when you are in trouble yourself. And I guess I’m like all the rest.

  For you and your future I have no worries at all—although I do hope you will take at least a few weeks off this Spring and Summer to rest. You will find your place—a very active and important place, I feel sure—and fill it superbly. I’d like to hope that it may be something in which I can help you if only indirectly, from the sidelines. In a way, you know, you are going to be more your own agent, freer to act, than you’ve ever been before. Only, for goodness’ sakes, do take care of yourself and keep strong and well. We’ve seen one magnificent constitution break and go down under overwork and strain.

  God, he used to be so strong, so vital, so full of energy! I’m glad I didn’t see much of him at the last. I want to remember him as I knew him and saw him so often in the thirties. I’ll never forget his warm, firm handclasp—the handshake he had, not for the receiving line, but for his friends. The last time I shook hands with him—last September—I was shocked to find that his hand felt soft and sort of flabby, like the hand of an old man. How much better for him to go quickly this way. He would have so bitterly resented the kind of disintegration that comes with old age. I shall go into New York next Thursday afternoon and have my blood sugar [check-up] Friday morning. I’ll see the doctor Saturday morning, and from then on—and as long as we both shall live—I shall be yours to command.

  Dear one, I love you with all my heart—

  H

  Franklin’s funeral was conducted in the East Room of the White House on April 14, opening with the hymn “Faith of Our Fathers” and ending with the powerful line from FDR’s first inaugural address: “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” That night, the funeral train carried the coffin to Hyde Park for burial. Several reporters who covered both the funeral and the graveside service noted that at all times Eleanor’s eyes remained dry.

  April 16th [1945]

  THE WHITE HOUSE

  Washington

  Hick dearest, Three letters from you in two days & I love them. I don’t wonder you felt panicky [upon hearing that FDR had died], we all did I think.

  I am so glad you will be in N.Y. on Friday. Take the guest room & have Marion Harron whenever you like. She wrote me such a sweet note & I’ll be happy to see her.

  Life is so busy that I have no time to think! I was offered two jobs today one paid & one unpaid but I’m not deciding on anything till later in the summer.

  Much love dear & thanks,

  E.R.

  Mrs. [Bess] Truman toured the W.H. this morning & I liked her—

  April 16th [1945]

  night

  THE WHITE HOUSE

  Washington

  Hick dearest, I loved hearing your voice at Warm Springs & I’ve felt you near in thought every day. When these busy weeks are over, the business settled & the children all busy with their own lives again you will come & be with me a while, won’t you? Be sure to go to the apartment when you wish as I’ll be there this Sat. & Sunday & there is room anyway.

  I’m too weary to do more than say I love you—

  E.R.

  During this busy and emotionally draining period immediately after Franklin’s death, ER wrote Lorena four letters in four days. This particular letter was written on stationery bordered in black.

  April 18th [1945]

  Hick dearest, Your Monday note came last night & I love hearing of your doings & feeling that you are thinking of me.

  I’ll be out easily Friday night.2 The Trumans are more than kind. The office people have to take a bit longer.

  I’m begining [sic] to sleep better though not too long as yet.

  I’m going to have the newspaper girls at four to-morrow to say goodbye. Others drop in & consume time but all are kind & many feel lost. All my love,

  E.R.

  Eleanor supervised the packing of a thousand boxes—they filled twenty army trucks—of the belongings that the Roosevelts had accumulated in twelve years of living in the White House. Despite this enormous task, Eleanor made sure that one special item found its way to the Little House. That item was a blue Staffordshire cup that Lorena had drunk her coffee from while living at the White House. After leaving Washington, Eleanor would spend a weekend with Lorena at the New York apartment before going to the Val-Kill cottage, which would become her home. She gave the Springwood mansion to the government as a public museum.

  April 19th [1945]

  THE WHITE HOUSE

  Washington

  Hick dearest, The Trumans have just been to lunch & nearly all that I can do is done. The upstairs looks desolate & I will be glad to leave tomorrow. It is empty & without purpose to be here now.

  To-morrow the Cabinet comes at 11. At 3 the Secretary of State etc., at 3:30 office staff, at 4:30 household & garage staff, at 5:30 I leave for the 6 p.m. train & so endeth a period. Franklin’s death ended a period in history & now in its wake those of us who laid in his shadow have to start again under our own momentum & wonder what we can achieve. I hope you & I will be working to-gether but as I don’t intend to take on anything new till all the business of the Estate is over, you may be at new work before I am.

  I may be a bit weary when we get home to-morrow but I’m so glad you will be at the apartment.3

  Much love dear,

  E.R.

  Howard Haycraft had married and moved to a new house, leaving the Little House on Long Island all to Lorena.

  May 5th [1945]

  THE LITTLE HOUSE

  Moriches, Long Island

  Darling:

  It’s 11:45 a.m. Mr. Choate4 has had his run for the day—an hour in the woods.

  I transplanted twenty-nine plants this forenoon. It’s a perfectly beautiful day, and working in the garden was simply heavenly. Do you ever work in yours at Hyde Park? It’s so much more fun than just having someone do it for you. You get so fond of things you plant and raise yourself. It’s like a child, I suppose, or a dog—the more you do for it, the more you love it!

  Marion sent me a clipping about Franklin, Jr., being recommended for the Legion of Merit. I’m so pleased! Have you heard from him and John yet?5

  I had a note from Mrs. Truman today, acknowledging my note to her. Pretty stilted and formal.

  I must write to Marion and then get to bed. Tomorrow is wash day.

  Much, much love—always—

  H

  It was wonderful of you to have the paper sent to me.6 I devour the whole thing each day! Bless you!

  H

  The physical problems that Lorena describes in this letter reached a crisis stage in the early summer when she collapsed in a diabetic coma. The doctor said she could no longer control her blood-sugar level through diet but needed insulin daily. So Lorena learned to give herself injections, a procedure she continued every day for the remaining twenty-three years of her life.

  May 19th [1945]

  The Little House

  Moriches, Long Island

  Dearest:

  I’m so glad you have Fala.7 He’s a dear dog, and he ought to be a lot of fun for you.

  I’ve been feeling rather miserable for several days. Intestinal troubles. During the night last night I was so sick that I really got a little frightened. So today I’ve been on starvation rations—dry toast, tea, a little scalded mil
k—and I’ve been taking soda bi-carbonate to get rid of the gas.

  I’ll be at the apartment around 6:30 Thursday, and it will be wonderful to see you, dear.8

  My love to Tommy and Fala and you—

  H

  This letter contains the first reference to Eleanor hiring Lorena to help organize her private papers for preservation at the Franklin D. Roosevelt Library. ER continued to pay Lorena for this work for the next ten years.

  July 29th [1945]

  Val-Kill Cottage

  Hick dearest, Here is the first salary check. Every third month, I’ll have to withold [sic] 10% for the internal revenue which will mean you will only get $35 that month.

  I’ll be glad when Marion gets to you. I hope you have a good time.9

  Much love dear,

  E.R.

  This letter contains Lorena’s last reference to Marion Harron. Although Hick did not relate the details of their fiery break-up to Eleanor, Marion “got sore” because Lorena continued to refuse to move in with her in Washington. It is unclear if Lorena mentioned to Marion that Moriches was only two hours from Hyde Park where Eleanor was now living, while Washington was eight hours away. Lorena may not have told Eleanor the details of the argument because she did not want ER to feel responsible for the break-up.

  August 30th [1945]

  The Little House

  Moriches, Long Island

  Dearest:

  Marion has gone, after a pretty stormy visit. The child is not very well, and she is in a nervous and emotional state very similar to mine at her age. I really think that change of life—I don’t know how to spell the other word for it—must start, for spinsters, when they are about 40, and that the worst years are from 40 to 45. At least, that was my experience,10 and Marion seems to be going through the same thing. I feel terribly sorry for her, but there isn’t much I can do except tell her that I probably understand a lot better than she thinks I do! And that she will feel better when she gets to be 50! Of course it makes her very explosive. She got sore at me and packed up to leave. Thank God I’m as placid these days as a cow! Poor child—I wish I could help her. She really behaves a lot better than I did, as I look back to those years, and she is a very dear, warm, generous person, and I’m terribly fond of her.

  I must run. You’re a darling, and I love you very, very, VERY much.

  H

  September 1st [1945]

  29 Washington Square West

  New York City

  Hick dearest, I can well imagine what a time you’ve had with Marion but it was bound to happen & at least you know time makes a difference. I gather your health is fine or you wouldn’t have stayed placid!

  I beautified myself all morning! Had my first facial & didn’t think much of it & won’t bother again!

  My dear, I feel more of an old lady than at 50 but I’ve learned to hide it better! I have more limitations but I know them & accept them! I’m going to be no leader of thought or action but a homebody in the near future & able to enjoy my friends.

  I love you dearly too.

  Devotedly,

  E.R.

  After a year of receiving no income except from Eleanor, Lorena began writing speeches parttime for the New York Democratic State Committee. Eleanor had begun a new job, too, as President Harry Truman had persuaded her to become a member of the American delegation to the United Nations that began meeting in London in January. She was the only woman in the delegation.

  April 1 [1946]

  29 Washington Square West

  New York City

  Hick dearest, I’m thrilled about your job. It is just right & I think you’ll make a great success & carry it easily.

  Could you manage to spend 2 days here reading a pile of stuff? It is so heavy to send. I only want you to look thro’ & read what you think I should know or mark what you think I must read in full.

  Much, much love & congratulations,

  E.R.

  By 1946, Eleanor was serving not only as an American delegate to the United Nations but also as chair of the organization’s Human Rights Commission. During the next two years, she would lead the commission’s monumental task of defining the human rights of the citizens of the world.

  August 8th [1947]

  Campobello Island

  New Brunswick, Canada

  Dearest Hick, It was good to get your letter for I feel as though ages had gone by since our last meeting.

  They have put off the Human Rights Commission meeting till after the close of the General Assembly in Nov. in Geneva. The assembly begins the 16th & briefing comes before so I’ll be in town from the 8th or 9th except for week ends.

  I think the book has got on well.11 I hope you liked the changed copy.12

  Much, much love,

  E.R.

  By early 1948, the Human Rights Commission was nearing completion of a Universal Declaration of Human Rights that the members would take before the General Assembly for approval. The assembly would be meeting in Paris, and the American delegation crossed the Atlantic on the luxury liner Queen Elizabeth. Meanwhile, Lorena was attempting, with Tommy’s help, to write a biography of Eleanor. The former first lady hoped that the royalties would provide a steady income for Lorena and Tommy for the future. Lorena and Tommy’s book venture ultimately failed, however, as they were unable to find a publisher for it.

  March 30th [1948]

  Cunard White Star

  RMS “Queen Elizabeth”

  Dearest Hick, I’m thrilled that you’ve begun to write & that you find it easy. I’d rather have you two dissect me than anyone else in the world & I’ll feel so much more secure feeling that you both have a little security!

  We are most luxurious & Tommy is a good sailor too, much better than I am really. I never want to do anything or to be nice to anyone on ship board & about all I can manage is 2 meals a day!

  I like flying better because it is over more quickly! We’ve had one fairly sunny day, otherwise fog & rain but not very cold. Lots of love to you dear.

  Devotedly,

  E.R.

  It was widely predicted that President Truman would be defeated by Republican Thomas E. Dewey in the 1948 election. Eleanor was reluctant to become an active Truman supporter, however, because she felt that delegates to the United Nations should refrain from political activities.

  November 1st [1948]

  Hotel de Crillon

  Paris

  Hick dearest, It was wonderful to get your letter of the 25th.

  Ed Flynn13 telephoned me that he had some hopes [of the Democrats winning] in N.Y. state & asked me to make a short broadcast which I did rather against my better judgment!

  From this distance the campaign doesn’t seem to be going well. [Alben] Barkley14 certainly hasn’t been much help he is not colorful & has got little popular appeal. Truman had done much by himself in the campaign in spite of a few mistakes. Dewey will win I think but should Truman win the task of keeping him up to his progressive statements [he made during the campaign] will be quite a task!

  Tommy sends love & so does your ever devoted E.R.

  Lorena, now that her Eleanor biography had failed, was attempting to write her own autobiography, emphasizing her work as a pioneer woman journalist in the early 1900s. She recently had written Eleanor that she was not confident, however, that there would be a market for the book.

  November 28th [1948]

  Hotel de Crillon

  Paris

  Hick dearest, Don’t get an inferiority complex about your book, you’ve got lots to tell that will help the young gal who wants to go into the newspaper business! It will be very interesting much more interesting than Bess’.15

  I didn’t think Mr. Truman could be re-elected & now that he is I have a horrible sense of responsibility.16 He made so many promises which can only be carried out if he gets good people around him & that he hasn’t done successfully as yet!

  Anna & Buzz & Johnny17 will all be with me for Xmas which is going to be wo
nderful. I hope it would mean John Sr. would come too but that I haven’t any sense about.18

  The work [of the Human Rights Commission] is hard now & high tension but it is coming to an end.19

  A world of love dear,

  E.R.

  Lorena was suffering from a major new health concern. Many mornings she awakened to find that she could not see out of either eye. Although the total blindness ended by midday, her left eye was growing progressively weaker.

  August 28th [1950]

  Val-Kill Cottage

  Hick dearest, I am so sorry about your eyes. This is serious for you and I know you worry.

  We [Eleanor and Tommy] just can’t come to you for a night as we are engulfed in work. I know you can’t come here and I also know that you should enjoy your little house as long as you can swing the expense and are comfortable there[,] but when you want to come up here for a short or a long time just let me know. Meantime let’s meet in N.Y. Could we have lunch to-gether on Wednesday? I’ll try to come anywhere convenient for you and bring Tommy. She will phone you to-morrow.

  All my love,

  E.R.

  Even though when the United Nations delegates met in Europe they were housed in the most elegant of hotels, Eleanor preferred the casual style of Val-Kill where she lived between sessions. She decorated the cottage with overstuffed easy chairs and hundreds of photographs—Lorena’s photo was prominently displayed on the mantle in the living room. In the fall of 1950, Lorena’s part-time work at the New York Democratic State Committee ended.

  November 9th [1950]

  Val-Kill Cottage

  Dearest Hick, Tommy told me last night about the Committee but I think dear this may not be all black. You need a rest [and] then you need to get at writing. I can lend you what little you’ll need these next weeks & before you know it you’ll find ways of making money. Have you ever thought of trying to get a course in journalism [to teach] at Vassar or Bard [College], or trying to do some features for the Poughkeepsie paper?