My Almost

by Kelsey Cheyenne

  Me: nice pics with Carly are you fucking her too?

  Aiden: those were from a few months ago

  Me: should I get fired too so we can take pictures and spend real time

  together?

  Aiden: it wasn’t like that with her. It was only the one day.

  I don’t know what to believe right now. My head wants me to tell him he’s a lying piece of shit and to fuck off. My heart is begging me to listen to him and give him another chance. My lady business, unfortunately, is siding with my heart. Or maybe my heart is siding with my lady parts. I can’t be sure.

  Me: you’re not denying something happened between you two

  Aiden: she meant nothing to me but you do. I want to be with you not her.

  There’s nothing I can do about it while I’m away. This vacation has exceeded all my expectations. I expected to merely miss Aiden, not to want to kill him and bury his remains. I need to stop watching crime docudramas.

  I’m sure I’ll kick myself for this later and I’m sure regret will take hold of me soon, but I have to trust him. Any guy who didn’t want to be with me would drop my crazy, attached ass in a heartbeat. The fact he’s still fighting for me and trying to convince me of his loyalty means something. I’m sure we’ll talk more about this when I get home but for now, I have to believe him. Even if it’s a huge mistake.

  Now more than ever I want to go home. I want to be with him and have him comfort me not just with his words, but also his body. One appendage in particular…God, I’m disgusting. How can I be thinking about wanting him in that way right now when minutes ago I was thinking about him with another girl? Gross.

  That’s part of the problem. I’m terrified of my feelings for him—for how strong they are. I’m already scared to lose him and I barely even have him.

  ∞ ∞ ∞

  The days seem to fly by, but at the same time this vacation is never-ending. As if this week couldn’t get any worse, I get yet another text from Aiden that knocks the wind out of me. I don’t know what to do or say.

  Aiden: I officially got offered the assistant manager position

  We knew this was coming. He’s the best salesperson at the store so on merit alone he wins out. Add in the fact his best friend is an assistant manager, and I’m sure that was enough to finalize the decision.

  I want to tell him that’s great news but in reality my heart is sinking. This is terrible news. If things were complicated before, this will make it fifty times worse.

  Aiden: that means we really can’t be together now

  Awesome. It’s like he read my mind from 1,000 miles away. He’s pulling away now because he’s afraid we’ll get caught. He’d get fired on the spot if Seth found out about us. There was a possibility of consequences before his promotion, but now if we got caught the results would be permanent and dire.

  Okay, that’s slightly dramatic, but the facts remain the same.

  I can’t be selfish. This is an amazing opportunity for him and he has to accept the promotion. But I hate not knowing what he’s thinking and what this means for us. Is he willing to keep things hidden to be with me? Or will he end things to save his own ass?

  In this moment, it seems like the latter.

  Every pang in my heart reminds me how deep I am into this with him. These moments remind me I never once felt anything close to this for Dan. Aiden is so…unattainable. He’s mysterious and always remains at arm’s length. He acts one way when we’re together, but says something different as soon as we’re apart. One day he wants to be with me and the next day he’s scared and ending things.

  It makes no sense. I can’t keep up with him and my attempts are exhausting me. His indecision is killing me. He’s breaking my heart over and over again and he doesn’t even realize it.

  I would do anything for him. Doesn’t he understand how rare that is? Not many people are this devoted these days.

  People are selfish. They’re only out for themselves and their own best interests. I want to look out for Aiden and his best interests. I’d put my neck on the line to be with him. When will he realize that? What do I have to do to make him comprehend what I feel for him?

  14

  That’s What I Call Crazy

  My mindset has done a complete one-eighty and now I don’t want to leave Florida to head back home.

  Home to Aiden.

  I don’t know what to expect now and I’m nervous to see him. This could be the final nail in the coffin of him killing this relationship.

  Of course my first shift back at work is with Aiden and Seth. Yippee. I have to pretend to be excited when our boss tells me about Aiden’s promotion. A part of me wants to use physical force to wipe the smug, proud smile off Seth’s face. Thanks so much, Seth, for promoting my fuck-buddy and causing him to break my heart. Such great news!

  Despite the heart-wrenching “brand new information!”—cue Phoebe Buffay voice—Aiden is still extra flirty with me during our shift. It’s nothing I’m not used to, but he’s acting as if nothing has changed. It’s giving me whiplash, the way he’s so wishy-washy. First he wants me, then he doesn’t. He’s so cavalier with my heart. I can’t keep up.

  I want him more than I’ve ever wanted anything or anyone.. Despite the back-and-forth indecision. The good times outweigh any bad times in spades. Everything about him is perfect. He’s perfect, and he’s perfect for me.

  I want to return to normal. I want to pretend like nothing is wrong and nothing is changing. So, I flirt back because it’s so much fun, but also because I mean every single word I say to him.

  We stand together in the store and talk about everything. He knows all my secrets. I’ve bared my soul to him and have already given him my whole heart. So why won’t he even give me a sliver of his? Maybe he has or maybe he’s scared.

  But my heart can’t take much more of this.

  ∞ ∞ ∞

  I can’t begin to guess what changed for Aiden, but I realize he’s not ready to give up on us either. As the weeks pass, I go over to his house almost every night after work and I try to spend the night as often as I can.

  Tonight, however, I had to stay home, but not by choice. Aiden has plans with one of his buddies anyway, so guy’s night means I’m stuck at home. But I should spend time at my own house for once, anyway. I guess.

  By some miracle I’m awake when my phone pings around two a.m. I roll over in bed to check my phone and see Aiden’s name. I figured it would be him, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up.

  Aiden: can you come over?

  Me: it’s 2 am

  Aiden: I need you. My grandma died

  Shit. I can’t ignore him, not that I want to. He knows I live at home and can’t get up and leave in the middle of the night. I have two dogs in my house who like to bark a lot at any noise. My mom’s a light sleeper and will get up for work soon, anyway.

  But…I have to go. If my parents wake up and I’m not home, they’ll freak out. I have to tell them.

  As if I’m a mouse, I scurry around my room, being as quick and quiet as I can manage as I get changed and pack a bag. My door betrays me, squeaking as I open it with slow precision to sneak into the hallway bathroom so I can brush my teeth. The creak is like an exploded bomb at this time of night.

  There’s nothing left for me to do to postpone the inevitable. Inch by inch I open the door to my mom’s bedroom. “Mom.” I tiptoe in and lean on the bed, but she doesn’t stir. I climb up and nudge her shoulder with all the force of a falling snowflake. “Mom,” I repeat.

  I startle her and my gut fills with guilt. “What?” She’s agitated and I don’t blame her. I’d be pissed if someone woke up at this hour too.

  My heart is racing as I brace myself to utter this next sentence. “I’m leaving. I didn’t want you to worry when you woke up.” I bite my lip so hard I taste blood, I await her response.

  She’s very confused and keeps looking at her digital clock. “Where are you going?”

  The dreaded question
. “To Aiden’s.”

  “Chelsea, it’s two a.m.” As if I don’t know that. It’s why I’m trying to rush through this conversation, so I can get to his place sooner rather than later.

  “He needs me—his grandma died. Please. He needs me.” I’m going to his place regardless of what she says in this moment. I’m asking her out of respect, but my man needs me and that means I’m going.

  A heavy sigh escapes from her lips as she caves and tells me to be safe. I catch the double entendre, but I rush out of the room without offering a response.

  It’s two thirty by the time I text Aiden I’m on my way and three by the time I park my car in his lot. I don’t even bother telling him I’m here, instead I waltz right in the door.

  For the first time since I started coming here, his roommate is home, but he leaves the room as soon as he sees me. He knows I can handle things from here.

  Even crying at three in the morning, Aiden is still gorgeous and my breath catches at the sight of him. He’s wearing a black classic band tee but I can’t distinguish what band it is. He’s still wearing khaki shorts despite the late hour and I want to peel them off him but, considering the context of my visit, I’m sure he’s not in the mood.

  I join him on the couch, folding my legs underneath me and sitting on my feet. “Thank you for coming.” His breath is on my ear as I hold him. He hugs me and I feel the weight of his gratitude with his tight grip. His frame shakes as I hold him and I wish there was something more I could do or say. Being here will have to be enough.

  We retire to bed. He doesn’t stop touching me the entire way up to his room. When we climb onto the mattress, we cuddle chest to chest, legs intertwined. My head rests on his shoulder and his beard tickles my forehead, but I don’t dare move or complain.

  I wouldn’t mind staying like this—touching and cuddling with practiced intimacy without our intimates connecting, but things with us always escalate. I drift to sleep when my eyes are heavy from being exhausted and sated. The sound of his light snoring beside me brings me further peace.

  ∞ ∞ ∞

  Aiden and I continue to fall into a pattern—we see each other often, maintaining both the relationship itself and the secrecy it thrives on. It’s frustrating but also hot as hell and so damn worth it. I’m crazy in love with him and I can’t get enough.

  We still haven’t defined our relationship, but we spend so much time together I can’t fathom he has time for another girl.

  Tonight I’m at home, waiting on my couch for him to text me. That sounds pathetic, waiting around for the guy to text me, but it’s not because he asked me to—it’s because I want to. He told me ahead of time he was hanging out with his buddies tonight. He insisted I come over afterwards and I can’t tell him no.

  However, I was expecting him to text me around midnight, but it’s nearing one in the morning and I’ve had enough.

  Me: I’m just gonna go to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow.

  Aiden: no just wait a little bit longer please

  I cave to him, of course I do. I would wait forever for him, so what’s a few more minutes?

  The vibration of my phone next to my head jolts me awake. I’m still in my living room on the couch where I must’ve fallen asleep. Shit. I see the text is from Aiden. I hope he hasn’t been waiting long.

  Aiden: come over

  The clock reads quarter to three and my first reaction is relief I didn’t miss his text or make him wait for me.

  I hurry to get my ass off the couch and brush my teeth before grabbing my bag and high-tailing it out the door. I don’t even bother to tell my mom I’m leaving anymore at these ungodly hours. When I’m not home in the morning, she knows where I am.

  It’s three thirty by the time I get to his apartment. Aiden comes out to greet me and takes me by the hand. His friends are still here, drinking and playing video games and others are playing beer pong in the kitchen.

  He doesn’t introduce me to any of his friends. Instead, we make our way right up to his bedroom which is good with me. Still, my cheeks are heating because all these guys are well aware I’m about to fuck their friend while they’re all still here. And yet I can’t bring myself to care. I’m with my guy and that’s what matters.

  We ravage one another like we’ve been starved for touch. Our clothes can’t come off fast enough.

  “I want to try something.” He lays back with his head on his pillows. “Sit on my face facing the door.”

  “What?” My eyes are huge and bulging out of my face right now.

  “I want you to blow me while I eat your pussy.” I’m kneeling on the edge of his bed unable to move. I tug on my hair in a partial attempt to cover up my breasts. I’m feeling exposed, and this is new territory for me.

  “What? I don’t even—” I shake my head. How am I supposed to sit on his face? Won’t I suffocate him?

  “You’ve never sixty-nine’d before?” He grins at my innocence and it’s charming. One look like that from him and I’ll do whatever he wants.

  I clamor up the bed and sit beside of him. He nods, encouraging me, but never rushing me. I swing my right leg over his head and hover over his face. This seems so weird.

  He reaches up, gripping around my hips so his fingers graze my ass. He tugs me down and devours my soaked pussy. Foreplay is a formality for us. I never need it; I’m always prepared for him as is.

  “Holy fuck.” His tongue works a masterpiece at my core. I rest my hands on his torso, leaning my head back and enjoying the moment. I moan his name as he eats me like his last meal.

  I open my eyes and gape down his body. He doesn’t push me, but I know what he wants. His cock is erect and bobbing, begging for attention. A drip of pre-cum has spilled over on the tip.

  I lean down, my palms supporting my weight on the mattress on either side of Aiden’s hips. I drag my tongue across the tip and he bucks his hips underneath me.

  My right hand grips his dick as I move my mouth over him and swallow the crown. The sexiest groan erupts from the man underneath me, vibrating against my clit.

  I moan around his cock, taking him deeper into my mouth. I’m getting closer, climbing higher, moments away from orgasming. The closer I get the harder it is for me to concentrate on him.

  The tingles spread through my body like wildfire and I’m falling. His erection falls from my lips as I fall apart all over his tongue.

  I find myself on my back, not knowing how I got here. Aiden’s between my legs, rubbing the tip of his dick through my wet folds.

  I call out when he slams into me, It’s rough and bruising, yet still not enough. I clamp a hand over my mouth to stop myself, knowing the house is full of people.

  “Scream my name,” Aiden commands. His eyes are fiery—domineering. I could come again from the look in his eyes alone.

  “But…they’ll hear me.” I’m hesitant because his entire apartment is filled with his friends who are a short flight of stairs away and right under his room.

  “Good. I want them to.” His sexy smirk is filled with sin and mischief. So what if this is a cockfight for him to brag about later? I comply. I scream his name all night long.

  It’s after seven thirty in the morning by the time we call it quits and go to bed. The rest of the house quieted down hours ago though I’m sure they overheard us going at it like rabbits all night. It doesn’t seem like he and I will ever cool off from each other. At least, I hope we don’t.

  ∞ ∞ ∞

  The next morning, err, the same morning, I wake up to the now-familiar scent of Aiden wrapped around me. My back is pressed against his chest and I see his white bedroom wall in front of me.

  I roll over in his arms so I can admire him. I snuggle into his chest, appreciating how his arm tightens around me. He stirs, kissing the top of my head. I tilt my head in order to meet his eyes as his eyes flutter open.

  “Morning, babe.” His gruff, sleepy voice shoots straight down to my lady region despite our sexathon last night.

&n
bsp; I smile a grin too big and ridiculous for having just woken up. He notices and smirks, reading my mind.

  “You like it when I call you babe, don’t you?” I nod, shy that he’s called me out on it. As long as he’s calling me anything, I’m happy. Though I am partial to that nickname.

  I hated nicknames when I was with Dan and refused to let him call me anything other than my name. But…Aiden’s different.

  I trail my hand down his chest until it makes its way under the covers. I find his morning wood and my pussy drips in anticipation.

  His eyes close again as I work him over and a low, arousing moan escapes his throat. I sneak under the sheets and sheath his cock with my lips. His hips buck at my touch, encouraging me to take him further.

  I take him as far as he can go and he takes me to cloud nine.

  Is there anything better than morning sex?

  ∞ ∞ ∞

  Much to my dismay and embarrassment, Aiden has me meet his friends. The same friends who heard me scream about how much I love their friend’s cock. It’s awkward, to say the least. To calm my nerves Aiden offers me a drink, which I take, though I sip it all night so its purpose is ineffective.

  They’re sitting in his living room playing video games and offer me a turn. I can’t tell if they’re being polite or actively trying to include me, but I decline. As if I’m going to play a video game in front of all these guys. Hell no.

  I’m thankful Reese isn’t here, because I couldn’t take the pressure of trying to act normal in front of him. On the other hand, it might have been better if he were here to help ease me into things.

  I can’t remember any of their names, let alone all of them. They don’t stay long and I don’t know if that’s intentional or not. They probably don’t want to endure another night of our sexcapades, and I can’t say I blame them. We all know that’s where tonight will end up. It always does with Aiden and I.

  As we head up to his bedroom, my spirits and energy are high. The warm and fuzzy feeling is spreading in my chest knowing this thing between us is so much more real now. I met his friends. He let me into a part of his life. It’s a huge deal. Sometimes meeting the friends is more important than meeting the family.