My Almost

by Kelsey Cheyenne

  I need to see you.

  Warmth spreads through my chest and I’m buzzing with happiness. He knows I leave for school tomorrow so this is our last night of summer together. I’m filled with hope because the season may be ending, but our fling isn’t.

  I’d always had hope for Aiden and me. The connection we share is so strong and real. It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced before and I can tell we’re on the same page, even if he doesn’t explicitly state it. No one could ignore the fire that ignites rooms when we’re in them together. It’s shocking no one else at work has caught onto us yet from, just sharing the vicinity with us.

  We ignite the room, any room. Our spark is strong and capable enough to light forest fires. Electricity sizzles between us like a rope tethering us together. It’s insane how perfect we are for one another.

  I’ve always believed everything happens for a reason and I firmly believe in soulmates. I went through so many job interviews and I never understood why I wasn’t hired. Now it’s obvious.

  I was meant to take this job. I was destined to meet these people so they could lead me to him. Everything and everyone else before him was an irrelevant circumstance leading me down the path to this person and these moments.

  Despite my age and him thinking I’m too young. Despite not having an initial spark and thinking he was an asshole. Despite his promotion and our previous relationships. None of it matters. None of it was strong enough to stand in our way.

  From the moment we met, hell, from the moment we were born our paths were chosen for us. We were meant to meet here and end up in each other’s lives. Nothing could stop us or change the outcome because it was written in our soul contracts that we were to be connected.

  I feel it deep in my bones. He is my person—he was my friend first and now he’s my best friend. He’s my love, my light, my freaking soul. I’m cringing at the sappiness as the words flow through my head but as lame as they sound, I fiercely believe every word.

  Leigh Aiden Venturi is my freaking soulmate. He lights my soul on fire and gives me more hope and happiness than I ever thought possible.

  Lost in thought, I almost forget to respond. I grip my phone in my hand with the text still open. I’m having dinner tonight with my family but afterwards, Aiden is all mine and I his.

  I’ll see you tonight.

  ∞ ∞ ∞

  Tonight is special somehow, sacred. It’s the eve of major change, but we’re secure, solid. We could be standing on a precipice, teetering on the edge of failure, but not Aiden and me. For once, I’m not worried about our relationship or our future.

  I don’t care that it’s nine at night and I’m heading over to his apartment for a couple hours. My plan is to make the most of the night, so I dress up, putting on my favorite jeans and a dressy pink tee. I do my hair and even put on jewelry. Tonight has to be special and I want to commemorate it as such because it’s not just any other night.

  Our clothes will end up on his bedroom floor and my perfume will fade to the smell of sex, but again, I don’t care.

  In my head it’s as if this is my last night with Aiden ever. I’m not even going to be two hours away from him, but it’s still further than before. Add in the time constraints and being limited to weekends, I’m edgy and upset.

  I don’t want to cry in front of him. My emotions are simmering but at any moment they could boil over.

  I park my car in his lot and text him that I’m here instead of waltzing right in like I always do. He opens the door for me and I walk into his arms, hugging him. He holds me for a while, the door still open behind me and not a care in the world. We’re not rushing, quite the opposite. We’re savoring each other, this night, this moment.

  His lips press the top of my head and I back up out of the embrace. I tilt my head to look at him and push up onto my tip-toes, inviting his mouth to meet mine. We kiss, a quick connection, before he shuts the door and leads me upstairs.

  There’s no pretending tonight. We won’t sit on the couch like a regular couple and pop-in a movie we won’t watch. We won’t kiss for ages, until our lips are swollen and chapped, lying to ourselves saying it won’t go any further than that.

  He takes me upstairs to make love. His hand engulfs mine, our fingers intertwined to the point of pain. I want to flex my fingers but more than that; I don’t want to let him go.

  Aiden pushes me into his bedroom door and it clicks closed behind me. He unwinds our fingers and uses his now-free hands to cup my face while my hands find his chest. I rest them there, the thump of his heart beating against my hand under his cotton t-shirt.

  He cherishes me in that moment. Our kiss is languid and we’re deliberate in our laziness. We’re taking our time memorizing each other.

  I’m the one to break it because I’m needy and demand more. I tug at his shirt, pushing it up his torso until he takes over, pulling it over his head and tossing it on the floor. My permission to take things to the next level breaks his control.

  He returns the favor, pushing my shirt over my head and tossing it on the floor beside his. We resume our kiss, the door cold against my exposed back. His hips grind into mine and I moan at the contact.

  He reaches around to unhook my bra with skill. I’m surprised the material doesn’t evaporate as soon as he’s in my presence at this point.

  My bra falls and I work the button on his shorts. He leans his head down, taking my erect nipple into his mouth and my head falls back against the door with a thud.

  “Shit, are you okay?”

  “Yes, don’t stop.” He chuckles at my insistence but complies. He goes back to teasing me, biting and sucking the taut bud until I’m writhing, my jean-clad groin grinding against his knee at an embarrassing rate.

  I think he could make me come just from this, but I don’t get the chance to find out. He moves his focus to my jeans, unbuttoning them and peeling them down my legs. I step out once he gets to the bottom and then he places a soft kiss against the inside of my knee.

  He stands and hikes my legs up around his hips. My back is against the door and wetness pools between my thighs at the possibility he’s about to fuck me against the door.

  Instead, he spins around carries me to the bed and tosses me onto the damn thing. He strips; his huge, hard cock bobbing as he removes his briefs. I greedily crawl across the bed and grip him in my hand before he denies me this.

  My touch alone causes him to drop his head on a moan, so I sheath him with my mouth, eliciting a hiss to escape between his teeth. “God, Chels.” I love hearing my name as a moan on his lips.

  I suck him with fervor and desperation. For the first time in my life, I want him to explode and lose control. I want him to finish in my mouth. I want to give him that.

  But he steps back, a lazy smirk pulling at the corner of his perfect mouth. His eyes are heavy with arousal, but I can still see a gleam of mischief in his dark gaze.

  “Lay back.” I do as he’s told. If I’m being honest, even if he told me to jump off a bridge I’d agree if an orgasm was waiting for me at the bottom.

  I watch him settle between my legs, looking more devious and sexy than I ever knew he could. I want to frame him like this and hang the picture on my wall. I shouldn’t, but I wish I could take a snapshot of how he looks this very second.

  I’m wound so tight, the pressure is building like a cork waiting to be popped. A feather could glide across my clit and I’d explode, but Aiden doesn’t focus on my sensitive nub. He fucks me with his tongue and he’s greedy, lapping me up like he’s dying of thirst in the middle of the Sahara. It’s too much yet not enough. He knows what he’s doing, and it’s frustrating as hell.

  When his thumb forms tight, precise circles on my clit I scream his name. Stars cloud my vision and waves of my orgasm are so violent they consume me. I’m an earthquake and the aftershocks are still reverberating even when he stops touching me.

  He settles between my legs, lining us up. He’s been generous, so he returns to tea
sing me. With one hand gripping the base of his dick, he pushes the head in for the briefest of moments. “Fuck,” he groans before pulling it back out.

  His shallow thrusts are infuriating. They’re not enough, not by a long shot. I wiggle my hips to get closer, yet every time I do, he backs away. I’m not alone in my misery—his jaw is clenched so tight I’m waiting for his teeth to crack.

  He’s a coil and I’m waiting for it to spring. I tilt up my hips, angling my body to his and opening myself up to him. It’s enough to cause him to lose his final thread of control. Right as I was about to cry and scream for more, he thrusts hard all the way into me. I gasp in pleasure, a wide smile breaking on my face.

  The only time I am whole is when he’s inside me. It’s as if a part of me is missing when he’s not there.

  He tries to maintain a slow, leisurely pace. We’re making love. The emotions flowing through him into me and I pray he can feel my love as well.

  We come together. I didn’t think moments like this were real and possible. I thought it solely happened in romance books and movies. It’s magical. Our bodies are as in sync as our hearts.

  I lay beside him, with his arm around me, crushing me into him. He holds me against his chest and I wrap myself around him as much as humanly possible.

  “Will it always be like that?” Always. That’s the word my heart latches onto.

  “I hope so. It’s never been like that for me…before.” I cringe at my response.

  “Not for me either,” he tells me and my heart soars.

  We lay there for a while. I’m contemplative, my thoughts are loud, bouncing around in my head and I want them to shut up.

  I extricate myself from his grasp to glance at the time. I wince and a lump forms in my throat. “I have to go.” My voice is a creak of a door; it’s quiet yet still loud. It breaks the silence and the moment.

  “Stay.” I don’t know if he means for the night or forever. I’m hoping it’s both.

  “I can’t.” He nods and neither of us speaks for a long time. “I don’t want to go.” A tear sneaks out and I wipe it before he notices. I won’t allow any more to fall in front of him.

  “I know.” Two words so heavy and filled with emotion. I get up to get dressed, biting my tongue in hopes the tears stay at bay.

  He pulls on his boxers and shorts, staying shirtless and it’s tempting me to stay. When I’m dressed, he grabs my arm, pulling me to him once more. He holds me. I pray to God I somehow find the power to freeze time in this moment. I want to stay in his embrace forever.

  This has been the best summer of my life. In a few short months I’ve fallen more in love with someone than I ever thought capable. I understand what people mean when they say when you know, you know.

  I may be young, but I know.

  We walk downstairs and I wish for anything to prolong this moment. He walks me out to my car and we hug and kiss, over and over. He doesn’t want to let me go just as much as I don’t want to.

  “Bye.” I say as I get into my car. He leans into the open door and presses one final chaste kiss onto my lips. I nod as he says goodbye and tells me he’ll talk to me tomorrow. If I say anything else, the floodgates will open and the tears won’t stop. He wouldn’t let me drive away if he saw me in this state.

  The moment is heavy, and it seems like everything has changed. He waits at his apartment door for me to drive away. I pull out of his complex and when he’s out of sight I let the tears break free.

  I cry the whole way home as Taylor Swift sings me songs about love and heartbreak. I relate to every song and think of Aiden with every word. I cry all night knowing tomorrow will be another day full of tears.

  I’m already counting the days until I can come home.

  17

  Thnks Fr Th Mmrs

  The day has come: move-in day.

  My parents and I pack up our cars and make the forty-five minute trek to my small private, Catholic college, in an uppity town right outside of Philadelphia. I’m transitioning from living at home with my family and two dogs to living with total strangers in a single-room dorm. I’m thrilled. Not.

  The honors dorm is the nicest on campus and I’m lucky to have a room in it on the top floor. I’m not so lucky to have to share a room with two other girls. And I’m the second to arrive which means someone already claimed the single bed. Great.

  My first roommate is a petite Asian girl named Sasha. She has purple streaks in her hair and smells of weed.

  I claim the bottom bunk and unpack my things. The third girl, Becky, arrives and I have an inkling things will get complicated.

  Becky is on the larger side with long dirty-blonde hair and a close relationship with her parents. As soon as they leave, however, she seems standoffish and stuck-up.

  Becky and Sasha get off to a rough start, already placing me in the middle. I don’t give a shit to mediate them. I don’t plan to take sides and instead plan to steer clear of them both.

  Girls don’t tend to like me. I’m not someone who makes friends with ease. It could be my sarcastic, pessimistic personality combined with my resting bitch face that doesn’t make me super approachable. I can’t imagine why people don’t like me.

  My parents hug me goodbye and I’m left alone…well, not-so-alone with my two new besties. Gag me.

  The campus has a bunch of orientation activities to get meet everyone, aka, the perfect example of my own personal hell. Who wants to take part in lame ice-breakers with a bunch of strangers I’ll never end up bonding with, anyway? Yeah, that’s the spirit.

  To make my anti-social self appear even more unwelcoming, my phone is glued to my hand and my eyes are trained on the device. Even though Aiden said he was giving me space to settle in, I can’t help hoping he reaches out, anyway. I need his security now more than ever.

  The day passes like molasses and I trudge my way back to my room. I can’t yet say I’ve made friends here, but some people were nice enough. Both my roommates come back smiling and laughing with other people in our dorm and I’m alone.

  ∞ ∞ ∞

  It’s been a couple weeks now since I’ve moved into school and things with Aiden have slowed down and been strained, which is to be expected. We still text and Skype when we can, but it’s not the same.

  The new store is the same as my old one in terms of work, but there are the other, glaring differences too. There are no hot guys here and, the most important factor of all, there’s no Aiden. This store is busier, though, which is good for my paycheck.

  Dan has started hounding me again, which is frustrating as hell. If he gave me this level of attention when we were dating we might still be together.

  Although, if I’m being realistic, I can’t say that’s true. Aiden would’ve still gotten under my skin. He burrowed under there and latched onto my heart. He’s my personal supply of neurotransmitters—he’s dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin all rolled into one smart, sexy package.

  Every time my phone vibrates, I lurch for it in hope it’s him. This time, however, it’s Dan. I roll my eyes and let out a groan as I lay back on my bunk. With utter indifference, I open the message.

  I have some of your things still. Can we please meet for dinner one night?

  I want to hurl at the thought. No way in hell do I want to be trapped with him for an entire meal, but what if that’s the last opportunity to get my stuff back? He’s dangling my things like a freaking carrot and I’m the horse.

  Well, a girl’s gotta eat.

  I don’t respond to Dan and instead fire off a quick text to Aiden. I want to know what he thinks about it and I don’t want to disrespect him by going to dinner with another guy. My ex, for that matter. This can be a little test to see what he thinks about it. No harm, no foul.

  I think you should go.

  I gape at the message, trying to decipher if there’s a hidden meaning behind the words. It would be good closure, he adds. I can’t say I expected that response, but he’s being mature about the entire situa
tion. He knows I need to get my stuff back.

  I ask if he’s sure, and he insists he is. I try to find any other possible way to get out of going to dinner with my shit-bag of an ex, but I’m at a loss. So, I agree to meet him for dinner Wednesday which gives me two days to prepare myself and find the ugliest, most unflattering outfit I have.

  As I’m packing up for class and ready to head out the door, the Skype tone fills the space. Aiden must have assumed since I was messaging him that he could call me and now I’m tempted to skip class.

  I ignore the call and message him once more to tell him my schedule. I can always call him later, right?

  Wrong. He works tonight so my call goes unanswered. It’s another missed connection. The thought fills my stomach with bile.

  ∞ ∞ ∞

  Wednesday rolls around and I couldn’t be less excited for my dinner with Dan. He insists on picking me up at my dorm and driving us to the restaurant. It’s likely he wants to wait until after we eat to give me my stuff back because he knows if he gives me it now, I’ll bail.

  He texts when he’s pulling onto campus, so I head downstairs to meet him. I’m not even outside yet and I can hear his loud-ass car revving already because of the fucking exhaust or whatever. You’d think spending a year and a half with him I’d know more about cars, but I could not care less.

  He parks and tries to get out, but I hop in the car before pretends to be a gentleman by opening my door for me or, God forbid, he tries to hug me or something.

  The car ride is awkward, and that’s putting it lightly. I’m texting Aiden about how awful it is, which also makes me awful for texting another guy while at dinner with my ex. It’s a fucked up situation. I still wish Aiden were the one here and not Dan.

  The hostess leads us to our table, and it feels couple-y and like a date. The thought nauseates me. I made the right decision in breaking up with him because the feelings are nonexistent. He keeps attempting to make small talk and I’m tight-lipped offering him one-word replies at most.