Never Look Back (Coming Home Book 2)

by Stephens, Amy

  “I think I’m going to take that nap. Oh, and I might even use some of that foot cream.” She jokes as she drops the cream down into her purse before stepping down from the truck.

  She shuts the truck door and walks towards the front porch. I wait until she has opened the front door before I back out of the driveway and head over to my house.

  I walk inside and lock the door behind me. I really do feel safe being here in this little town but the last thing I need to happen is for Brian to figure out I’m here. Todd’s family doesn’t need any trouble and I’m pretty sure Brian wouldn’t hesitate to start some kind of drama just to get back at me.

  I lean back against the front door, take a deep breath, and look around at everything. Although this isn’t my furniture from the apartment, I couldn’t ask for anything better. I really love this cabin and can see myself staying here to raise my daughter. But at the same time, I don’t want to wear out my welcome either. Both of Todd’s parents have assured me I’m welcome to stay as long as I need to even after the baby arrives. They have sort of adopted me into their family and I’m thankful to know there are good people still out in the world.

  I place the books I bought today on the kitchen table and pour myself a glass of lemonade. I’m really not hungry but my throat is parched. I didn’t do anything strenuous today, but being out in the heat for those couple of hours really drained me. I take another swallow from my glass then sit down at the table for a few minutes. I pick up one of the new books and reread the back cover. I’m so glad I picked this one up because it sounds so good. I think about starting it but I know if I do, I’ll get so engrossed in the story and won’t be able to take my nap. I pull my phone out of my purse and also place the bottle of foot cream on the table. Todd’s grandfather was so serious about using this stuff and I can’t help but be humored by his comment about using it.

  I turn on the phone to set my alarm and see I have missed a couple of texts. My body tenses almost immediately and my stomach feels like it’s in knots. I tell myself to breath. I click on the messages and see I have one from my parents telling me they are right on schedule and should arrive before dark, one is from Rebecca just checking in with me, and the other two are from Brian. I want to throw the phone across the room and not read them because all they do is upset me, but I know that’s not the something I can do. It’s not worth damaging my phone for some stupid text messages from him. Rather than read his hateful messages, I decide to respond to one from my parents telling them I’m anxious for them to get here.

  I really want to call Rebecca to tell her all about today but I know if I get her talking on the phone, I’m never going to get her off in time to take my nap. So I end up sending her a text instead.

  Me: Hey girl. Miss you like crazy.

  I put my empty glass in the sink and scoop up the paperbacks. I head back to the bedroom with them to put them on my nightstand when I hear the phone chirp indicating I’ve got a reply. I hurry back to the kitchen and switch on the phone.

  My face drops when I see it’s from Brian and not Rebecca. I go ahead and decide to read them even though I know they aren’t going to be nice.

  Brian: You need to call me asap.

  Brian: I know you are ignoring me but you need to call me NOW!

  The first two messages are typical of all the other messages he has sent, but this last one really alarms me.

  Brian: Bitch I know u r home. Answer your fucking texts.

  I break out in a sweat and contemplate calling Todd. No, I tell myself, this is just another one of his ploys to upset me. I cannot let him get to me.

  I go into the living room and double check the locks on the door and the two windows. I can’t believe I’m falling into his trap.

  My attorney advised me, no matter what kind of message he sends or leaves on voicemail, I am not to reply. I do not need any contact with him whatsoever. Doing so, even if it’s not nice on my part, will only give him false hope. But if I just keep ignoring them, the conversations are only one-sided and he can’t misinterpret my words. That’s easier said than done though.

  Brian: Did you enjoy your day? Call me please.

  The messages just keep coming.

  Just when I’m at my breaking point and ready to scream, I slide the phone on and type “LEAVE ME ALONE!!”

  Almost instantly, I have a response but it’s not Brian who messages me back.

  Rebecca: What is going on? Please tell me that text was not meant for me and that you are okay.

  Me: OMG. I’m so sorry. I thought your text was from Brian. He’s at it again.

  Rebecca: I miss you and have been worried about you. How have you been?

  Me: I’ve been doing fine. Visited a flea market today and taking it easy. Mom and Dad coming in tonight. Doing dinner with Todd’s family.

  Rebecca: Tell them I said hello. I miss them.

  Me: Sorry about that text. Not meant for you.

  Rebecca: B stopped by my house the other day. Same crap as always. He thinks I’m going to tell him where you are, but he’s got another thing coming. He seemed a little angrier than usual. You would think he would settle down some now that he knows you aren’t coming back.

  Me: I’m so sorry he’s still bothering you. My dad has already talked with an attorney here and the divorce paperwork is being drawn up. The lease is up for renewal on the apartment and my dad feels it’s a good thing to serve the divorce papers while we still know where Brian is staying. Once he’s made to leave the apartment, it’s going to be harder to find him and get the papers to him.

  Rebecca: Great thinking. You deserve so much better than this, girl. I hate the BS he’s putting you through.

  Me: Well, who’s going to want me now? I’m getting fatter by the day (laughs). Besides, the last thing I need is to get involved with someone else. No one is going to want to date a pregnant girl, especially since she’s carrying someone else’s baby.

  Rebecca: Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s not like you were asking for this to happen. Good people make mistakes all the time.

  Me: I know.

  Rebecca: What about Todd? Has he shown any interest now that you’ve been there for a couple of weeks?

  Me: Are you crazy? We are just friends. He’s a great guy with a bright future ahead of him. The last thing he needs is to get involved with me. Right now, I’m just thankful for his friendship. He’s an amazing guy.

  Rebecca: Just remember, lots of relationships start off being just friends.

  Me: Yeah, but I’m not going to rush into anything so soon. I need time to heal.

  We end our chat and I realize the messages from Brian have stopped. Rebecca’s texts came at the right time. I miss my best friend and hate I can’t share this special time in my life with her. I need to see if she’s willing to take a trip here one weekend soon for some much needed girl time. But I can’t help but worry about Brian somehow finding out and following her here. I don’t put anything past him. Thank goodness I accidently sent that text to her instead of Brian. I’ve got to be strong and not reply to him.

  I take my shoes off before heading to the bathroom and I stop to look at my reflection in the mirror. My hands surround the tiny bump of my little girl and I hold back the tears of happiness that suddenly fill my eyes. I lift my shirt and turn to the side. My parents are going to be so surprised to see how much their little girl has turned more into a young woman.

  I return to the bedroom and climb in the bed pulling the extra pillow close to me. I’m no longer able to sleep on my stomach anymore, but I have found that laying on my side with the pillow tucked under my arm and my leg draped over the bottom is comfortable. I roll from one side to the other, unable to get my mind off of Brian. I’m sure the latest texts from him are to blame for my discomfort, but I’m so tired. My body is begging for a nap.

  Finally, after what seems like forever, I finally drift off to sleep. It only takes a moment for my body to relax and I find myself having a very vivid dream.<
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  Brian and I are back in my apartment and it’s the same night he threw the glass bottle across the room. I’m begging and pleading with him to please put the bottle down. It doesn’t matter how much I try to convince him, he’s still gleaming at me with pure hated in his eyes. I see the bottle in his hands and he’s swinging it back and forth in the air, screaming at me about something Rebecca said.

  “No! No! Please don’t.” I’m screaming out loud and tears are streaming down my cheeks. “No, Brian. I have not talked to Rebecca. I don’t know what you are talking about. No! NOOO!”

  I realize I’m not alone in the bedroom and I jerk my body away from whoever is touching my shoulder. For a moment, I’m not sure where I am but as I gain focus, I see Todd is sitting on the edge of my bed. I manage to sit up and lean back against the headboard. He takes both of my hands in his then reaches up to brush a strand of hair from my face.

  “Shhh, baby, it’s alright. He’s not going to hurt you.” He tells me. “You are safe.”

  “What? What do you mean?” I’m trembling as I manage to get the words out, still not sure of what has just happened.

  Todd pulls me in towards his chest and wraps his arms around me. I’m not sure what to think of this gesture, but rather than question it, I rest my head on his shoulder and enjoy his comforting. He rubs my back with his big, strong hands and before long, I feel my body start to relax.

  “How did you get in?” I ask him then realize as soon as I’ve said it that it was a crazy question to ask. Of course he’s going to have a key to the house since his family owns it.

  “I knocked on the door, and when you didn’t answer, I tried your phone. I started getting concerned about you and decided to use the spare key to let myself in. Good thing I did because you were crying and screaming fitfully.”

  “I’m so embarrassed for you to see me like this.”

  “Please, don’t feel bad. I’m just glad I got here when I did.” His voice sounds so concerned. “I hate seeing you get so upset. Did something happen?”

  “Thank you, Todd. The dream was so real.”

  Todd stands up from his spot on the side of the bed. “Let me get you something to drink. Is water okay?”

  “That would be great.” I say as I nod my head.

  I follow him into the kitchen and lean against the counter while sipping on my glass of water.

  “Please forgive me if I startled you.” He apologizes again.

  I drop my head down not sure what to say.

  “How often does this happen? I mean the dreams.” He asks.

  I walk to the window and stare out. After a few moments, I turn back to face him. “The first week or so after I got here I had a hard time going to sleep at night. I was lucky to get in a few hours each night. I was just so afraid I was going to wake up and see Brian standing at the foot of the bed. It got easier, but just this week the dreams have started. It frightened me so bad the first night that I was too scared to go to sleep the next night.”

  “Have you thought about talking to someone about this?” Todd suggests.

  “I actually have a doctor’s appointment this coming up week. It will be my first appointment with the doctor here and I’ll probably mention it to her if it continues.” I tell him. When I made the appointment, I briefly told them about having to immediately leave my hometown due to personal reasons. I didn’t want to go into too many details on the phone, after all, the doctor is really the only one who needs to know what’s going on, but they informed me I would need to have my files transferred from my previous doctor. I stressed to them how important it was that no one in my previous doctor’s office know that I was here. I kept emphasizing this and the nurse assured me that all of my personal information was protected under the laws of patient confidentiality.

  “I’m so sorry you are having to go through this. I honestly don’t feel you have anything to worry about here but I know how worried you are that he’s going to find you here.”

  “You have no idea.” I convey. “My dad says the divorce papers should be ready soon and it scares the hell out of me knowing he’s about to be served. Don’t get me wrong, I’m ready to get this over with and move on, I just fear what Brian’s reaction is going to be when he gets them.”

  “I wish I could tell you everything’s going to be fine, but you’re headed in the right direction. Just stay strong and keep your head up.” Todd reassures me. “I’ll do whatever I can to make you feel safe.”

  “I hope you’re right. And thanks.”

  “And look, if the dreams continue, I can always stop by when I get home from school each night. Sometimes it’s pretty late, but if it means you can rest, I’ll do it. I can sleep on the couch and be gone before you get up in the morning.”

  Most nights I see the headlights from Todd’s truck when he pulls in the driveway. He’s right, it’s usually pretty late, but I don’t want him losing sleep just because he feels he needs to look after me.

  “I couldn’t ask you to do that for me. You already struggle as it is getting enough rest yourself.”

  “Promise me you will at least think about it, okay?”

  I nod my head. “Alright, I will.”

  I catch a glimpse of a vehicle turning into the drive and my face lights up when I realize my parents have arrived. Todd turns to see what’s caught my attention.

  “Looks like someone’s got company.” He tells me.

  “Look at me, I’m a mess.” I say as I notice my wrinkled clothes. I’m sure my hair is in disarray as well.

  “Why don’t you go freshen up and I’ll go down to meet them. I’ll let them know you’ll be down in a few minutes.”

  “Todd, thank you. Thank you for everything.”

  I have to say I really like this friendship that has developed with Todd. I could not ask for a better person to be acquainted with right now. It’s not Rebecca, but Todd is doing a dang good job of taking her place.

  Here it is another night of being in the dark. I still can’t freaking believe the electricity has been shut off to the apartment; I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later since no one was paying the bill. It’s at this moment I realize Jennifer’s not coming back.

  I walk back inside the apartment and pull the screen door shut on the sliding glass doors. I can only stay outside on the porch for so long before the mosquitos start to get bad. There’s no air circulating at all inside the apartment and it’s stifling. How did people survive years ago without air conditioning? It would be a little bearable if I had a fan but what good is a fan right now with no electricity.

  Earlier today, I threw out everything that had been in the refrigerator and freezer. It was bound to start smelling bad if I didn’t and I don’t think I could stand to smell the odor. There’s not much left of the candle to burn anymore either, but that’s not exactly something I have to have. There’s really nothing else to do around here at night except sit here in the dark. I use the lighter to see when I make my way to the bathroom but other than that, the view of the walls with or without the candle burning is the same—black. I occasionally hear muffled voices coming from other tenants outside and hear them shutting their doors to their apartments. I wish there were a streetlight on the back side of the apartment since it would probably offer a little bit of light inside, but the only outside light is on the front of the building.

  One thing I do have to start thinking about is food. I’m barely scraping by with what’s left in the cabinets and sooner or later I’ve got to come up with a way to get some money to shop. I’ve resorted to drinking only water now and I almost gag when I swallow it. The water from the faucet is room temperature but I remind myself it’s better than nothing at all. I would give anything right now for an ice cold soft drink or, better yet, a beer. My mouth waters just thinking about it.

  It hasn’t been so bad taking cold showers, but it’s not something I’d like to do every day. I’ve resorted to wearing the same clothes for a couple of days in a row since th
ere’s been no way to run the washing machine. I’ve even gone so far as to rinsing out some of my boxers in the kitchen sink and letting them dry on the porch.

  I’m literally going crazy and I’m bored out of my mind. I wonder if this is what a person feels like who’s in a care facility, left abandoned by their family with no visitors. Every day is the same, no visitors, no nothing. It’s the same blank walls and no human interaction.

  I found a deck of cards in one of the kitchen drawers but the only game I can play by myself is solitaire. I also came across a stack of crossword puzzle books and the other kind where you search for the words then circle them. I guess Jennifer would take them with her to work at night should she get bored. Well, I couldn’t figure out the majority of the answers to the crossword puzzles so I stuck with the word search instead. I’ve already done over half of the puzzles in one of the books. Besides, I have nothing but time to kill. I start to wonder how much longer I have here before someone discovers I’m living here with no power.

  I sort of borrowed a can of gas from the maintenance guy the other day. If I had been able to find him I would have told him some ridiculous story about running out of gas and being late for work, but since he was nowhere to be found, I said the hell with it. There were six other containers on the back of his truck so he probably just assumed one got stolen, or it’s quite possible he hasn’t even discovered it’s missing. To keep from being seen with it, I tossed the gas can in the backseat and drove down the road a little ways before stopping in a parking lot and pouring the gas into my gas tank. I threw the empty jug in a nearby trash container, but now I’m sort of wishing I had kept it in case I need an empty container for later. Oh well, if it comes down to it, I’ll “borrow” another one.