by Marian Tee
Constantijin again pretended not to notice her most recent slip even though he had the damnedest hard time trying not to grin. He was beginning to understand why Staffan appeared so enamored with this girl. “Are you working here then?”
“I’m one of Staffan’s groupies.” To improve her disguise, Saffi dug inside her pocket for a gum and quickly popped into her mouth. Pride filled her when she was able to blow it out carefully.
Another thing she had to know that groupies did not blow bubbles like it was a matter of life and death, Constantijin thought, having an even harder time keeping his lips from twitching. And that gum-popping groupies were a cliché.
He cleared his throat. “Forgive me for asking, but are you crying because of something Staffan did?”
“No, of course not!”
The quickness and sincerity of the reply impressed him. He said quietly, “You seem like a nice girl so I’ll tell you a secret.”
She nodded, wide-eyed.
“Everyone knows that Staffan had it pretty rough when he broke up with Chloe. It changed him, made him unwilling to trust any woman again.” He paused. “He’d do everything not to be in a position of being in danger of being hurt again---even if it meant hurting people he doesn’t want to hurt. Even if it means hurting himself in the process as well.”
Saffi’s heart started to beat fast as she took in what Constantijin had said. “Why are you telling me this?”
He smiled.
Oh wow. The smile was so blindingly beautiful it left her blinking. Now she saw why millions of women went gaga over him.
“I just like tormenting him and you look like you can be a thorn in his side.”
~~~
“There you are,” Bob said a few minutes after Constantijin Kastein had left. She stood in the middle of the bonsai garden, which was part of the on-site attractions of the concert venue, contemplating Constantijin’s words.
“I was looking for you for a long time, you know.” Bob sounded extremely rueful as he stopped a few feet from her. That was also the second time someone had told her that. “We were worried about you.”
She didn’t know what to make of that. “You make it sound like everyone’s looking for me.”
“They are.”
She gaped at him. “B-but why?”
Bob looked pained. “What did you expect, H? That the boss wouldn’t care when you left the place in tears?”
Saffi admitted in a small voice, “I didn’t think he’d notice.”
“He did.”
She drew a shaky breath in. “Why didn’t he come after me?”
Bob avoided her gaze. “The advertisers he’s supposed to meet came right after Ms. Yanna so he had to take care of them first.”
It was an alibi of course - a very lame one - and both of them knew it. Staffan Aehrenthal was a law unto himself, and he definitely was the type to have advertisers waiting if there was something else he prioritized over meeting with them.
But he didn’t, which was why Bob was here and Staffan wasn’t.
She did her best to push the thought away and used Constantijin’s words as a source of comfort. This was Staffan pushing her away. It was supposed to be a good thing.
“I understand.” Saffi forced a smile, more for Bob’s sake, who was trapped between a rock and a hard place. And that would be what? Staffan’s inability to love and her very obvious infatuation?
Bob said awkwardly, “He’s left explicit instructions that you join him the moment anyone found you.” He looked at her steadily. “Do you want to? I won’t force you to go if you don’t feel like it.”
Saffi squared her shoulders. “I’ll go.”
She thought about Constantijin’s words again as she followed Bob out of the bonsai garden. He wanted to push her away, and ironically Saffi knew that his desire to do so also proved that he saw her more than just an ordinary G. Perhaps – more than any other girl in his life, enough to fall in love with her?
Chains of doubt wrapped around her heart, tightening painfully. This weekend was supposed to be fun. It was supposed to be her one last fling before embracing fully whatever life and duty brought her. But it hadn’t become just a fun weekend. It had become a lot more than that. Staffan was no longer just the gorgeous rockstar with the divine taste in clothes that she had looked up to for so many years, the one whose lyrics reached out to her and healed her all the times she felt alone and misunderstood.
Now, Staffan was…
More.
She needed to take a chance on Staffan, needed to show him that things between them could be way better than how things were between him and Chloe. But first she needed a sign. If he showed that he cared for her, even if it was just a little bit more than what he typically felt for Gs, Saffi decided she would take it as a sign. If Staffan treated her like she was different from the rest then she would fight for him.
~~~
Relief hit Staffan like a tidal wave when the door opened and Bob came in, followed by a quiet-looking Saffi. There was no other or better word, and it troubled him, making him clench his fists at his sides in an effort to keep him from walking to her and taking Saffi to his arms. He had to be strong about this. He was doing what was right for both of them.
Staffan expected Saffi to sit at the back, with the rest of his management team, while he continued the negotiations with Yanna and Constantijin next to him while the advertising representatives sat opposite him, one who was gay and the other a female shark. But what she did instead was take a seat next to him, gracefully pulling the chair back and sliding onto it like a princess. For some reason, it made Staffan fucking proud of her, and it was all he could do not to take her lips with a kiss. But he didn’t. It would create a different impression than what he had in mind for Saffi, an impression that she had already challenged by sitting next to him.
The advertising representatives had stopped talking when Saffi positioned herself next to him. Consternation flashed on their faces when Staffan didn’t make any explanation and instead curled a casually possessive arm around her waist. Saffi knew it wasn’t exactly a show of support, but she’d take it.
“Garth Greene,” the guy opposite them said immediately with an easy smile, offering his hand.
Saffi took it with a grateful smile. “I’m…H.”
Staffan tried not to roll his eyes.
When Saffi glanced at the woman seated next to Garth, she got a dismissive head-to-toe look. “Sadie,” the other woman said reluctantly, as if the seconds she spent talking to Saffi was a huge waste of her time. She turned to Staffan immediately, and her face changed with it, a flirtatious smile on her lips as she said, “If I may continue?”
Saffi blurted out, “Could you repeat what you’ve discussed so far?” The way all eyes swung to her incredulously made Saffi want to shrink back, but she didn’t back down. To give herself a boost of confidence – however fake –she popped another piece of gum into her mouth even though she was already chewing on one.
Sadie gaped. “Excuse me?”
“I’m his number one fan,” Saffi said lamely as she wrung her hands on her lap until her knuckles went white. “I may have a lot to contribute to this project.”
“Oh, really?” Derision underlined Sadie’s words. “I think you flatter yourself by thinking in those terms.” And the way she looked at Saffi made no secret of what she believed Saffi was, especially as her gaze lingered on the expansive amount of skin that her dress exposed.
Saffi did her best not to flush at the pointed barb, but she was even more determined not to back down. Staffan was going to date another woman. Worse, Staffan had a reputation of dating anyone he “hand selected”. Saffi had to have a say about it, selfish or not, right or not.
As she opened her mouth to argue some more, she heard Staffan say, “Start again, Garth.”
Sadie’s indignant gasp pierced the silence that followed but other than that no one else reacted. Even Sadie didn’t say anything else after that, her lips tight
ening as she nodded to her partner, clearly too furious to speak.
Garth immediately stepped in, professional smile in place. In a voice that didn’t betray any of his thoughts or feelings, he concisely explained what his company wanted from Staffan.
“After you make your choice, we’d like you to enjoy just a short break – maybe coffee or dessert – with all five of them.”
Saffi swallowed back a protest. Staffan, surrounded with five supposedly beautiful women and all of them happened to adore him? The thought of it was enough for her stomach to heave in jealousy.
Staffan nodded, encouraging Garth to continue. Beside him, Saffi was now seated very correctly, her tension palpable. If it was the other way around, he knew he would not have been able to take it. In fact, the mere prospect of Saffi being with another man was despicable, and Staffan knew he’d kill any man who dared touch Saffi in any way.
But he had to do this. It was better for both of them this way.
“After the meet and greet, you will then walk the winner around the venue, just give her a really simple tour to explain the behind-the-scene process for concert productions.”
Her back straightened, her mind tortured by images of something nasty happening behind the scenes.
Garth cleared his throat. “We would like a photo of you and the winner extremely close in this one.”
Staffan started to speak, but Saffi was already shaking her head. “That’s not good.”
“And then perhaps backstage, literally behind the curtains, a kiss on the cheek---”
“But what if the winner gets carried away and rapes Staffan?” Saffi cried out, distress finally winning over common sense.
Staffan choked. Behind him, he heard Constantijin and Yanna not doing that good a job at smothering their laughter.
“I’ll, err, make sure he won’t be harmed,” Garth said, visibly bemused at the turn the conversation had taken. He glanced at Staffan almost pleadingly. “Shall I continue?”
Staffan nodded.
Clearing his throat once more, Garth went on, “And after one of your numbers, maybe another photo to show that the winner’s caring for you some way, like wiping the sweat off your face or giving you a bottle of water to drink---”
Saffi didn’t even hesitate. “Sorry, that’s my job. I’m the official water girl and, umm, sweat-wiper of Staffan Aehrenthal. It says so in my resume.” Behind her, Saffi could hear Constantijin and his lovely girlfriend coughing again, which she supposed was their best attempt at hiding their laughter.
Staffan’s head lowered slightly. He couldn’t help it. He needed to hide the fact that his eyes were gleaming with laughter. Ah, Saffi. What am I going to do with you? This was supposed to be a serious attempt to introduce Saffi to the role he wanted her to play in his life, one that was completely dictated by his terms. But somehow she had ended turning it into a farce that literally tempted him to laugh out loud the whole time.
Not looking at Saffi’s way, Garth said quickly, as if simply wanting to get his presentation over with, “And lastly, we’d like you to pick her from the audience and dance with her---”
“NO!” Saffi found herself on her feet as her heart jumped to her throat. Did this man know what he was suggesting – and in her presence no less? “Over my dead body!”
Sadie jumped to her feet as well, surprising everyone. “Why the hell do you keep butting in when this isn’t about you? You’re just his whore!”
Staffan jerked, the silence only broken by Yanna’s gasp of dismay.
Everything in him wanted to lash out at the other woman for daring to call Saffi that, but he forced himself to remain unmoving, his face unreadable as he waited for what would Saffi say. He needed to see how this would play out, needed to know how Saffi saw herself in his life.
Yanna couldn’t believe that Staffan was letting it go just like that. She turned to Constantijin in confusion, hurting for Saffi, but he shook his head at her, his handsome face grim.
Saffi waited for another moment, willing Staffan to do anything – say anything just to let her know that he didn’t think like that, too. But he didn’t say a word and he didn’t even glance her way.
This was Staffan pushing her away, she reminded herself. It was a good thing. A GOOD THING. She repeated the words over and over in her mind until she got herself backing in control. Forcing herself to meet the other woman’s gaze, Saffi said softly, “I can’t be his whore when everything I give to him, I give freely.”
Sadie’s face became mottled with rage at the younger girl’s dignified snub. “Fine,” she gritted out, wanting to lash back in any way she could, “You’re not his whore then. You’re just his slut.”The tense heartbreaking silence that followed created inaudible echoes of Sadie’s last word as it replayed in everyone’s mind.
The look of triumph on Sadie’s face was a revolting sight, but Yanna forgot about it when she saw how broken Saffi looked. And she looked so unbearably young. Yanna knew the other girl was a post-graduate student, but right now, she didn’t look like a day over eighteen, and it cut her deep to see such a nice girl hurt so cruelly.
For Saffi, Sadie’s insult was so much worse. The words were not only something she could hear but something she could feel, all the way to her bones, crushing every hope she had for her and Staffan the longer the silence continued without Staffan speaking.
When it became too much, she unconsciously fumbled for another piece of gum from her pocket. There was one last piece and she popped it into her mouth like it was the only thing that could save her from dying. This gum was her lifesaver, the one that turned “H” as a shield and kept Saffi from getting hurt.
He was pushing her away.
This time, Constantijin’s warning wasn’t enough to heal the hurt.
She tried again. He had his reputation to take care of. He was worried about what the fans would say. Saffi could easily come up with a hundred reasons why Staffan was right in staying out of the word war between her and Sadie, and she welcomed them all. She would believe in anything except the fact that Staffan didn’t care for her at all.
Saffi snapped her gum, taking pleasure in the way it made Sadie grit her teeth. If chewing gum for eternity would cause the other woman to lose all her teeth, Saffi would have done it.
Chew. Snap. Pop.
Sadie looked like she had just heard the sound of shattering glass – in speakers.
“Cheap, shallow, no-good slut,” Sadie sneered.
“I guess I am a slut.” As Sadie started to laugh, Saffi added quietly, “And you can’t make me feel ashamed about it because there’s nothing more beautiful for me in this world than being in Staffan’s arms and giving him pleasure.”
When the younger girl looked at her, head inclined to the side, gazing at Sadie as if she was a strange and disgusting insect, her calm tone saying without words how she wouldn’t stoop to Sadie’s level even though her barb was below the belt---Sadie knew she had lost.
This was no ordinary groupie in front of her – if she even was one from the start.
This girl, young as she was, was every inch a fucking lady, too beautiful and too kind for someone like Sadie to ever bring down. Sadie had a feeling that not even the world’s most evil bitch could take this girl down. The only thing – the only person – who could make this girl beg was the same person that had put those fucking stars in her eyes.
Saffi heard Staffan move, pushing his chair away as he got to his feet.
All her bravado suddenly left her.
Oh dear Lord, what had she said? That was not at all the way groupies spoke. She had been too emotional, and Staffan didn’t do emotion – not after what Chloe had done to him. Was Staffan going to tell her it was over then? Unable to bear the thought of Staffan breaking things off with her in front of everyone, Saffi mumbled an incoherent excuse before running away.
Staffan couldn’t breathe as he watched Saffi run away, fear of the way she was breaking the barriers around her heart freezing his limbs.
In fact, he hadn’t really been breathing ever since he heard Saffi say the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to him in his life.
A thousand things went through his mind in that second, and all of those thoughts were brought out by fear. He was fucking paralyzed by it.
Not again.
Goddammit – he didn’t want to open himself to hurt again. But that was exactly what Saffi was forcing him to do with every little thing she said or did.
“Staffan.” Constantijin’s voice was hard. “If you’re not going after her now, it will be over between you.”
He turned to his friend clumsily. “I know that.” Yanna, he saw, was crying. His heart clenched. If Yanna felt bad enough to cry, how much worse was it for his Saffi?
His heart clenched harder at how his unconscious had been calling her his all along.
His Saffi.
But she wouldn’t be like that for long if he didn’t go after her now.
Staffan broke into a run.
Ah Saffi March. You really are good for my heart.
And this time Staffan acknowledged that it wasn’t just because she gave him a fucking cardio workout practically every day.
Chapter Ten
To: [email protected]
Subject: Membership updates
5 new members, 1 unsubscribed
Saffi March stated (none) as reason for leaving
It took a while for Saffi to find her way out of the venue, with her tears blinding her and her mind numb with pain and heartbreak.
She needed some time on her own, just so she could get her wits back and figure things out. That Staffan hadn’t said anything – anything at all –had hurt, but if she was honest – it wasn’t entirely unexpected. Constantijin Kastein had warned her, after all.
But God – how far did Staffan intend to push her away before he’d finally realize she wasn’t going anywhere without him? She wiped the tears away from her eyes, wishing for a moment she really was a G – one who didn’t give a shit about what other people thought, didn’t get into stupid fights with advertisers, and – most importantly of all – one who cared more for Staffan’s dick than his heart.
