by Marian Tee
Saffi finally found her way to the parking lot at the back. The street across it would be her easiest way to get a cab. She’d go back to the hotel and stay there until it was time to watch the concert. She shouldn’t be here while Staffan had his stupid date with another fangirl.
The thought made her stumble, and tears flooded her eyes once more. Gs don’t cry, she reminded herself sternly. She had to get a better hold of herself if she wanted what little of the weekend was left to be perfect.
I’m going back to the hotel, have a nice beauty sleep, and when I wake up everything will be good again, Saffi told herself with a firm nod. Or at least that was the plan until she heard Alan Carson’s pain-threaded voice from the edge of the parking lot, followed by the unmistakable sound of punches being thrown.
Saffi detoured, following the sound. She swallowed back a gasp at the sight of Alan being thrown to the ground as his heavyset father, Andrew, loomed over him. His jowls shook as he raged, “Are you a fucking faggot or what? Answer me!”
Andrew kicked his son with such force that Saffi was sure he must have broken Alan’s ribs.
“I’m not,” Alan groaned out, white-faced with pain.
“If I fucking find out who’s made you into a goddamn fag, I’ll kill him. I’ll have him cut into pieces and burn them one by one in front of you.”
Looking at Alan, Saffi knew the fear in his eyes wasn’t for himself. It was for Donovan.
Unable to bear standing aside and just do nothing, Saffi ran to them, in time to receive the full brunt of Andrew’s kick as she threw herself over Alan. She whimpered at the pain, never being physically hurt this much. She had a feeling that kick had broken at least one rib, and for a moment the world swam around her.
“What the fuck?” Andrew gripped her shoulder hard, enough to make her gasp at the added pain. He forced her to turn around, stumbling back with an astonished scowl. “Sapphire March?”
She could fear Alan stiffening behind her and she blindly fumbled for his hand, squeezing it for reassurance. The action attracted Andrew’s attention. His narrowed-eyed look gave Saffi an idea and when he looked back at her, she knew what to do.
“Please don’t hurt him anymore, Mr. Carson,” she whispered. She was not an exceptionally good actress, but she also knew how people saw her – especially people who had been around her all her life. Andrew was one of those people, and he had been like everyone outside her family, thinking she was too smart for her own good, too weird, and too naïve – someone who just didn’t have it in her to lie.
“What’s it to you?” Andrew barked, but Saffi saw his gaze had already turned calculating.
Good.
“I’m the one he’s keeping a secret, Mr. Carson. He thinks you won’t approve of me.” Behind her, she felt Alan stiffening again, but she squeezed his hand harder, willing him to trust her. When Saffi looked back at Alan’s father, the look on his face told her he was busily weighing the pros and cons of what she had said.
Which could be worse---a fag for a son or a weirdo for a potential daughter-in-law?
When a hard glitter entered his eyes, Saffi knew Andrew had made his choice.
She might be the weirdest girl in their hometown, but she was also a senator’s daughter, one who could help him win his own bid in Congress.
“This could have all been avoided if you told me the truth, son,” Andrew said.
Saffi squeezed Alan’s hand again, silently begging him to play along.
Alan coughed out blood as he pushed himself up from the ground. Saffi immediately crawled to crouch behind him so she could assist him. “I…didn’t think you’d approve.”
“Of course I’d approve.” Andrew smiled at Saffi. “She’s a good girl, whatever garbage people have been saying about her all these years.” He frowned. “What are you doing here anyway?”
“It’s my first time to tour with him.” The lie slipped out of her easily enough.
Andrew’s face cleared. “Do your parents know about the two of you?”
She shook her head. “I didn’t want to tell them…I thought nothing would come out of it.”
Alan was finally up on a sitting position, but he still had to lean against her, his arm wrapped around his sides as if his ribs needed support. The silence that hung in the air became tense all of a sudden, and Saffi knew Andrew was waiting for another sign that they were indeed together.
She turned to Alan. “I’m glad you’re okay,” Saffi whispered.
His eyes widened.
She lowered her lips to his.
And it was how Staffan found them, breaking into a dead stop a short distance away when he caught sight of Saffi’s familiar figure.
Words from long ago played in his mind.
I’ve played you for a fool so many times I’ve lost count, darling. And you know what? You’ll let me do the same thing again. You’ll let other women do it again. Because you’re weak – weaker than any man I know.
And he fucking was – but never again.
This was the last goddamn straw, and it felt even worse than Chloe’s ultimate betrayal.
Ah, Saffi March.
Goddamn you to hell.
~~~
Alan remained quiet even though his father had long left, his arm still around her shoulders while she supported carefully with her arm around his waist. Saffi’s side was blazing with pain, but she knew that Alan was hurting even more. She did her best to help him up to his feet, biting her lip to keep from crying out when Alan leaned against her rather heavily as he strove for balance.
Without waiting for his permission she immediately called Bob to tell him that Alan wouldn’t be able to dance for tonight’s concert – and maybe for the rest of the week. When she finished the call, he said abruptly, “Let’s go back.”
When he turned around, obviously intending to head back to the concert venue, a part of her wanted to leave him. If they went back, it would mean seeing Staffan again. But in the end, she went along, knowing that Alan needed her right now. She could always cry heartbroken tears later.
“Are you okay?” she asked after a short while.
“You didn’t have to do that.”
The humiliation in his voice made Saffi’s eyes burn and she shook her head at him. “Of course I had to. I couldn’t just let him beat you up!” She bit her lip. “I could see that you had no intentions of fighting him.”
“I feel ashamed.” Alan made the admission in a low whisper. “All my life I had a feeling he knew about who I am and he was just waiting for me to give him proof…so he could kill me.”
The way Alan tonelessly uttered the words made her hug him. “Alan, you don’t need to let him hurt you like that. It’s not right.”
He let out a bitter laugh. “Sapphire, not everything that’s right in this world is going to happen. If it did, then Staffan would have loved you back---” He broke off at the way Saffi paled. Alan cursed. “Shit, I’m sorry. Don’t listen to me.”
She managed a smile. “It is true.”
“No, fuck, it’s not. I’m sorry. I’m just bitter that I’m letting fear run---ruin---my life.” Alan raked a hand through his hair. “I envy you, Sapphire.”
Her eyes widened. “What?”
He nodded. “What you did – what you’re doing now, just to be with Staffan – I’ll never be able to do it.”
Her head hung low. “I’m pretending to be a groupie, Alan. That’s nothing to be proud about.”
Alan snorted. “It’s more than that. You’re taking a risk for the man you love – the most awful and stupidest risk, I grant you that---”
His words got a smile out of her.
“---but I have to say it, babe, you’ve got balls. More so than most men I know.”
She giggled, and the sound startled her because a while ago she had felt her world had already ended. Tears pricked her eyes, but she blinked them away. Alan was right. She had taken a risk. And she would keep taking those risks as long as there was a hope of get
ting Staffan to love her back.
She squeezed his hand. “Alan, thanks for those words. I was…depressed a while ago but you made me see the brighter side of things.”
“That’s what gay friends are for.”
They both laughed.
Alan sobered. “But Sapph? I did hear before that you were getting engaged…”
Saffi paled. “It’s not official, but I did say ‘yes’. If everyone thinks it’s a good idea…” She looked down. “I just want a chance to make back for what happened---”
“It wasn’t your fault!”
“It would have been better if I really was as crazy as everyone I thought I was back then. At least if I was crazy I wouldn’t have known how awful it was for my family when they saw that video--–then everyone was talking about me afterwards, and the controversies, the scandals that followed---I’m the reason my dad lost that time.”
“It was a cruel prank, but it wasn’t the truth,” Alan protested vehemently. “We were directly or indirectly cruel to you, and we are the ones to blame. We caused your dad to lose---”
“It hurt them a lot, Alan, and I just want to do something to make that hurt go. Getting engaged to Jeremy Raybourne would make that happen, and I was all for that until…this.”
“If Staffan is in love with you---”
She said very simply, “I’m his.”
But it wasn’t going to be that easy.
When they reached the concert venue, screams greeted them. The number of fans lined up for the concert had grown exponentially since Saffi had left, with the entire lobby already packed. And right in the middle of it was a makeshift stage, with a beautiful, sexy and devilishly smiling Staffan surrounded by five sexy and exquisitely pretty girls.
She felt herself turning white as Staffan locked gazes with hers – just before he kissed each girl one at a time. But when he reached the last one, he didn’t bend down. He took her hand instead.
No!
Saffi could see herself in that girl. Physically, they didn’t have a thing in common. The other girl was tall, blond, and blue eyed, with an engaging and confident smile. But her eyes were shining the way Saffi knew hers did.
Staffan pulled the girl close for a scorching-hot open-mouthed kiss.
No.
No, please, no.
But it wasn’t a dream. Or – it was a fangirl’s dream. It used to be her dream until she had fallen in love with Staffan.
Saffi broke into a run when she saw Staffan leading the girl off the stage, leaving his fans screaming deliriously in his wake. She didn’t care who she was shoving out of her way. All she knew was that she had to get to him before he did something they would both regret.
“Staffan!” she screamed just as he walked towards the hall leading to his dressing room. She would die before she’d let them go in there together. She knew what could happen inside Staffan’s dressing room and she just couldn’t---
“Staffan, please!”
Staffan stiffened at the broken sound of Saffi’s voice, but he forced himself to ignore it, telling himself it was all part of her act.
“Staffan!” She sobbed his name out this time, willing herself to run faster but the few feet that separated them seemed like a huge gaping cliff that she could never cross – not without his help. Saffi knew Staffan had heard her but he still didn’t look her way. Instead, he nodded at his security personnel while talking to Bob, who immediately shook his head.
Staffan spoke again, and this time Bob became stoic looking.
“Staffan!” She was just a step away this time, and she reached out, her hand shaking, only to find the entire security force blocking her away, a grim-faced Bob appearing behind them.
Saffi couldn’t believe what was happening.
“Bob?” she asked shakily.
“I’m sorry, H. The boss says you’re not to approach him while he’s…” He swallowed.
“Bob, you must have misunderstood,” she whispered. “Please, Bob, I just need to talk to him.”
He shook his head.
“Bob, please.”
“Don’t make me say it, H. Just let things lie low.”
Dread skittered across her spine, but she still forced herself to meet Bob’s gaze. “Make you say what?”
Bob was the first one to look away. “The boss says you can approach him if you’re willing to…” He suddenly cursed. “Don’t make me say it, H.”
“Bob, please, I need to see him, I’ll do anything---”
“He says you can get in but only if you’re willing to do it with him…and the other girl.”
Her mind reeled, the vicious reality behind those words making her heart ache even worse than her broken ribs. This was a test. This was Staffan pushing her away. This was another risk she had to take.
She closed her eyes, praying for strength, surrounding herself with the warmth of the memories she shared with Staffan. When she opened her eyes, she was able to smile at Bob. “Take me there then.”
Bob cursed once more. “Are you serious? I’m not kidding---”
“Neither am I,” she said firmly. When she’d get to his dressing room, Staffan would be waiting for her. He wouldn’t be doing anything to the girl. He would listen to her, and everything would be all right again.
Realizing that she was not going to budge on this, Bob reluctantly ordered his security team to let her through. “This is not going to go well, H,” he muttered as they entered the backstage area. He stopped walking when he noticed how much difficulty she had moving. “Are you okay?”
She nodded, not knowing that her face had gone white with the pain she was forced to endure with every step she took. She supposed she needed to see a doctor right away, but this – what she could have with Staffan – was more important than a few broken ribs.
“I just had a little accident. You know how clumsy I am,” she lied.
Bob reluctantly resumed walking. “You will regret this, H. It’s not too late to turn back---”
“It will be fine, Bob.” She added simply, “I love him.”
Bob wanted to kill himself after that. “H, listen to me. This is not what you want to see. He’s in a black mood for some reason and---”
They stopped in front of Staffan’s dressing room door. “Bob,” she said very softly, “Be honest with me. When you see Staffan and me together, did you ever think I was special to him?”
The optimism shining in Saffi’s gaze was almost ethereal, and he mentally cursed his employer for doing something that was sure to take those stars out of Saffi’s eyes. This girl was special---in every way, a breath of fresh air that no evil could pollute.
Unable to deny the truth, not when Saffi was looking at him so expectantly, Bob admitted grudgingly, “Yes, you do seem special to him.” He frowned then, adding warningly, “But tonight’s different. He’s gone crazy.”
“He doesn’t want to get hurt again after what happened. I know that. We all know that, and I’m willing to wait until he’s ready to trust again.” She smiled at him. “Wish me luck?”
“I’ll even give you my lifetime’s worth if it will help, H,” he said as he slowly opened the door.
Taking a deep breath, she stepped past Bob.
“Staffan---” Her voice broke down.
No, please, no, this couldn’t be real. It couldn’t.
But it was.
Staffan was only wearing his pants, his chest laid bare, shirt thrown on the floor---together with the rest of the other girl’s clothes. She was moaning softly in Staffan’s arms, obviously in the throes of pleasure as Staffan fucked her with his fingers.
His head twisted over his shoulder, his smile blindingly beautiful but now it didn’t leave her warm. It made her cold instead, and she limped back from the sight of it, clutching her side as her entire body ached in pain at what he was doing.
“Care to join us, H?”
She shook her head wildly. “Stop it, Staffan---” To her surprise, he did stop, but when he turned around, St
affan slowly brought his wet fingers to his mouth and sucked them dry.
Saffi moved another step back, her side hitting the door as she stumbled and twisted halfway to avoid looking at Staffan. She cried out, that split-second contact between the door and her ribs sending a wave of shattering pain to her body. Even so, it was nothing compared to the hurt that Staffan was inflicting on her – was still inflicting with every second he allowed the other girl to stay in the room with them.
“What’s wrong, H? This should be normal procedure for you.”
“No. It’s not. So stop it. Leave her.” She covered her face with her hands, not wanting to see anything. But Staffan was suddenly there, forcibly pulling her hands down. Eyes open again, she couldn’t help seeing him half naked---and seeing the other girl completely bare.
“Pretending to be shy, baby?” he jeered, his skin crawling at utter loathing with how great an actress she was. How could he believe her hurt over what she had seen when she could do the same to him with Carson?
“Staffan, I love you.”
“I love you, too, baby, and I love her, too. We’re going to love each other so fucking hard tonight it will be a night you’ll never forget.” And then he was walking back to the other girl, leading her to the couch and pulling her down with him. She fell onto his lap with a giggle.
Saffi covered her mouth as a silent scream of agony escaped her, and her body started to shake in bewildered pain and jealousy as Staffan, his gaze never leaving hers, started to play with the other woman’s flesh, fingers tracing the lines of her sex before sinking into her.
The other girl’s moan was a knife into Saffi’s heart.
“Stop this. I don’t care why you’re doing this but stop this, please---stop it this moment and I’ll forgive---”
“Forgive?” Staffan repeated coolly.
She froze at the strange note in his voice. It almost sounded like hatred.
“You forgive? You’re forgetting yourself, H. You’re just my groupie --- a woman who’s proud to call herself my slut. There is nothing to---”
She didn’t wait for what else he had to say, knowing that Staffan was right. Outside, she pushed past a frowning Bob and an anxious-looking Alan, her heart so leaden with hurt she couldn’t even cry.
