Oval Office Oddities

by Bill Fawcett

  Oval Office Oddities

  An Irreverent

  Collection of

  Presidential

  Facts, Follies,

  and Foibles

  Bill Fawcett

  Contents

  Introduction

  1 A Field Guide to Past American Presidents, 1789 to 1933

  2 Campaign Promises

  3 Presidential Firsts

  4 Presidential Peculiarities

  5 George Washington

  6 Before and After

  7 Thomas the Think Engine

  8 Presidents as People

  9 Grant Me This

  10 Dignity, Always Dignity

  11 Body Politic

  12 Presidential Politics

  13 Left and Right…

  14 When, Who, and How Much?

  15 On the Record: Presidential Libraries

  16 The Unsinkable Teddy Roosevelt

  17 Commander in Chief

  18 First Lady Follies

  19 Family Can be First Family

  20 Stripes in the Stars

  21 Presidential Pets

  22 Presidential Pastimes

  23 Presidential Yachts

  24 Assassinations and Attempted Assassinations

  25 And the Other was Elected Vice President…

  26 They Said That?

  27 White House Wonders

  Appendix: Rating the Presidents

  About the Author

  Other Books by Bill Fawcett

  Credits

  Copyright

  About the Publisher

  INTRODUCTION

  This is not a book about politics, issues, or lessons from history. What you have here is a book about the U.S. presidents and those around them. The presidents have had an immense impact on the nation and its history. Before you get the impression there is any redeeming social or educational value to Oval Office Oddities, be warned there isn’t. But if you are occasionally tired of the political drama and the false promises, we have a treat for you. You are cordially invited to chuckle at one president who was denser than a box of rocks and was only put into office by his wife or at half a dozen really licentious past national leaders, each of whom made Bill Clinton look like an angel.

  So here you have it: hundreds of glimpses of the American presidents, first ladies, even vice presidents as flawed, loving, hating, and burping human beings. This book is in hundreds of short sections so it can be read in little bits during brief breaks or in big gulps that will keep you entertained on a long flight or drive. So when you can’t stand one more campaign commercial or empty promise, pick up this book and smile knowingly.

  1

  A FIELD GUIDE TO PAST AMERICAN PRESIDENTS, 1789 TO 1933

  A word of explanation on this first section is in order. The fact is that just about everyone reading this book already knows a lot about George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, FDR, JFK, and a few of the other most renowned presidents. But what do you know about Franklin Pierce? So, what follows is a crib sheet. Each president is listed and there is actually a bit more about the more obscure, often deservedly obscure, national leaders than those few with whom we are most familiar. If you are at a nice snobby party full of historians and pseudo-historians, keep this list handy and astound your fellow guests. It is rather unlikely they will contest a single insightful statement you make about Franklin Pierce or even the relatively recent William Howard Taft.

  GEORGE WASHINGTON 1789–1797

  George Washington started poor and ambitious, married for money, led the American Revolution and, almost single handedly, set the standard and pattern for all future presidents. He is also the first president to order American soldiers against other Americans to put down a revolt, a distinction only he and Abraham Lincoln, who led the entire nation in the Civil War, share.

  JOHN ADAMS 1797–1801

  A revolutionary leader who distrusted the masses. John Adams was brilliant and one of the chief philosophical leaders of the new nation. He also was not very good at day-to-day politicking and was overwhelmed by infighting. Abigail Adams was one of the first true feminists to appear in the nation, wife to one president and mother to another.

  THOMAS JEFFERSON 1801–1809

  Almost certainly the most intelligent and creative man ever to hold the office. He was a renaissance man whose only real flaw was being a great host who entertained himself into poverty. He was also the president who made the Louisiana Purchase, which doubled the size of the nation and opened the continent. So much can be said about him that he has his own chapter in this book.

  JAMES MADISON 1809–1817

  An author and the chief supporter of the Constitution. He wrote extensively, helping to get the document accepted. He was analytical, cautious, and logical. His views on government molded the United States and are reflected in the nature of the nation even today.

  JAMES MONROE 1817–1825

  President Monroe was the first of the “foreign policy presidents.” He could be concerned with such things because matters were going smoothly inside the still-new nation. Perhaps his greatest accomplishment was the Monroe Doctrine, which basically told foreign powers to stay out of the Western Hemisphere. The irony of this is that it was mostly enforced by the British, who actually had a navy, not the United States, which really didn’t.

  JOHN QUINCY ADAMS 1825–1829

  Son of John Adams, he spent sixty-six years in government service. He was a determined and skilled negotiator before becoming president, but somewhere along the way he lost his drive. His term was lackluster, and he failed to be reelected.

  ANDREW JACKSON 1829–1837

  The first of the people’s presidents, Jackson was from the then frontier state of Tennessee. He was rough-hewn, took offense easily, and was said to have fought, and survived, a hundred duels and certainly did fight more than most. He was against a central bank and other reforms we now take for granted. He was also the military hero of his day, having beaten both American Indians and then the British in battle. His victory at New Orleans energized the nation and helped restore its self-confidence.

  MARTIN VAN BUREN 1837–1841

  Van Buren was the campaign organizer who put Andrew Jackson into office. In repayment, Jackson named him his successor and that seems to have been enough to get him elected. Where Jackson was all rough edges and frontier attitudes, Van Buren was a politician full of street smarts. He had the misfortune to be president during one of the worst depressions in the nation’s history, and though he did form the national bank, he failed to really deal with the problem. Jackson was a tough act to follow, and Van Buren was simply not equipped to do that.

  WILLIAM HENRY HARRISON 1841

  He was the first candidate to run what we would recognize today as being an actual campaign for the presidency. Being the oldest president elected up to that time, he wanted to prove how robust he was by delivering his hour-long inaugural speech without wearing a coat on a very cold and damp day. He did, and the resulting illnesses killed him a month later.

  JOHN TYLER 1841–1845

  Succeeded to the presidency when Harrison died. The program for replacing a dead president hadn’t really been set, and by just taking the office and daring others to challenge him, Tyler settled what could have been a very messy issue. He was not popular with Congress and did not get many of his programs passed. He was the first president to have his veto overridden. He also actively helped to get Texas admitted as a state. Tyler was always troubled by the North-South split and once headed a peace commission, but eventually saw all efforts fail. He served as a senator for the Confederate States of America, where he was the only U.S. president to swear an oath to a nation at war with the United States.

  JAMES KNOX PO
LK 1845–1849

  This president was a strict Methodist who forbade drinking and dancing in the White House. He was a major force in the expansion of the United States through the addition of the western and southwestern portions of the continent to the still-young nation. The Mexican-American War was fought during his term. He was never very popular, but historians have been much kinder to his presidency than his contemporaries were.

  ZACHARY TAYLOR 1849–1850

  Win a war, get elected president. A good slogan helps, as it earlier did for General Harrison, who led the battle of Tippecanoe. Winning the Mexican-American War worked for Zachary Taylor, too, along with presidents from Washington to Eisenhower. Taylor was president for only sixteen months, much to the relief of the party that elected him. No one knew his politics when he was elected, and though he was from Virginia, he took an anti-slavery stand, bringing California in as a free state and upsetting the balance. His few months in office actually started the skid that ended with the American Civil War.

  MILLARD FILLMORE 1850–1853

  Inheriting the office upon the death of Taylor, Millard Fillmore may not be a household name, but is there anyone today who has not at least chuckled at the name itself? It has become something of a joke name and with good cause. Taking over for Taylor, Fillmore accomplished little except bringing in a new and bigger bathtub to the White House. Strong of character personally, he was too legalistic and doctrinaire and too poor a politician to slow the slide to war. He was the first of three presidents whose inaction led to the struggle.

  FRANKLIN PIERCE 1853–1857

  Though from New England, Pierce never forgot that Southern votes helped put him in office. What Pierce did regarding slavery invariably made things worse, even while pleasing his slave-owning supporters. He was often clinically depressed and this robbed him of much of his effectiveness at a time when the nation needed a strong leader.

  JAMES BUCHANAN 1857–1861

  Buchanan is often rated one of the worst presidents, deservedly so. He was a good lawyer and a really bad president. He failed to do anything at all about the divide growing over slavery and was no more effective at dealing with a financial depression in 1857 that certainly made everything worse. People forget that Buchanan, not Lincoln, was president when Fort Sumter was fired on and the Confederacy seceded.

  ABRAHAM LINCOLN 1861–1865

  He seems to have been as wise, concerned, humanitarian, determined, and caring as he is portrayed. Lincoln overcame much personal tragedy and was the strong commander-in-chief needed to preserve the Union and, afterward, the caring leader who wanted to heal the nation’s wounds quickly. He fought the Civil War with great determination and just as quickly pardoned all but a few of the rebel leaders. His assassination has to rank as one of the worst tragedies in American history, and it changed the course of the nation.

  ANDREW JOHNSON 1865–1869

  One of the reasons we so mourn Lincoln is that his successor was a total disaster in a time when strong leadership was needed. Andrew Johnson was on the ticket to appeal to the border states and offer hope for conciliation to the Southern states once they were defeated. Historians today sometimes concede that Johnson meant well, but all agree his incompetence and style made for disaster.

  ULYSSES SIMPSON GRANT 1869–1877

  As presidents go, Grant was a good general. He was an abysmal businessman who managed to go broke for a fourth or fifth time, depending how you count, after leaving office. Grant was better at the business of the nation than handling his own money. When he took over the government, the money floated to pay for the Civil War was still causing massive inflation. By the time he left office, the nation was on a hard money policy that lead it to decades of prosperity. As president, Grant was betrayed by many of his corrupt appointees and mired in scandal, but no one questioned his personal integrity. He was, particularly by those who had fought under him, highly regarded even after his death. Though Grant was born and raised in Illinois, Grant’s Tomb, where he and his wife are buried, is in Manhattan.

  RUTHERFORD BIRCHARD HAYES 1877–1881

  Don’t you just love those old names? Hayes was in some ways the first modern president. He strongly rebuilt the power of the presidency and was himself progressive, with concern for the growing financial difference between the rich and poor and for prison reform. This was the beginning of the age of the great industrial robber barons, such as Carnegie and Rockefeller. Perhaps what he left the nation more than anything else was a massive reform of the civil service system, replacing patronage with competence.

  JAMES GARFIELD 1881

  Inaugurated in March. Shot in July. Spent the next eighty days suffering and died in September. For the short time he did serve as president, there was not only a lack of need for any drastic actions, but his philosophy that government “was to keep the peace and stand outside the sunshine of the people,” that is, do as little as possible and let the people handle things. This would have made major decisions unlikely. He was greatly mourned and is now mostly forgotten.

  CHESTER ALAN ARTHUR 1881–1885

  Like those of all presidents of the era, Arthur’s whiskers were impressive. Not much else about his more than three years as president was. He is known for two accomplishments. The first is to carry on the work of professionalizing the federal employees. The second is that he can be considered the father of the modern U.S. Navy. As he was neither impressively bright nor that astute a politician, there is not much more to say about him.

  GROVER CLEVELAND 1885–1889 AND 1893–1897

  He was born Steven Grover Cleveland, so he must have preferred Grover to Steven. He is the only president to be elected twice but not in a row. He had an illegitimate son whom he devotedly supported, and when this became an election issue, politicians were shocked to find the people approved of his being supportive of the child. His problems when president were often financial in nature, and he handled them well, maintaining and restoring prosperity. His terms were times of great unrest, including massive strikes and riots. Cleveland often sided with the businessmen and during the Pullman Strike placed Chicago under martial law.

  BENJAMIN HARRISON 1889–1893

  This president was also a war hero during the Civil War. It is not that Benjamin Harrison was a bad president—he wasn’t. It was just that a hostile Congress made most of this president’s four years not very memorable. He felt that the nation was getting away from the rule of law and, as a very successful lawyer, promised to rectify this. In many ways he did, strengthening the courts and enforcing laws. Harrison was also more concerned with foreign affairs. He greatly strengthened pan-American relationships, and dealt at various times with near-war crises involving Britain, Germany, Italy, and even Chile.

  WILLIAM MCKINLEY 1897–1901

  This president was always rumored, mostly unfairly, to be the tool of political boss Mark Hanna. McKinley was a devout Methodist and a bit old-fashioned; he entertained guests by reading Bible passages. He did have a thing for cigars and the very occasional glass of wine. One legacy he has left us is the special relationship the United States has with Britain. It was under his administration that this was solidified by a series of cooperative efforts and it has remained a part of both nations’ policies for over a century.

  THEODORE ROOSEVELT 1901–1909

  The term colorful should be defined as “like Teddy Roosevelt.” Born to money, he was a cowboy, soldier, big game hunter, police chief, environmentalist, writer, and just about everything else that made him bigger then life. He was, almost without question, the most colorful president. He was also a jingoistic expansionist who was never afraid to exert a little military muscle. The first time he sent the newly built and modern Great White Fleet off to foreign, hostile waters was when he was just the assistant secretary of the navy, and the secretary had taken the day off. A young reformer, he was banished to the vice presidency to get him out of New York. Once president, he lived large and fostered a sense of national greatness
.

  WILLIAM HOWARD TAFT 1909–1913

  Taft was born to be a judge. He was extremely good at it, which is more than you can say about his being president. Anyone following Teddy Roosevelt would seem bland, but Taft was simply very competent and had none of the over-the-top behaviors of his predecessor. He did great work modernizing the American judiciary and, often he left office, was given the position he had always coveted much more than being president: Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.

  THOMAS WOODROW WILSON 1913–1921

  There is a good chance that if you had met Woodrow Wilson you would not have liked him. He was not a nasty person—we have had presidents who were—but he did have a tendency to let you know he was your intellectual superior. When not making an effort to be charming, Wilson tended to talk down to his audience, even to preach. He had no problem getting involved in other nation’s affairs, sending U.S. troops into Mexico in both 1914 and 1916, and had the marines invade Haiti in 1915. Even though he ran for reelection on the platform “He kept us out of war,” President Wilson saw and prepared for the day America joined in World War I. We won the war, but his lasting peace plans for the League of Nations and the Fourteen Points were a total disaster, with neither the allies nor the Senate cooperating.

  WARREN GAMALIEL HARDING 1921–1923

  May have been the least competent person ever to be president. His main asset was to have married his wife, Florence, who ran his every campaign and had all the brains and political acumen. Neither of the Hardings were good judges of character and his administration was rocked by scandal. Warren Harding’s legacy was only kept somewhat untarnished by his unexpected death after less than two years in office.