by Seton, Cora
The truck skidded to a stop and the driver’s side door flung open. “Where is he? Where’s Austin?” the curvy blond woman who emerged asked them.
“Out in the barn, probably,” Regan said.
Heather stalked past without introducing herself and continued toward the outbuildings in back of the house. After sharing a look, Ella and Regan stood up and followed her. They reached the back of the Hall in time to see Heather face off with Austin. As angry as Heather was, Austin looked far fiercer.
“You lay one more hand on my son, and I’ll call the police,” Heather shouted. “I mean it. I can’t believe you did that!”
“What did Austin do?” Regan said, walking straight up to the pair. Ella held back, unwilling to get involved in this fight.
“I stepped over the line, I admit it,” Austin said. “Richard got smart-alecky and walked away from me. I tried to stop him.”
“He said you grabbed him.”
“Maybe I did. Can you blame me? You kept him from me for twelve goddamn years, Heather.”
Heather blinked at the depth of the frustration in Austin’s voice. Ella ached for him. She knew how much he was struggling with this. Knew he didn’t have the faintest clue how to be a father to Richard.
“I… oh, this is ridiculous,” Heather said. “I wish you Halls had never come back!” She turned around and stalked back the way she’d come.
“Austin,” Ella began, wanting to comfort him, but it was far too late.
“To hell with this.” Austin was already striding off in the other direction.
* * *
“I don’t see why I have to be here. Colt’s not going to be on the call,” Austin said that evening as he and Mason sat down in front of Mason’s laptop to make a video call to Zane. Colt had just shipped overseas with his unit on a special mission and from what little he’d told them, he would be unavailable for several months, but Mason insisted on making the call anyway.
“We’re all in this together. That means we all have to communicate. Even you.” Mason clicked on Zane’s call link and some moments later they were connected. Zane looked happy to see them.
“Hey! There you are,” he said, grinning into the screen.
“You’re chipper,” Mason said.
“Back on US soil. It’s a good feeling,” Zane said. “Two more months and I’m home free. Can’t wait.”
“The place is looking good. We’ve got a horse with your name on it.”
“You called one of the horses Zane?”
Austin rolled his eyes at his brothers’ high spirits. He didn’t know what they found so funny.
“So, you know what I’m going to ask,” Mason said, growing serious.
“I’m sorry to report I do not have a fiancée,” Zane said. “I have been chatting with someone online, though.”
“Any plans to meet up?”
“For god’s sake, you’re taking this matchmaking thing too far, Mase,” Austin said. “Look at the mess I’ve gotten into. You want Zane screwed up like me?”
Zane looked from one of them to the other. “What’s going on?”
“What’s going on is a textbook case of survivor’s guilt,” Mason said dryly. “Your brother refuses to get any help.”
“I don’t need help.”
Zane made a face. “I can tell from here he needs some help,” he said to Mason.
“Exactly,” Mason said.
“I’m right here,” Austin pointed out. “Don’t talk about me like I can’t hear you.”
“If you could hear me, you’d have talked to Reverend Halpern by now. He hasn’t even hired the minister for the ceremony,” Mason said to Zane.
“Why not?”
“Because there shouldn’t be a ceremony,” Austin exploded. “I shouldn’t be getting married. And I goddamn well shouldn’t have a kid.”
“You got Ella pregnant?” Zane straightened up. “Way to go!”
“I didn’t get her pregnant. I don’t think.”
“It turns out Heather Ward got pregnant before we left Chance Creek,” Mason explained.
Zane’s smile slipped away. “Heather? You’re shitting me.”
“It’s true. Austin here has a son. His name’s Richard and he’s twelve years old.”
“Holy… shit.” Zane sat back, clearly dumbfounded. “She never said anything?”
“Nope. She didn’t want me to see him.” Austin heard the bitterness in his own voice.
Zane was quiet a moment. “Why not? Did she say?”
“She said…” Austin swallowed. “She said she kept it quiet because she loved someone else. She didn’t end up with him, though—whoever he is. She’s single.”
“Huh. You aren’t interested in her, are you?”
“No.” It was true—he hadn’t felt the slightest tug at his heart either time he’d seen her. Heather was so far in his past she wasn’t even the same person and neither was he. “I won’t turn my back on Richard, though.”
Zane nodded. “Of course. Hey, I have some news, too. I’ll be able to make it to the ceremony. Just overnight, though.”
“Great.” Austin knew he should be more excited, but the closer the ceremony came, the more he dreaded it. It seemed like the culmination of too many lies to do anyone any good.
“I’ll see you then,” Zane said.
“With a fiancée,” Mason said.
“Yeah, yeah. We’ll see.”
Chapter 26
‡
Ella was checking on the baby chicks a few days later when Richard appeared in the doorway of the coop and nearly frightened the daylights out of her. Austin was gone with Mason for the day and she’d expected to be alone, so she shrieked and the chicks scrambled around in their large box. The tiny balls of fluff had grown much bigger now, but they weren’t ready to roam free in the structure. Ella loved it when they stretched their tiny wings which were just getting their first pin feathers.
“You scared me to death.”
“Sorry.” Richard’s shoulders were slumped and he lurked in the doorway as if afraid to come in, but more afraid to be caught outside.
“I don’t think you should be here, honey. Your mom said she didn’t want you here.”
“I know.” He scuffed the floor with a sneaker. “I wanted to come,” he muttered.
“I see. I think your mom was worried Austin might have scared you.”
“Nah.”
“Sounds like he got pretty angry, though.”
“I guess.”
It was like pulling teeth to make conversation with Richard, but Ella decided he wouldn’t have come if he didn’t want to talk.
“I think he’s sorry he got so angry,” she told him.
He straightened. “I figured. I think he’s more used to soldiers than kids.”
She smiled. “I think that’s true.”
“He got mad because I wouldn’t do the chin-ups. On the obstacle course.”
“Oh. I don’t blame you. Chin-ups aren’t any fun.”
“But the course is really cool. I just need to practice, like Dad said. If I practice enough I can do the salmon ladder.”
Richard had called Austin Dad. Her heart gave a tender throb of pity for both of them, and she hoped Austin and Heather would work out some way to co-parent Richard without all of this rancor. She remembered the impossible bit of equipment Richard mentioned. When Austin jumped the bar from one level to another in the brackets, she’d been stunned. She hadn’t known people could do that.
“I’d be hopeless at all of it,” she confessed to him.
“Then you should practice, too. Do you want to?” Richard looked at her hopefully.
“Do I want to what?”
“Practice the obstacle course. I’ll help you.”
The last thing Ella wanted to do was try to run that crazy obstacle course, but she had a feeling it meant a lot to Richard that she say yes.
“Okay,” she said. “I won’t be any good at it, though.”
She
finished up with the chickens and allowed Richard to lead her across the lawn to the woods where the course was. Once she and Richard reached it, they squared off at the starting line.
“On your mark, get set, go!” Richard yelled.
Ella gamely jumped up to the monkey bars and went hand over hand across them. She was surprised to find that she’d retained the skill from grade school and by the end she was chuckling over the discovery.
Her laughter soon stopped when Richard raced for the climbing wall, managed to hook his hand over the top and kick and scrabble his way up and over.
“No way. I can’t do that,” she exclaimed.
Richard popped back around the wall. “I’ll help. Dad says you have to help the other person.”
“Huh.” She didn’t think it would work, but Richard crouched down and laced his hands together, giving her a foothold. She braced herself against his shoulder, stepped on his hands and lunged for the top of the wall, shocked when she managed to grab it. Before she could try to swing a leg up, Richard stood up, braced his shoulder under her bottom and lifted her as high as he could. The next thirty seconds were as inelegant as you could get, but Ella finally got a leg over the top of the wall.
“Now what?” She clung to the structure for dear life, wavering on top of it. “How do I get down?”
“Jump!”
“What?” She lost her grip and tumbled over the wall, landing somehow on her feet on the other side. “Ow!”
“Are you all right?”
“I’ll live,” Ella said. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”
“It gets easier.” Richard acted as her cheerleader from that point on, and Ella had to admit it did get easier—for a little while. It seemed to cheer Richard up tremendously, too, and the more he helped her, the more confident he got. About halfway through the course, Ella realized that this was a bit like the equine therapy she wanted to do. Working with horses was supposed to help kids with problems learn trust and confidence in themselves. The thought made her laugh—was she the horse in this scenario?
When she watched Richard walk across the balance beams like there was nothing to it, she shook her head in awe. Once again she required his help, first in climbing up the slippery incline to get on the log, and then his calm chatter to help rein in her fears as she wobbled down the length of it.
At the far end she was confronted with the salmon ladder.
“I can’t do that,” she stated.
“I can’t either,” Richard said. “So it’s chin-ups for us. Thirty of them.”
“Thirty?” She couldn’t do that either, but it turned out Richard could—without stopping. The boy was very proud of that. She did as many as she could—about eight in a row—and then agreed with Richard, she’d have to practice them a lot.
When they were done, Ella was exhausted, but she was more relaxed than she’d been in ages. “That was kind of fun,” she said.
“That was loads of fun! Can we do it again?”
“Not today. You’d better go home and I’d better get to work.”
“Ella? Will you help me get my parents to stop fighting?”
She wished she knew how. “I’ll do my best.” She turned toward the Hall, but Richard lagged behind, all his insecurity back with a vengeance. He shoved his hands in his pockets.
“Do you think… do you think they split up because of me?”
“No.” That she was sure of. “You know your Dad didn’t know about you when he left. It wasn’t you that split them up.”
“Okay.”
But he remained subdued as he rescued his bike from where he’d hidden it in the woods and she realized as he left how much effort he’d taken to get the time alone with her. It touched her heart he thought she could help him, and that he wanted to spend time on the obstacle course with her. She had a feeling he was building back his courage to see Austin and wanted to be able to do a good job when he ran the course with him.
* * *
“You’re going the wrong way,” Austin said, straightening in the passenger seat of Mason’s truck. The bad mood he’d woke up in had persisted throughout the hour–and-a-half drive to Sunset Ranch, the inspection of the cattle for sale there, a long-winded haggling session with Dirk Wright, the owner, a late lunch and the hour-and-a-half drive back. Austin meant to grab the six-pack in the bunkhouse fridge and ride out on his favorite horse, Blitz, until he found a quiet place where he could drink it. Alone. So when Mason veered off the two-lane highway down a side street, his anger boiled up right to the top. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Taking you to see Halpern. I bumped into him yesterday. Turns out I was right; you still didn’t book him for the vow renewal ceremony.” Mason turned into the empty church parking lot and parked the truck. “So you can either march in there and do it, or you can be man enough to tell me right now that you’re backing out.”
“I’m not backing out.”
“Then what are you doing?”
“I don’t know,” Austin said. “Everything is fucked up.”
“Really? Because the way I see it you have it pretty sweet. You’ve got a woman back there who Regan says loves you and wants to get married for real. You have a son, and it’s rotten you didn’t know that until now, but he’s a good kid and he’s dying for you to step up and be his dad. You’ve got the most beautiful ranch in the world waiting for you to run it and three brothers to help. What the hell is your problem? And don’t give me that shit that you shouldn’t be alive. None of us should. I sure as hell shouldn’t. I served just as long as you did—you think I didn’t lose anyone I cared about? I did.”
“So you’re a goddamn saint and I’m a piece of shit. What else is new?”
Mason stared at him. “Who are you? Because you aren’t my brother. He never talked like that. Maybe I’m bossy. So tell me to go to hell. But you and I—we never compared ourselves.”
Austin turned away. That wasn’t exactly true. He’d compared himself to Mason plenty of times as they grew up, but his brother was right—they didn’t label themselves or each other the way some families did.
“You never played the part of the fuck-up before now, and it doesn’t suit you,” Mason went on. “You’ve got too many people who depend on you to play it now, either. Get in there and talk to Halpern. I’ll wait right here.”
“I don’t want to…”
“I’m not asking you. I’m telling you.”
Austin realized it would be easier to do just that than stay here and argue. Besides, Mason was right about one thing—he did need to book the reverend. He wished there was some way to back out of all of this so he could go and hide and lick his wounds until he felt better, but life had other plans. It kept going even when he wanted to stop. The ranch wouldn’t wait. Heloise wouldn’t wait. Neither would Ella or Richard. Like it or not, he had to go forward and play this game. He would marry Ella again. He would stay with her for the next nine months. He would do his best to be a father to Richard.
And maybe someday he wouldn’t feel like an automaton going through the motions.
He found Reverend Halpern in his office, working at his desk. The minister brightened when he caught sight of Austin. “I’d just about given up on you.”
Austin took a seat in front of his desk. “Sometimes I think everyone should. It’s what I deserve.” Though he said the words lightly, he meant them, and Halpern seemed to realize that because he answered in a serious tone.
“Not to sound overly preachy, Austin—I wouldn’t want to scare you away again—but you know that God never gives up on us, right?”
Austin had a rancher’s practical belief in things divine. A sense that something ruled over creation, but it was a something with more on its mind than man’s day-to-day needs.
In other words, he didn’t know that at all.
“Austin?” Halpern leaned forward, his elbows on his desk.
Austin shifted uncomfortably.
“You’re not the only soldie
r who’s come home to these parts in the last few years. You’re not the only one who’s looked at me that way.”
“You see a few things in a war,” Austin said. “It changes you.”
“It changes the way you look at the world, it changes the way you feel about it, but it doesn’t change you, Austin. Not the core of you.”
“I’m not sure you know what you’re talking about, Reverend.” He wanted to set up the ceremony and leave, but he couldn’t be rude to the minister. Maybe some part of him wanted to finally have it out. Maybe some part of him was sick of carrying this burden alone.
“Have I been to war? No, I haven’t. I wasn’t called to a military ministry. But I’ve done this job for twenty years and I’ve counseled many men who’ve gone to war. I’ve also seen and heard a few things right here in Chance Creek that would turn your hair. Life is hard, Austin. I’m not one who would deny that.” He touched a small bell on his desk, pushing it an inch to the side. “Last time you were here, I told you your father would be proud of you, and you hightailed it out the door. Which leads me to believe you think you’ve failed him somehow. Am I right?”
Pain thickened Austin’s throat. He didn’t want to talk about this. Didn’t have to talk about it. But when he went to rise, Halpern’s gaze pinned him down like a sniper’s fire. Austin stayed where he was.
“I’ve made mistakes,” he forced out.
“And you think your father didn’t?” Halpern leaned back. “He’d be the first to admit he did.”
“Losing a few head of cattle, or having one drink too many down at the Dancing Boot don’t count.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about.” Halpern shook his head. “You lost your father too young. Aaron never got the chance to have the real conversations a man has with his sons when they grow up enough to see how complicated life is.”
Austin shrugged. “What would he have told me if he did?”
“About the time he nearly killed your mother.”
“What?” Austin blinked. Nothing like that had ever happened to his knowledge.
“I don’t have to tell you she wouldn’t like the story bandied about. I’m afraid it touches on Mason, too, and if you’ve ever done the math you’ll know there’s a part that’s a little embarrassing for both your parents.”
