by Seton, Cora
“Austin,” she began softly. “I was wondering… I thought…” She pulled her robe more tightly around her. “Do you think you could come and check a couple of measurements for me?”
Austin knew he had a choice to make now between life and love, or death and despair. Donovan would have demanded he choose the former; his foray into self-loathing and denial hadn’t honored his friend at all. Briggs had been right all those weeks ago—Donovan would have decked him for acting the way he’d been acting. If he were here to give advice, he’d tell Austin to love his wife and his son with all of his heart.
A day ago, Austin would have rejected Ella, but not anymore. He got to his feet, crossed to her, reached for her hand and led her into the bedroom, where he should have been all along.
He turned back the sheets and Ella undid the tie of her robe, but before she could climb onto the bed, Austin caught her and pulled her close. She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned against him, her cheek against his chest as if she was listening to his heartbeat. He could tell she was crying and for some time he simply held her—giving her the space to let it out, gratified for this chance to be with her again. When he breathed in her fresh, pure scent, Ella went up on tip-toes and pressed her lips to his. He didn’t hold back. He scraped his mouth over hers, hungrily devouring her kisses. As she moved in his arms, her breasts slid against his skin, her nipples tracing delicious curves that lit him up from within. Soon he picked her up and deposited her on the bed, ready for more sensations. Once he was lost in the paradise that was Ella’s body, he couldn’t turn back.
Austin showered every inch of her with attention until his own desire threatened to overwhelm him. Then he positioned himself between her legs. Ella gasped when he entered her, then moaned when he began to move inside in rhythmic thrusts. He could barely keep control once he’d entered her—it had been so long—but he meant to bring her to the height of passion before he took care of his own needs. He wanted to cherish her—show her he knew she was worth cherishing.
But when she slid her hands down his back and pulled him hard against her, all thought of cherishing slid right out of Austin’s head, replaced by a need to possess Ella utterly. He’d nearly let her go. He’d practically driven her away. And the thought of her in anyone else’s arms was too much to bear.
Ella met him stroke for stroke, murmuring words of encouragement. She wanted this as badly as he did—needed him close to her, inside her—as much as he needed to be there. This was right—it had to be.
Austin stroked in and pulled out, stroked in and pulled out again, then lost track of his rhythm, thrusting until they both lost control and came together, crying out in tandem as they went over the edge.
Afterward, they slept tangled together as if neither could bear to part even then, and Austin knew when he woke up the following morning that he had to do whatever it took to set things to right between him and Donovan. He couldn’t follow his friend into death.
Not now.
* * *
“You’re glowing,” Regan said, getting to her feet when Ella entered the Hall’s kitchen the next morning. “What happened? Did you and Austin make up?”
Ella waved her back to her seat and poured herself a cup of coffee. Regan had switched to decaf, which Ella hated, but she figured it was better than nothing. “Yes, we did make up.” She tried to suppress her smile, but she couldn’t. Making up with Austin had been wonderful.
“You did more than make up by the looks of things. If Austin’s half as good as Mason between the sheets, I don’t blame you for smiling like that.”
Ella couldn’t help it. She shared a grin with her sister-in-law that she was sure told Regan everything she needed to know. “I’ve never experienced anything like it before.”
“Do you think it was all the fresh air, sunshine and hard work they got growing up on this place?” Regan asked reflectively. “Or was it something in their military training?”
“I don’t know, but if they could bottle it, I bet they could make a fortune.”
“Funny, I already feel rich,” Regan said. She looked as contented as a cat as she sipped her coffee.
“Well, I already am rich, but I know what you mean.” Ella found an orange in the refrigerator and began to peel it. “I’m going to go with Austin to visit his friend’s parents.”
“The friend who didn’t make it?” Regan set her coffee cup down and gave Ella her full attention.
“That’s right. Austin needs to pass a message on to them. I hope they aren’t upset with him.”
“Whatever happens, he’ll have you by his side, at least.”
“That’s for sure.” Now that Austin had returned to her, she felt she could face anything the world had to throw at her. “It’s less than two weeks to the vow renewal ceremony. That’s a mouthful, isn’t it? I should just start calling it a wedding—that’s really what it is. But I don’t want to jinx it, you know?”
“I get it. Don’t worry about a thing while you’re gone. Maya, Stella, Camila and I will keep all the plans on track.” When Ella didn’t answer, she asked, “Is something else wrong?”
Ella set her cup on her saucer. “This isn’t over yet; what Austin is going through. What if he can’t heal all the way? What if he’s never able to truly love me?”
Regan patted her hand. “Don’t borrow trouble, sweetie. I’m sure he’ll be fine.”
But she didn’t sound sure at all.
* * *
When Austin made the turn from the Hall’s driveway out onto the country highway that led into town, he saw Richard trundling his way. Richard spotted him too, and coasted to a stop nearby.
Austin rolled down his window. “Hi.”
Richard eyed him warily. “Hi.”
“Coming for a visit?”
“Yeah. But you’re leaving.”
“I have an errand in town. Want to come? You can throw your bike in the back.”
“Sure!” A moment later Richard swung his bike into the truck bed and climbed in the passenger seat. “Where are we going?”
“Thayer’s Jewelers.”
“A jewelry store?” Richard looked like he’d swallowed a bug. “Why?”
“To buy Ella a ring.”
“I thought you two were already married.”
“We are, but we’re doing the ceremony over again. We didn’t have any of our friends or family there the first time.”
“Huh.” Richard thought about that. “Hey—can I be your best man?”
Austin was surprised by the request. He’d thought Richard might resent his marriage to Ella—not to mention still be mad at him for the way he’d acted before. “Sure. Why not? We’ll have to get you a suit, though.”
“A tux, right?”
Austin chuckled. “No—this is a small, outdoor wedding. No one is wearing a tux.”
“Are you wearing your uniform?”
“Maybe.” That might be fitting since he was still in the reserves, and it was a way he could honor Donovan’s memory while still taking strides forward in his life. “Yeah, I think I will.”
“Cool! I wish I had a uniform.”
“We’ll get you something good to wear.” Austin felt a pang of his conscience. “We have to ask your mother first, though.”
“She’ll say yes,” Richard said with all the confidence of a twelve-year-old.
“We’ll see. Here we are. You can help me pick out something.”
When they went inside they found two young women running the store. One wore a nametag that said Andrea and was obviously an employee. She was blonde and smartly dressed. Austin wasn’t sure if the other one—a petite brunette in jeans and a blouse—was another employee or just a friend.
Andrea came to greet them, but when she found out they were after engagement rings, she waved the other woman over. “Rose is the expert on rings.”
“I’m looking for something really special.”
“Do you have any ideas about what you want?” Rose came
closer. She was a petite woman with dark hair and a sweet smile.
Austin shrugged helplessly. If she’d asked him a question about rifles or explosives or high-tech tracking equipment, he’d be her man, but rings?
He knew nothing about them.
“What’s your fiancée like?” she asked when he hesitated.
“She’s beautiful,” Austin said automatically. “And smart, too. Really smart. She’s fearless—she’ll do anything. Not afraid to get her hands dirty, you know what I mean?”
Rose was favoring him with an indulgent look. “Tell me what kind of clothes she wears.”
Clothes? Austin thought a moment. “When she came to Chance Creek she was wearing a really fancy dress—really classy, you know? Designer label, that kind of thing. But now she’s comfortable in jeans and cowboy boots.”
Rose nodded and searched through the cases of rings. “Okay—how about something like this?” She handed Austin one set with a stunning oval sapphire surrounded by diamonds. “The band is platinum, which is very popular these days.”
Even Richard was fascinated by the ring. “A pirate would steal that in a minute,” he said.
“You’re right,” Austin said. It recalled to his mind the dress Ella had worn the day he met her—the light blue gown that had made her look almost like royalty. He handed the ring back to Rose. “I’ll take it.”
She held it a moment and her gaze softened, as if she was looking at something far away. She smiled. “Good. It’s the right one for you.”
Andrea laughed and came to take the ring from Rose’s hands. “You’d better buy it then. Rose knows what she’s talking about—she can always read people’s rings.”
“You mean she can tell the future from them?” Richard asked.
“Just about,” Andrea said, leading the way to the cash register.
“You’re joking, right?” Austin said to Rose.
She shrugged and moved away, tidying the case up and locking it, but when Austin reached the cash register Andrea said in a low voice, “It’s no joke; you can’t believe how accurate she is. She can tell just by holding a ring whether or not the couple will make it. You just got a cosmic thumbs-up!”
Austin wasn’t sure he believed in superstitious nonsense like that, but as they walked out to the truck he figured he could use a cosmic thumbs-up.
Now he needed to take Richard home and face off with Heather.
They found her at home—a modest cottage on the west side of town. When Richard pushed open the door, Heather bustled out of the kitchen with her hands on her hips.
“I told you to clean up your lunch dishes before you head off to play. I came home and found the milk out on the counter. You know we can’t afford to waste food like that.”
“Sorry, Mom,” Richard mumbled. “Dad’s here.”
Heather stopped short when she spotted him. “Austin, what are you doing here? Richard, don’t tell me you rode your bike over there again.”
“I’m glad he did,” Austin said. “It gave us a chance to spend some time together.”
“That’s just what I don’t want.”
“Listen, can we talk? Outside, maybe?” He indicated Richard with raised eyebrows, hoping she got the hint.
“Fine. Richard, go clean up your mess.”
“Okay.” The boy let out a long-suffering sigh. “Bye, Dad.”
“Bye, Richard. I’ll see you soon.”
“No, you won’t see him soon,” Heather said when she shut the door behind her and they stood facing each other on the stoop. “Why can’t you get it in your head that you’re not wanted here?”
“Richard wants me.”
“That doesn’t count!”
“It should. Heather, come on. What’s this all about—you didn’t used to be so irrational.”
She bristled visibly. “I’m not irrational! You’ve just put me in an awful position. I wish you could see that.”
“You’re the one who put me in an awful position.” Austin was losing patience fast. “You put me in the position of neglecting my son for twelve years! That has to stop. Now I’m getting married again—”
“Did you lose the last one already?” Heather asked in disbelief.
“No, I didn’t lose the last one.” Austin took a calming breath. “I’m marrying Ella again since our friends and family didn’t attend our first wedding. Richard knows about the ceremony and he asked if he could be my best man. I’d like to tell him yes.”
Heather merely stared at him, then turned away and crossed her arms over her chest. She shook her head.
“Is that a no?”
“That’s a I don’t know what the hell to do now.”
Austin studied her and came to the conclusion she wasn’t so much angry as at her wit’s end. “Why are you making this so difficult? Look at you guys—you’re struggling to make ends meet. You have to leave Richard alone while you work. Why don’t you let me help?”
She glanced over her shoulder at him and he saw tears in her eyes. “Austin, promise me that whatever happens next, you know that I would never deliberately try to hurt you. I did care about you, you know. I really did.” She reached for the door, as if preparing to escape back into the house.
Her words baffled Austin. “Is that a yes or a no on the best man thing?”
She sighed, still turned away. “That’s a yes. Just… whatever happens… just be there for Richard when he needs it, okay?”
She made it inside and slammed the door shut before Austin could ask her any more questions. Her words haunted him all the way back to the ranch. Whatever happens? What did she expect to happen?
Was she sick? Was something else horribly wrong?
Austin nearly stopped the truck and turned it around, but he decided that Heather would fill him in when she was good and ready. She’d allowed Richard to be his best man. That was a start.
And it wouldn’t be the end if he could help it.
Things were changing fast now that he’d decided to embrace life. He couldn’t wait to propose to Ella—to propose the right way this time, with the intention of spending the rest of his life with her.
But there was one more thing he had to do first.
Chapter 28
‡
Austin lifted his hand and knocked on the black-painted door of the tidy red brick house. After their plane landed in Baltimore, he and Ella had driven in a rental car to this suburb and found the address of Ben Donovan’s parents, Carol and Dan. Beside him, Ella looked nervous. She stuffed her hands in the pockets of her light jacket, then removed them again.
The door swung open and a middle-aged man looked out. There was more gray than black in his hair and his ruddy skin gave the impression of a lot of time spent outdoors, but he was neat in his appearance and welcoming.
“Austin Hall?” he said.
Austin nodded. “Dan Donovan?”
“That’s me. Come on in.” He ushered them into a carpeted hallway and took Ella’s jacket, then led the way into a formal living room. “This is my wife, Carol.” Carol, a petite woman in a flowered skirt, rose to shake his hand.
“Thank you both for taking the time to see me. I wish I’d come sooner.”
“We wish you had, too. Ben spoke highly of you.”
Austin introduced Ella and they all sat down. “I promised Ben I’d come to see you if anything ever happened to him. I’m… very sorry it’s taken me so long. It’s just I feel responsible for what happened. I am responsible.” He looked from one to the other, knowing he had to come perfectly clean. “I let Ben down. I didn’t get him out of there in time.”
He rested his elbows on his knees, his heart heavy with his confession. Carol fished a handkerchief out of her pocket, but she didn’t cry. Instead, she twisted it in her fingers, moving it rapidly from hand to hand.
“Chase Edgars came by right after he got home.” Dan’s words hit Austin hard. Edgars had the balls to face them, but he hadn’t. “He told us what happened and from what we unders
tand there was nothing either of you could have done.”
Austin reared back. “Of course there was nothing Edgars could do—he was wounded, too. I had to carry him out of there.”
“And yet he blames himself as much as you do,” Dan said quietly. “And it’s breaking our hearts all over again to see two young men so torn up about the fact they couldn’t save our Ben.”
“We can see who you are—what kind of men you both are,” Carol spoke up suddenly. “We see how hard you must have tried. There’s no doubt in our minds that if there was anything you or Chase could have done, you would have done it. Ben spoke of you often, you know—almost as much as he talked about himself. More, even. We know every step of your careers from your first days in boot camp until the day of Ben’s death.” She took a breath. Went on. “I think of you and Chase as my other sons, and ever since I’ve lost Ben it’s like I’ve lost you too, but it’s worse. Ben’s death was quick. The two of you—you’re dying by degrees. My son wouldn’t have wanted that. How could you have served beside him so long and not realize that?”
Austin couldn’t keep up. He knew Donovan talked about him and Edgars. He’d done the same thing, telling his mother about his friends’ lives, too. It had never occurred to him that this narrative might have snared her into feeling a connection with them, but now he realized how blind he was. His mother had always asked after Edgars and Donovan in her e-mails, texts and calls. What he’d chalked up to politeness must have been real interest. He and Edgars were certainly real to Carol.
“I’m… sorry.” He’d already said that. He didn’t know what else to say, though. He hadn’t expected sympathy from Carol and Dan. He’d expected anger because he was still alive while their son wasn’t. “Ben asked me years ago if anything ever happened to him to come here and remind you how much he believed in serving his country.”
Carol and Dan exchanged a look. “We know that,” Dan said gently. “Do you know that?”
The ache in Austin’s throat grew more acute. “I… yes,” he forced himself to say, but the truth was he’d lost sight of it. He saw that now. He’d heard the words during his entire time in the military, and he’d said them himself a thousand times. He’d meant it, too. But as soon as it became real—as soon as Ben’s life became the sacrifice—that belief had gone all to hell, at least as far as his friend was concerned. He’d felt like the sacrifice was too big, if not for Ben, then at least for himself, for Edgars and for Ben’s family.
