Jess sat up.
“Thought so. Tell me.”
Jess sighed. “I thought he was a player too. He is not. It’s all a front. He has lots of feelings. Most of which are about his hand. I’ve been out with him a few times. We have not slept together.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? That’s huge. Isn’t it?”
“Yeah. Might be.”
“But is it?”
“What?”
“Huge.” Em gave her a pointed look over her sunglasses and then pushed them back up her face.
“I wouldn’t know.”
“I bet. Seriously, I’m happy for you.”
“Thanks, I didn’t say anything because of Ryan.”
“Don’t sweat it, it’s not gonna happen, and it’s probably for the best. I had a strange feeling last night that what was between us, what could be, was it. It was everything I have ever wanted, and not found.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah. I felt it, it was only a kiss, but I knew. Oh well.” She shrugged. Em let her mind wander over her ideas; she let it form in her mind, and at some point, she fell asleep.
“Em!”
“Yep.” She sat straight up, a little disorientated.
“We have visitors.” Jess grimaced. In her back garden, while she wore a small bikini, sunglasses, and nothing else, were all of the guys.
“What in the name of puppy dogs is wrong with you people? Why are you not dying in your own homes of hangovers, why come to mine?” she lay back down and prepared to die of mortification.
Jess passed Em her beach cover-up, not that the lacy fabric covered much. The idea of walking past them in her bikini was beyond mortifying, and she momentarily mused how much she had changed. She wouldn’t have worn the thing on holiday. She only had the nerve to wear in front of Jess. They had waxes together once, after that experience, anything went.
Em didn’t move, ignoring everyone.
“Why are you sunbathing, I thought you only burnt?” Carl was laughing, the bastard.
“Yeah, but I like doing this. It’s too hot to wear anything else out here, and I have half a bottle of sunblock on too.”
Oh, fuck it. Let them look, the perverts, it wasn’t much different from her previous life.
She casually sat up, checked her tits were contained, and got up, throwing the cover-up on as she did. Ryan gave her the once over, as did the others, but he gave her the darkest neediest look imaginable. She ignored it and went in.
All their eyes followed. “Stop looking at my arse, you wankers.”
Jess pursed her mouth, trying not to laugh.
In her room, she cringed. She snuck over to the bathroom and took a quick shower to wash off the lotion, and threw on a sundress.
She took some deep breaths, trying to stop her hands from shaking, before going back outside. Ryan had taken up half her sun lounger, and there was nowhere else to sit. She sat as far from him as she could, trying not to dwell on her book idea.
He, on the other hand, was relaxed as fuck. The guys all wore tanks and shorts, even Kevin, except for Ryan. He had on cargos and a t-shirt. Lightweight, but only his arms were uncovered. She wondered why, and her mind ticked over.
He had an amazing body that much was obvious. She thought he was scarred somehow. He had tensed up again last night when Kevin had talked about his prosthetics. A few things fell into place. She curled up against the headrest on the lounger.
“You can stretch out.” He scooted forward.
“It’s okay. I think I’ve been out too long again. I’m going in.”
“You okay?”
“I’m fine.” She wasn’t.
She drank a bottle of water, rooted through the cupboards, and found little.
“You all right?” she jumped a mile at Ryan’s voice.
“Yeah, no, I need to go to the shops.”
“You seem a bit spaced.”
“I’m exhausted.” She rubbed her face, and he almost spoke. He was starting to frustrate her, she wanted him, he wanted her, he couldn’t, it was too hot, and she was hungry. She wanted to scream.
She walked past him.
“I’m going to the shops. What do you guys want?” they shouted random foods at her and she picked up her keys.
“Em.”
“Yes.”
“You don’t have any shoes on, and you haven’t got your handbag.”
“Oh.” She got ready, properly. He stood at the door waiting. “What are you doing?”
“Coming with you.”
“Why?”
“You were going to go without shoes.” He scowled at her. She almost missed tall-dark-and-scowls.’
She muttered as she passed him. “It’s your fault.”
She slammed the car door, putting the car into gear, and he barely made it in before she reversed.
“Stop the car.” She slammed on the brake, and he turned to her. “What is it?”
“You. What else, you’re fucking me off now. I’m annoyed.” Her voice was getting louder. “Why did you come over, I thought we put an end to this, so what do you want, and if you say I want to be friends, I’ll vomit on your crotch.”
He braced his hands between the dash and the seat, leant forward, and kissed her. Her hands went to his hair, and his went to her body, he hoisted her out of her seat and onto his lap, and she straddled him. He held so tight to her, his need was so complete that her heart stuttered, she lost her breath, but she didn’t let go, she couldn’t.
He broke the kiss, eyes dipping to her mouth, with his lips still parted, his quick breaths on her face, and in the tension, she felt how hard he was, and she was so ready that he could have just slid into her. The thought crossed his mind too, and his face darkened further.
She slowly moved off him, and she sat back behind the wheel, trying and failing to do it gracefully. She started the car again and pulled out. They didn’t speak when they got to the supermarket, and they walked around picking up what she wanted. They queued in silence, paid in silence, and returned in silence.
It would happen now, it couldn’t not, and unless one of them left Chadford, it was inevitable. Everyone noticed the tension when they dished out food. A few hours later, when everyone left, Carl and Jess disappeared, Ryan stayed with Em.
They sat in the living room.
“Well.” She sat primly.
“Yeah.”
“What do you want to do?”
“I don’t know. I can’t fight what I feel. I still think I’m not ready.”
“How do we ever know that we’re ready?”
“Yeah. There are things you should know about me.”
“Me too.”
“Dinner then?”
“Sure, when?”
“Wednesday, I’ll have moved out by then, I have some things I need to sort out.”
“Okay.”
“I want to kiss you, but if I do,” he didn’t move to leave.
“I know. Mind you, if you wanted to get it out the way, by all means…”
“Out the way? There won’t be any out the way about it.”
She smirked into his scowl. She pushed the furrow in his brow apart again.
He pulled her closer, and she kissed his mouth, a soft brush of soft lips. He made a noise at the back of his throat. It was more than she could take, she pressed her mouth to his again, and he lay down with her as they kissed, not the intense need of before, but a long lazy, leisurely kiss, she knew he was holding back, and his body began to tense up. He sat up. “I have to leave right now.”
“Okay, if you’re sure.”
“No. I’m not.”
“Then stay.” She kissed him again.
She should have let him go, but she felt a sinking dread of what would happen when she told him about her past, about who she was, and she wanted this, needed him.
This guy wasn’t a player, he didn’t shag his way through all the women he met,
he had never lived the kind of life she had, and she doubted he had any idea of it. How could he understand? It might be her only chance, and as much as it would kill her when he rejected her, she needed to be with him.
Her fingers bit into him, he matched her passion, his hands roaming her body, and she loved how he didn’t go for her breasts but ran his hands just beneath them. She pressed into him, he looked up at her, let down her ponytail, and ran his fingers through her hair.
“I have to tell you something.”
“Let’s not do that, the confessions, let’s just have this.”
“Okay, but you have to know.” He ran his hand along her neck and shoulder. She closed her eyes.
“Okay.”
“I don’t have…um.”
She opened her eyes.
“Feet. I got blown up.” He pulled away and sat up. “I got burnt too, and my shoulder is fucked up. I have a few other scars too. It’s pretty ugly.” He tensed like he might bolt.
“Do you fuck with them on or off?”
“What?” his eyes went wide.
“Your prosthetics, on or off?”
“I haven’t, either way.”
“How long have you had them?”
“Four years.”
“Been a while then?”
“You could say.”
She smiled and kissed the corner of his mouth and jaw, she moved down his neck, she saw the top of a white and pink scar as she pulled down the neck of his t-shirt, she kissed it. She felt his swallow.
“You’re so beautiful; there’s no way you could want me.” He barely whispered it.
She kissed him hard, he pressed into her, hands everywhere, and she knew they would fit together perfectly. Impatiently, she ran her hand on the back of his and guided it under her dress, she guided him to her crotch, and he nearly jumped off the couch.
“Do you feel that?”
“Uh-huh.” He barely made the sound.
“That is how much I want you.” She pulled his hand away and stood, she pulled him with her.
She didn’t take her eyes off him as they went to her bedroom. He hovered in the doorway, and she pulled him in by his t-shirt and shut the door. She pushed him back against it and pulled his t-shirt up, he watched her, with his mouth parted a little, amused.
She saw the bottom of the scarring above his pec, and she kissed his smooth chest, it was perfect. His head thudded back on the door.
She worked her way down his body and undid his fly as she went.
“Wait.”
She didn’t stop, but looked up at him, as she ran her tongue downwards, making him lick his lips and take a deep breath, and he gave her the barest of nods.
She pushed everything down, leaving him exposed. She raised her eyebrows at his erection; it was large, but not ridiculous and definitely in proportion. She smiled, as she continued to kiss her way down, she ran her fingers over his skin, but she didn’t touch his cock. It twitched and bobbed at her. His breath quickened. He made a delicious sound when she finally took him in her mouth, and he went rigidly still.
“Em, you don’t have to, I mean,” he moaned as she moved up and down his length, one hand on the base of his cock, and the other against his abs. She roved that hand over him when he relaxed and let her take him. She devoured him, she was beautiful, and he was entranced.
His body twitched and tensed, she knew he was close, he tried to keep his hips still, his hands fisted, he thumped his head back, and his breathing was harsh. She knew he was close, the need, up the backs of his legs, in his bottom, up his spine. He’d feel it in his stomach, lips, and hands. She felt him try to resist it, but he couldn’t.
He cried out as his hips took over. She held on and took him as deep as she could, and held still, as he thrust into her mouth.
“I can’t, Em,” he came hard in her mouth, bucking as he called out. She took everything he had, and when he finally stilled, she released him, and stood up, a little smile on her face.
He was panting hard.
“No one has ever done that.”
“You’ve never had a blow job?”
He shook his head, and she grinned.
She led him to her bed and sat him down, taking off her dress. He was transfixed. She pushed down her bikinis and stood before him nude.
He had more or less seen everything when she had the bikini on, but seeing her like that, made him hard again straight away. He couldn’t speak.
She pulled up his t-shirt over his head, holding his eyes with hers. She straddled him, ran her fingers over the thick, uneven burn scars, and kissed them.
“You are the hottest guy I have ever laid eyes on.”
She kissed him hard, and he flipped them over, except he was still half wearing his cargos.
“Wait.” He tried to untangle himself but paused.
“Do it.”
He took his legs out of his prosthetics. His legs ended low on his mid-calf, and a thick scar ran halfway up one leg.
She pulled him down to her, and they kissed, the intense need building in them both. For him, the dread of showing his body to a woman was over, and in the hazy feeling after what she had just done for him made him care a little less. He held onto her with a fierceness that took her breath.
“Wait, I don’t have any protection.”
“One sec.” She riffled through one bedside table, then rolled over to check the other, she bent over, arse in the air, rooting through a drawer.
He knelt, the sudden scope of what he could do with her ran through his mind, along with the idea that she had much more planned for him.
He felt he had known her forever, that the language of everything that was passing between them was already said. It was a strange sensation and went beyond the incredible sex he knew he was about to have.
“Found them. Jess was trying to get me to go out to try to pull, and she bought me these. She thought I should shag about. I did not.” She smiled.
The unopened box of condoms had a light layer of dust. She opened it and checked the date on the box. “We’re good.” She opened the foil, and he watched as she put it on him. That moment had never been sexy, but she made it hotter than most of his previous sexual experiences.
He was momentarily lost. He’d only had a couple of girlfriends and a few drunken encounters, but she seemed to know what she was doing. He hoped he didn’t disappoint her.
She read his uncertainty. “Lie back.” He did, and she straddled him again, he had done nothing to prepare her, but seeing that perfect triangle with moisture at the top of her thighs, made him moan.
She slid onto to him, crying out. They stayed still for a moment, the magnitude for him was potent, he fit inside her perfectly, he went oddly calm, as excited as he was, part of him relaxed, and this was right, the world as it should be. She pressed her face to his, kissed him so gently, he put his hands in her hair, and something took over in him. All the uncertainty and shyness vanished. He slowly thrust up to her, she matched his rhythm, her body arched back, and he captured her breasts. He realised Em was right, and they were just right in proportion, filling his large cupped hands, with a little over.
It was a mutual increase of passion and need, and he could have watched her for hours, undulating and writhing over him.
She leant forward, and kissed him, he felt her thighs tense and the wetness and pace increase, her face flushed, she started to moan into his mouth, his pace quickened with hers, and then he felt it. She spasmed around his cock, and the flood of warmth was so intense that he cried out too, her orgasm seemed to go on and on, and she bucked and contracted around him with her legs pressed into his, and her back went rigid.
When it subsided, she pressed her forehead into his neck, and he held her. They were both speechless.
It was pretty tame sex for her, and yet the most intense. It was him.
He gave her a moment to come back down to earth.
“Okay?”
She could only nod.
“Good.”
He held onto her bottom and flipped them over. She settled her legs high on his waist. He was too tall, and his pec was on her face, he leant back, straightening his arms, and holding her eye, slowly pushed in. It was agonisingly slow; pulling almost out to the tip, then pushing in as far as he could go.
All the while, he held her eye. He slowly increased his pace, too leisurely, and the slowness built her need again. She’d only managed multiple orgasms with her own hand. She didn’t move for fear of losing the feeling.
“Don’t stop.” Her fingers bit into his arms. He only smiled, it was a small teasing smile, and she hadn’t seen that one before. She liked him like this, and all the aspects of this complicated man. He closed his eyes finally when she began to clench around him again, she tried to relax, but couldn’t. He picked up his pace a little more, but it was still too slow, she moaned in need. He opened his eyes, and the dark look intensified, his jaw ticked, he was resisting his need to take her until she came.
“Please, more.”
He let go then, and with it, her whole body contracted in her climax, and she called out. Ryan fell on her, taking her with relentless strength; over and over, harder, until he cried out himself. Losing all rhythm and control in her, the intense rush and pleasure of coming overwhelmed him, and spent, he lay his weight on her.
She stroked his hair, as he tried to catch his breath. They were silent.
He leant up on his elbows after a little while, her lips parted, and he reached down and lightly licked her lips in a quick motion before he kissed her again. It was almost teasing, and she laughed.
“What?”
“I’m giddy. A good orgasm might do that.”
“Good?” he wiggled his eyebrows and moved in her a little.
She smiled. “The best. But I now I have to wee.” She was bereft when he withdrew. She took care of the condom and sauntered out to the bathroom. Cap was peeved, as she lay sprawled across the doorway.
“Sorry, baby.” She fussed her, and Cap lay back down with a sigh.
He was asleep when she came back, but when she lay next to him, he curled around her back and nuzzled her hair.
It was only eight, but she felt her eyes close, and perhaps she might sleep properly.
The Way Home Page 6
