The Way Home

by Simpson, Stefanie

Ryan reached out for her hand. She took it, and after a moment, he went back to the wheel. She liked watching him drive; he was careful. Seatbelts, hands on the wheel, he never used his phone, always concentrated. She found it hot. She must be getting old.

  “Well, I thought about taking you on a day trip for a little while, and obviously, I had to consider Cap. She is our dog baby after all.”

  She smiled, and he turned off the main road.

  “I thought about where I could take you, somewhere important to you.”

  They made their way down until they came upon a carpark.

  “I asked Jess specifically where you took your dad, so here we are.”

  “Thank you. This is lovely.”

  “Not too sad?”

  “No, it feels close to him. I wish you could have met him. He’d have loved you. He told me about when he met mum, not far from here. She was doing a summer job thing, fuck knows what, and they bumped into each other. Connected. They swapped addresses, she went home to Essex, and he didn’t see her for a year. Something happened with her parents. They were old when they had her, and both were dead by the time she was twenty-two.

  “She turned up at dad’s place, out the blue. Said she missed him, and she was free now. He’d fallen for her, and they had written to each other. So they got together. Dad was just starting out, he was an electrician, but mum didn’t want to stay in Chadford, and after I was born, she wanted to go home. He didn’t want to leave. But he didn’t want to lose her or me.

  “He hated Essex. Mum changed, she became difficult. He had problems getting work. The marriage fell apart, and she wouldn’t let him see me.

  “He went back. He wrote, he sent me gifts, but mum kept everything away from me. He was sorry he gave up, but I know what she’s like, I can understand how hard it was. I forgave his giving up. I loved him instantly. He went to college and studied business, and he built a little empire. Riley Electrics. He had all these red vans, and a crew of guys who worked for him across the Greater Chadford area.”

  “Shit Em, I’ve seen the Riley vans. That’s great.”

  “Yeah, he was liked and respected. We sat here and chewed the fat for an afternoon. First time I’d driven anywhere else other than the hospital with him. It was a good day.”

  He kissed her.

  “Come on then, gorgeous.”

  “All right, hot stuff.”

  They found their way along a picturesque path, leading uphill to grassy hills overlooking the sea, Ryan called a halt, and they had some water. Gulls called, the comforting rushing noise of the sea felt familiar. She missed her father. It was two years since he died. She didn’t feel the crashing of her grief anymore, she felt a wistful pang, a regret, but it no longer cut her. She could remember her father lovingly with a smile at the memories they had packed in. There had been no wasted time, making up for all that had been lost.

  She took a deep breath and perched her aviators on her head, wisps of hair falling free of her plait, danced in the fresh sea air.

  She wanted to stand there forever. The magnitude of the world was there to see. She took photos, Cap panted and sat with her.

  “I didn’t just bring you here for the view.”

  “Oh?”

  She turned to him. He took his shades off and held her hands. She knew, oh fuck, she knew what he was going to do.

  “We’ve had a rocky path, but it’s been worth it. Hasn’t it?”

  “Every second.”

  “I love you so much Em; I can’t remember the world before you. You gave me love when I needed it, forgiveness when I didn’t deserve it and a home when I had none.

  “I love your kind goodness, your profanity, your filthy mind, and clever thoughts. You are not one thing, you are many complicated things, and they all matter. We help each other, support and give of ourselves, and together we’re better people than when we first met. I never want to be without that, without you. You are my family, and whatever shape that takes, and wherever we end up, if I’m with you, I’ll be at home.”

  He pulled out a small box from his pocket, and opened it, kneeling down on one knee.

  “Em Riley, E.E. Queen, and Miss Silver, would you do me the honour and marry me?”

  Em was laughing and crying, as her voice shook. “Yes, I’ll be your wife.”

  He put the ring on her finger, a pretty antique sapphire with little diamonds either side. He kissed her, and she held onto him.

  “Oh shit, we’re getting married.” She giggled into his ear as he swung her from side to side. He finally put her down when other hikers came upon them. Em wiped her eyes and fussed Cap.

  “You’re going to have a forever daddy aren’t you baby girl.”

  Ryan laughed. The hikers were looking at them amused. His smile went ear to ear.

  They sat down watching the sea for a while, and her eye went back to her ring with Cap at their feet. She had never imagined being so content in her life, so at home, they both were.

  Nineteen. Happy day

  When Em woke up on a hot August Saturday morning, Ryan was watching her. She was tangled in the sheets, naked. He ran his hand up her back making her moan, and ran it back down, cupping her bottom, and squeezed a little.

  “Ready to get married?” He kissed down her back.

  She moaned as he said it. “Very.” She wiggled her bottom at him, and he laughed.

  “Come on then.”

  They got ready separately she spent nearly an hour getting her intricate hair just right, curled and pinned into victory rolls with a complex winding of the rest. She wore her sapphire earrings and white heels. She found her dress in a vintage dress shop, one of her favourite places to go to.

  Em had an uncanny talent for shopping. It arose with need. She rarely fitted high street clothes, and everything had to be adjusted or remade. The dress fit her perfectly, being made in an era when clothes designers relied on women with tits and hips. It was a dusty peach, in a fifties cut with a tulle underskirt that went to her knees and flared elegantly. Strapless, but winged across the front, it was perfect.

  She had realised that sexy underwear was a no go, and being strapless meant scaffolding. She did wear fine flesh tone silk stockings to make up for the fact, and large form fitted knickers, in the case of a good gust of wind.

  Her makeup appeared light but she wore a fair amount of it, and the delicate winged liner took a couple of attempts to get even, light smoky eye, subtle pink blush, and her dark nude matt lip finished her face.

  She spent all the time getting ready, thinking about the last few months. She didn’t want a big wedding, she just wanted to get married, but Ryan had taken it on, he kept it a surprise, his eyes would twinkle in delight at how much it annoyed her, and she couldn’t help but go with it. All she knew was they were getting married at the registrar’s office in Chadford. Not the most glamorous of places, but still, it was the marriage that was important.

  When she finally left the bedroom, Ryan was already waiting.

  He’d had his haircut, so it was back to his cheekbones, but it was swept back in that effortless way he managed. He wore a muted royal blue suit, crisp white shirt, and no tie. The cut of the suit was perfectly tailored, and he looked immeasurably good. He wore a white rose in his lapel.

  He put out his hand, and she went to him.

  “You are my perfect dream.”

  She laughed and rolled her eyes. “You rock a blue suit.”

  “Thanks. I have something for you before we go.”

  They went to the table, finding a bouquet of peach, pink, white, and red roses. Just like the ones he bought for her once. She beamed. “Thank you.”

  “That’s not all.”

  He gave her a black velvet box. She slowly opened it. It held a delicate sapphire teardrop pendant capped with a small cluster of diamonds, on a short fine chain. She rarely wore necklaces as they tended to disappear down her cleavage.

  It was so be
autiful that she had to take a few deep breaths to steady herself.

  “Em?”

  “It’s so perfect. I don’t know what to say, this is wonderful. You realise it’s like I have a set now?” He put in on her and ran his fingertips over the smooth pale skin of her neck.

  “Almost like I planned it.”

  A car honked.

  “Ready?”

  “Okay.” Wary as he led her out, Em had a suspicion something was going on, and waiting for them was an immaculate cream restored car from the forties, Lewis stood proudly by it.

  “What’s going on?”

  “We’re at least going to arrive in style.”

  Em looked over the car and hugged Lewis. “So this is the legendary Betty?”

  He’d spent years restoring it, she had heard all about it, and she was gorgeous. “One and only.”

  Ryan brought out Cap, who was sporting a peach bow.

  “Cap’s coming?”

  “We can’t get married without our furry baby.”

  “Will they let her in the town hall?” she went pale, her lips pursed.

  “Em, it’s fine, trust me, take deep breaths.”

  She looked at him and breathed deeply, trying not to sweat.

  “Now, wait, we’ve got phone, keys, wallet, tissues, rings, anything else?”

  She shook her head still nervous.

  “Got your lippy and stuff in your clutch?”

  Em could only nod.

  Ryan smiled and kissed her forehead. “It’s going to be great, promise.”

  They set off, driving sedately with people stopping to look at the car, Ryan held her hand the whole way, his finger brushing over the stone of her ring.

  They weren’t going into Chadford.

  “Ryan, where are we going?”

  He just smiled. “Relax, and enjoy it, don’t you trust me? You have nothing to be anxious about like I said, this is going to be great.”

  She made herself calm down. She took a few snaps on her phone of them as they went, enjoying the ride and the attention, Cap loving it, head darting about in the open car.

  They pulled up to a once grand house that sat on the edge of the old part of Chadford.

  A man with a camera was waiting for them as they pulled up. They posed for some photos, while Lewis parked and then disappeared.

  “There are some things we need to do first, okay?”

  Em was shaking as she had her little interview with the registrar, and then in a blur of activity, she found herself outside, with her arm in Ryan’s.

  Her steps halted when she saw what he had organised. A marquee sat in the middle of the lawn, filled with people.

  “What the fuck.”

  “Now Em, you said you didn’t like weddings. But I do, when I think about it. I wanted a proper wedding, as lame as that might sound. Let’s get married.” He grinned, and she relaxed.

  They strode off, from somewhere music started, and Cap led them down the aisle, tail wagging, stretching on her lead. They went side by side; she liked that, she was no one’s to give away, she was her own, and she chose Ryan, and he, her.

  Em couldn’t take it all in. Her eyes darted to everyone, but when she saw the familiar face and short hair of Angie, she halted and started crying. Ryan kissed her forehead.

  “Tears later, wedding now.”

  She laughed through her tears, thankful for setting spray, and they carried on. She saw a crowd of BB Ladies, Dan and his boyfriend, Mags, all her girls from class, a load of people from the hospital and the pub. There was Uncle Bob, and Aunt Di, with her cousins, Will and John. Her mother wasn’t there.

  When they finally reached the end, Jess stepped forward, took her flowers and clutch, kissed her friend, and wiped Em’s eyes for her, seeming to do it all at once. Motherhood was working for Jess.

  Em took a look at the crowd and beamed.

  Ryan took her hand, the registrar began to speak, and Em paid attention. Before she knew it, she was repeating words and had a wedding ring.

  Em’s tears stopped, and a joyful wave of giddiness ran through her. When they kissed, it was no more than the firm press of lips, but it was wonderful. She laughed at the clapping, admired at the band on her finger, and the one on Ryan’s, and marvelled at what he had pulled off. They signed the register and had their marriage licence, and then she had champagne in her hand.

  It was only then she saw Carl, in a matching suit. She said hi, suddenly dazed and overawed. They left the marquee, and people in their turn congratulated her.

  When she came to Angie, Em held her for a long time, and both women cried. Someone put some another glass of champagne into Em’s hand, and she downed it.

  “Have you seen double trouble’s with us?”

  “Oh fuck no. Where?”

  Two tall women, one blonde, one with scarlet red hair, stood off talking to several men in dress uniform. They were twins, Lexi and Alex. They had been at the review when Em started and took her under their wing, and it was they, in Em’s eyes, who had corrupted her.

  Em whistled through her fingers. The girls turned, now in their late thirties, and they were still stunning. They each had a small tattoo on the inside of their wrists that read BB Ladies, and though they had moved on, they would always be BB Ladies, like her.

  They went to Em and hugged her.

  “What the fuck, I mean how did…?”

  “Your delicious man rang Angie while we were in on a visit. You know we were gutted we didn’t see you when you were on stage again, Angie told us everything, we thought fuck it, we haven’t been to back to the UK in age, and you know Angie can’t be trusted on her own.” Lexi put her arms round Angie, and she rolled her eyes. Angie, mum to everyone, was over the worst, but she was still protected by her flock.

  Photographs were taken, and Ryan’s hand always sought hers. They hadn’t spoken much since the ceremony, and there was an intensity running between them. What he had done for her meant that she could only look at him in wonder.

  He’d smile when he looked at her, and when their eyes met, the tension crackled. It was like when they first met, but without the scowling.

  There was no sit-down meal, no seating plan, just a large buffet with barbeques. Tables had been put out in the marquee for people to sit at, but everyone milled about with plates in hands, or sat out on blankets, it was relaxed, and everyone seemed to be having an enjoyable time on a pleasant late summer’s day. It was perfect.

  Em tried to take it all in as she went from person to person. Cap trotted about taking whatever tidbits she could get her chops on, and when Ryan and Em were having a moment off their feet, Mags came up to them. Cap sat up.

  “Well, I need to get back, shall I take her now?”

  Ryan had already sorted out Cap’s belongings, and Em had an emotional farewell with her girl, even if it was for two weeks. Cap panted as she sat in Mags’ car, stuck her head out and barked as she pulled away.

  “I’ll miss her.”

  “Then I’ll just have to keep you occupied to take your mind off it.” He spoke in her ear, pulling her close, and he hovered for a second but just as he was about to kiss her when they were interrupted.

  “It’s time.” Carl cleared his throat as Ryan sighed, and he pulled Em along.

  The dancefloor beckoned.

  “Ready?”

  “Oh God, what for now?”

  Carl turned on a microphone and called everyone’s attention.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, let’s have a little order please.” People shuffled into the marquee and settled. “I just wanted to say a few words. We can all agree that Ryan here has done a great job of putting this day together to surprise Em, and I know he wants to thank you all for everything you’ve done; he could not have done it without everyone pitching in.” There was a dutiful round of applause.

  “I’ve known Ryan for more than four years, he was learning how to walk again, and I was getti
ng used to my new hand.”

  Em repressed the desire to shout out ‘I bet you were’.

  “He’s my brother and my friend, he’s been there for me, and I’ve been there for him.” He turned to Ryan, “I’m proud of you, and I’m happy you two finally sorted yourselves out, though I have to say, we all had fun watching you dance about each other.” Laughter. “Speaking of dancing, it’s time we had a little music, so ladies and gentlemen, raise your glasses if you got one, to Em and Ryan.”

  Everyone toasted them.

  Ryan took the microphone, his hand in Em’s. “Before we go on, I just wanted to say something. I know this isn’t a traditional wedding, but we’re not traditional people. There are a few things that I wanted to say to my wife.” A few people whistled. Ryan took a deep breath and spoke. “Em,” he laughed nervously. “You didn’t want a big wedding. I remember the conversation we had once, about ritual. It was about trivial matters, but it was true of many things. We need those rituals because they mark the year and the changes in our lives. To me, this is the most important change. We will stop being two people, and be a team. Equals, partners. That’s why we’re here.

  “When we first met, I was a different man, I was not the best version of myself, and you helped me see that and were the catalyst for change. You made me see that I deserved to be happy and that I could make another happy, even when I let you down, even when I was mean, and when I broke your heart, you forgave me, your kind gentle way, your hard words were what I needed to begin again.

  “With you, I am the man I want to be. I swear to you, I will strive for that for the rest of my life. No matter what our lives bring, it will be together.

  “If I could go back, I wouldn’t take back losing my feet because I would have never come here, to the centre, I would never have worked there, and then I wouldn’t have connected with Kevin, and never helped him out by moving in with him, and across the street from you. I don’t believe in fate, but that chain of events brought me to you, and I am grateful every day.

  “I promise to love you and be the best man I can be, for us, for you.” His voice cracked a little, and he took a deep breath.

  A tissue appeared, and Em dabbed her eyes again. Ryan blinked at the well of emotion his words had caused.