by Dean, Taylor
“Don’t forget.”
“I won’t, sweetheart.”
Marisa hadn’t seen Josh all day and he hadn’t made any attempt to see her. The thought distressed her much more than she cared to admit. What was going on? What did it mean? Was she simply being paranoid? All of these thoughts wandered around in her worried mind. Then, just as she finished reading Bethany her bedtime story, Constance came up to tell her that Mister Joshua had asked that she please come to his office.
How very formal. She’d never been summoned to ‘Mister Joshua’s’ office before and she suddenly felt like a child on the way to the principal’s office. Well, at least he wanted to see her. She’d planned on barging in on him once Bethany was asleep anyway. And she wasn’t going to knock either.
However, being summoned as she had, when she got to his door, she lost her nerve and politely knocked, cursing herself for lack of courage.
I like being the one person in your life who doesn’t have to knock.
Marisa hated feeling so distant from Josh.
“Come in.”
He was seated at his desk, seemingly engrossed in paperwork and didn’t even glance up at her.
A sliver of apprehension washed over her. He jotted down a few notes on the paper in front of him, and then as if she was an afterthought said, “Oh, Marisa…” He casually thumbed through a stack of paper and found what he was looking for. Not meeting her eyes, he held the paper in his hands as he spoke.
“A good friend of mine who owns a ranch around these parts…”
That meant hundreds of miles away.
“…has his grandchildren home for a visit. He says they’re feelin’ rather lonely. He’s asked if Bethany could come and stay for a week and be a playmate for them. I feel this would be an excellent opportunity for her to be with other children—you know how much she needs that—and I trust this family implicitly, I’ve known them for years.”
Their great grandfather’s were probably best friends.
Josh continued. “So, I will no longer need your services as Bethany won’t be here.” He handed her the mysterious paper without looking at her directly. “You only had two more weeks here anyway, so you’re really not leavin’ that early. I’ve made all of the arrangements, you leave tomorrow morning,” he said calmly. “It’ll give you more time to prepare for your upcoming first grade class, so it all works out in the end.”
Marisa stared down at the ticketless travel itinerary in front of her and felt her stomach churn uneasily. Her world suddenly crashed down on top of her. What he’d just said simply wouldn’t register in her befuddled brain. She looked up at him and said, “What?” rather stupidly. He was acting so business-like, so nonchalant, as if she meant nothing, as if she really was just the hired help to him.
“I’ll pay you for those two weeks, of course. After all it was part of the arrangement. I’ll have a car ready at eight a.m. to take you to the airport, so you’d better get packed,” he said, again appearing to be completely unruffled by his announcement.
“Joshua?” she whispered, unbelieving of the bomb he’d just dropped. He finally stopped with the professional behavior act, let out his breath, and met her gaze. “You want me to leave?” she said, stunned. Just last night she was sure he would soon be proposing, that they would spend the rest of their lives together. She certainly hadn’t hidden the fact that she’d love to stay here for the rest of her life.
“We both knew this day was coming, it’s just come a little sooner than we’d planned,” he said quietly.
Marisa felt frozen in place. The shock at what he’d just said was surely evident on her face. “I don’t understand…”
“What’s not to understand?” he said with irritation. “It’s time for you to go. Please go get packed, eight a.m. comes quick.” He went back to the all-important paperwork on his desk, studying it with concentration, as if nothing was wrong with what he’d just said.
She was dismissed. He wanted her to leave. It was over. Just like that. Anger and hurt enveloped her. He owed her more than this. Slowly, she crumpled the itinerary in her hands. She stood and threw the paper on his desk. “I’m still here.” That got his attention.
“I’ll just print another one,” he said, his composure quickly slipping. Suddenly, she noticed the way his hand gripped his pen, the way his eyes flashed. He wasn’t calm. Underneath it all he was an exploding volcano. He turned to his computer and angrily pressed the print button several times. The printer began to spit out copies of her itinerary. He stood and threw the copies onto the desk in an exasperated manner, facing her with a challenge in his stance, only the desk and raging emotions between them.
She was completely taken aback at his behavior. She’d never seen him act this way and he was scaring her. She felt the sting of tears and knew she couldn’t say a word without her voice cracking miserably. She turned and headed for the door, picking up her pace when she heard his footsteps behind her.
Just as she opened the door, he slammed it hard, pinning her between himself and the closed door. He stood close behind her, his breath hot on her neck.
“Turn around,” he demanded.
“No.”
He placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her around quickly. At her sharp intake of breath and wide eyes, he let out his breath heavily.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rough. I’m not handling this very well.”
Marisa looked deeply into his eyes, trying to understand what was going on. Their lips were so close she could kiss him if she wanted to—and she wanted to.
“Talk to me, please. I don’t understand. Have I done something to make you angry? What did I do wrong? Please tell me,” she pleaded.
He exhaled with apparent frustration. “You haven’t done anything, Marisa, it’s just the way it is. It’s the way things have to be.”
He’d raised his voice, so she raised hers too. “Please don’t do this. I don’t want to leave. I want to stay here with you and with Bethany…”
His expression pained, he said abruptly, “No! It’s time for you to leave. I never should’ve let things get so out of hand between us, this has gone too far. It’s for the best, Marisa.” He wasn’t exactly yelling at her, but he sure as heck wasn’t speaking softly either. It was so unlike the Joshua she knew. His behavior could only be described as…agitated.
“How can you say that?” she yelled, feeling perplexed. Her mind whirled. One minute everything was perfect, a dream come true, the next he was a stranger to her, saying things that made no sense.
“Please, Marisa, don’t make a scene. We both knew this day was coming,” he urged.
“No! I don’t want to leave…” she pressed her lips to his, surprising him.
He broke the kiss after a few moments and took a step backward. “Stop, Marisa…”
“I love you, Joshua,” she said as she followed him and kissed him again. He didn’t immediately break the kiss and she felt him momentarily respond and kiss her back.
He stepped away from her and with intense eyes told her again, “Stop…”
She didn’t heed his warning. Not at all. She followed him, standing so close she swore she could hear his heart beating loudly in his chest. “Do you hear me?” She kissed him again, placing her lips on his aggressively. In spite of his palpable response to her kiss, he still tore his lips away and took another step back.
“Don’t do this, Marisa…” he reiterated, again stepping away.
The scenario continued. “I love you,” she said as she pressed her lips to his. “Don’t you know that?” she declared, forcefully placing her lips on his again. “I don’t want to leave,” she said, kissing him assertively. “I want to stay here with you.” This time she kissed him hard, with insistence that he respond, backing him into the corner of the room. He was clearly stunned at her behavior. He hit the wall behind him as Marisa’s lips feverishly burned into his.
She was unprepared for his reaction. He grabbed her so suddenly that it took her a
minute to catch her breath. He crushed his lips to hers and reversed the situation on her, pressing her against the wall and kissing her in a way he never had before. He kissed her fiercely, almost violently, as if he’d lost all self control. He picked her up and carried her over to the couch, never breaking the kiss and they lowered down onto it, none to gently, kissing wildly. His arms held hers above her head making her a prisoner in his arms as he kissed her with rough emotion.
As the onslaught continued, Marisa knew that his kiss was filled with desperation. He was saying goodbye. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks.
When Josh noticed her tears, he stilled. He looked into her eyes and surely saw the confusion, her distress at his behavior. She couldn’t hide it. He got up quickly and paced the room a few times before picking up a vase off a shelf and hurling it across the room. It hit the wall and shattered into a million pieces, along with her heart. He turned and faced Marisa, his breathing ragged and eyes glittering. He took a step toward her and she took a step backward, surprising herself.
For the first time since she’d known him, she felt fear.
Josh ran his hand through his hair, seemingly frustrated. “Go, please,” he said through gritted teeth.
She didn’t hesitate. Marisa turned and left the office, slamming the door as hard as she could. Blindly, she ran to the stables, hardly able to control her sobs. When she reached the sleepy-eyed Jasper, something within her snapped. Cute and cuddly didn’t suit her present frame of mind. Quickly turning, she met Carson’s black-eyed stare. He snorted like an angry bull ready to charge.
She’d done it once before, she could do it again.
Throwing caution to the wind, she saddled an anxious Carson and jumped on. Urging a hard gallop, she rode off into the night with no idea where she was going, nor did she care as long as it was far away from Joshua. Carson didn’t gallop, he flew through the night at a dizzying speed as if he was being chased by demons. Pitch blackness surrounded her as the shadowy landscape whirled by, the wind rushing in her ears. Marisa held on tight, feeling reckless and free, uncaring of the risk she was taking. The wild ride matched her fanatical mood. She’d never seen Joshua behave like that. He’d never kissed her like that, almost with anger.
When Carson finally decided to grant her mercy, he came to a rather abrupt stop, nearly sending her flying across the prairie. Marisa’s head was spinning from the intensity of the invigorating ride. Carson danced in place, the cold night air leaving his nostrils as if puffs of angry steam. As her eyes adjusted, Marisa realized Carson had taken her to the old oak tree, the one where she and Josh had shared their first kiss. Why not? It was Josh’s favorite spot on the ranch. It was no wonder Carson knew exactly where to go. Marisa tied Carson in place, attempting to soothe the beast within. Carson grunted irritably, yet endured her soft caress as his due.
Marisa collapsed under the old oak tree and cried her heart out, wondering what had happened between her and Josh. Why did he want her to leave? She’d confessed her love for him. How could he not have known, anyway? All of her actions showed him she loved him. But then, with startling clarity she realized, he’d never once said he loved her.
It didn’t matter, she knew all the same. Everything he did showed her that he loved her. He didn’t need to say it. She knew it.
She didn’t know how long she sat there and cried. She was in a fog. But when she heard the sound of a horse approaching, she quickly hid in the bushes next to Carson, hoping Carson would stay calm and not give her away.
It was Joshua. She knew it would be before she even saw the rider. He jumped down off of his mount—a horse she didn’t know—secured him, and paced around the tree, yelling her name several times. She could tell he was worried. Good, she thought, let him worry, serves him right. Her agitated thoughts did not seep through to her conscience, who did not want to cause him worry, or pain, or heartache, or anything. She wanted to love him, to spend her life simply looking upon him, to touch him, to feel him. She wanted to fall on her knees and beg him to love her for the rest of her life.
Carson, recognizing Josh, whinnied in his direction, giving her away. Josh quickly turned and stared into the bushes. Marisa took off running, giving no thought to her actions. She simply ran into the night, craving solitude, wanting to escape the man who was the source of her turmoil. She didn’t want to face him right now.
The pound of footsteps met her ears and she knew with a sick feeling that he was hot on her heels. She quickened her pace, hardly able to catch her breath. Marisa felt the reach of his hands, grasping at her. She dodged him and ran like she’d never run before, hastened by emotions she didn’t understand.
He was faster than her, though, and finally he grabbed her and tackled her to the ground. They hit the ground as a wild, tumbling mass of arms and legs. She screamed and fought him like a wild cat. “Let me go! Leave me alone!”
He pinned her to the ground with ease and yelled, “Marisa, stop it, please! It isn’t safe for you to be out here alone. Come back with me to the house, please, we can talk this out.”
They stilled. His eyes bored into hers as he held her down, their breathing ragged.
They were quiet for several moments, feeling unbelief at what was happening between them. Josh rolled off of her and lay on the ground next to her as they both caught their breath. Several minutes passed in silence.
It felt so right to lay there with him at her side. She knew their emotions were running high. She was an innocent when it came to love, but she knew enough to know there was a strong attraction between them. She knew Josh had simply let go of the control he always kept such a tight grip on. They lay there like that for a long while, staring up at the bright stars, lost in thought. Finally, Marisa got to her feet. “I just want to be alone right now, Josh. Please leave me alone.”
Josh sat up and held her gaze. “I can’t let you do that, Marisa. It’s not safe for you to ride Carson.”
“What do you care?” she blurted carelessly, ignoring the look of anguish on his face. Marisa turned on her heels and started walking away from him, uncaring if she sounded like a petulant child. He was breaking her heart, and she figured she had a right to act however she darn well wanted to.
He followed, quickly caught up to her, and blocked her way. She could either try to plough right through him or stop. She chose the latter. Their eyes met as they glared at each other.
Marisa turned and walked another way, picking up her pace. She just wanted to get away from him and lick her wounds, but he seemed intent on not letting her go. Soon, he stood before her, blocking her way again. The only sound in the dark night was the soft rhythm of their ragged breathing, revealing the depth of their emotion. Tears started to fall and she didn’t want to break down in front of him.
She turned and began to run aimlessly but not before Josh noticed the tears. He ran after her and blocked her way in just seconds. This time when their eyes met, she saw sympathy. He reached up and held her face in his hands, her tears glistening in the starlight.
“Please don’t cry,” he whispered.
His thumbs brushed away her tears as he brought his lips down onto hers and kissed her softly, tentatively. It was Marisa who responded to him this time and changed the nature of the kiss. She wrapped her arms around him and buried her hands in his hair, holding him to her, and not letting him break the kiss. She pulled him down to the ground. They both fell to their knees and then lowered till they were lying on the soft earth, he on top of her.
Marisa’s thoughts whirled out of control. She decided in that moment that she wasn’t going to let him go. If they were ever to leave this moment—leave this kiss, leave this embrace—it would be his doing. She was behaving irrationally and she knew it, but she didn’t care. She buried her fingers in his hair and pushed his head closer to her, deepening the kiss, causing their lips to press together almost painfully. He didn’t object at first, but after a long while, he caught on. He rolled over onto his back and when she followed,
not letting go of him, not breaking the kiss, it was his turn to feel the desperation in Marisa. He let his hands fall to the side of his head in surrender, he let his lips slacken, and he opened his eyes. He was stiff and unresponsive.
Marisa continued to kiss him. She knew he’d stopped kissing her back and she tried to coax him into kissing her again with no success. She opened her eyes and they stared at each other at close range, her lips still on his. She could see his hands resting on the ground, unwilling to touch her.
He didn’t want her anymore.
Her tears fell onto his cheeks. She finally gave up, arose quickly, and ran off.
This time he let her go.
Josh lay there, feeling stunned at Marisa’s intensity. Somehow he hadn’t thought she would take the news this hard. Foolish on his part, he knew. They shared a love for each other that was stronger than anything he’d ever felt before. His cheeks were wet from her tears. He didn’t wipe them away, but felt them keenly and let them dry there as he lay in the starlight listening to the sound of Carson gallop away—the sound of Marisa leaving his life. He wondered if he could really follow through with this.
When he’d heard the sound of horse’s hooves pounding the dirt outside of his office, he’d cursed himself. Worry for her safety was the only thing that forced him back into action after their heated clash. His anxiety rose to monumental proportions when he realized she’d taken Carson. Not even the ranch hands dared to ride Carson. Apprehension filled every fiber of his being at the thought.
Not only that, Marisa knew better than to go out on her own in the dark of night. It wasn’t safe. She knew very well that one of the rules of the ranch was to always go out two by two, whether it was day or night. The continued safety of his employees was of the utmost importance. Guests and family members were not immune to those rules.
Josh sat up and rested his head in his hands for several seconds, wondering how he’d let things get so out of control. This was not what he’d intended to happen. He hadn’t thought this through at all. But then, how had he expected her to react?
