Shoe Strings

by Christy Hayes

  With every moment, she fell more and more in love with him, with the idea of spending time with him and becoming a part of his life.

  “It’s a big house for just you and Ty,” she said over a confessed store-bought cheesecake. “Ever consider something smaller?”

  “Never.” He took a sip of coffee, locked his hazel eyes on hers. “I want to fill it, every room, with children.”

  She felt the painful stab to her heart and twisted the knife herself by asking, “How many bedrooms?”

  “Four.”

  “So you want three more kids?”

  “Or two, depending on whether or not Ty’s still living here.”

  She couldn’t take the look he sent her and the hint of a promise in his eyes. “I’ll do the dishes.” She stood to clear away the plates.

  ***

  Angelita bolted up from the table and Jesse couldn’t help but notice the shake in her hands as she reached for his plate. He’d spooked her; he could tell from her jittery reaction to his proclamation of wanting more children. A house full. Well, as he’d already pictured a daughter with his adventurous spirit and her bouncing curls, she’d have to get used to the idea.

  He’d wanted her here, in his house, in his bed, from the moment he’d come out of the bathroom in her cabin and seen her standing there like a vision. But she was real and he knew his need for her was more than the physical pull that excited him, more than the dizzying tug he felt on his heart when she was near. Could he feel this way about someone so soon, to the point where it consumed him? He’d been consumed before, consumed with getting away, being on his own, facing his mistakes, building his relationships and his business. But this consumption required more than just his own grit and perseverance. It required Angelita, the only woman who’d ever made him think of permanence and children and forever.

  He picked up their glasses and walked into the kitchen where she stood rinsing the dishes. “What are you thinking?” he asked as she watched the water swirl in the sink.

  She flicked off the spout and smiled, although it didn’t come close to touching her eyes. “I was just thinking about how quickly things happened between us. How short a time I’ve known you.”

  “You know me. You know my father, my son, my ex-wife. You know about my past. And I know you.” He turned her in his arms. “I know you had an unhappy childhood. You’ve got really good friends and a thriving business of which you’re proud, and rightfully so. We’ve both lost our mothers and I know how much that hurts you.”

  “I never knew my mother, Jesse. Our hurt isn’t the same.”

  “No, you’re right. I knew my mother. She was real, she had flaws, although I don’t recall many. Never knowing your mom makes her perfect in your mind and you miss her.”

  Lita walked to the French doors and looked out, her arms wrapped tightly together. “She had one very big flaw.”

  Jesse walked behind her and wrapped his arms around her. The sorrow in her voice felt like a presence in the room. “What’s that?”

  Lita turned in his arms. “She didn’t come back for me. She never fought for me, fought to have me. If I had a baby…”

  “Maybe she was doing all she could to get back to you. You can’t assume she’d just written you off.”

  “I guess I’ll never know.” She let out a big breath. “How do you do this? How do you get me talking about things I don’t ever talk about?”

  “You share things with people you care about. It’s how you show you care, and know you’re cared for.”

  Something passed across her face, but she closed it off carefully, purposefully. “Jesse,” she said. “I have to go back home.”

  He knew she had to go back, was planning on it, eventually. But something about the way she’d said it made him feel panicked. “Not tonight, you don’t.”

  He kissed her then, a gentle brush of his lips over hers, felt her shudder in his arms before he backed her against the door and ran his lips down her throat. She’d taken off her sweater at dinner and he nudged the twisted straps of her dress from her shoulders and savored her golden skin. She tasted like glory, like sin and innocence and something else, something just beyond his reach. He tightened his grip and drew her farther into his spell.

  Here, he could control her, hold her captive with soft murmurs and slow brushes of lips and teeth. Here, she was helpless but to surrender to him, to give him everything she couldn’t say with words. Her body, the soft curves and gilded skin, felt like sunshine in his hands, felt like…fate. With one dip of his shoulder, he scooped her into his arms.

  “Jesse, put me down.”

  “No. Hang on to me, Angelita. It’s not far.” He climbed the stairs and watched her face as he slipped her onto his bed. “Take your dress off.”

  As he watched, she came up to her knees and slowly unfastened the row of buttons that ran down the thin cotton. When she finished, he moved to stand before her, nudged the dress from her shoulders and looked his fill. “You’re so beautiful, Angelita.” When she opened her mouth to protest, he could see by the look on her face she would, he stopped her with a touch of his finger to her lips. “Shhh. Let me tell you what I see, what you do to me.” His hands drifted to the clasp on her bra and, with one quick flick, let her breasts free. She was like nothing he’d ever seen before, so wary and yet so willing. “You could ask anything of me now and I’d do it. You could destroy me by walking away.”

  “Step closer.” Her voice and the softly muttered command floated like a spark over kindling. “Let me show you what you do to me, Jesse. Let me touch you.” When she reached for him, he went willingly. There wasn’t a force strong enough to keep his hands from her, his body from merging with hers. Every time they came together, every caress, kiss, moan felt like a link. He wanted to do things to her, touch her in ways that would make her leaving seem incomprehensible.

  With the scrape of his teeth along her neck, she brought him down to the bed with her, where they stayed until daybreak. Or at least he did. When he woke, she was gone.

  Chapter 27

  Kerri Ann stood up from behind the bar and knocked her head against the old-fashioned cash register that sat open above her. “Damn it,” she cried with a quick rub to her temple. “Emilio? Frank?” When she got no answer, she swung through the kitchen door and looked around for anyone to yell at. It didn’t matter who, she just needed to yell.

  “Who left the drawer open again?”

  Both men looked up, one from the oven and the other peeked his head out of the freezer. “Huh?” they both said.

  Shit. She realized as soon as she saw their faces that they hadn’t stepped foot outside the kitchen all morning, hadn’t stepped anywhere near her in the last two days. The damn drawer popped open every now and again and obviously had done so today, like a giant tongue blowing a raspberry in her face.

  “Never mind.” She stalked back into the restaurant. It probably wasn’t the best idea to be around customers, but she needed the distraction. Whenever she sat down at her desk or got behind the wheel of her car, her mind popped back to Bryce and all the hate she’d seen in his eyes, all the goodness she’d walked away from. “For his own damn good,” she muttered to herself and then stuck her chin in the air when two college kids gave her a queer look for talking to herself.

  She’d get through this, she told herself for the hundredth time that day. She’d spent years, over a decade, tamping down her feelings for Bryce. She could do it again. But this time she knew what she was giving up. She could picture it so clearly, the love, the cherishing touches and words…STOP IT, she ordered herself. With a huff that teetered toward tears, she pushed out the front door and gulped for air, nearly barreling into Molly Pearson, the old biddy from the bank.

  “Goodness, Kerri Ann,” the woman fanned her face as if their near collision had been life threatening. “What on earth’s gotten you so upset?”

  Like she’d tell the town’s biggest busybody. “Nothing, Molly. Just needed some fresh air.�
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  Molly clucked her tongue and narrowed her eyes. “You look tired, Kerri Ann. Course, having to deal with your boyfriend’s drinking could do that to you.”

  “What are you talking about, Molly?”

  “Bryce. Saw him tie on a good one yesterday.” She moved closer as if to spare any passersby the details. “I wouldn’t stand for him drinking if I was you, Kerri Ann. You remember what happened to his daddy and his ma.” She put a conciliatory hand on Kerri Ann’s arm before scooting on her way. What the hell?

  Oh God. Had she driven him to drink? Bryce never drank more than one or two, ever. She’d never forget the shame on his face when he’d catch his dad stumbling out of the tavern in the middle of the day or go home to find him passed out on the couch. And she’d driven him into a drunken stupor, could drive him to more if he’d inherited his dad’s love of the bottle. She looked down the street toward his office, could just make out the bumper of his car as it sat along the curb next to Misty’s ancient beetle.

  She’d taken off down the sidewalk before she even knew what she was doing. Not until she got to the steps leading to the front door did she pause and wonder what she’d say, how he’d react to seeing her. She was the last person who needed to warn him about drinking and probably the best one to drive him to it, but she couldn’t stand herself for not trying to steer him away from it. With a visible shake in her step, she mounted the stairs.

  The office smelled like him, like the manly goodness she’d always associated with Bryce. Misty looked up from typing on her computer and shook her head at Kerri Ann. Great, she thought. Word travels fast.

  “Can I help you with something?” she asked. Although Kerri Ann stood over her, Misty somehow managed to look down her nose at her.

  “Is Bryce….is he…can I see him?” Kerri Ann swiped her sweaty palms on her jeans.

  “I don’t think that’s such a great idea, Kerri Ann.” Misty stood up as if to physically block the hall toward his office. “He’s…not been himself the last few days. Your being here would probably make it worse.”

  “But I—”

  Kerri Ann stopped when Bryce appeared in the hallway, all six foot three of him. He looked a day or so from freshly shaved and he’d made a row of finger tracks through his thick black hair. “What are you doing here?” His voice sounded like gravel.

  “I…” She just looked at him. She could tell by his expression that he couldn’t stand the sight of her. She wanted to beg for mercy at his feet. She didn’t think anything could be worse than when he’d stormed out of her house that night, but seeing his quiet stare of disgust was worse, so much worse. “How are you?”

  “What do you want, Kerri Ann?”

  “I want to make sure you’re okay. I heard, well, I heard you’d…” She looked back at Misty, who wasn’t even trying not to listen. “Can we discuss this in your office?”

  “No.” His eyes flickered. “I don’t have time for this. In case you forgot, I’m not your concern any longer.”

  Okay, if he wanted a public scene, he’d get one. “You’ve always been my concern, Bryce. I don’t expect that to change.”

  He sneered. “Since when, huh? Since when have I been your concern? Since when have you bothered to think about anything but what you want?”

  “What do you mean?”

  He took a step closer, then another when she tensed and lifted her chin. “How long have you thought about me and my feelings? How long have you cared about me?”

  “Well…always, since we were kids.” What did he want? She could see by the impatient look on his face her answer hadn’t appeased him. “You know that.”

  “I don’t know anything about you if what your ex-husband says is true.”

  “Jesse? What did he say?”

  Bryce narrowed his eyes at her, looked over at Misty, who by this time was nearly salivating. In one long lunge, he had Kerri Ann by the arm and dragged her down the hall to his office. The door slammed shut behind her and the sound of it made her jump. She watched as Bryce paced to his desk, nearly sat, then bounded up to stand in front of her.

  “What happened the day Ty was conceived?” he asked.

  Her mouth fell open, her knees turned to goo, and she felt herself sway before Bryce reached out to steady her. “What?”

  “You heard me.” He slowly pulled his arm away after leading her to a chair. “Tell me about the day Ty was conceived.”

  Damn Jesse for opening his big mouth. “Don’t you know how those kinds of things happen by now?”

  “Don’t joke, Kerri Ann. I’m two seconds away from tossing you out on your butt.” He took a seat at the chair opposite her and tapped his foot with impatience. “Tell me what happened.”

  Her mouth was so dry; suddenly it felt like she’d swallowed a handful of cotton. “Okay, I…we, that is you and I, walked down to get some ice cream after school one day. Jesse couldn’t come because he had chores to do for Cal.” She shifted in the seat and gripped the edge like she was free falling and the cushion was the only thing that could save her. “I’d…had feelings for you for a while then, more than friendship feelings.” She stole a quick glance at Bryce as he sat with his legs spread, his elbows resting on his knees, and his head cradled in his hands. A captive audience if there ever was one. “We…you wiped some ice cream off my face and we almost kissed. It freaked me out, how much I wanted you to and yet didn’t want you to. I gave you some lame excuse and ran off to find Jesse.”

  Unable to sit, she hopped up and began pacing the room. “I found him at home, dragged him behind the woodshed, and threw myself at him. I thought if I could remember who I was supposed to be in love with, who I was supposed to have a life with, my mind would stop wandering to you all the time.” She stopped pacing and faced him. “It didn’t work. As soon as we were done, I burst into tears and told him I wanted to break up. I told him I thought I was in love with you.”

  Bryce jumped up, grabbed both her arms, and gave her a hearty shake. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I tried to,” she shot back and then took a deep breath to steady her nerves. “You were in an awful mood for days and, when I finally got the courage up to ask you what was wrong, you said it was the town. You said you couldn’t wait to get out of here, said you’d changed your mind about going to WCU and had accepted the partial scholarship you got to UNC.” She shrugged when his hands slipped from her arms. “I figured it was too late. And then I found out I was pregnant.”

  “Damn it, Kerri Ann. I’d have given all that up to be with you. Don’t you know that?”

  “No, I didn’t know that and I’m glad I didn’t say anything. I’d have still been pregnant. You’d have felt trapped or at the very least obligated. I never wanted you to be in that position. Just like I don’t think you should tie yourself down to someone like me when you could have any woman you set your mind to.”

  “What?”

  “I never should have started this up with you.” She flung her arms in the air, so infuriated by the stupefied look on his face. “I knew it had to end, I knew it would hurt like hell, but I just couldn’t help myself. Being with you has meant everything to me, but I can’t tie you down to me and this town, to this life. I can’t do it.”

  “Tie me down? Where do you come up with this stuff?”

  “Don’t do this, Bryce. You’re making it harder than it has to be.”

  “I’m making it harder?” He grabbed her arms again and held tight. “I love you, Kerri Ann. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and Ty. I want to be a family. I want to make a family with you. I thought you wanted that too.”

  Hearing it again was like being shot at close range. “Don’t you see? I can’t do that to you.”