Until I Knew Myself (Bentwood Book 1)

by Tammy L. Gray

  But that was where the information ended. Tyler read and re-read, hoping for anything that would tell him where to start looking. But as expected in a closed adoption, names and locations were omitted.

  He scanned the letterhead closer. Nathan Payne Law, PLLC. Lubbock, Texas.

  Dustin had seen these. He had to have. The timing. The city. It was too exact to be a guess.

  A shocked laugh escaped his mouth.

  Dustin had actually been telling the truth on the one thing that really mattered. Tyler had a sibling. A sister.

  His grandfather’s legacy—the Mitchell blood. This was what he’d wanted Tyler to find all along.

  Staggering to his feet, paperwork clutched in his hand, Tyler glanced around for his phone and remembered it was in his car. He practically ran, lost between disbelief and a joy so overwhelming he wanted to shout out his fortune.

  He had to call Journey. And Beck. Sheesh, he even wanted to call April.

  But first the adoption attorney.

  Tyler let out a whooshed cry. A sister. McKenna Mitchell. Even the name was beautiful.

  But as he picked up the phone, another thought seized him. He was doing it again, clinging to an idea of a sibling, when he already had a brother. One he’d hurt, though unintentionally, with his quest. One who needed him right now.

  Tyler set down the paperwork. He’d call the lawyer later, after his mind had processed all the facts and he had a game plan. He wasn’t going to rush this time. If Dustin had taught him one thing through this mess, it was that nothing was as it seemed.

  He’d waited another day before going to see Beck. The storage room was empty, the remaining four boxes stuffed now in the back of Tyler’s car—one with all the adoption paperwork and any other documents related to Tyler’s father, the other three loaded with antiques. Luckily, most of the destruction had been to Norman’s kitchenware and not to the valuables he’d acquired.

  Still in his car, Tyler stared at the brick building in front of him. The last time he’d come, he’d been ready to sever all ties with Beck. To trade one brother for another. He’d been so blinded by his anger, his pride, his sense of righteousness that he’d missed the bigger reality. Beck was and always would be his family. Broken or not, theirs was a bond that couldn’t be tossed aside. Tyler had been too stubborn to hear Beck’s apology, but maybe the steadier, more dedicated brother would find a way to be the bigger man.

  Millie, the front office receptionist, looked up from her computer when Tyler walked in the door. “Ty, hi! It seems like everyone is returning today.” She smiled broadly, her kind brown eyes and cheerful disposition the reason the entire staff adored her. “Does this mean you’re back on duty?”

  Tyler leaned his forearms on the counter. “Not till next week. I came in to see Beck. He around today.”

  “Oh yeah. He’s been here since five.”

  Of course he had.

  Tyler scanned the photo frame perched on the side of her desk. “New pictures?”

  She blushed and picked up the five by seven portrait of her young family. Millie had married her high school sweetheart and they recently had a little boy. “Yes, it was a splurge but I couldn’t help myself.”

  He tapped the desk, standing back to full height. “Well, they turned out beautiful.” He eased toward the locked interior door and gripped the handle. “Do you mind?” Millie controlled the system from her desk and Tyler had forgotten to grab his badge.

  “Oh sure.”

  The electronic lock popped and Tyler made his way into the main hallway, now a bustle of activity. A few people waved at him, but quickly disappeared behind doors and cubicles, their faces each mirroring looks of focused concentration.

  Two more people streamed by him, both coming from the executive wing.

  “Hey Ty, welcome back,” they each said quickly, neither stopping to chat. Odd.

  He paused by the etched double door, seeing Terri on the other side about to exit. Her strawberry blond hair was pulled into a bun, her green eyes heavily painted. Tyler was sure the woman wore fake eyelashes, because they were striking. Truth be told, everything about Terri was striking, which was why Beck went for her in the first place. He just didn’t realize she was a psychopath. Tyler shuddered, remembering the utter destruction in Beck’s office.

  “You’re not due back ’til Monday,” she said flatly and stood in the middle of the open door, blocking his entry.

  “So?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Nothing. As usual your timing matches your necessity to stay up Mr. Kinder’s—”

  Tyler ignored her words the minute he heard the boom of laughter no one could recreate. His gaze shot to the man standing outside Beck’s office. Harold’s face was tan and relaxed; his first vacation in years seemed to agree with him.

  Had it been four weeks already?

  He spotted Tyler the same time Beck did, but their reactions were completely opposite. Beck was an inferno. His face remained cool, but his eyes were a blazing fire.

  Harold waved him over. “Ty, get in here.”

  Terri’s brow rose but she stepped aside, allowing Tyler to make those ten terrifying steps toward the only father he’d ever know. Emotion choked in his throat, Caroline’s words still heavy on his heart.

  You’re not an orphan.

  If he wasn’t, it was only because of this man.

  Strong arms encircled him, and Tyler hugged Harold back the way he never could in the past. There’d always been an invisible wall separating them, reminding Tyler over and over again that he didn’t really belong. But maybe he’d been the one to put that wall there, because now it seemed to be missing. Now all he could feel was the tender embrace of a father.

  “I didn’t know you were coming in today,” Tyler squeaked out as Harold pushed him back, but kept a grip on his shoulders. He watched him like he’d missed him. Like he mattered.

  “Anne Marie insisted I leave. I’m pretty certain she’s sick of me now.” He ruffled Tyler’s hair. “What about you? You all rested and ready to jump in?”

  “Yep.” Tyler switched his gaze to Beck, who didn’t look away, but met the stare with apathy. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

  “Now isn’t a good time.”

  “Later?” Tyler kept his eyes locked on his friend, trying to read this person he hardly recognized.

  Beck broke eye contact first. “I just landed two more accounts and now it seems I’m down another person.” Judgment and accusation seeped through every word. He shoved his hands into his pockets and disappeared into his office. The door shut soon after.

  If Harold noticed the tension, he didn’t mention it. Instead he threw his arm around Tyler’s shoulders and squeezed. “Come on. We have lots to talk about and I want to hear all I’ve missed while I’ve been gone.” He led Tyler forward. “You would not believe what a little salty air can do for an old guy. I have all these new ideas and thoughts.”

  When did he not have a new idea? The man was a visionary if there ever was one. “I have a feeling that means long hours for me,” Tyler mumbled, only sort of kidding as they entered the suite.

  “Well, that depends.”

  Harold’s office was exactly how Tyler remembered it. Perfection. Hardwood floors, leather seating area with Forbes magazines fanned across the coffee table, a large oak conference table with two projector screens on the wall. An entire wall of glass reached across the far side of the room where his desk was, but he didn’t head there. Harold instead sat on the couch and motioned for Tyler to do the same. He wanted them face-to-face, on the same level. As if Tyler would ever be worthy of such a position.

  Tyler swallowed and instead of joining him on the couch, opted to take one of the wing back chairs across from him. There’d been rumors that Mr. Kinder planned to move a new manager to Dallas and if so, Tyler would likely be the prime candidate. “You want me to go back to Dallas, don’t you?” That’s why Beck was so dismissive. Harold was pulling him out of the division permanent
ly.

  “Absolutely not,” he said firmly as if he could sense the dread in Tyler’s voice. “Besides, you are far too talented to manage a small insurance office. I have something much bigger in mind.”

  A tangible relief moved through every muscle. He didn’t have to tell him no, which was what he’d been determined to do if Harold had asked him to leave again. Tyler studied his hands, not wanting to admit the truth—that so much of his life, he’d worked for this man’s love. For his respect. Now that Tyler knew he’d also paid thousands to keep him from a criminal, the debt felt too big. It weighed on his shoulders like yoke.

  “What’s the project?” he asked carefully.

  “Not a project. An entire new division, right here in Bentwood. You’d work directly for me.” Harold clasped his hands together. “I want to start a small banking branch – savings and equipment loans only. And for now, it will just be here in Texas. I want to eventually be a one stop enterprise, where a customer can get his business loan and insurance all at the same time, with a company that has a vested interest in helping them succeed. Are you interested at all?”

  Interested? Tyler was practically falling out of his chair with eagerness. “So no more managing claims and fighting against fraud?”

  “Nope. You’re my top salesman and that’s what I want you to focus on, selling this new vision to our clients. I have wanted to do this for a long time and I’ve always known it would be yours. It is your strength. We just needed to get you ready. Your success in Dallas proved that you are.”

  Insecurity gripped him. “Are you sure I’m the right choice?”

  “Ty, you have never failed at anything I’ve asked of you. But I don’t want you taking this position unless you really want it. It’s going to take a lot of hours and while it comes with a pay raise and some definite office perks, it may not translate into too much financially. There are no commissions. No bonuses. At least not right away.”

  “You know I don’t care about the money.”

  “I know that.” Harold smiled, and Tyler couldn’t help but warm under the pride in it. “I’m more worried about your commitment. If I give you this assignment, I need to know you’re sticking around for a while.”

  There seemed to be a question in his voice, almost like he was expecting Tyler to give him a resignation letter.

  “Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”

  “Well, that frosty exchange between you and Beck was a bit concerning.” Harold’s blue eyes shone like the hottest part of a fire, and both zeroed in on him. “But I guess that’s to be expected after what you’ve learned.”

  His body seemed to go into slow motion and each inhale and exhale felt like it took years.

  Beck had told his father, and Tyler couldn’t even call it betrayal because he knew exactly what it felt like to cut someone out of his life. He’d just never been the recipient of it before.

  Harold ripped his stare from him and studied the ceiling. “I should have known when you didn’t answer my emails that something was going on.”

  Two million thoughts scoured Tyler’s mind and he couldn’t process any of them. “What did Beck tell you?”

  “He told me about the will and about Dustin—who I didn’t know existed, by the way. He also told me you have a lot of questions about how all of this happened and why we felt the need to hide it from you.”

  The confrontation Tyler had been anticipating for weeks was finally here.

  Yet as he stared at the only man who could now give him answers, none of the hostility returned. Somehow, over the past month, Tyler had buried the anger and only confusion remained. “Why did you hide it?”

  “I don’t know. Truth be told, I intended to have this conversation with you a long time ago. I guess I was nervous.”

  “Nervous?” Never in his life had he seen this man anything but completely confident.

  “No one wants to tell a child something that could possibly make them walk away.” He settled back in the corner cushion, his elbow digging into the armrest. “Did your mom ever tell you I went to see her?”

  A cold tingling shot through his bloodstream. “No, she didn’t.” In fact, he assumed the Kinders didn’t even know she existed until the funeral.

  “I sat with her in the hospital and asked if she would be okay with us raising you.” There was a catch in his voice that had Tyler’s throat stinging. “To our utter relief, she gave her blessing, but asked only one thing from me. That I would protect you from Ian’s family. Not because Norman was a sociopath or anything, but because she watched your father wither away in that environment, and she wanted more for you.” He took a deep breath. “We had the papers ready in two days, but she’d passed away before they were ever signed.”

  Tyler’s mind spun forward and backward. “But I thought Beck begged you to take me in?”

  “No. He agreed to it, mind you, but no. Your moving in with us was always what Anne Marie and I wanted.” He blinked his eyes twice and swallowed. “You belonged with us. And when Norman came that day, I panicked. I knew in a fight, I could lose. I had no legal right to you, and I don’t like taking chances on bad odds.”

  Uncomfortable with Harold’s uncommon display of emotion, Tyler bent forward and rested his elbows on his knees, his eyes cast down to the table and away from Harold’s. “So you paid him off?”

  “Yes. And I’d do it again. I’d pay any sum of money required. Because you are my son, and I wasn’t going to let anyone snatch you out of my hands. Especially someone who could hurt you. If that makes me a monster, I’m sorry.” There was a jagged edge to his voice, a brokenness that didn’t belong to a man who owned the world. “Fathers make hard decisions for their sons all the time.”

  Tyler pressed both hands to his face as if he could stop the flow of tears now spilling over. He was a man. He shouldn’t be crying. Yet, nothing could stop the assault.

  He felt his head being cradled against Harold’s chest, saw his mentor on his knees in front of him, and the tears poured stronger.

  Harold ran a hand over his hair like he was two and had skinned his knee in a fall. “Whatever you need from us, just tell me. But please don’t ever think we don’t love you, because we do, as if you’d been our own flesh and blood.”

  Caroline had been right. He did have a family. This man loved him, and it had nothing to do with him working for the company, or how good he tried to be, or how much he altered his life to try and fit into their world.

  This man loved him simply because he was his son.

  Chapter 34

  Tyler stayed in Mr. Kinder’s office for another hour. First talking about Norman’s stolen goods and then about Dustin.

  “I’m pretty sure he’s long gone. I haven’t heard from him since I handed over the string of pearls.”

  When Harold stood and cursed, Tyler revealed the one truth in all lies that really mattered.

  “The adoption story was real, though. I have a half-sister.” Tyler’s eyes felt swollen, his voice raspy. Too much emotion had been spilled in that office. Yet at the same time, he’d never felt more alive. As if a childhood pain had finally been cured. “I was wondering if we could have one of the investigators look into it. Maybe see what they can find out?” Kinder enterprises kept two PI’s on retainer. Usually to track down insurance fraud, but Tyler knew they had access to information unavailable to him. “I have the name and address of the lawyer the adopted family used. I also have her birth certificate.”

  Harold rubbed his chin that was freshly shaven from his trip. “A closed adoption can be hard to track. But I’ve heard of this National Adoption registry in Phoenix where they can open adoption records. They’re also doing stuff with DNA now. The bigger question is, does she want to find you?”

  “She probably doesn’t even know I exist. And what if her parents never told her she was adopted?” Or there was his bigger fear. That she did know and had no interest in finding her biological family.

  “Then it’s going to
be very difficult.” He sat on the edge of his desk, arms folded across his chest. “But bring me the paperwork and if this is what you want, we’ll pursue every avenue we can.”

  “Thank you.”

  “It’s the least I can do.” There was a hint of apology in his voice, but then he slapped his hands together, and to Tyler’s relief, the emotional tension dissipated.

  “Now Monday, things are going to start moving fast. I’m going to want a strategy as soon as possible that includes financial and marketing.” Tyler found himself grinning. This was the Harold he was used to. “We’ll need to see who Lynda has available to help you,” Harold continued, missing Tyler’s amusement. “I can’t pull Caroline from Beck. As it is, if I don’t get a replacement for you ASAP, my first born is going to revolt.” He was joking, but Tyler doubted he was too far off base.

  Beck had looked pale and tired and distant. All this time, Tyler had assumed it was Beck who’d intertwined their lives. But really, Tyler had been the intruder. The thief who took his parent’s love, his girlfriend’s heart, and now the first girl he’d cared about since high school.

  “I can help with the transition. Carry some of Beck’s load until you hire someone.” He owed Beck that much.

  Harold smiled, again his eyes steady with pride. “I appreciate the offer, but you’ll be far too busy to mess with insurance anymore. Beck will figure it out. It’s good for him to feel uncomfortable. It keeps him grounded.”

  Unwilling to comment, Tyler rose from the chair he felt like he’d been in for days. Though so much had changed in this conversation, his determination to stay out of Beck and his father’s relationship had not.

  Harold stood too, came over and hugged him. “We’re going to figure this out,” he said. “All of us.”