The Crazy Girl's Handbook

by DelSheree Gladden

Chapter Thirteen

  Sammy was happily munching on his burger and fries while I started up Netflix and searched for something dinosaur related. He was nearly finished with his food by the time I sat down and started in on mine. I wanted to keep his mind off everything that had been going on at home, but there was one question I needed to ask.

  “Sammy, why didn’t you tell your dad I was coming to pick you up tonight?”

  “I tried,” Sammy said, “but he wouldn’t listen to me. As soon as I said your name, my mom got really mad. Then nobody was listening to me anymore.”

  A dozen questions sprang to my mind at that, but Sammy needed a night off from his parents. I wasn’t about to drag him back into the middle of their mess. Besides, it wasn’t any mystery why Jen would freak out at the mention of my name. I mean, honestly, it was a little confusing because it was hard to picture her actually seeing me as a threat, but I had been wearing her ex-husband’s shirt early in the morning when she showed up. I was sure no matter how many times Roman might have said we hadn’t slept together, she wouldn’t believe it. Not that he owed her an explanation, or should have to defend himself if we had slept together, but whatever.

  It seemed pretty clear to me that while Jen was completely closed off when it came to Sammy, she still had a strong attachment to Roman. That put some serious breaks on thoughts of getting into a serious relationship with him—not that I even had the first clue about whether that was actually a possibility any more—but then there was Sammy.

  It would be weird to keep talking to Sammy and picking him up for something like this if Roman and I weren’t involved, right? Disappearing from this little boy’s life didn’t seem like an option. Feeling stuck, I shoved another fry into my mouth and watched Sammy’s favorite band of dinosaurs make their way through another adventure. As soon as I finished my food, Sammy curled up next to me. That was where he stayed for the rest of the movie.

  Even though it wasn’t that late by the time the movie ended, I wasn’t surprised to find Sammy had fallen asleep. He’d had a very long week. My head was feeling much better by that point, but when I reached down to pick him up a sharp pain made me wince. Stupid backpack strap.

  Sammy looked small, but was quite a bit heavier than I expected him to be. Getting him into my arms was a challenge. Adding my purse and keys to the mix, even harder. By the time I got to my front door, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to open it. It took some careful finagling on both sides of the door before I made it out and managed to lock the door behind me. I was on the way down the walkway when one of my neighbors appeared.

  “Hey, Greenly,” Sara said. She lived in the unit above me and we’d clicked right away after I moved in. She looked at the boy in my arms and tilted her head to one side. “Did I miss something? I didn’t think you’d adopted any kids recently.”

  “Babysitting for a friend.” It wasn’t exactly true, but close enough. Sammy was heavy and I didn’t want to stand there all night explaining. My arms were already starting to burn.

  I shifted Sammy awkwardly, and Sara’s eyebrows rose. “Do you need help?”

  I almost said no, but I was exhausted. “Maybe. Would you mind just opening the car door for me?” I still had the fob in my hand, so I could unlock it, but I was terrified of dropping Sammy in an attempt to open the door on my own.

  “Sure,” Sara said happily. “My plans totally fell through for tonight, so I’m just heading up to drink a few glasses of wine and binge watch Grey’s Anatomy.” She laughed. “Joseph’s out of town for the weekend.”

  Reaching the door, she pulled it open for me and helped me get Sammy situated in the booster seat I kept on hand for Colby. He never stirred through the entire process and I closed the door with a sigh.

  “You know,” Sara said, “the babysitter doesn’t usually have to deliver the kid. Drop off and pick up is typically the parents’ responsibility.” She arched one eyebrow, as if she suspected I hadn’t been completely forthcoming earlier.

  “It’s complicated,” I said.

  She snorted a little laugh. “Yeah. Figured.” Her expression changed then, to something I couldn’t quite identify, but put me on edge. “Hey, you haven’t seen anyone hanging around the building lately, have you?”

  The note on my porch immediately sprang to mind, but I hesitated to mention it. “No,” I said. “Why do you ask?”

  “Oh, just curious. A couple people have mentioned seeing a guy wandering round, and someone was parked in Joseph’s space the other night, but drove off as soon as they saw him pull into the parking lot.”

  Joseph, Sara’s boyfriend, was a big guy, and very fit. He was very nice, but could definitely pull off intimidating when it was necessary. “Did anyone see what this creeper guy looked like?”

  Frowning, Sara shook her head. “Not really. Average height, medium build, had a hat or pullover on, I guess. I haven’t seen him, personally. Creeps me out, though. I had a stalker once in high school. Completely freaked me out at the time.”

  “Yeah, I bet.” I bit my lip. The notes could be nothing, but I couldn’t risk not mentioning them. “Someone left a note on my porch last weekend, and at the library today. I have no idea who, but they were kind of threatening. Maybe…it could be connected.”

  Although Sara had looked unnerved before, her eyebrows were now nearly level with her hairline. “What did the notes say?”

  Sammy stirred in the car, one eye opening as he peered up at me for reassurance, and then fell back asleep. Turning back to Sara, I said, “If you have any wine you can spare, how about I drop Sammy off and then come by to tell you about the nutty week I’ve had.”

  Sara snorted. “I always have extra wine.” She gave me a quick hug before stepping back onto the sidewalk. “Come on up whenever you’re ready. I’ll have an extra wine glass waiting.”

  I waved goodbye to her and climbed into the driver’s seat, though I didn’t drive away until I saw her make it safely inside her apartment. I’d lived in this building for the past four years and never once felt unsafe. Had I brought this fear to our building somehow? Who was leaving the notes and skulking around the property? I had no idea if they were even related. Had Sara’s stalker made a comeback? Was it Jason attempting to punish me? It could just be some random person intent on burglarizing the apartments, which didn’t make me feel any better, and didn’t explain the notes. Exhausted, on edge, and confused, I texted Roman and pulled out of my space to make my way back across town.

  I shouldn’t have been surprised to see his front door pop open as soon as I pulled up to the curb, but it caught me off guard anyway. I’d kind of hoped for a few more minutes to compose myself before having to face him again. No such luck. Big surprise. He could have at least done me the favor of going to Sammy’s door first, but no, he was opening my door for me before I could do it on my own, waiting for me to get out and face him after having berated him earlier that night and basically called his parenting abilities into question. Me, who had zero children of her own and knew nothing about relationships, marriages, or handling ex-spouses.

  What I did know was how it felt to be alone and feel unwanted. That rekindled some of the fire I’d felt earlier. Face to face with him, my mouth opened, but I had no idea what to say. Luckily, he did. “Greenly, please let me apologize for earlier, for this whole week, actually.”

  A long weary sigh slipped out of me. “Roman, not tonight, okay? I’m exhausted, my head hurts, and Sara has wine and Grey’s Anatomy waiting for me. Plus, I’m not sure how much I like you right now and I don’t want to say something stupid.” My words ran back through my head and I closed my eyes. “Like that.” I shook my head and turned away from him.

  I could hear him following me, and even if I hadn’t, his presence that close was impossible not to feel. He waited patiently while I opened Sammy’s door and unbuckled the little guy’s seatbelt. He woke up halfway through the process and looked up at me with bleary eyes, a wary expression on his fa
ce.

  “Is my mom still here?”

  Roman had promised she wouldn’t be, but I looked to him for an answer, just in case. He shook his head. Brushing hair back from Sammy’s eyes, I said, “No, she’s gone for tonight.” His shoulders relaxed visibly. “You look pretty tired. How about we get you inside and into bed, okay?”

  Sammy nodded. He moved slowly, but got out of the car under his own power. I didn’t mind carrying him, but he was heavy and I was afraid I’d drop him on the way. He pushed his door closed once both feet were on the ground and took my hand. Roman, he ignored. I couldn’t really blame him, but the hurt in Roman’s expression dug at me a little. Befriending Sammy was in no way a ploy to pull him away from his father. He just needed someone to talk to and I couldn’t let him down. I knew he would forgive Roman as soon as Jen took off again and things went back to normal, but a small part of me thought Roman deserved the cold shoulder.

  I hadn’t really had a big plan for handing Sammy over to his dad when I got there. I don’t know if Sammy did, but he pushed into his house and tugged me along behind him even though I really wanted to escape any further questions or comments from Roman. Resisting Sammy wasn’t easy. Roman remained close by, but silent as Sammy gave a half-hearted attempt at brushing his teeth and dropped into bed without changing his clothes.

  “Greenly,” he said, his hand extended toward me. I got the impression he knew he was milking the situation a little, but knowing he could get away with it tonight, he didn’t seem bothered by that. The corner of Roman’s mouth turned up a bit as I gave in and walked over to sit on the edge of his bed. “I had fun hanging out with you tonight.”

  “I had fun, too.”

  “Can we do it again?” A small, sneaky smile formed on his lips. This boy was going to be a charmer when he grew up.

  Smiling down at him, I said, “I’ll talk to your dad about it, okay?”

  Sammy’s gaze darted over to Roman’s. A small flash of fear flitted through his expression, more, I thought, out of fear that he wouldn’t see me again than any concern of being punished. In a much smaller and less certain voice than before, Sammy’s gaze stayed fixed on his dad’s as he asked, “Can you stay tonight? Like last time?” He tore his gaze from Roman’s and met mine. “I bet my dad would let you borrow his shirt again.”

  Behind me, Roman made a noise I couldn’t interpret. It might have been irritation, or it might have been an echo of his son’s request. Desired welled deep in my core, but I shoved it away quick and hard. “Not tonight,” I said firmly.

  Sammy’s face fell. “But I want you to stay.”

  “I know, buddy, but I have to go home. I’ll see you again, though. Soon, I promise. And you can call me if you’re feeling down, okay?”

  Wiping at his eyes, Sammy nodded. “I love you, Greenly.”

  “I love you, too. Now get some sleep, okay?”

  Sammy finally gave in and turned onto his side. I hadn’t heard Roman sneak up on us, but I jumped a little when he reached past me to turn on a small, dim lamp. His hand brushed across Sammy’s face and he whispered a quick goodnight and ‘I love you’ before stepping back. It took me a few seconds longer to stand up and follow him out of the room.

  As soon as I was clear, I started for the front door. Roman caught my hand as I passed him, a gentle touch that pleaded with me to stop. Even though I wanted to let him wrap me up and apologize and tell me everything was going to be fine, even the stuff he didn’t actually know about, I tugged my hand free out of his and picked up the pace. I heard his breath hitch behind me, then his footfalls move to follow. I made it to the front door before he said anything.

  “Greenly, please,” he begged.

  I tried so hard to keep emotion out of my voice, but it was shaking when I said, “Roman, not tonight.”

  “Can I call you tomorrow?”

  Scoffing, I turned to face him, even though I knew there were tears in my eyes. “I don’t know. Can you?”

  Shame rolled across his features. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. Jen, she makes me crazy, and I didn’t want to drag you into that. I didn’t want you to see how much she gets under my skin, how much I let her.”

  “How did that work out for you?” I snapped.

  Roman’s shoulders fell. For several long seconds, he didn’t say anything. His mouth opened, closed, he swallowed hard, and then his gaze dropped to the floor. “I’ll tell Sammy not to call you anymore if you want. He shouldn’t have—”

  “Don’t you dare,” I said fiercely. The heat behind my words snapped Roman’s gaze back up to mine. “He had every right to call me. There was no one else in this house he felt he could talk to, and I’m glad he trusted me enough to reach out. I would have hated the idea of him sitting under his bed by himself, feeling alone, scared that his mom was going to take him away from you.”

  “She’s not,” Roman said quickly. “She doesn’t even want custody, not really. She’s just trying to scare me, make me angry. I would never let her take him.”

  The level of passion behind his words made his body tense, and I believed him. “I’m not the one who needs to hear that,” I said. “Not the only one, anyway.”

  Roman’s breath shuddered as he released it. “I know, and I will.” He shook his head. “I didn’t think he even knew what all that meant.”

  “He didn’t. He had to ask me, and I told him. He didn’t have to understand the words to be scared by them, Roman. He is terrified of losing you like he did her.” Even though I was still plenty frustrated with him, I reached out and touched his arm gently. “He’s upset with you right now, but he loves you so much. Please don’t let Jen ruin what you two have.”

  Before I could react, Roman pulled me into a hug. He was crushing me, but I didn’t protest. Not because I had stopped being angry with him, but because I knew how much he needed it. Just like his son, he was reaching out for comfort and understanding, and apparently I was the one still hanging around to give it. My body softened in his arms and I felt myself wrap my arms around his frame even as I worried it would tell him more than what I meant it to.

  “Jen’s here for another week,” Roman said, still holding onto me, “but after tonight, I made it clear that things would be changing.” He pulled back enough to look at me. “I held off pushing any changes in custody because I was afraid of closing that door, for Sammy’s sake, but every time she shows up it only upsets him. I know she’s going to fight me, but I need to stop letting her push us both around and start protecting Sammy from her toxicity.”

  Stepping back from Roman, I debated my response to that. “Sammy told me earlier that he didn’t think Jen loved him, and as much as I hate to say it, I think he’s right.”

  Hurt sprang across Roman’s features, more in response to what he seemed to already know being voiced than surprise at the statement.

  “It’s you she’s still in love with, Roman, and that’s why she’ll fight a change in custody. Losing access to Sammy means losing access to you.”

  Roman shook his head, clearly disbelieving. “She’s the one who left me. Us. You don’t do that to someone if you love them.”

  “Look,” I said, “I’m not making excuses for Jen. Trust me when I say I’d rather slap her pretty face than sit down to tea, but you said yourself she never really wanted kids or a traditional family life. I don’t know her, but if I had to guess, she married you because she fell in love and thought she could gallivant all over the world with her handsome husband and be the envy of all her actor friends. That was the life she wanted, and maybe she thought she’d love Sammy when he came, and maybe she only went through with it to please you. I don’t know. The look in her eyes the day we met and the things she’s said since then, she’s not fighting you for Sammy. She just fighting for you, Roman. Until you get that figured out with her, she’ll keep fighting and making everyone miserable.”

  Roman looked a little thunderstruck, but he nodded slowly. “And you don’t
want to get involved.”

  Sighing, I rubbed my hand across my head, accidentally hitting my gash and hissing in pain. Roman moved toward me, but I waved him off. “I’m not saying I don’t want to see you again, though we need a longer talk than I’m up for tonight before we really consider it, but I am saying that I don’t want to make things worse for you or Sammy.”

  Roman moved slowly, as if he were afraid of scaring me off. His touch was hesitant as he reached for my hand. This time, I didn’t pull it away. “I don’t love Jen, and haven’t for a long time.”

  “I believe you.” My voice was quiet, something his close presence was at fault for. “That’s not the point, though.”

  “I know. I know.” His fingers traced along my jawline, burying themselves in my loose, frizzy hair. “But I need you to know I have no interest in Jen coming back into our lives. She’s not the one I want Sammy to have a relationship with. Not when she only causes him anxiety and hurt.”

  My head shook back and forth slowly. “Roman, you don’t know me that well. I’m just…”

  “What, the fun aunt?” He shook his head. “You’re so much more than that. You spent all week talking Sammy through some scary moments, ones that were my fault for letting happen. I know you have a job and homework, a life. You didn’t have to listen to him, or pick him up tonight.”

  “Yes, I did.”

  Roman shook his head. “Not many people would have done that for a kid they barely knew, one whose father had basically ignored them after having spent the night together.” His forehead rested against mine. “I royally screwed up what we’d begun, but you still let him call and text you all week.”

  “It wasn’t that big of a deal,” I argued, suddenly self-conscious.

  “I looked at my phone history, Greenly.”

  I swallowed and avoided his gaze. I’d used that information against him earlier, to attack him for forcing Sammy to listen to their arguing for so long. I hadn’t intended for him to turn it back on me. I knew I’d spent more than two hours on the phone with Sammy most nights that week, and even more time texting back and forth when I couldn’t talk. Half the texts were a puzzle to decipher with Sammy’s limited spelling skills, but we had made it work. Now all of that time spent cheering him up and reassuring him made me squirm beneath Roman’s gaze.

  “I won’t stop you from developing a relationship with Sammy,” Roman said softly, “even if you’re not interested in seeing me anymore. I wouldn’t take that away from him, but I’m begging you not to write me off completely.”

  Feeling claustrophobic, I wanted to break out of his grip, but it felt so good being in his arms I couldn’t bring myself to do it. “I…I’m not, Roman. I just, I need, to take a step back. Okay?”

  Roman nodded, though he didn’t back off. “While Jen’s in town, I don’t think it would be a good idea to get together.”

  “Yeah, I know,” I said drily, which caused Roman to flinch again.

  “I’m sorry for anything she said, or anything you overheard from Sammy, and for how she treated you when you met. I should have done something then, but I was so frustrated at her just showing up like that I wasn’t thinking.”

  He looked convincingly repentant, but I didn’t hold her words or actions against him. I knew she felt threatened by me and that Roman could hardly filter everything that came out of her mouth just for my sake. Jen was going to say and act however she wanted. I only asked that he kept her from saying hurtful things in front of Sammy. I could suck it up and deal with what she dished out, but he couldn’t.

  “I’m a big girl, Roman. Just keep her from upsetting Sammy. That’s all I care about.”

  He nodded, then hesitated before saying what was on his mind. “Would it be okay if I called you this week?”

  “Will you actually call?” I asked, one eyebrow cocked.

  A contrite smile made its way onto Roman’s mouth. “I promise. It’s been killing me not hearing from you.”

  I scoffed. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

  Suddenly, he had me pinned against the front door, mouth hovering over mine. “I’m serious, Greenly. I wanted to talk to you so badly. By the time Jen would leave, I’d be so riled up and angry, I didn’t want to put all of that on you and I’d end up crashing before I felt levelheaded enough to make the call.”

  It was so hard to doubt Roman. Every word that came out of his mouth was so…real. “You should have called anyway,” I said. “I’m a good listener.”

  “Apparently,” Roman said. He smiled and tilted my head. “You may not believe me, but so am I. When you’re ready to talk about what else is bothering you, aside from this mess, you can call me, too.”

  Honestly shocked by his recognition that Jen the Dragon Lady wasn’t my only concern, it took me a few seconds to answer. “Um, thanks.” Brilliant, I know.

  Roman didn’t kiss me, though I had mixed feelings about that when he pulled away. It was probably for the best since my head was far from being on straight in that moment. I sighed, all the same, when he pulled back and opened the door for me. It was a quiet walk back to my car.