Strawberry Wine

by E. Jamie

  “For God’s sake!” she cried, feeling trapped.

  “Laura, if you ever loved my brother, you'll meet me at D’Angelo’s tonight at seven. Got it? Now we should get back in there before we give the other students more to wonder about than we already have.” He held the door to her class open, and Laura forced herself to walk through it, being very careful not to touch him.

  ****

  It took a whole bottle of wine for her to come up with enough half truths and outright lies to satisfy him.

  Fear of commitment.

  Not good enough.

  Different worlds.

  Her feelings had changed. (Yes. If anything, she loved Caleb more now than she ever had.)

  Didn't want to hurt him.

  That one made Mike choke on his steak. “You think it hurt him less ’cause you were too much of a coward to say all that to his face?” he asked her, eyes wide in disbelief.

  Laura lowered her gaze and ran her finger along the edge of her plate, thinking, it hurt me less.

  She was very drunk by the end of the evening, and Mike drove her back to her apartment. He carried Laura through the sparsely furnished living room to her bedroom and untangled her hands from around his neck. She gave a small whimper, protesting at being released. He was so warm, and she hadn’t felt anything but cold in so long. She nuzzled his skin. He smelled like Caleb. The same cologne. Laura remembered that scent, like spiced warm leather, mingling with his natural scent that reminded her of wet grass after a violent rainstorm, filling every pore so that she could still smell Caleb on her skin days later.

  “You're gonna have a hell of a hangover come morning.”

  Not Caleb, Laura told herself, trying to straighten the tangle of her thoughts. The voice was different, deeper. Mike. That's right. It's Mike here. Not Caleb. She squeezed her eyes shut, wanting to see Caleb when she opened them again.

  Still not Caleb.

  Then Mike brushed his lips across her forehead before leaving her.

  Just like Caleb.

  ****

  Laura set the badge back in the box and brushed the tears away. She hadn’t meant to get so close to Mike, to love him in that safe way that she could never love his brother. But he was too close to her memories of Caleb. She could share the stories of the good times with him, growing up with the McKinney brothers because her own home was not a place she wanted to be.

  She knew it was wrong. She knew she shouldn’t have done it, but she allowed herself to open her heart to Mike because it felt like she could be close to Caleb too.

  When he had wanted to tell his older brother about them, Laura had put him off again and again. He’d told her that Caleb had moved on, was seeing someone new, and jealousy she’d known she had no right to feel had flared up hot and vicious in Laura and she’d very much wanted Caleb to know then, wanted to throw it in his face.

  But they’d never gotten the chance to tell him, and Caleb hadn’t found out until after Mike had died.

  It had felt like God was punishing her yet again at the time. How dare she try and be happy after what she had done? How dare she try and substitute Mike for his brother?

  So while out on one of his first patrols, he had been shot, and just like that, Laura’s one bright flicker of light had been snuffed out.

  She got up off the bed and went back to the kitchen to return her cold coffee and replace it with a bottle of brandy. Bringing it back into bed with her, Laura poured her first glass and knew she wouldn’t stop until the memories in her head were crushed under the blissful oblivion of alcohol.

  ****

  The blare of the phone the next morning was like a hot poker being inserted through one ear, inch by inch until it pushed out the other side and just stayed there, throbbing. Cursing out loud, Laura blindly reached for the receiver to make it stop.

  Sergeant McKinney wanted her to come in early.

  She opened one eye and stared at the digital clock on her night table. Six a.m. Her reply was nothing more than a groan of pained dismay.

  After a deliberately cold shower and three cups of coffee, Laura made it into the station and felt halfway human again when she knocked on the Sarge’s door.

  He snorted when he saw her. “Hard night?”

  It figured he would be able to see past her façade when she thought she looked pretty put together. Those old blue eyes missed nothing.

  Now they looked at her with something close to dread, and she wondered just what it was that he was going to make her do.

  Paperwork duty for a month?

  No. That would have amused him.

  “Have a seat.” His gravel-like voice was soft and serious. He ran a finger down the bottom of the frame around the photograph of his sons.

  “What’s going on?”

  “That list of names Terry gave us. One of them is a person of interest in a separate investigation we’re in on over at 114th in Queens. Some of our officers are being transferred over to help with the investigation into a child sex slave ring. I gave them your name.”

  Laura blinked and sat up in the gray leather chair, instantly awake. “What? Why would you…What?” Inside, she felt nauseous at the idea of children being abused in such a disgusting way and knew she would like nothing more than to help bring down such monsters. At the same time, she felt there was more to why William McKinney had volunteered her for the transfer.

  “I thought you’d want to be in on this…especially after what you’d been though.”

  “You know better than to question that.” Though her abuse hadn’t been sexual in nature, unless she were to count the many of Karen Thatcher’s boyfriends who had sometimes gotten overly friendly with the young Laura, any kind of abuse sent her blood boiling. She was well known for roughing up suspects whose crimes were physically or sexually abusive against those weaker than them. She ran a hand through her blonde hair. “I just expected you to keep me as far away from that case as possible. You’re always on my ass about getting too emotionally involved, and I know it must have taken some convincing to get the higher-ups to give the okay.”

  He nodded. “It did. But I know how important it is that you be a part of this case. You’re gonna be pissed at me when I tell you why.”

  Laura felt a shiver of inexplicable dread go down her back, and her short, clear-polished nails dug into the flesh of her palms while she waited for him to go on.

  Sergeant McKinney took a deep breath, and his next words made Laura freeze in her seat.

  “Caleb has just been made the lead detective on that case. You’ll be working with him on this.”

  The room around her seemed to shrink, and Laura held her breath for so long only the pressure in her chest reminded her that she wasn’t breathing. When she tried to take in air, she choked on it and coughed violently.

  Sergeant McKinney stood up and got her some water from the cooler in the corner of his office.

  She downed it in one gulp and crunched the paper cup. Her hands shook when she wrapped her arms around her middle.

  “I thought…” Her voice cracked, and it sounded muffled in her own head. Laura felt like she was moving through water. “He said he was going to leave the force after Mike…” She didn’t like reminding William about the loss of his son and the horrible break with his eldest son on the day of the funeral, but she could see the pain there in the old man’s eyes every time Mike’s name was mentioned.

  She hadn’t dared attend the funeral, though she wished every day that she had been braver and been able to face Caleb and his family. She visited Mike’s grave in upstate New York often, though.

  William had managed to track her down a little while after the funeral when she’d been in her apartment wishing she had died as well, but not brave enough to kill herself.

  ****

  “Are you Laura Thatcher?”

  She was taken aback by the soft, gravelly voice. She nodded and welcomed him into the apartment after he introduced himself.

  She knew her
place smelled like booze, but he didn’t comment. He didn’t comment on the mess either.

  William McKinney was not the fierce, imposing war hero. He was not the demanding, unyielding sergeant. The weight of his grief made him...small, fragile. He was not invincible. Not immune to pain. He was a father who had lost his son.

  She had spent years wondering how this meeting would go. Worrying if little, insignificant Laura Thatcher could ever gain the respect of a man like William McKinney. Now, she just wanted to ease the pain she saw on his face.

  Caleb was wrong, she thought while William told her he wished they’d met again under better circumstances. He was not the coldhearted, angry man Caleb had painted him to be.

  Laura steered her mind away from Caleb and the memories his name conjured up.

  William told her that Mike had called him with the news of their relationship, and Laura looked away, biting back tears. Mike had told her it was time to come clean. It would make sense he would tell his father first, not yet ready to inform his older brother that he was in love with Caleb’s ex.

  He offered to put in a word for her to be assigned to his precinct. William offered her a life she didn’t deserve. She knew she should turn him down. But here was her chance. Little, no-good Laura Thatcher could have a future doing the one thing she dared. Fighting. The only thing she was good for anymore. Maybe by throwing herself into that life, she could make it all worth something. Make up for betraying Mike in so many different ways. Serve under his father. Get away from everything...from Caleb.

  He wouldn’t forgive her if she went to work with his father. Another betrayal. Laura almost smiled. What was one more after the ways she’d already betrayed him? A part of her cried out against cutting herself off from Caleb this little bit more. The weak part. The stupid part. The part that reminded of her the little girl who believed that if she was quiet enough, good enough, smart enough, Mommy would love her.

  She didn’t need anyone to love her. She was strong enough on her own, thank you very much! Laura stiffened her spine and accepted William McKinney's offer.

  ****

  “I don’t know what happened between the two of you,” William said, bringing her back to the present.

  And he didn’t know. He had no real clue. He’d seen her now and then when she was a child over at the McKinney house on the rare occasions he wasn’t working.

  He’d known Caleb had a girlfriend, but they had never really spent time with William after he divorced Caroline because Caleb went out of his way to avoid his father, blaming him for leaving his family.

  Laura didn’t correct William’s assumption that she avoided Caleb because of Mike, but she knew he wondered if there was more to her avoidance of his son.

  “I have faith that you are the best cop for this case. You won’t rest until you find these monsters. Can you put your personal feelings aside to get these guys?”

  There it was. Could she face Caleb, work with him and risk all the devastating emotions she knew would come with that for the sake of the innocent lives who were suffering such brutality?

  Was it time to face her past so that these children could have a future?

  This man across from her had had faith in her when she’d been at her lowest point. He’d picked her up and saved her. How could let him down now?

  Before she could give in to her fear, Laura took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay. Yeah. I’ll do it.”

  Chapter Two

  Caleb fought back the urge to vomit when the boot connected with his ribs a second time.

  “I told you he was a goddamned cop!” a thick Jersey voice barked above him.

  Just a little bit more…Caleb thought, trying to focus through the pain, seeing the shine off the blade by one of the crates on the cold black cement floor. He mentally judged the distance between how far his arm could reach and grab it and where he was now. Not enough.

  He rolled over with a groan and tried to move imperceptibly another few inches to the right. It hurt to breathe, and he wondered if he’d cracked a rib.

  “Well, what the hell do we do with him now?”

  Caleb recognized that voice. The youngest in Jackson’s gang. No older than eighteen and eager to prove himself. That made him the most dangerous member of the gang right now. He knew if Jackson told Kevin to blow his brains out, he’d do it.

  “We ice him and make sure no one finds his body,” Jackson snapped.

  “But he’s…a cop,” Kevin reminded him, his voice shaking.

  “You deaf? I said, we make sure no one finds his body.”

  “Not too smart…” Caleb groaned. “Cops gonna come sniffing around when I go missing.”

  “You think I give a shit ’bout the NYPD?” Jackson asked, kicking him in the side. “Only one who’s got proof of anything is you.”

  Blinking the sweat out of his eyes, Caleb heard the gun cocking above him and knew he had seconds. He shot his arm out and gripped the steel blade, feeling it slice into his skin at the same time that he brought the point down as hard he could into the toe of Jackson’s boot. The shot went wild, and Jackson let out a cry, falling backwards.

  Caleb brought his foot up and hooked it around the back of Kevin’s knee, bringing him down before the young man could get his shot off. He caught the gun when it dropped from Kevin’s hand as he hit the floor and fired two bullets into the young man’s chest. He forced himself to look away from the teenager’s now vacant eyes.

  The one they needed alive was Jackson. Caleb kicked the gun out of his hand when the gang leader scrambled to reach it and fired a bullet into his knee.

  The bald black man curled into a ball and howled, letting loose with a string of obscenities. Caleb struggled to his feet through the haze of pain at the same time that the other cops burst into the warehouse.

  “We got it!” he called out, pointing to Jackson’s trembling body still curled up on the floor, blood pouring through his fingers while he held his legs. “It’s in his back pocket.”

  He pointed to the ass of the man’s jeans where Jackson had stuffed the envelope of wire transfer receipts Caleb had found—receipts that proved Jackson and his men were doing business with an underground group in the Philippines.

  There was no proof that was the group behind the trafficking of children, but it was their strongest lead so far.

  “You okay, McKinney?” Detective Marlow asked, looking Caleb over with growing concern.

  Caleb tried to take a deep breath but found it much too painful. “I’m good.”

  The red-haired older man cocked an eyebrow with obvious skepticism. “Right.” He called out for the other cops to scour the entire area for evidence; meanwhile, he was going to drive Caleb and Jackson to the hospital before booking the gang leader.

  “Hey, I said I’m fine!” he countered but hissed when pain sliced through him while he got to his feet. He wanted to be the one to grill Jackson. The others would go too easy on him.

  Caleb made it as far as the squad car before pain seized him again, and this time he did throw up.

  ****

  He had three bruised ribs. The doctor ordered him to take it easy for at least two weeks, and Sergeant Morrison agreed, refusing to let him come back to work.

  “Are you insane? We can’t afford to lose two weeks!” Caleb protested into his phone before groaning as he tried to slip his white shirt on without sending another spasm of pain through his body.

  “We’re getting some help from some of the best over in the Bronx. That should help pick up some of the slack. We’re going to be partnering you up with one of them on this. A… Hang on a sec. I got her name here somewhere. Christ, Sheila’s always after me to be more organized. Maybe I should start listening, huh?” he asked, and Caleb heard the shuffling of paper on the other end of the phone line before Morrison spoke again. “Ah, here we are. Thatcher. Detective Laura Thatcher.”

  Caleb squeezed the receiver, feeling a tight fist of apprehension sock him in the stomach. “Say again?
” He’d heard wrong. Of course he’d heard wrong. Laura had left him. Disappeared.

  I’m sorry.

  He struggled to breathe when Morrison confirmed that it was indeed Laura Thatcher who’d be working with him.

  Well, there had to be more than one Laura Thatcher in the world.

  Who was a cop?

  Who worked in the same department as his father?

  Fate had never been kind to Caleb McKinney. Here was proof of that yet again.

  Part of him wanted to be there when Laura arrived at the station. He would finally have the answers he’d wanted after ten years.

  The other, weaker, part of him wanted to run as far away from those answers as he possibly could, because what could ever be an acceptable reason for what she had done? It was obvious that she had never truly loved him. He never considered himself a coward, but he knew he didn’t have the courage to see those answers there in her eyes.