Seduced by a Rockstar: A Rockstar Romance

by J. L. Ostle

  “You okay, honey?”

  I sigh. “Dad called me earlier.”

  She pauses. “Did he say anything?”

  “He was saying he missed me and he was sorry. I got all emotional and Sebastian took over the call.”

  “Are you okay, though?”

  I shake my head, even though I know she can’t see me. “Not really. I broke down but Sebastian looked after me.”

  “Honey, you don’t need to hate your dad because we ended things. You do know that, don’t you?”

  “I know. I’m just not ready to forgive him.”

  “I will see you when I get home, honey. I’m sorry he upset you.”

  “I love you, Mum.”

  “I love you too.”

  After I hang up I feel a huge migraine coming on. I head to bed, hoping that after I wake up it will be gone.

  My mind drifts off to Sebastian and the way he looked after me. How he held me as I sat on his lap. I like knowing he cares about me. I pass out and wake up a few hours later when I hear knocking on my bedroom door. I sit up, seeing Mum standing there and she comes over and hugs me.

  “You okay, sweetie?”

  “I had a headache so I got some sleep. Are you okay?”

  She starts stroking my hair. “Yeah, I’m okay. I need to thank that boy upstairs for taking care of my daughter.” We both chuckle.

  “Yeah, he was nice about it all.” I smile.

  “You both seem to be hanging out more and more these days.”

  I look at my fingers. “Yeah, we are.”

  “Just be careful, honey. I know you like him but I don’t want you to get hurt.”

  I look at her and see sympathy in her eyes. “We are just friends, Mum.”

  “Sometimes it’s hard to be just friends with a boy, especially when you feel something more towards him. Just be careful that’s all I ask.” She hugs me and I hug her back.

  A couple of days have gone by and I’m at Randi’s drinking like it’s my last and dancing my little ass off. I have felt a little down since the phone call and I need a pick-me-up. Sebastian is on stage singing, I feel his eyes on me at times and I look at him and give him a little wave.

  I am sitting back in the booth, laughing and talking to Calvin who is trying to catch up with me drink wise. Cara keeps asking me if I’m all right and all I say is yes. I don’t want to talk about it and Calvin is the only person who is having fun.

  “God, I think I am going to see double soon,” Calvin laughs.

  “You are such a lightweight.” I mess up his hair. “Come dance with me,” I say as I grab his hand.

  “Iris, you sure you’re okay? You’re acting a little weird,” Cara asks, concerned.

  “Cara, if you aren’t going to take this lover boy for a ride, I might as well.” I give her a wink and stumble to the dance floor.

  Luckily a slow ballad is being played. I wrap my arms around Calvin’s neck and we start to move to the beat. I close my eyes for a moment and I feel my head getting fuzzy, and when I open them again, I connect mine with Sebastian’s.

  Sebastian is gripping the mic, watching me. I hold his stare with mine. I feel Calvin’s hands go to my hips and I don’t stop him. Sebastian looks away first. What is his problem? I am single and Calvin is cute.

  Maybe I should become a friend with benefits with him—bet he wouldn’t say no.

  “You wanting a drink?” He smiles at me and I jump up and down, clapping my hands.

  “It’s like you read my mind.” We laugh as we head to the bar and order a few more shots.

  “Are you okay, Iris?” Cory asks.

  “If one more person asks me that, I swear, I will scream. Can I just have my drinks, please?” He looks at me, debating, but then pours the drinks and I blow him a kiss. I know it’s the drink that’s talking but I can’t seem to stop. “Here is to fucked up problems.” I lift my shot in the air and Calvin taps his with mine and I down it.

  We go back to the dance floor and another band is now playing. I wrap my arms around Calvin’s neck again. We are giggling, and without thinking, I press my lips to his. His lips are soft and gentle. It’s different. I deepen the kiss, pressing my tongue to his, pulling him into me.

  He breaks away and starts kissing my neck and jaw, but flashes of Sebastian enter my head. I open my eyes and they fall to Sebastian, who is standing at the corner of the room, watching in a rage. I close my eyes again and kiss Calvin. I want to blank out.

  “Fuck,” is all he says before he starts kissing me again.

  I feel anger and hate and sadness run through me. There are too many emotions to feel at once. I feel Sebastian’s eyes on me and that’s all I can feel. I am finding it hard to concentrate on Calvin, so I push him away.

  “I’m sorry. I need to go.” I run to the bathroom.

  I head there so I can get away from everyone. I know I’m on a self-destruction path tonight, but everything is getting to be too much. I feel like I’m losing control. Sebastian and I are friends, and yet I’m jealous of him being with Cara. I am torturing myself and it’s my own fault. I just wanted to feel a little numb but I know I have gone past the line.

  I sigh and head to the bar, apologising to Cory and ordering another beer. I just want to forget about my problems, even if it’s just for one night. I am dancing with Calvin again but I told him that we had just made a drunken mistake and he agreed. We are jumping up and down, having fun when a little time later I spot Sebastian and Cara in a corner, making out heavily.

  I watch as his hands roam over her body, causing her head to fall back in ecstasy. I watch as his hands glide up her bare thighs. My blood is boiling and the alcohol is making me angrier.

  I hate him and her at this moment.

  I grab Calvin, and he is probably thinking I’m hitting hot and cold, but I don’t care. I slam my mouth onto his again and start rubbing myself against his crotch, causing him to get hard.

  “I thought we weren’t going to do this.”

  “Shut up,” is all I say as I kiss him harder. I feel his hands go under my vest, touching the skin beneath my breasts, teasing me. I arch myself into him. He starts kissing my neck down to the top of my breasts. I pull his hair, wanting him to keep going. I start to feel those tingles but I ignore them.

  “Come with me,” Calvin says and I follow him to the hallway near the bathrooms where he starts kissing me again. He lifts up one of my legs and wraps it around his waist and starts grinding himself against me.

  “More,” I breathe.

  “God,” he says as he grinds harder. He lifts my leg up higher and I am moaning when I feel him being pulled off me and see Sebastian standing there looking furious.

  “What the fuck?” Calvin shouts at him.

  “You are both fucking drunk, so cool down, Calvin. Don’t regret this shit tomorrow.” He crosses his arms.

  “Like hell, I will,” he spits.

  “So, you’re okay to fuck Cara’s cousin in a public place?”

  Calvin looks at him and then at me and grips his hair. “Fuck.” He walks off.

  What the fuck? “What gives you the right to tell him to leave?” I push at his chest.

  “What? You’re okay to fuck a guy near the toilets?”

  I shrug. “Maybe I just want a release. Maybe I just need a good fuck.” His eyes go dark. “Maybe you’re just jealous that I was going to let another guy enter me.”

  He scoffs. “Don’t flatter yourself, flower.”

  “Because you can’t have me.” The alcohol is controlling my tongue.

  “I had you, flower, but it seems like maybe you want another ride. Is that it? You miss my dick?” He comes up closer to me. “Do you?” he whispers.

  I push at his chest. “Fuck you. Go back to Cara. Go enjoy your sham of a relationship. Go fuck her and let me be miserable in peace.” I walk around him and head home, not saying goodbye to anyone.

  I wake up the next morning and my head is banging, and I feel like I could be sick at any
moment. I definitely had too much to drink last night. I sit up, rubbing my forehead, when images of last night come flooding back and I groan, lying back down. Last night wasn’t me and I can’t believe how I was all over Calvin. I know if Sebastian hadn’t stopped us, I probably would have fucked Calvin in that hallway.

  I grab my phone from the side table, seeing I have a couple of messages.

  Cara: Please tell me you got home safe. Is there anything wrong? Worried about you x

  I feel even worse since I talked to her like shit.

  Cory: Hope you’re feeling okay. If you need to talk I’m here.

  Sebastian: Hope you’re okay x

  Fuck. I remember how we left things and what I said, and I now know he only talked to me like that because I was being a complete bitch. I put the phone back on the side table. I will reply back after I feel a little less dead.

  The following day, I still feel drained but better than what I deserve. I apologised to everyone and even rang Ella to tell her what I had done. Even she was shocked that I had been all over Calvin, since we both know he isn’t my type. I am definitely not the type of girl to sleep with someone in a pub.

  I am heading to the cafeteria, when I see everyone already seated and they all give me small smiles, but I feel like I can’t look at them. I just feel so embarrassed.

  “How are you feeling?” Cara asks.

  “Like crap but I deserve it. Again, I’m sorry how I acted.”

  She waves me off. “You are not the first person to get drunk and act like an idiot. Just glad you’re okay.”

  I give her a small smile.

  “I want to apologize too, Iris.” Calvin looks at me. “I was totally drunk and I wouldn’t have taken things that far but I was totally out of it.”

  “Yeah, ditto. Let’s just say it was a bad night and not bring it up again.”

  “Deal.” We shake hands.

  I don’t feel hungry so I just sip my can of Coke as I listen to everyone else talk. I am not in the mood to join in. I look up and see Sebastian watching me. I mouth, “I’m sorry,” to him and he gives me a nod and looks away.

  I just hope I haven’t ruined our friendship as I have been enjoying our get-togethers. I am half listening when I hear my name and Cara is looking at me, waiting for my reply.

  “I am so sorry, I spaced out. What did you say?” I see Sebastian’s jaw tighten.

  “I was saying there’s this guy who I train with at my gym and I have been talking about you. I know you said you don’t want a relationship but maybe you can hang out and see if you like him?”

  Is she trying to fix me up? “I don’t know.”

  “Oh, come on. It will be fun.”

  I don’t have a chance to reply back when Sebastian stands abruptly. “I think I’m going to head off. Will see you all later.” He walks away.

  “Come on, Iris, we could go on a double date if you like, so you don’t meet him on your own.”

  I am trying to pay attention, but my thoughts are on Sebastian. Why did he leave like that? “Can I think about it?”

  That seems to please her as she nods, clapping her hands and she starts talking to Anna. Isn’t she curious why her boyfriend just left?

  I quickly stand and tell everyone that I am going to head to the bathroom and then to class. I walk out and I don’t know where he is, but I feel like my gut is telling me where to go. I start to jog and then I see him rounding a corner down the hall, so I yell out his name and run after him.

  I turn the corner and I see him pacing. I repeat his name again and he looks up at me and growls. “What are you doing, flower?”

  I stand in front of him. “I wanted to make sure you’re okay.” I look at the floor, feeling like an idiot now that I ran after him.

  “I’m fine.” He leans against the wall and sighs. “Just go, Iris.”

  I look right at him, hating that he called me by my real name. He never calls me Iris. “I’m so sorry about the other night. I was a total bitch and you were just looking out for me. Please don’t hate me.” I feel tears prickle my eyes and he must see it, because he walks straight to me, cupping my face.

  “You have nothing to apologize for. There is also another motive as to why I got rid of Calvin.”

  “Because of Cara?”

  He shakes his head. “I didn’t …” He steps back and grips his hair.

  “You didn’t what?” I whisper.

  “I didn’t want you to fuck him.”

  I look at him wide-eyed.

  “Because I would regret it?” I say it like it’s a question.

  “Because I felt so jealous that he was touching you like that.”

  I turn around and start shaking my head. “You were feeling up Cara on the dance floor. I saw that. So, it’s okay if you get your needs met but not me?” I try to sound calm but I am starting to feel a little pissed off.

  “You don’t understand,” he groans.

  “Then explain it to me.”

  “I shouldn’t have said anything, just go.” He turns but I pull his arm, making him face me.

  “No, explain it to me.”

  “Iris …”

  “Don’t call me that,” I shout. “You never call me Iris, so stop it.”

  He grabs my arm and pushes me to the wall. “You’re right, you are my flower.”

  “Your flower?” I whisper.

  “When I was dancing with her, all I was thinking about was you. How fucked up is that? You were driving me crazy, dancing with Calvin like you were ready to jump him. In that moment I wanted to be the one touching you—feeling you against me.” He places one arm on the wall next to my head and leans in.

  “Just for a moment?”

  “It’s always just moments when it comes to you. But you are stuck in here.” He taps his head. “No matter what, I can’t get you out of my head and the thought of any other guy getting a chance to be with you … I can’t stand it. You are mine, flower. You have always been mine.”

  I look into his eyes, and the next thing I know, his mouth crashes down onto mine.

  He kisses me with such need that I moan into his mouth. He pushes his body against mine. My body is screaming out to him, wanting more. The kiss is hungry but then something changes. The kiss turns gentle and slow. He cups my face, stroking my cheeks with his thumbs. Our breathing is still coming fast but it’s like he wants to take his time. Show me that this kiss is different.

  He feels so good and all I can smell is him.

  My body is wanting him in a primal way but I relax into him, letting him take the lead. I realise then that I have fallen for him. Fallen in deep. Panic starts to overcome me as I know I can’t have him, not really.

  He is Cara’s and I know he won’t choose me.

  Sebastian pulls back, looking at me questioningly.

  I look at the floor and back up at him. “We can’t do this,” I say softly.

  He presses his forehead against mine. “I know.” I feel his breath against my lips and I shudder; he feels it as his eyes are glued to mine. “But you want me?”

  I think about lying but I don’t. “Yes,” I barely manage to say.

  “I want you too.”

  “I better go.”

  He nods and steps back. I start to walk away when he holds my hand, stopping me. “You are still my flower.”

  I give him a small smile. “But you’re not mine,” I say back and start to walk away.

  I skip the rest of my classes, messaging Cory and Cara that I am still feeling ill so I decided to go home. I need to clear my head and I really need to process what has happened. I walk slowly back home, not paying attention to anything around me. I am just in my own world.

  I spend the afternoon on the couch watching TV but so many questions pop into my head. Why did Sebastian have to tell me he wants me? Why can he have Cara but not want me to try to be happy with someone else? I did the right thing by walking away. I imagine that I had stayed, though, and told him he can have me but I can�
�t be second best, the bit on the side.

  I am sitting near the window and I see Sebastian’s car pull up and watch as he and Cara get out. I watch as he wraps his arm around her shoulders as they walk into the building and I let a tear slip. He wouldn’t end things with her. She is perfect and I’m not.

  I grab my guitar and my notebook and start to put lyrics together. I can’t remember the last time I wrote a song. I sit on my bed and let all my feelings out and after I get a verse and chorus together, I start to put music to the words.

  I close my eyes as I let out all my confusion—what I’m feeling, what I want. By the time I feel a little better, it has gotten dark outside and I lean back, looking at my song in my hands. I message it to Ella, wondering what she’ll think.

  I don’t know how long I just stare into space but sleep eventually takes over. All I see are blue eyes and hear his voice telling me I’m his, that I’m his flower, repeating it over and over.

  The next week I avoid Sebastian like the plague. I ignore his texts and calls and I even ignore Cara, since I know that if I am near her I would be near him too. My mind has been going over everything he said and I am close to the breaking point of giving in. Just to be close to him. He is my drug and with each passing day that I am not around him, I feel like I’m withdrawing.

  I need to make a plan, but every time I set one in motion, it all goes to crap whenever I am near him. I feel like when I am near him, all logical thoughts are gone, even with him and Cara being together.

  I am walking down the hall when I hear my name being called. I turn to see Damon, a guy I know from a few of my classes, approaching. We haven’t really ever talked so I’m wondering why he is now. I am waiting as he jogs towards me with a warm smile.

  “Hey, Iris, there is a party at my frat tonight and I was wondering if you could come?”

  I look at his dark blond hair and light blue eyes. He is very attractive and seeing his blush on his cheeks tells me he’s a little shy in asking me. “Yeah, why not?” I say and he gives me a huge smile.

  “Great, will see you there.” He starts walking backwards and waves before turning and leaving.