by Caitlyn Dare
I’m almost at the back door when an unexpected voice stops me in my tracks.
“Hadley.”
I turn to find James Jagger standing there, concern etched into his features. The resemblance between him and his sons is subtle, but it’s all in their eyes. The way they look at you, it feels like they’re searching your soul.
“Mr. Jagger,” I say.
“You and Cole... you’re...”
“It’s complicated.”
“I suppose it is.” He runs a hand over his neatly trimmed beard. “Cole is a complicated young man. I’m not sure it’s a good idea for a girl such as yourself to be—”
“Stop.” My hand shoots up. “With all due respect, sir, you know nothing about me. And if you don’t mind, I’d really like to make sure Cole is okay.”
He studies me for a second. “Of course. I’m sorry I interfered.” Hurt flashes across his face, and I let out a heavy sigh.
“I know you’re worried about him. We all are. But I can handle your son, Mr. Jagger.”
“It would seem I underestimated you.” The hurt in his expression turns to respect. “We’ll save you both a plate of food.”
I give him a sharp nod before taking off into the Jaggers’ yard to find Cole.
I find him down at the beach. For a second, I simply watch him. Watch the way he lies back in the sand, staring up at the thick clouds.
Slipping off my sneakers, I sink my feet into the cold sand and pad toward him.
“Go away, Hadley.”
“No,” I say, sitting down beside him.
“Why?” he grits out, pushing up onto his elbows. “Why do you keep doing this? I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve anything good.”
Taking a deep breath, I say, “You asked me once what I was hiding...”
“No, Hadley. I don’t want to know.” His eyes slide to mine, and what I see there guts me.
He’s so lost.
So broken.
And I don’t know how to reach him anymore. But maybe if I share my deepest, darkest secret with him, he’ll understand. He’ll see that we’re the same.
“I need to do this, Cole. Not just for you, but for me too. It’s time.”
My body trembles as I pluck up the courage to tell him what I’ve never told another. “Tim was my first boyfriend, my first love. But he was older, so he insisted on taking things slow. Where I come from, things are different. Gravestone County is steeped in history and tradition. Tim was born to follow in his father’s footsteps, to graduate high school and go to Gravestone University.
“Our families are good friends. Two of the five founding families of Gravestone. We spent a lot of time together growing up. I always thought that one day he’d be mine. But then I found out his father had already handpicked the girl he would marry.”
“What the fuck?” Cole grates out, and I lift my eyes to his, nodding.
“I told you, things in Gravestone are... different. Anyway, he tried to break it off. He knew that if our families found out, shit would hit the fan. But I couldn’t let go. I couldn’t...” Memories wash over me.
“We slept together. I gave him my virginity, thinking that it would bind us together.” Bitter laughter spills from my lips. “But afterward, he completely changed. I was devastated. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep... my parents banned me from seeing him. Said I’d jeopardized everything. But I didn’t care about their stupid traditions. I loved Tim. I wanted to be with him.
“Then, I found out I was pregnant. I remember it so clearly. Our driver was taking me to school, and I puked all over the pristine leather seats. I’d assumed it was all the stress, but two weeks later, when it hadn’t stopped, my mom finally dragged me to our family doctor, and he confirmed it.”
Cole begins to shake, but he doesn’t say a word. He just sits there, watching me, his eyes as dark as the night.
“My father was beside himself. I’ve never been so scared. He practically locked me in my room while he said he would handle it.” Little did I know, his version of handling it was very different to mine.
“I thought he was going to speak with the Davenports and insist Tim did the right thing by me...” I swallow the lump in my throat, dragging in a shaky breath.
Cole watches me, his eyes drilling into the side of my face. Silent tears track down my cheeks, and I’m not sure I can say the next words.
But then Cole is there, sliding his fingers under my jaw and looking at me with so much love, I want to fall headfirst into the darkness with him.
“It’s okay, Dove. You can trust me.”
My eyes flutter shut as I say the words.
Words I’ve kept locked away for two and a half years.
“They forced me to have an abortion, Cole.” I look at him, shame burning into every inch of me. “T-they made me kill my baby.”
Chapter Twelve
Cole
Fuck.
Her tear-filled eyes bounce between mine as she waits to see how I’m going to react.
“Dove,” I breathe, watching as she sucks her bottom lip into her mouth.
I don’t have any words. What the hell is anyone meant to say when someone tells you something so heartbreaking? I could hear her shattering apart as she said the words, I felt her pain as she relived what happened to her before she was shipped here.
Our gaze holds until all I can think about is trying to take her pain away, to do anything to give her the escape she must be so desperate for.
Before I even know I’ve done it, I move forward, and my lips are brushing against hers.
“Cole?”
“Shhhh,” I soothe against her lips. My hand cups her jaw, my thumb caressing her cheek as I sweep my tongue past her lips.
She moans when I find hers, and eagerly returns my kiss.
As gently as I can, I push Hadley back so she has no choice but to lie down. Resting on my elbow, I continue to kiss her as tears continue to run down her cheeks. “Hadley,” I murmur, refusing to pull my lips from hers. She must be feeling the same, because her fist curls into my shirt and tries to pull me on top of her, but I know I can’t.
I can’t get swept up by her and her pain.
“Fuck, Little Dove.” I pull back and rest my forehead against hers. Her eyes remain closed as I stare down at her. Both our chests heave as we try to catch our breaths. “Hadley look at me,” I demand.
She tries to turn her face away, but I’m not having it. I might be addicted to her defiance, but now isn’t the time for it to show its face.
“Please,” I breathe, softer this time.
Her eyelashes flicker before her green depths appear before me. They’re dark, tired, and full of the shadows that haunt her.
“I’m so sorry.”
She shakes her head.
“Thank you for telling me.”
Hadley pushes her palm to my chest, forcing me to back up. I move aside and allow her to sit. She wraps her arms around herself and stares out toward the ocean.
“I hadn’t even accepted it before they’d shipped me here. I was just meant to restart my life without anyone, and as if nothing ever happened.
“I was broken, Cole. Totally fucking shattered, and they just turned their backs on me.”
Shifting closer, I wrap my arm around her shoulder and pull her closer to me, hoping that she can find some kind of support in my touch.
She blows out a long, shaky breath. “They’ll never accept me again. Me, us. Any of it.”
“You don’t need people like that in your life, Dove.”
“Maybe not, but who else do I have? My life has just been turned on its head once more, and I have no one to turn to.”
“You have… us. You’ve got us, Dove. I know it might not mean like much. We don’t exactly have a lot to offer, but we’re here.”
“Are you, though?” she asks, looking at me for the first time since I sat up. “Are you here? With me? Or are you running scared?”
“I’m… Fuck.”
/> I drop my head, desperately trying to come up with the words she deserves to hear from me but as always, failing miserably.
“I told you that I loved you, Cole, and you turned your back on me, just like they did. All you need to do next is tell me to get rid of—”
“No,” I snap. “No, don’t. Don’t even say it,” I say in a rush.
Reaching out, I tuck a loose lock of her hair behind her ear.
“Y-you… you want this?” she asks, her brows pulled together like she can’t even believe the words she’s saying, let alone that I might agree with them.
“I’m a mess, Hadley. I don’t need to tell you that. You’ve witnessed it firsthand time and time again.” I clench my fists as images from my past flash through my mind.
“You’re not the only one who was let down by their parents. Our stories may be different, but they both ended with two broken people who don’t know which way is up.
“The thought of looking after you terrifies me, but another, someone so vulnerable and dependent… fuck, Hads.”
“I know,” she says, reaching out and wrapping her small, warm hand around my tight fist. Her touch instantly relaxes me, and I blow out a breath.
“I lied to you.”
“I know,” she says simply. “I’ve never needed your words, Cole. I see more than you think I do. It’s why I pushed you.”
“Shit. No one else has ever…” I trail off, not all that confident with this emotional conversation.
“I know,” she says again, proving that she’s right. She doesn't need my words. Just like I don’t need hers. I know how she feels, what she needs, when she hurts. It’s almost like she’s an extension of me. I’m also all too aware that all the pain she’s been through recently is because of me.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
Silence stretches between us as we both focus on the waves crashing up onto the sand before us.
“What now?” she says after what feels like the longest silence of my life.
“Now? I don’t know. What do you want?”
“You,” she says, making my breath catch.
“But—”
“Don’t argue with me and tell me that you’re not good enough or that I deserve better. That’s bullshit, and you know it. I know you, Cole. I see your darkness, I embrace it. And one day I hope you’re brave enough to share more about it with me. But you are good enough. You do deserve to be loved, to have a future. One that’s hopefully full of happiness and family and all the things you’ve missed out on.”
I nod at her, unable to say anything else with the emotion clogging my throat.
I want to tell her everything, like she just did me. But I’m not there yet. I can barely think about some of the things that went on in that trailer, let alone talk to another person about it. Even Hadley.
“We should probably go back up. Conner might have eaten the entire turkey by now.”
I chuckle at her, and she smiles back at me. It’s still so full of pain and regret, but there’s also hope in there. Hope that maybe everything will be okay in the end, that we’re not too damaged to actually have a shot at something.
“I’m sorry I accused you of fucking him.”
“I get it, Cole. I know how it could have looked. But you need to know that your brother is more loyal than you give him credit for. The whole time, he only had your best interests at heart. You’re so lucky to have him. Ace too.”
“I know. Come on then,” I say, pushing to my feet and holding my hand out for her.
The second she’s on her feet, I pull her into my body so we’re chest to chest and look down at her.
Her blonde hair blows lightly in the breeze, and the usual sparkle is returning to her eyes.
I can’t help but smile down at her.
“You blow me away, you know that, right?”
“I’m just me, Cole.”
“Yeah, and that’s a fucking incredible thing.” I brush my lips over hers once again before tugging her gently along behind me.
Voices coming from the living room sound out when we step into the kitchen.
We’re not even halfway through when Ellen comes rushing in with a tray full of empty glasses. “Ah, there you are. Is everything okay?” she asks, looking between the two of us with her brows pulled together.
“It will be. Can you do me a favor?” I ask before leaning in to whisper in her ear.
“Of course. Give me, say, ten minutes.”
“Sure thing. We’ll just…” I point to the door and give Hadley’s hand a squeeze.
As we come to a stop in the living room doorway, all conversation pauses as everyone turns to look at us.
I swear everyone holds their breaths as they wait for one of us to say something.
“I’m sorry for ruining dinner,” I say. The words are almost painful to get out, but I know that I need to start trying—in more ways than just with Hadley.
“It’s no problem, sweetie,” Sarah says, a slightly-too-wide smile plastered on her face.
She and Remi might have moved in a few weeks ago, but she still has no idea how to deal with the three of us. It’s almost amusing.
“You two good?” Conner asks, nodding at our joined hands.
“We’ve got a long way to go yet. I think I’ve probably got a few more apologies to make.”
Hadley snorts beside me, and I can’t help but smile. It feels really fucking good after the past few weeks.
“Well, are you going to join us?”
“No, actually. We’re just going to spend a bit of time together. We’ll come join you later?”
“Sure, you do what you need to do,” James says, his eyes holding mine.
I nod before tearing my eyes away from him and turning back to my girl.
“You’re all set up,” Ellen says as we leave the living room.
“Thank you, Ellen. I really appreciate it.”
“Anytime, Cole. You know that.”
“What have you done?” Hadley asks as I lead her outside.
“Wait and see.”
We step out of the doors and round the corner toward the pool when she stops and gasps.
“Oh, Cole,” she sighs when she takes in our little Thanksgiving for two.
Ellen moved the outside table into a secluded spot under the gazebo, turned on the lights that James has around almost the entire yard, and set up the heaters beside us. There are even candles twinkling in the center of the table.
“I can’t take any of the credit, apart from asking Ellen to do it.”
“It’s the thought that counts.”
I take her over to the table and pull her chair out for her.
“Drinks?” Ellen asks, rushing over to help once we’re settled.
“Soda?” I ask Hadley.
“Please.”
“Two sodas, please.”
“No beer?” Ellen asks, looking a little confused.
“Not tonight. I think it might be time I had a bit of a detox.”
“You can drink, I don’t mind,” Hadley says once we’re alone again.
“No, it’s okay.” Reaching over the table, I twist my fingers with hers. “What were you planning on doing today if you hadn’t been dragged here?” She smiles at me, telling me that my suspicions are correct—she didn’t come here of her own free will.
“I’d have sat in my dorm room, eating my way through my candy stash.”
“The Twizzlers?” I ask with a wink.
Her cheeks immediately darken as she remembers. “No, for some reason I’ve been avoiding them.”
“Weird,” I muse, “because I’ve been craving them really fucking bad.”
“Oh yeah?” She giggles, making my chest constrict as a weird feeling flows through me. Is that… happiness? I have no idea, but whatever it is, I want it to happen again.
Ellen brings out our drinks followed by our reheated dinner.
“What are you grateful for, Little Dove?” I ask before either of us have pick
ed up our cutlery.
She thinks for a few seconds before her lips part with one simple answer.
“You.”
Chapter Thirteen
Hadley
“This is nice,” I say as we lie on Cole’s bed. After our Thanksgiving meal for two, we hung out with everyone for a while.
No one asked what had happened. They simply laughed and talked as if everything was fine.
It isn’t.
But we’re here, together, so it’s a step in the right direction.
Cole’s hand is splayed over my stomach, warming me from the inside out. He’s pulled up my t-shirt to feel my skin.
“Tell me again how big it is?”
“The size of a raspberry.”
He shuffles down the bed to bring his face level with my navel. “A raspberry, huh?” Without warning, he blows raspberries there and I clutch his hair, soft laughter bubbling inside me.
God, it feels good to be with him like this.
I stroke his hair while he peppers kisses along my curves. “I still can’t believe there’s a baby growing right inside here.” Awe lingers in his voice.
“It’s still really early days, Cole. I won’t be in the second trimester for at least another month.”
“I know. But you feel okay, right? You don’t have any pains or anything?”
I fight a smile. “Apart from the never-ending nausea, I feel okay.” Ellen had gone to so much effort and I’d barely touched my food.
Cole moves back to lie beside me. “Coach called me last night... he said there’s a college interested in me.”
“What?” My eyes widen. “That’s amazing, did he say where?”
My heart drums wildly, because this is huge for Cole. But I can’t deny the stab of worry I feel. If Cole goes off to college, I’ll be alone again.
I brush off the thoughts. Cole deserves this. He deserves to know he’s worth something.
Something good.
“Colton U. I looked it up. It’s only a couple hours away from Sterling Bay.”
“I’m so happy for you.” I throw my arms around him and hug him tight. “You deserve this, so much.”
