Trust Him: A Dark High School Bully Romance (Rebels of Sterling Prep Book 4)

by Caitlyn Dare

  “Wait, one of us needs to go with him. He can’t be a-alone.”

  “I’ll go,” James states, leaving little room for argument.

  I want to tell him no, that it’s not his place. It should be one of us. But as he looks between the two of us, all my fight falls away.

  He looks devastated, and right now, he just needs to be the father he should have been all this time.

  I nod. “Go. Tell him we’re right behind him.”

  “I will.”

  “Give me your keys,” Ace demands, taking them from me when I pull them from my pocket, never more grateful for the fact I’ve got a decent car to drive and don’t have to worry about the thing starting.

  Ace immediately goes for the driver’s side. I don’t even bother trying to argue. I don’t have it in me.

  The silence is heavy as we make our way out of the drive until Ace’s deep, grief-stricken voice fills the space around me.

  “What happened?”

  “I… uh… I don’t know. Remi called me. Said something had happened with Hadley and that I needed to check on Cole. That’s how I found him.”

  “Fuck,” he barks, stuffing his hand into his pocket and pulling his cell out. “Fuck,” he roars. Glancing over, I see his screen filled with missed calls. “Fuck, it was on silent.”

  He finds her name and immediately hits dial.

  The call connects through the car, and Remi’s fearful voice rings out loud and clear.

  “Ace?”

  “We’re on our way to the hospital.”

  “Oh my God,” she whimpers.

  “Is… is he?”

  “He’ll be fine,” Ace states like he has all the answers, which of course he doesn’t.

  “We’re on our way too. Ten minutes out.”

  “We’ll see you soon.”

  His thumb hovers over the end call button, but he changes his mind at the last minute. “Princess?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I love you.”

  “I love you too, Ace. Now hurry.”

  On any other day, their declaration of love would bring on a wave of jealousy that I feel like I’m constantly battling with when I see my brother’s happy with their girls. But right now, I barely even register their words.

  “I should have gone and checked on him. Fuck. I just thought…”

  “I know, Ace,” I say, knowing full well that when Cole is in that kind of mood the best thing to do is just give him space. He never could have predicted this.

  Neither of us say anything else as Ace runs light after light, getting us to the hospital in record time.

  The second we pull up, I spot Remi and Hadley hovering by the main entrance, waiting for us.

  He kills the engine and we both run.

  He scoops Remi up in his arms seconds before I do the same to a terrified looking Hadley.

  I feel better the second she’s in my arms. She might be Cole’s girl, but there’s something about her that touches a part of me too. She’s really something special, this one.

  “He’s going to be okay, baby.”

  She stills at my words and pulls her tear-stained face from my shoulder.

  “I was… I was p-pregnant.” My eyes widen in shock, her words taking a few seconds to register.

  “Was?”

  “I-I lost it. Just one of those things. But he thinks… fuck.” Her expression falls. “He thinks it’s his fault.”

  “When did this happen?”

  “This morning in Colton. I’ve never seen him like that, Con. He was… he just… he totally lost it.”

  “It’ll be okay,” I repeat, pulling her back into my arms. “I’m so sorry, Hadley. I’m so fucking sorry.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Hadley

  It’s been hours. The five of us—James, Remi, Ace, Conner and I—haven’t left the family waiting room, desperately awaiting news from the doctors working on Cole.

  All Conner managed to tell me was that Cole was unresponsive when they brought him in.

  I’ve been through some horrific things in the last few years, but nothing has come close to how I felt hearing the words.

  Cole OD’d.

  He took a lethal concoction of pills and liquor...

  He wanted to die.

  I can’t comprehend that. No matter how dark my life has gotten, I have never wanted to end it all.

  I guess we’re not all the same, after all.

  Conner clutches my hand in his. He’s been my rock, holding me together while I broke for the boy who will always own a part of my heart—even if he no longer wants it.

  Ace has barely said one word the entire time we’ve been here. I know he blames himself. He’s Cole’s big brother, the person who raised him. He feels a deep sense of responsibility toward his brothers. Remi is nestled into his side, whispering words of reassurance and love into his ear.

  Unlike the four of us who are glued to the uncomfortable plastic chairs, James hasn’t stopped pacing. He’s the epitome of calm and collected. I’ve only ever seen one other person handle a crisis with such composure and confidence.

  My father.

  Only, James does it out of love. He has the best doctors in there working on Cole and has insisted on complete discretion. Unless the Jaggers want someone outside of the five of us to find out about this, they won’t.

  He’s protecting Cole’s future—

  God, what if he doesn’t make it?

  I force the thoughts down. He will. He has to. Because a world without Cole Jagger is a world I don’t want to be in.

  I struggle to withhold the tears threatening to fall, a strangled whimper escaping my lips.

  “Shh, Hads,” Conner soothes, slipping his arm around me. “He’ll be okay. Cole will come through this.”

  I want to believe him, but after everything we’ve been through, I’m not sure I can.

  “He was so broken, Conner,” I whisper. We’re sitting away from Ace and Remi.

  “He called me, you know?” he says, glancing down at me. “When you guys had the fight, he called me asking for advice.”

  “H-he did?”

  “That’s how much he loves you, Hadley. Cole doesn’t ask anyone for advice, let alone me.”

  “It’s not enough.”

  “Hey, don’t talk like that. Cole will survive this, and the two of you will work it out. He’s got too much to lose.”

  He’d already lost so much, though. Cole isn’t like Conner. He doesn’t cling to everything good in the world. He drowns in the darkness.

  I snuggle into Conner’s side and try to settle myself. So long as the doctors are in there, Cole has a shot.

  But when I see a man in scrubs approaching us, the world begins to tilt. Conner grips my arm tighter, his whole body tense.

  “Cole Jagger’s family?” he asks and James nods, raking a hand through his salt-and-pepper hair.

  “How is he?”

  “He’s stable. Given the number of pills he consumed, we had to pump his stomach and start him on fluids to flush out his system. We’ve sedated him so he’ll be out for a while. He’s a very lucky young man. If you hadn’t found him so quickly, I’d be delivering some very different news right now.”

  “Thank you, doctor.” James holds out his hand, and the two of them shake. “When can we see him?”

  “He’s being transferred to a private room now, and then the nurse will come and take you to him.”

  James nods. “Thank you again, for everything.”

  The doctor nods before leaving us.

  “Thank fuck,” Ace breaths, hugging Remi tight.

  “See, told ya, Hads,” Conner whispers against my hair. “He’s okay. He’s going to be okay.”

  Tears of relief slip down my face. Cole is alive... but I know he’s far from okay.

  I stay with Cole. After we all visited him, stood by his bedside, hardly able to believe what he did, the others finally left.

  Conner offered to stay, but I needed to
be alone with him. I couldn’t explain it, but going home without him was not an option.

  James arranged it with the nurses. They wheeled in a cot for me to sleep on, but sleep doesn’t come easily. I have been sitting here for the last hour, holding Cole’s hand and crying silent tears for him. Us. The life we created and lost.

  We’re young, too young to raise a child. But it doesn’t stop the emptiness. For those few hours in Colton, we’d imagined a better life for ourselves. And we’d wanted it.

  I’d wanted it.

  “I need you, Cole,” I whisper to the silence. “Please...”

  Despite the wires and tubes, he looks so peaceful. And a part of me hopes he’s in a deep dream where no monsters can hurt him. Kissing his hand, I gently tuck it back into his side and slump back on the cot.

  A tsunami of emotion rises inside me, threatening to pull me under. Uncontrollable tears flood my eyes as my body wracks with despair.

  I shouldn’t have let everyone leave. I thought I wanted to be alone, but now, sitting here, I can’t stand the silence. The endless desperation.

  My cell phone taunts me, and I reach for it just as the door creaks open.

  “Conner,” I gasp.

  “I couldn’t just leave you here alone.” He steps into the room, closing the door quietly behind him. “It didn’t feel right.” His eyes are bloodshot, and I know he’s been crying as well.

  “I’m glad you came,” I sniffle.

  He doesn’t say another word as he crosses the room and drops to his knees in front of me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

  I don’t know how long we sit there, holding each other, purging our souls of all the confusion and grief and pain, but after a while, he holds me at arm’s length, giving me a weak smile. “You should have called.”

  “I was going to.”

  “Good. I know you’re Cole’s, Hadley, but I will always be here for you. No matter what.”

  “T-thank you.” His admission sends a fresh wave of emotion crashing over me.

  “Come on, let’s try and get some sleep. You’re no good to my brother exhausted.” He gets up and toes off his sneakers, shuffling behind me on the cot and lying down.

  I stare at the sliver of space beside him and he chuckles. “I don’t bite, promise.”

  Laying on my side, I lift my feet and let Conner cover us with the thin blanket. I’m not sure sleep will find me, but I close my eyes anyway. Conner’s right, we need to be strong for Cole, for what comes next, once he wakes.

  “Sleep, Little Dove,” Conner whispers and my eyes go wide.

  He knows.

  Conner knows what Cole calls me.

  It should freak me out, but for some strange reason, it doesn’t. I love Cole, part of me will always love Cole. But I also care about Conner. He’s been there for me when his brother couldn’t be.

  They’re twins, they share an unbreakable bond. So I guess it is only natural I feel something for both of them.

  “Sleep,” he says again, as if he knows my thoughts are going haywire. “This doesn’t mean anything, Hads... he’ll understand.”

  “I know.”

  And weirdly, I do.

  When I wake, Conner is already up, sitting in the chair beside Cole’s bed.

  “Morning,” he says.

  “Morning.” I sit up and rake my fingers through my hair. “Anything?”

  “Not yet. But the nurse came by and said his vitals are good.”

  “She was here?”

  “You were out for the count.”

  My cheeks pink. “I didn’t mean—“

  “Relax, Hads, you needed it. How do you feel?”

  “Okay, I guess. I’ll feel better when he wakes up.” I ignore the pit in my stomach.

  “I got coffee.” Conner flicks his head to the table.

  “Thanks.” I reach for it and take a sip. It’s only tepid, but it’s better than nothing. “Did you get any sleep?”

  He shrugs. “A little. I just kept thinking about finding him...” Conner inhales a sharp breath, and a violent shudder rips through me.

  “He’s going to be okay,” I say.

  “Yeah. But I’m still going to kick his ass when he’s healthy.” He chuckles softly, and some of the tension in the room melts away. “James and Ace want to come by soon. Are you going to be okay if I go home and get a shower? I need to wash eau de hospital off me.”

  “Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

  Conner stands. “I’ll be back later, okay?”

  I nod. “Thank you. For last night.”

  “Anytime.” He smiles. “If he wakes up while I’m gone, I give you permission to smack him upside the head.” Conner winks before ducking out of the room.

  After using the small bathroom to pee and finger-brush my teeth with some cold water, I take up position in the chair next to Cole’s bed.

  He still looks peaceful, the gentle rise and fall of his chest a reassuring reminder that he’s okay, even if he’s still out cold.

  I take his hand in mine, smoothing my thumb over his skin. “I wish I knew how to fix you,” I murmur, swallowing the lump in my throat.

  His hand twitches and I sit bolt upright. “Cole?” I gasp.

  His fingers flex again as his eyes begin to flutter open.

  “Oh my God,” I breathe, relief like I’ve never known slamming into me.

  “H-Hadley?” he croaks, barely lucid.

  “I’m here, I’m right here.” Happy tears burn the backs of my eyes.

  “W-what happened?”

  The nurse had warned us that when he woke he might be disoriented. But the thought he might not remember, that he might have to relive all the pain again, guts me.

  “You’re in the hospital.” I lean forward and gently brush the hair from his eyes. “I’m so happy you’re okay.”

  “I feel... fuck...” His voice is rough.

  “Shh, I’ll get the nurse. Wait here.” I go to get up, but his fingers tighten around mine. Glancing down, our eyes lock, and I know.

  I know from the agony in his gaze that he remembers.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Cole

  Everything feels… weird as my body emerges from what feels like the deepest sleep of my life, and that’s saying something because I hardly ever sleep properly, unless I’m off my face on liquor and drugs.

  My body is heavy, like my limbs are melded into a mattress that also doesn't feel like my own.

  The only things that are familiar are the voices and the warm hand in mine. She’s here, wherever here is. My little dove. My saving grace. The only little bit of light in all my darkness.

  Hearing her tell me that I’m in the hospital and that I’m going to be okay is the strangest thing.

  I have no memory of… anything, actually. Everything is hazy. It’s like it’s right there, almost within grasp but just out of touch.

  Why am I here? Why wouldn’t I have been okay?

  Confusion swirls around my fuzzy brain, and I fight to try to reclaim some memories. Needing more than the darkness surrounding me, I put every bit of energy I can find into opening my eyes.

  The second I find her concerned green eyes staring back at me, everything I’ve been trying to remember slams into me like a truck.

  Colton.

  Tim.

  My knife.

  The blood.

  More blood.

  The hospital.

  Our baby.

  A whimper rips from my throat as I remember the doctor telling us that he was sorry but our baby was gone.

  I killed it.

  Just like I kill everything good in my life.

  Then I remember the bottles. The pills. The need for the darkness.

  Fuck. I did this.

  I put myself here.

  Ripping my hand from Hadley’s, I go to lift it to my face, but something stops me. Looking down, I find an IV disappearing into my skin.

  My fingers twitch to pull it out, to rip it from my body and to sto
rm out of this place, but then Hadley places her hand on my shoulder, and I make the mistake of looking into her exhausted and haunted eyes. All my fight leaves me.

  My lips part to say something, but what the hell do I say after everything I’ve put her through?

  I walked away from her because it was the best thing I could do for her, yet here she is by my side, insisting on supporting me.

  “Ah, look at you,” a strange voice says, dragging my eyes from Hadley. I find a plump nurse walking toward me with the biggest smile on her face. If It’s meant to be contagious then it doesn't work on me, because smiling is the last thing I want to do right now. “I just knew you’d have gorgeous eyes when you finally opened them.” She hesitates as if she’s waiting for a reaction, but when she doesn’t get it, she reaches down for a clipboard and starts reading.

  “When can I leave?” I bark.

  The nurse startles at my cold voice but schools her features by the time she turns to look at me. “The doctor will do his rounds in a few hours, sweetie. He’ll be able to give you a better idea.”

  “I want to leave now.”

  “N-now?” she asks, like it’s the most absurd thing she’s ever heard.

  “Yes. Now.”

  “Cole, please, don’t do this,” Hadley begs, but I refuse to look at her.

  “I’m fine. Clearly I fucked up something else, seeing as I’m still here.” Both the nurse and Hadley gasp at my words.

  “Cole, please. Just do what you’re told for once and stay put.”

  My teeth grind as her words rattle around my head. There’s a huge part of me that wants to do everything she tells me, she’s that important to me, but there’s still a nagging part that wants to get the hell out of here.

  “I need you to stay here, just for a little bit. I need to know you’re okay.”

  Glancing at her pleading eyes, my jaw pops with frustration. With a sigh, I fall back on the bed and let the nurse do what she needs to do.

  “All your vitals are looking good. You were very, very luc—”

  “Don’t,” I bark. “Don’t tell me that I was fucking lucky. If I were that, then I wouldn’t have found myself here in the first place, would I?”