Trust Him: A Dark High School Bully Romance (Rebels of Sterling Prep Book 4)

by Caitlyn Dare

  “It’s not your fault, Miss J.” It isn’t, not really. She didn’t know the truth, and I didn’t tell her. She had aligned herself with my parents because that’s what adults usually did. They sided with their own.

  “Let me make it up to you.”

  I frown.

  “There are only five months left of senior year. I’m sure we can figure something out. Maybe I can speak to James Jagger, too.”

  “James?”

  “He managed to get those boys of his into the school. I’m sure he could work his magic again for you.”

  “Oh no, I think you have things wrong.”

  “So, you and Cole Jagger. You’re not... together?” A knowing glint flashes in her eyes.

  “I don’t know what we are right now.”

  “He seems like a very complicated boy.”

  Understatement of the century.

  “Have you forgotten you warning me to choose my friends more wisely?” I can’t help but throw her words back at her.

  “Maybe I was too quick to judge. Besides, it makes a lot of sense now.”

  “What does?”

  Miss Jones smiles warmly. “Lost souls usually find comfort among other lost souls.”

  I can’t help but smile back.

  Because she’s right.

  Before meeting Cole I was a lost soul. But then I was found.

  He found me.

  The real me.

  And I don’t ever want to go back to being lost again.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Cole

  I don’t expect it, but everyone listens to me.

  After Conner closed the door behind himself, I don’t see anyone else aside from the nurses and the doctor who insist on continuing to check on me, despite the fact that I keep telling them that I am fine.

  It’s the truth… almost.

  My head is a fucking mess, but that’s nothing new, and my body… well, a few days in bed will sort that out, I’m sure. All I want to do right now is get the fuck out of here, but then I remember where I live and I wonder if being here is actually the lesser of two evils.

  Here, the staff can keep my visitors at bay. I can hide. But at home I get none of that. If they all decide they want to talk to me, force me to admit things that I’m not ready for, then I’m not going to be able to stop them.

  “Hey, sweetie,” the plump nurse sings as she pokes her head into my room. “You’re looking brighter.” She shuffles into the room and closes the door behind her. “I’ve got some good news for you.”

  I stare at her waiting for the inevitable.

  “You’re being discharged later. But,” she adds, making me want to groan, “you’ve got an appointment with an incredible counselor first.”

  “For real?”

  “For real.” She winks. “Cole,” she sighs, taking a seat beside me, “you tried to take your own life. I’m not going to sugarcoat it. You don’t seem like the kind of guy who does that.” My brows rise. So maybe she has been paying attention. “You clearly have things going on. Things that you need to get off your chest. Faye is lovely, one of the best we have. I think you’re going to really like her. Anything you tell her is confidential. Just… let it all out.”

  She checks me over before asking if I need anything and then leaving me to my own company once again.

  The thought of talking to someone about everything terrifies me, and as much as I want to refuse and continue to bury my issues as if they don’t exist, I know that’s not healthy.

  I think of those I’ve banned from this room. My brothers, my… dad. Hadley. They’d all want me to do this. They’d all beg me to do anything to make this better.

  But the question is, can I do it? Can I force out the words that I need to expel past my lips and relive the horrors of the past?

  It’s over five hours later when I finally get dressed and prepare to head home. Although it’s the last thing I want to do after the session I had with Faye earlier.

  For the first half of our session, I refused to let anything out. I answered her easy questions about me and how I ended up here, but when she started digging into the darker roots of my issues, I clammed up. It was a habit. Survival. But eventually she managed to begin scratching the surface.

  I’m not ashamed to admit that when she left, I bawled like a baby. It was either that or fuck the room up, and I really didn’t have the energy for the latter. So when the first wave of emotion hit me, I allowed it to consume me.

  I sit on the edge of the bed, exhausted after getting dressed, and push my feet into my boots. I have no idea if I came in fully dressed or if someone brought all this stuff in with them, but either way I’m grateful not to have to wear the hospital gown home.

  A knock sounds out around the room. I call out for whoever it is to enter, but I don’t look over my shoulder, expecting it to be a nurse to tell me that my ride is here.

  They wanted to call James, but I refused and told them that they either called me an Uber or I was walking. I think they knew as well as I did that that was a lie. I’m not sure I’d make it out of the car park, let alone all the way home.

  “You ready to get out of here, Son?”

  Motherfuckers.

  “Why are you here?” I ask, still refusing to turn around.

  “I’m here to take you home.”

  “But I told—”

  “I know what you told them, but that’s not happening. Come on, let me help you.” He goes to wrap his hand around my upper arm to help me to my feet, but I drag myself away from his touch.

  “I don’t need your help,” I spit.

  “Okay, fine.” He backs up, and I attempt to get to my feet. But my knees don’t do all that good a job of holding me up, and I stumble a little.

  “It’s okay, I’ve got you.” His hands once again hold onto me, but this time I’m not stupid enough to refuse the help. “We should get you a wheelchair. “

  “No. I’m walking out of here.”

  “Okay,” he concedes, probably knowing that it’s not an argument he’ll win.

  The walk out to James’ car is like the longest of my life. Every foot I put in front of the other feels like the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

  I’m totally wiped by the time I fall down into the backseat.

  “Cole, it’s so good to see you up and about,” Jeeves says from the driver’s seat. I nod at him but keep my mouth shut as I rest my head back.

  I sense James join me, but as surprised as I am that he didn’t choose to sit up front, I don’t turn to look at him.

  The weight of what I just put everyone through presses down on me. I didn’t mean to hurt any of them. I just wanted… no, I needed it to all go away, just for a little bit.

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper.

  “I know, Son. I know.” His hand squeezes mine. “Just rest. You’ve only done half the journey so far.”

  I follow his instruction, slumping down in the seat a little and closing my eyes.

  The next thing I know, James’ hand is on my shoulder as he gently shakes me awake.

  “Cole, we’re home.”

  I blink a few times, allowing my eyes to adjust to the sunlight before glancing over at the house. I expect to find a welcome party waiting at the door, and I’m almost disappointed when I don’t see anyone. It seems they really did take my warning seriously.

  I take two pathetic steps toward the house before James’ arm once again wraps around my waist to help me.

  “I think I’m going to be okay.”

  “Okay. I’m right here.”

  I nod at him but continue forward at the pace of a slow tortoise. The sun has started to set by the time I push through my bedroom door.

  I half expected to find the evidence of my little depressing party for one, but all I find is a tidy bed with new sheets on it. It also smells fresh, nothing like the sterile scent that’s filled my nose for the past few days.

  “This is different,” I say, falling down onto the bl
ack and white sheets.

  “I can’t take any credit. It was all Remi and… Hadley.” Sadness washes through him as he says her name, but it’s nothing compared to the pain that spears through my chest at hearing it.

  Kicking off my boots, I rest back against the pillows and reach for the bottle of water that has been left on the nightstand for me.

  Part of me hopes James will make his excuses and leave, but he doesn’t. Instead he drags the chair over and sits down beside me.

  “I understand why you didn’t say anything. Trust me, I do. But I wish you’d have told someone about what happened before you… took matters into your own hands.”

  I shrug. I don’t have an argument for what I did. Talking to someone in that moment wouldn’t have helped.

  “I’m really sorry, Cole. I know how hard it is to lose something like that.”

  My eyes meet his, the pain in them obvious.

  “Things were never meant to turn out like this. I never wanted to hurt the three of you the way I have. I wanted to be your father, I was desperate to do right by your mother and be the man you needed. But it wasn’t that simple.”

  “Charlie,” I mutter, disgust filling my tone.

  “Yeah. I did what I thought was best for you, I promise you. He was… evil, although I don’t think I need to tell you that. I thought he was going to hurt the four of you. No, I didn’t just think it, I was convinced. I had to protect you all.”

  “And what about when you thought you’d killed him?”

  “Your mom refused to let me help. I was desperate to be the father I thought I could be once Charlie was gone. But she wouldn’t have it. She threatened to take you all away from me for good.

  “Every single day I wish it played out differently. I think of all the wrong decisions and moves I made. But it’s pointless, none of us can change the past.”

  “Don’t I fucking know it,” I mutter, looking away from him and to the sunset outside the window.

  “I’m here, you know. For whatever you need. If you want to talk, or just need some company… Anything, Cole. I just want to do right by you.”

  I nod at him. I might not have wanted to see it, but I’m starting to believe that maybe he’s not all that bad after all.

  “How did you know about Donny?” I ask. “How come you were there before Ace and I got there?”

  “I always knew you were involved with him. Ace too. I have contacts that keep me informed about my boys. I’ve always known what the three of you have been up to. But that night, Conner and Remi told me what was going on before anyone else had a chance to give me a heads up.”

  “Snitches.” I might have been angry if I’d learned this before now. But like James said not so long ago, it’s in the past, and there’s nothing we can do to change that. Donny is dead, and that part of my life is over.

  “What did you think of Colton U?”

  I push thoughts of how it ended up with us here and focus on the reason I went in the first place. “Yeah, it was good. I think I could see myself there.”

  “They’re a great team. And the college is fantastic too.”

  “I… I think I’m going to apply. See how it goes.”

  A smile twitches at James’ lips. “Good for you, Son. I’m going to let you get some sleep. But if you need me, just shout. I’m working from home for the foreseeable future.” He squeezes my hand before pushing from the chair and walking to the door.

  “Thank you, D-Dad.” His entire body locks up at my final word.

  “Anytime. Anything, Son. I’ve got your back, no matter what.” He looks back over his shoulder and our eyes connect. Emotion clogs my throat as I stare back at a pair so similar to mine. I haven’t wanted to accept it before now, but maybe there are more similarities between us than I’ve let myself see.

  “Get some rest. I’ll get Ellen to make a decent dinner for you. I’ve got my cell if you need me.”

  I lie there staring at the ceiling, running the events of the last few days over and over in my mind.

  I fucked up, I know that. I fucked up over and over. No wonder everyone did as I suggested and left.

  My fingers slip inside my pocket and I pull my cell from it. It’s dead, seeing as I had no power bank in the hospital. Rolling on my side, I plug it in and wait for it to light up.

  A few messages from the team come through, plus another from Chris at Colton U asking if I enjoyed my weekend and if I had any questions. But there’s nothing from my brothers, or, more importantly, Hadley.

  Finding her contact, I hesitate with my thumb over the keys. What the hell do I even say to her after everything?

  Had I not had that session with Faye earlier where she allowed me to openly talk about how I felt about mine and Hadley’s unhealthy relationship, I might not be even considering doing this right now. But the ache in my chest won’t abate, and I know it’s because of her.

  In the end I go with something simple.

  Cole: I’m sorry, Little Dove.

  I hit send and wait. But the message doesn’t ever show as read.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Hadley

  Cole doesn’t come back to school all week. It’s Friday, and tomorrow, the team are playing their rivals, Sterling Heights in the regional finals. Everyone is surprised they made it, since they never do. But word is they want to go all the way this year.

  And the Seahawks are missing their star running back.

  I haven’t spoken to Cole, and despite Remi and Conner’s pleas for me to visit him, I’ve yet to go.

  Cole needs to heal. He needs to figure out what he wants and what he’s willing to do to get it.

  A piece of me will always love Cole, but I have to look to the future. Now I’ve finally cut the ties with my parents and I’m free of Tim, I need to decide what to do with my life.

  Miss Jones came good on her word and arranged for me to work some shifts at a coffee shop downtown. I met with the owner yesterday and she told me to come in for a trial today, so after school’s out, I change into something casual and start the twenty-five-minute walk into the Bay.

  But when I reach the parking lot, I spot Conner standing there, leaning against his shiny new car.

  “This is a surprise,” I say, approaching him.

  “I couldn’t let you walk to your first day.”

  “Conner, you didn’t have to—”

  “Just get in the damn car, Hads.” He opens the door, waiting for me to slide inside. It’s similar to Cole’s car but has different paintwork and a lighter interior.

  “How are you feeling?” Conner asks the second he climbs inside.

  “It’s only serving coffee. I think I’ll survive.”

  “Dove has jokes.” He smirks, but I avert my eyes “Shit, sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

  “It’s fine. How is he?”

  “He’s... Cole. But he’s different, ya know? I think he’s finally realized he needs some help. He’s seeing a counselor, so at least he has someone to talk to.” I hear the pain in Conner’s voice.

  “He’ll talk to you when he’s ready,” I say.

  “Yeah, maybe. So tomorrow’s game—“

  “I’m not going to the game, Con.”

  “That’s not what I was going to ask you. Some of our old friends are coming back to hang out after. I was hoping you might want to come?”

  “At the house? Are you sure that’s a good idea, with Cole still recovering?”

  “Actually, he’ll be at the game.”

  “He’s playing?” I gasp.

  “No, silly. No way Coach Miller would allow it. But Cole wants to be there to support the team, so we’re all going.”

  A pang of dejection shoots through me. Not so long ago, I was one of them. The Jagger brothers, Remi…and me. But now I’m back to being on the periphery.

  “That’ll be nice,” I say quietly.

  “You could always come—”

  “No, the four of you should go. Cole doesn’t want me around, an
d I get it. I’m a trigger.”

  “Hadley, that’s not—”

  “It’s okay.” My lips curve into a sad smile. “Some things aren’t supposed to be.”

  “You really believe that?” Conner side-eyes me as he tries to find a parking spot near the coffee shop.

  “I’m tired, Conner. I’m tired of always being disappointed, of being abandoned. I keep telling myself it’s not me, that’s it just life testing me. But honestly, I don’t know how much more I can take. All I want to do is get through the rest of senior year, graduate, and then get far away from here.”

  “You’re really doing it, huh? You’re going to apply to go to school out of state?”

  “I think so.”

  I’d met with the guidance counselor this week to go over my options. She’s concerned about my recent absences and the fact that I’ve quit the cheer squad, but my GPA is good, and I have options. I’ll need a full ride to even stand a chance of making it work, but Miss Jones has offered to help me with the applications.

  Conner cuts the engine and twists his body to me. “I know he hurt you, and I know he doesn’t deserve you to give him another chance, but this time is different. If you just—”

  “Conner, stop. I care about Cole, I do. But I’m beginning to wonder if what we had was ever real love. I’m glad he’s okay, and I really hope he finds what he’s looking for. But I think we’ve all learned that I’m not it.” I shoulder the door and climb out, not stopping when he calls after me.

  Tears prick my eyes, but I don’t let them fall. Cole isn’t the only one changed by everything that’s happened. I am too. I can’t really explain it, but since losing the baby, since losing Cole and cutting off my parents, something has shifted inside me.

  The future isn’t going to be easy. I have no family, no trust fund or allowance. But I have my fight and determination.

  I’ve survived too much to give up now.

  Cole Jagger might have broken my heart, but I’m still standing.

  I’m still here.