First Love Wild Love

by Janelle Taylor

  He groaned in mounting desire. “You’re a dangerous temptation, Calinda Braxton,” he murmured hoarsely.

  “So are you, Lynx Cardone,” she replied in a strained voice as she pushed away from him, fighting to regain control of herself.

  He caught her face between his hands, drilling his smoldering gaze into her matching one. “I want you, Cal,” he stated simply.

  “We can’t, Lynx; it isn’t right,” she argued weakly against something she fiercely wanted.

  “We already have,” he reminded her, dropping kisses on her nose and eyes. “I need you. You’re driving me crazy.”

  “Please don’t, Lynx. We can’t. I can’t. I know what happened between us before, but it was a mistake. I can’t sleep with you again.”

  “Damnit, Callie, you want me as much as I want you.”

  “I know,” she confessed. “But that still doesn’t make it right.”

  “Then don’t tease me,” he rebuked her responses.

  “I didn’t. You kissed me first,” she protested, hurt.

  “Don’t you feel this need between us?” he irritably asked.

  “But we aren’t married, Lynx. I can’t sleep with you like some harlot. Please don’t spoil our truce. I want us to be friends.”

  “I can’t marry anyone, Callie. I’m not ready to settle down. I’ve got some important things to do first. I need you. I can’t even think straight with you around.”

  “Would you rather I leave the ranch?” she asked, wondering if he was hinting in that direction.

  “Hell, no. I want you right here where…where I know you’ll be safe and happy. But I want you, Callie, all of you.”

  “You can have me, Lynx, except in bed. If we slept together every time you came home, I’d be nothing more than your mistress. I’m not like that, Lynx. I don’t think you know me at all.”

  “I want to know everything about you, Callie.” Lynx was dismayed by her mention of marriage, a nice resolution to her problems.

  “Then give it time, Lynx. It’s hard enough to relax around you after what happened at the saloon. We need to discover each other first.”

  “I don’t have time, Callie; I’ll be leaving in a few days.”

  “Then make time, Lynx. No one’s forcing you to go. If you really care for me and want me, then stay here and show me.”

  “I can’t. I’ve given my word to help out a friend with a problem. You should recall, I always keep my word, even when it’s hard.”

  “Does this friend need your help, or the aid of your guns?”

  “Both, if it comes to that. I’m hoping I can settle his problems without shedding blood. It could be weeks or months before I get home.”

  “Please don’t go, Lynx,” she suddenly begged him. Fear and desire battled to be the dominant emotion in her expression.

  Lynx realized Calinda felt more than passion for him, but what? He was baffled by that discovery, intimidated by it. First, a bold hint at marriage; then, hints at love and possessiveness; and then, hints at blackmail to keep him home…Inflaming her body and feeding her affections were dangerous actions. Callie was a woman, and he couldn’t allow any holds over him at present. Callie was bright; she could start to put her nose where it didn’t belong if she became determined to have him. He backed off.

  “Go to your room, Callie, before I say or do something I’ll regret. Since our timing is wrong, perhaps we should steer clear of each other while I’m home. If you’re still around next time, maybe we can study this attraction between us. If not…” He shrugged.

  Calinda stared at him. He was calmly dismissing her! Was this a cunning trick to entice her into his bed? He was making her refusal appear a stinging rejection. He wasn’t being fair to demand all or nothing. He was just too accustomed to having his way. If he wanted to pretend there was nothing between them, let him. “That’s fine with me, Mister Cardone,” she scoffed, turning to leave.

  “Callie?” he murmured again.

  “What?” she snapped as she whirled to face him.

  He grinned and tossed her the discarded cloth. “You forgot something,” he teased as the cloth struck her in the chest.

  She instinctively reacted and caught it. “So did you, Lynx,” she stated mysteriously, then left in a huff.

  Knowing Lynx would probably take a long time in the water shed, Calinda stood on the balcony to allow the warm breeze to help dry her hair. She muttered to herself as she worked the tangles free and fiercely brushed it. When her task was completed, she walked into her room and went to bed, to toss and turn for hours before slumber released her from her doubts and tension.

  The next day was tormenting for both Lynx and Calinda. He rode out with the men at dawn to distract himself from that puzzling piece of fluff in his house. He worked the fence-line until he was weary and sweaty. He didn’t return until nearly dinner time. He headed for the water shed to remove the traces of dirt, sweat, and leather from his firm body. Afterwards, he went to his room to dress in Spanish trousers and a blood red silk shirt, which was left open to his heart. He tossed his dirty clothes in a corner, then pulled on his boots. He picked up his silver spurs and tossed them on a chair. He left his room to join his father.

  Calinda had spent much of her day alone. Nearing the dinner hour, she had changed into a lovely dress in muted shades of green, enhancing the color of her eyes. Lynx hadn’t been home all day, and she dreaded to see him tonight. Would he still be angry and sullen? She collected her nerves and headed to join the men.

  Lynx nodded at her when she entered the room, but didn’t make conversation or even smile. He was lazily sprawled in a comfortable chair, sipping a whiskey. Calinda glanced at him and spoke guardedly. She walked over to Rankin and smiled warmly. They chatted for a few moments before Salina came to announce dinner.

  Salina flashed Lynx a seductive smile, which he returned in like manner to annoy Calinda. Calinda pretended not to notice. Dinner was long and painful for her, as Lynx totally ignored her. He talked genially with his father, but left her out of the conversation. When Rankin would draw her into it by choosing a mutual topic, Lynx would promptly change the subject back to ranching and cattle, or some business or event of which she was uninformed.

  Calinda sat quietly and politely, knowing Lynx was intentionally excluding her, making her feel unwelcomed and saddened. Clearly he was attempting to make a point, to unsettle her. To verbally spar with him at the table would only enlighten Rankin to a problem between them. Being well-trained and well-bred, Calinda suffered in silence. Her poise and pleasant expression didn’t reveal the battle within her.

  But Rankin witnessed clues which tugged at his imagination. It wasn’t like Calinda to be so reserved, to keep her lashes lowered so frequently, to absently toy with the food on her plate. Neither was it like his son to be so talkative, nor was it like Lynx to be subtly rude or to dominate the conversation. Lynx appeared overly carefree and energetic tonight. Rankin knew his son was playing some game with Calinda. But why? What was going on between those two? After dinner, Rankin suggested the two young people take a walk.

  Calinda stiffened noticeably, then forced herself to relax. She didn’t have time to formulate an excuse before Lynx was saying, “Not tonight. Sorry, Callie. I think I’ll stroll down to the bunkhouse and visit with the boys a while. I might head into the high country tomorrow to look around before I leave. See you two later.” He was up and gone before either Calinda or Rankin could speak.

  Rankin persuaded Calinda to play a few games of billiards. She was distracted, and allowed him to win easily. He teased, “You aren’t yourself tonight, Cal. Something bothering you?”

  “I guess I just feel out of place here. I’m not used to so much free time and luxury. I know I should have made a decision by now, but I haven’t. What do you suggest, Rankin?” If Lynx wanted her gone, would Rankin comply? Would Lynx make unreasonable demands on her if she remained?

  “Maybe I should put you to work as one of my ranch-hands and
burn off some of that excess energy and boredom. There’s no decision to be made, Cal; you’ll live here as long as you please.”

  “But what about my father, Rankin?” she implored.

  “There’s nothing you can do about Brax, Cal. If he ever returns, you’ll be here waiting for him. If he writes you in England, the Simpsons will let you or him know where to find you. Accept it, Cal, you’re better off here than anywhere else.”

  “I suppose you’re right,” she concurred. “But I would feel better if I did something around here to earn my keep.”

  “Then I’ll look around for an appropriate chore for you. Does that ease your worries?” he teased her.

  She smiled and nodded. They played one last game before they turned in for the night. It was nearly eleven, and Lynx hadn’t returned. Her nerves were as tight as a miser with his money.

  Calinda entered her room and slipped into one of the sensual nightgowns which had belonged to Laura Cardone. She stroked the silky garment, admiring its cool softness and lovely shade of deep green. She decided that either Laura or Rankin had extravagant and excellent taste in clothing; the gown was exquisite and provocative, one to stir a man’s blood and daze his senses. How she wished Laura was still alive. It would make things so much easier for her.

  Too keyed up to sleep, Calinda paced the floor again tonight. She went to the fireplace and rested her forehead against the mantel, gazing into the dark hole which lightly smelled of past fires. Right now, her future was as obscure as the blackness behind the hearth.

  Why were life and love so complicated, so demanding, so frightening? Why was it all right for a man to yield to his passions, while a woman was compelled to subdue and deny hers? Just thinking about Lynx rekindled those forbidden flames of desire. She wanted him and needed him. Did she dare play such a perilous and costly game? Was she falling in love with him? Did he feel anything other than carnal desire for her? Was he with another woman? How long could she resist this hunger for him, conquer these yearnings? At least it would be harder, rather impossible, to be tempted once he left. Left? That word tortured her. She sniffled as if weeping, inhaling raggedly.

  Strong hands gently grasped her shoulders from behind. She jumped and turned to face Lynx. Had she left the door unlocked again? Intentionally? She couldn’t make out his face in the darkness, but she could sense his gaze roaming over her body, seeming to brand it.

  “You’re up mighty late, Callie. Missing me already? Worried about my safety?” he teased, his face hidden from her probing gaze.

  She wanted nothing more than to fling herself into his embrace. Instead, she responded in a quavering voice, “Don’t be absurd.”

  He craftily provoked her, “You’re just as attracted to me as I am to you. You just won’t admit it. Frankly, it’s a most inconvenient time to be troubled by such cravings. I’d be obliged if you’d hang around until I come home again; I’d like to find out why I find you haunting me all the time. When Jake gave me all that phony information, I was ready to strangle you. What is it about you, Callie, that makes my guts twist and the hair on my neck stand up in warning?”

  “If these are compliments, Lynx, they’re the most unusual ones I’ve ever received. I haven’t made any attempts to catch your eye.”

  “I know. Why not? Am I too repulsive for a well-bred lady?” he speculated, his hands leisurely moving up and down her bare arms.

  “I find you insufferable and exasperating, but not repulsive,” she admitted cautiously. “I doubt you and I have anything in common.”

  “More than you imagine, Callie,” he whispered hoarsely.

  “You’re mistaken, Lynx; we’re nothing alike.”

  “Won’t be my first mistake where you’re concerned, will it?”

  “Do you mind if we forget about that night?” She felt shaky, innocently resting her palms against his chest to steady herself. Warmth, firmness, and a heavily thudding heart tantalized her sensitive hands.

  “I can’t. Have you? Was it a fatal error, Callie?” he asked, his hands halting their journey. He watched her in the scant light.

  “Fatal error?” she repeated, losing his meaning, wishing she could see his expression. She didn’t know her face was vaguely visible.

  “Did it kill any hope of our becoming friends?”

  “Us, friends?” she echoed, sadness flooding her eyes.

  “Why not? Looks like we’ll be living in the same home.”

  “Only until I can leave. And you don’t live here.”

  “You have no family or money, Callie. Just where can you go and do what? Jobs for women are few, with lousy pay and harsh conditions. You’re safer and happier here. Why leave?”

  “It just doesn’t seem right to live with two strange men, especially when one resents me and harries me all the time.”

  “You can hardly call me or Father a stranger. Besides, you…”

  When he halted and dropped his hands to his sides, she asked, “I’m, what?” Her gaze filled with intrigue and attention. Her hands had detected the sudden increase in his heart-rate and his rigidity.

  “You’re welcomed by both of us,” he said.

  Calinda knew that wasn’t what he had started to say. She wondered what new sport he was attempting now. “Thanks, but I still don’t feel comfortable accepting extended charity.”

  “Would it help if I begged you to stay?” he tested a suspicion.

  “Would you?” she challenged, straining to see him.

  “Nope, but I would ask seriously. I never beg for anything.”

  “At least you’re honest,” she said too quickly. “It’s late. You’d best leave now before we quarrel again. After the way we acted tonight, I’m sure Rankin wonders what’s going on between us.”

  “Do I get a goodnight kiss from my new sister?”

  “I doubt you view me as such, or ever would.”

  “You’re right, Callie. I hope you don’t mind if I call you that.” Lynx cursed this visit home which seemed to be exposing the missing facets to his life, facets which he couldn’t explore or claim at present.

  “Do as you please,” she stated unthinkingly.

  “Right now, I please to kiss you,” he murmured, then swept her into his arms. “I guess I was a little asinine last night and today. I don’t meet many ladies. You give a man strange ideas, Callie.”

  Calinda’s hands braced against his hard chest. “No.”

  “But you said I could do as I pleased,” he mocked her resistance.

  “Leave before Rankin learns you were in my room. We must be careful. There’s no telling what he would do if he learned about us. Are you trying to get me thrown out? You’ve already seduced me. Now you’re sneaking in here trying to…”

  Without warning, Lynx released her. At the torturously familiar words, he rubbed his forehead as if it ached unmercifully. His expression changed drastically, his eyes chilling and narrowing as the past threatened to devour him. He glared at her for a moment, then asked, “Have you been wearing my mother’s clothes? That’s her gown, isn’t it?”

  “Yes, why?” She was startled by his harshness.

  “How dare you presume to do something like that?” His voice was harsh with anger. My God, why hadn’t he warned his father? Why hadn’t he seen Brax for the snake he was? Now Callie was in Laura’s clothes and home, trying to take her place.

  “Your father gave them to me and insisted I use them. If it upsets you, I won’t wear any of them again.” Calinda assumed his lingering grief had inspired his outburst, and the anguish in his eyes kept her from throwing angry words back at him. When he continued to glare at her, she touched his arm and promised, “It won’t happen again, Lynx. I’m sorry.”

  He stared at the sensual gown, then her. “It doesn’t matter. They should have been burned. It just shocked me. See you tomorrow.” With that, he left quickly.

  Both their doors had been left open during his hasty flight. Calinda could hear Lynx pacing his floor and mumbling to himself. He
r tender and warring heart reached out to him. It had been years since Laura’s death, and he was still resisting the healing process. Or so Calinda assumed. Evidently he had been too surprised by her presence to realize whose clothes she had been wearing. When it struck home, it had been devastating. There must be something she could say or do…

  Calinda walked to Lynx’s room and went inside, closing the door behind her out of habit. He was in bed now. He turned his head on the pillow and looked at her. Slowly Calinda went forward to stop and glance down at him. He looked so troubled. “Lynx, I’m truly sorry. If I had known how it would hurt you, I would never have worn them. Rankin told me about your mother’s death. I know it hurts deeply, but you must let go, let the wounds heal. When my mother died, I was numb for a long time. You must accept it. Don’t you see what it’s doing to you?”

  “It isn’t that easy, Callie. You don’t understand.”

  “Would you like to talk about her? Sometimes that helps. She wouldn’t want you to suffer like this.”

  Lynx laughed coldly. If Laura had truly loved him, she would never have deserted him. Lynx could almost understand her falling out of love with her husband and falling in love with Brax, but sacrificing her only child and home for another man…The least she could have done was leave a note, or send some word over the years. “I don’t ever want to hear her name again. She never loved me or wanted me.”

  Calinda sat down on the edge of the bed. “You can’t possibly think such a terrible thing, Lynx. How could a mother not love her child? You’re letting grief and resentment destroy you. She didn’t betray you or desert you by dying,” she tried to console him.

  Lynx captured Calinda’s hand and held it between two strong ones. “I know the truth, Callie, because she told me so, many times over the years. Laura Cardone was devious, cruel, and selfish. She proved she didn’t love me or father. Her only desires were…money and power.” Just in time, he caught himself before saying passion and Brax. “It’s over, Callie; let it alone.”