First Love Wild Love

by Janelle Taylor

  “Lynx?” Calinda spoke softly. “Is that you?” she asked, fearing she was asleep, dreading she wasn’t.

  He faced the shadowy bed, hands on gun-butts, boots planted apart. “It’s me, Callie. I didn’t want to disturb you. I saw you in town earlier, but I’ve been in a meeting. I talked with Steve; he explained what you’re doing here. Must say, I was surprised to see you.”

  Fully awake by now, she recalled their last parting. “Why bother to say hello? You were too busy last time to say goodbye. You do have a cunning way of sneaking in and out when it suits your purposes. Just leave; I don’t want to see you again. Ever,” she added tersely.

  “I didn’t sneak out; I left you a note,” he argued, expecting her anger, but not her coldness and rejection.

  “You left your father a note; that isn’t me,” she told him. She removed the silver cross and threw it at him. “Take your little ruse and try it on someone else. I don’t have time for users and liars.”

  “User and liar? What’s gotten into you, woman? I told you in the note I’d be home within two months.” Lynx was vexed at being insulted, challenged, and forced to explain anything. Just as he had feared, she was becoming possessive and demanding with closeness!

  “The note you forgot to write?” she sneered.

  “I left it on your pillow when I put you to bed, Callie,” he snarled. “If you’re playing games with me, I don’t like it, woman.”

  She sat up. “There wasn’t any note on my pillow.”

  Lynx’s hungry gaze roamed over her partially concealed features. His tone softened. “Then look under the bed; it must have fallen off.”

  “I’ve cleaned that room many times; there wasn’t any note.”

  Lynx came over to sit down beside her. “Is that why you’re so angry with me? I swear, Callie; I left a note on your pillow.”

  “I never found one,” she disputed his claim. “You could have said something before taking off. I didn’t even know where you’d gone or for how long. You’re greedy, Lynx Cardone; you think only of yourself. I was a fool to trust you or let you come near me again.”

  “Didn’t Salina tell you a man came for me early that morning?”

  “No,” she snapped at him like a testy diamondback rattler. “Don’t go creating phony notes and messengers to pacify me.”

  The truth settled in. “That little serpiente! Just wait until I get home. Don’t you see, Callie? She must have taken the note while you were still asleep. She wanted it to look like I took off without a word. Probably hopes it will send you running. Damn her!”

  “Are you saying Salina took your note?” she asked skeptically.

  “She must have. When Tom came by, I had to pull out in a hurry. It was dawn, too early to disturb you without exposing us. I didn’t have time to hang around until you were up. Besides, I didn’t want any trouble. I was afraid you would cry and beg me not to leave. Salina must have seen me write the note and put it in your room,” he sullenly defended himself.

  “You are wrong, Mister Cardone. I would never cry like a baby or beg for affection or attention from anyone. If I’m such a dark secret, then I’m not worth your time and energy. Afraid I might impair that carefree, cold-hearted image of yours? Are you ashamed to be seen with me, for anyone to learn we care about each other? I don’t understand you at all, Lynx. I’m fine to sleep with, but nothing else?”

  “That isn’t true, Cal,” he argued, witnessing her rising fury.

  “Then what is the truth, Lynx?” she demanded.

  “I’m enchanted by you, Cal. But right now, I just don’t have time to deal with you,” he murmured tenderly, but sternly.

  “You certainly find time to sleep with me,” she sneered.

  “Damn it, Cal. I didn’t force you into my arms. Both times, you were in my room and in my bed,” he informed her, stressing his claims. “You’re being unreasonable. You wanted me as much as I wanted you. I haven’t misled you. What do you expect from me?”

  “You think I’m chasing after you?” she asked incredulously.

  “Are you?” he unwisely teased.

  “You conceited ass, no. To think I actually felt sorry for you that night and wanted to comfort you. Was it only an act to disarm me?”

  Calinda’s forceful words struck Lynx the wrong way. In the heat of her anger, she hadn’t meant them as they sounded to him. “You slept with me out of pity? What are you trying to do to me, Cal? At least my feelings were open and honest. I don’t need your pity or self-sacrifice.” He glared at her before standing up to leave. “I was a fool to get tangled up with another Braxton. If that’s the way you want it, Cal, I’ll leave you alone. Just remember, it was your decision.”

  As he stalked toward the door, Calinda shrieked in panic, “Lynx, don’t go. I’m sorry; I didn’t mean it like that. You’re so darn sensitive! Oh, forget it! I’m tired of battling a situation and a person I don’t understand.”

  Lynx came back to the bed and seized her by the shoulders. “Then what did you mean?” he insisted, staring down at her.

  “I don’t know. But I didn’t yield out of pity. How could you even think such an awful thing about me? It’s just that one time you behave like I’m special to you; then the next, you act as if you don’t give a fig. I don’t know where I stand with you,” she vowed, frustrated.

  The implications of her words stunned him. “What do you mean by, where you stand with me?” he anxiously inquired, stalling for time to think out the consequences of his explanation either way.

  “You heard me,” she murmured, compelled to press the issue now that she had foolishly opened it with this jittery creature.

  “Are you falling in love with me, Cal?” he blurted out, then scolded himself for his bluntness.

  “Does it matter to you?” she asked another explosive question, rather than dousing the fuse to the one already lit.

  He sat down on the edge of the bed, his back to her as he pensively stroked his taut jawline. “Do you think we’ve known each other long enough to have such serious talks and feelings?” he asked, trying to handle the volatile subject without it blowing up in his face.

  They had known each other long enough to spend two nights in bed together. Was intimacy easier to accept than deep emotions? Was he resisting a commitment to her? Did he feel a vow of love would entrap him, would entice her to expect marriage? He was being awfully hesitant and evasive. How should she interpret his moods and actions?

  Calinda recalled how Lynx had looked and sounded when he had spoken of his mother. Had Laura Cardone actually denied this troubled man love? Had she scarred him so deeply that he resented loving a woman, resisted sharing himself? What had Laura done to Lynx to make him so cynical and defensive? How could she repair the damage?

  Calinda had never confronted anything like this. Perhaps Lynx was just as emotionally assailed, confused, and panicked. If such was true, she shouldn’t pressure or corner him. It was possible that Brax’s desertion and selfishness inspired mistrust toward her.

  “Lynx, I think it’s best if we drop this subject permanently. I’ve been under a great deal of stress these last few months, and I suppose I’m still not thinking clearly. The situation between us happened too quickly and unexpectedly. You needn’t worry about my pursuing you, because I won’t. The smartest thing for me to do is find a way to search for my father. Under the circumstances, I don’t think it’s wise for me to live in your home. I’ll speak with Rankin when I return and see what can be worked out about my leaving the ranch. I wouldn’t want you to be reluctant to come home because I’m there.”

  Lynx turned to observe her for a lengthy time. She was serious. “Afraid I won’t come home, Cal? Or afraid I will?” he speculated.

  “Either way, the situation isn’t right, Lynx. It’s time I stopped being a coward and started making my own decisions. Rankin has been very kind and generous to me, and I’m grateful to him. Perhaps he’ll loan me the money to make a new start on my own somewhere. Goodbye, L
ynx; I should be gone before you come home again.”

  “You can’t mean it, Cal. This isn’t England. Haven’t you seen and learned enough to know you can’t up and leave the ranch? If we couldn’t find Brax with a hot trail, how do you expect to locate him on one that’s been cold for years?” he anxiously tried to reason with her.

  “I don’t know. But I plan to try. I’ll start tomorrow at the Ranger post. Perhaps they can tell me how and where to begin.” Cal tried to master the telltale quivering in her voice and body.

  “You’ll be wasting your time, Cal. Rankin hired the best detectives around to look for Brax and…If they couldn’t find him, you surely can’t. You’ll only hurt yourself and endanger your life.” Lynx berated himself for pushing her into such a precarious action.

  “Since you love to roam around, why don’t you help me search for him? Why were you and Rankin so anxious to find my father?” she asked, abruptly aware of the determination revealed in his voice. They had paid detectives to search for a deserter of friendship?

  “We wanted to solve the problem which made him leave. I’m not heading out on another futile chase, so drop this crazy idea.”

  “Is there something you and Rankin aren’t telling me? I get the feeling there’s more to Brax’s departure than either of you have said. I sense bitterness and resentment when you two talk about him and the past. Why, Lynx? What really happened?” she implored.

  “I’ve told you all I can. He’s gone, and he’ll never set foot on the Cardone Ranch again. If he dared to show his traitorous…Just drop it, Cal. You can have a good life on the ranch, if you’ll just let the past stay buried. Please,” he urgently coaxed.

  Calinda shifted to sit beside him. “You hate my father, don’t you? Why, Lynx? What did he do before he ran off? Please tell me the truth; I must hear it. Why did you say ‘traitorous’?”

  “Leave it be,” he stated firmly, regretting his careless slips. “I don’t want to hurt you, Callie,” he added mysteriously. What was wrong with him? Where were his wits and self-control?

  “If you don’t tell me, I’ll ask Rankin,” she rashly threatened.

  Pinning her face between his hands, he warned through clenched teeth, “Do so, and you’ll answer to me, Cal. Rankin has suffered enough. He took you in and cared for you. You want to repay him by tormenting him? If you can’t accept us and trust us, get off the Cardone Ranch. If you stay, forget about Elliott Braxton.”

  “But he’s my father, Lynx,” she reminded him.

  “Was he ever a real father to you, Cal? If so, he would have contacted you and you wouldn’t be wondering where he is now. He hurt and disappointed us, just like he did you.” He forced devastating facts into her bruised heart, with a coldness and insensitivity which he hadn’t intended.

  Her chin and lips quivered as tears ran down her cheeks. “You despise me as much as him, don’t you? Is that it, Lynx? Revenge? You can’t get to Brax, so you’re punishing me in his place? Befriend and charm, then reject, like Brax did to you? That’s cruel, Lynx.”

  Her assumptions shocked him. The anguish and accusations in her eyes plagued him. He had said too much. Now, he must say more to correct matters. “You’re wrong, Cal. It isn’t like that. I’m not going into the whole story, but I will tell you certain facts. First, I want your promise you won’t mention this or the past to Rankin again.”

  “What are you talking about, Lynx?” she asked, puzzled.

  “Give me your word, Cal, or I won’t tell you anything.”

  “You have it,” she complied, her heart beating wildly.

  “Brax doesn’t deserve your loyalty and love, Cal; he never deserved ours. He did some terrible things years ago. That fall before your father vanished, Brax and my father completed a very lucrative cattle drive, 1500 cattle at $30 a head. That next afternoon, Brax stole the $45,000.00 and our ranch deed from Rankin’s desk. My father caught him packing to leave hurriedly, and they fought. Brax cheated him, beat him, and disappeared without a trace. Afterwards Rankin became cynical and remote. If a man couldn’t trust his best friend, who could he trust? If a man who was like his brother could rob him and beat him, anybody could. Brax turned love and faith into cruel jokes. Those things are hard for a man to accept, Cal; they color his whole outlook on life and people. Brax escaped that same day, and he hasn’t been seen since. After my mother…I searched for Brax. I never found him.” Lynx had spoken the truth, but only selected parts of it. He had to persuade her to forget her search.

  “Were you going to kill him?” she asked reluctantly.

  “I don’t know what would have happened if I had located him. I was angry and bitter. I loved your father almost as much as my own; I even spent more time with him than with Rankin. I had trusted him and respected him. I’d followed him around like an innocent, blind pup. He made fools of us. Men have been hung for a lesser offense. Rankin went through hell; first Brax, then mother. We thought it was over, until your arrival. We felt guilty every time you begged for answers, but we didn’t want to tell you such terrible things about your father. Leave it be, Callie. We’ve all suffered too much.”

  “You’re certain Rankin’s hired men never located him and…”

  She didn’t finish, but her insinuation was clear. “No, Cal, he didn’t have your father killed. When you first arrived, we both suspected Brax might have sent you to nose around. We wondered if he’d run through all that money and was scheming for more. Since you don’t favor Brax, father wasn’t convinced you were Calinda Braxton.”

  “If he didn’t believe me and resented I might be a Braxton, why did he invite me to the ranch? Why does he want me to stay on there?”

  “At first, to be honest, he wanted to watch you; I agreed. If Brax was up to something, you could clue us in or lead us to him.”

  “Why would he come back? If he wanted to reach me, he would have contacted me in England, long ago. Do you still want revenge after all these years? Is the stolen money that important?”

  “I was like you are now; I was confused and I needed to know the whole truth from Brax. Betrayal is hard to swallow, Cal. After it happened, I went searching for him. I couldn’t believe Brax would do such things without some reason. When I realized I’d never find him, I couldn’t make myself go home that soon. There were too many painful memories at the ranch. In a way, I had chosen Brax over my father for years; I couldn’t face Rankin with all that guilt inside. As time passed, I liked going from place to place and doing exciting things. It made me too tired and busy to be tormented. But every time I went home, I was reminded of mother and Brax. I needed to make a man of myself, Cal. I had to test myself, learn who and what I was. I needed to conquer my inner demons. I also needed to prove myself for Rankin. Like you said, Cal, grief and hate are vicious diseases.”

  “But what about me, Lynx? Where do I fit in at the ranch?”

  He chuckled, slowly relaxing. “You’re one bewitching and stubborn bundle. It didn’t take long for us to realize you’re nothing like Brax. You brought a change of pace, new life and sunshine to the ranch. It appears Rankin observed you too closely. He became fond of you, Cal. Course you’re mighty hard to resist. When he decided he could trust you, he felt you should stay at the ranch. I think he’s being selfish; he likes you and likes having you around. Besides, you can’t be punished for being Brax’s daughter.”

  “What about you, Lynx? Do you honestly want me to stay?”

  “Frankly, I was furious and shocked when I came home to find Brax’s child living in my home. I was fully prepared to hate you and determined to kick you out that same day. Trouble was, I didn’t expect Calinda Braxton to be Callie. Luckily we had met, and most provocatively I might add. I found myself in a most uncomfortable position. There you were again, and I didn’t know what to do about you.”

  “Do you think my father might return one day?” she asked, switching to a safer topic.

  “I don’t know, Cal. He nearly killed Rankin in that fight.”

&nbs
p; “Why would my father steal the ranch deed?”

  “We suspected he might try to take the ranch by altering it. He loved the ranch and did a lot of work on her. Or he could use it to make a false sale to some rich fool. If the records office ever burned, we’d have a hard time proving Cardone ownership without it. It’s impossible to say where it is or what he’ll do with it. It’s clear he didn’t mail it to you for safe-keeping.”

  “Lynx, does it bother you that Brax is my father?”

  He looked away. “Sometimes,” he admitted. “I guess we don’t want to see you in that light, but you seem determined to keep reminding us.”

  “You’re still observing me and testing me, aren’t you?”

  He looked her straight in the eye and nodded. “Can you blame us? You invaded our lives and turned them upside down. You’re forcing us to face emotions and decisions we’re not ready to deal with, Cal. As for me, I care about you and want you; beyond that, I’m just not sure yet. It takes courage and daring for a man to accept a connection to an enemy.” He was finally saying “I,” instead of “we.”

  “I don’t see you as man short on courage or daring. I seem to recall a very bold man in the Red Satin Saloon and the water shed.”

  “That wasn’t daring, Cal. You just drove me past the point of control or wisdom. Both times you cunningly set up irresistible traps for me, and I rashly got caught,” he jested.

  “You poor thing, you must be exhausted from your struggles for escape,” she taunted him playfully, forcing his confessions from her mind until later when she could absorb them.

  He fell back to the bed and sighed heavily. “You’re right.” It was easier to corral and tame a wild mustang than Callie Braxton.

  “Up and out, Mister Cardone, it’s late,” she hinted softly, knowing where things might lead if she didn’t stop them. Lynx must learn that he couldn’t stroll in and out of her life at will. If he wanted her and she was important to him, then he needed to make it clear to both of them. If he was allowed all privileges without a commitment, he would stall making one. She would not force him into making a hasty decision, but she would avoid giving him reasons to evade one.