changing-places-david-lodge

by Unknown

  up. They came into the kitchen in their pyjamas, yawning Socrates. He liked showering in jets of hot water sharp as and rubbing their eyes and pushing back their long matted laser beams, walking about the quiet carpeted house in hair. Not only were they identical twins, but to make things his bare feet, taking possession of the kitchen that was like more difficult Darcy had the more feminine good looks, so the flight deck of some computer-guided spaceship, all that it was on Elizabeth's dental brace that Philip relied to gleaming white and stainless steel, with its dials, gadget sand tell them apart. They were an enigmatic pair. Communi-immense humming fridge. Philip laid breakfast places for cating telepathically with each other, they were un-himself and the twins, mixed a jug of frozen orange juice, commonly sparing in their own use of ordinary language.

  put bacon rashers in the electric Grillerette, turned it on Philip found this restful after his own precociously articulate low, and poured boiling water on to a teabag. Shuffling into and tirelessly inquisitive children, but disconcerting too.

  a pair of abandoned mules, he took his tea through the patio He often wondered what the twins thought of him, but they into the garden and squatted against a sunny wall to absorb gave nothing away.

  the unfailing view. It was a very still, clear morning.

  'Good morning!' he greeted them brightly. 'I think it's The waters of the Bay were stretched taut and you could going to be hot.'

  almost count the cables on the Silver Span. Down on the

  ' Hi,' they murmured politely.' Hi, Philip.' They sat down ever-moving Shoreline Freeway, the cars and trucks raced at the breakfast bar and began to munch large quantities of along like Dinky toys, but their noise and fumes did not carry some patent sugar-coated cereal.

  this far. Here the air was cool and sweet, perfumed with the

  ' Would you like some bacon ?'

  sub-tropical vegetation that grew luxuriantly in the gardens They shook their heads, mouths full of cereal. He ex-of affluent Plotinus.

  tracted the crisp, uniform strips of bacon from the Gril-A silver jet, with engines cut back, planed in from the lerette and made himself a bacon sandwich and another cup north almost at his eye level, and he followed its lazy proof tea. 'What d'you want for your lunch today?' he in-gress across the cinemascope of the sky. This was a good hour quired. The twins looked at each other.

  to arrive in Euphoria. It was almost possible to imagine

  ' Peanut butter and jelly,' Darcy said.

  what it must have been like for the first mariners who sailed,

  'All right. What about you, Elizabeth?' As if he needed probably quite by chance, through the narrow strait now to ask.

  bridged by the Silver Span, and found this stupendous bay

  'The same, please.'

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  He made the sandwiches with the ready-sliced, vitamin-The twins reappeared in the kitchen to collect their lunch-enriched, totally tasteless white bread they seemed to like, boxes, looking marginally cleaner and tidier in blue jeans, and packed them with an apple each in their lunch-boxes.

  sneakers and faded T-shirts.

  The twins took second helpings of cereal. Euphoric Times

  ' Have you said good-bye to your mother ?'

  had recently reported an experiment in which rats fed They called perfunctorily, "Bye, D&iree,' as they left the on cornflake packets had proved healthier than rats fed house, and received a muffled shout in reply. Philip put on the cornflakes. He told them about it. They smiled coffee, orange-juice, toasted muffins and honey on a tray politely.

  and took it into Decree's bedroom.

  ' Have you washed ?' he inquired.

  ' Hi!' she said.' Your timing is terrific'

  While they were washing, he put the kettle on to boil for

  'It's a beautiful day,' he said, setting down the tray and DesireVs coffee and picked up yesterday's Chronicle. 'It is to going to the window. He adjusted the louvres of the be a peaceful, non-violent protest, the organizers insist,' he Venetian blinds so that the sunshine fell across the room in read. 'But local citizens, hearing estimates that 50,000 may long strips. Desiree's red plaits flamed against the saffron converge on Plotinus for the occasion, from places as far pillows of the huge bed.

  away as Madison and New York, are apprehensive.' He

  'Was that a helicopter nearly took the roof off the house?'

  looked out of the window, down to where the helicopter she asked, tucking zestfully into her breakfast.

  darted and hovered like a dragonfly over downtown Plo-

  'Yes, I was in the garden.'

  tinus. Over two thousand troops were in the city, some

  ' The sonofabitch. Kids get off to school O K ? '

  bivouacked in the Garden itself. It was said that they were

  'Yes, I made them peanut butter sandwiches. I used up secretly watering the flowers. Certainly the soldiers often the last of the jar.'

  looked as if they would like to throw down their arms and

  'Yeah, I must go marketing today. You got anything join the protesting students, especially when the girl sup-planned ?'

  porters of the Garden taunted them by stripping to the

  'I've got to go into the University this morning. The waist and opposing bare breasts to their bayonets, a juxta-English faculty are holding a vigil on the steps of Dealer.'

  position of hardware and software that the photographers of

  'A what?'

  Euphoric Times found irresistible. Most of the troopers were

  'I'm sure it's the wrong word, but that's what they're young men who had only joined the National Guard to get calling it. A vigil is an all-night thing, isn't it? I think we're out of the Viet Nam War anyway, and they looked now just just going to stand on the steps for an hour or two. In silent like the GIs that one saw in Viet Nam on lite television protest.'

  newsreels, bewildered and unhappy and, if they were bold

  'You think Duck is gonna call off the National Guard just enough, making peace signs to the cameras. In fact the because the English faculty quit talking for a couple of whole episode of the Garden was much like the Viet Nam hours ? I admit it would be quite an achievement, but -'

  War in miniature, with the University as the Thieu regime,

  'I gather the protest is aimed at Binde. He's got to be the National Guard as the U S Army, the students and hip-pressured into standing up to Duck and O'Keene.'

  pies as Viet Cong . . . escalation, overkill, helicopters, de-

  'Binde?' Desire"e snorted derisively. 'Chancellor Facing-foliation, guerilla warfare: it all fitted together perfectly. It both-ways.'

  would be something to say on the Charles Boon Show. He

  'Well, you must admit he's in a difficult position. What couldn't imagine what else he was going to say.

  would you do in his position ?'

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  173

  'I couldn't be in his position. The State University of Hilary, by the way? Or are you hoping another poison-pen Euphoria has never had a woman chancellor in its history.

  letter will do the job for you ?'

  Are you going to be in tonight, by the way, because we'll

  ' I don't knpw what to say.' He paced the room, trying, need a baby-sitter if you're not. It's my Karate class.'

  for no reason at all, to avoid treading on the strips of sun-

  ' I shall be out late. I've got to do this wretched broadcast light. Three images of himself converged in the triptych of with Charles Boon.'

  mirrors over D6sir6e's dressing-table, and cold-shouldered

  ' Oh, yeah. What are you talking about ?'

  him as he turned to retrace his steps.

  'I think I'm supposed to give my impressions of the

  'Tell her what's happened and what you plan to do Euphoric scene, from a British point of view.'

  about it.'

  ' Sounds like a pushover.'

  'But I don't know what I'm going t
o do about it. I

  'But I don't feel British any more. Not as much as I used haven't got any plans.'

  to, anyway. Nor American, for that matter. "Wandering

  ' Isn't your time running out ?'

  between two worlds, one lost, the other powerless to be

  'I know, I know,' he said despairingly, running fingers born."'

  through his hair. 'But I'm not used to this sort of thing. I've

  'You'll have plenty of questions about the Garden, no experience in adultery. I don't know what would be best anyway. As one of its most celebrated supporters.'

  for Hilary, the children, for me, for you -'

  'That was a complete accident, as you very well know.'

  'Don't worry about me,' said Desir£e.' Forget about me.'

  ' Nothing is completely accidental.'

  'How can I ? '

  'I never felt more than mildly sympathetic to the Garden.

  'I'll just say one thing. I've no intention of marrying I've never even set foot in the place. Now people, complete again. Just in case it had crossed your mind.'

  strangers, come up to me and shake my hand, congratulate

  ' You're going to get a divorce, aren't you ?'

  me on my commitment. It's most embarrassing.'

  'Sure. But from now on I'm a free woman. I stand on my

  'There is a tide in the affairs of men, Philip. You've own two feet and without a pair of balls round my neck.'

  gotten caught up in the historical process.'

  Perhaps he looked hurt, for she continued: 'Nothing per-

  ' I feel a complete fraud.'

  sonal, Philip, you know I like you a lot. We get on fine

  ' Why are you going on this vigil, then ?'

  together. The kids like you too.'

  'If J don't, it will look as if I've joined the other side, and

  'Do they? I often wonder.'

  that certainly isn't true. Anyway, I do feel strongly about

  'Sure, you take them out to the park and suchlike. Morris getting the troops off campus.'

  never did that.'

  'Well, take care not to get arrested. It may not be so easy

  'Funny, that's one of the things I thought I was getting to bail you out next time.'

  away from when I came out here. It must be compulsive.'

  Desired finished her muffin, licked her fingers and settled

  'You're welcome to stay here as long as you like. Or go.

  back into the pillows with a cup of coffee held to her lips.

  Feel entirely free to do what you think best.'

  'You know,' she said, 'you look really good in that happi-

  'I have felt very free these last few weeks,' he said.

  coat.'

  ' Freer than I've ever felt in my life.'

  ' Where can I get one like it ?'

  Desir6e flashed him one of her rare smiles. 'That's nice.'

  'Keep it. Morris never wore the damn thing. I bought it She got out of bed and scratched herself through her cotton for a Christmas present two years ago. Have you written to nightdress.

  »74

  ' I just wish we could go on like this indefinitely. You and

  'Mmm, that's nice.' After a while she said: 'You realty me and the twins here. And Hilary and the children quite ought to write home, you know.'

  happy and not knowing.'

  ' Have you told Morris ?'

  ' How much longer d'you have ?'

  'I don't owe Morris any explanations. Besides, he'd be

  'Well, the exchange ends officially in a month's time.'

  round to your wife like a shot.'

  'Could you stay on at Euphoric State if you wanted to? I

  'I hadn't thought of that. Of course, they both know I've mean, would they give you ajob?'

  been staying h e r e . . . '

  'Not a hope.'

  'But they think Melanie is here too, as chaperone. Or is it

  'Somebody told me you got a terrific write-up in the last me who's supposed to be keeping an eye on you and Melanie? I've lost track.'

  Course Bulletin.'

  •That was just Wily Smith.'

  'I lost track weeks ago,' said Philip, rubbing less briskly.

  •You're too modest, Philip.' Pulling the nightdress over He was on his knees now, drying her legs.' You know this is rather exciting.'

  her head, Desiree walked into the adjoining bathroom.

  Philip followed her appreciatively, and sat on the toilet

  'Cool it, baby,' said Desiree. 'You have a vigil to keep, remember?'

  cover while she showered.

  'Couldn't you get a job in one of the smaller colleges

  Darling,

  around here ?' she called through the hiss of hot water.

  Many thanks for your last Utter. I'm glad to hear you have got

  •Perhaps. But there would be problems about visas. Of

  over your cold. I haven't started my hay fever yet and am hoping

  course, if I married an American citizen, there* d be no

  that I won't be allergic to Euphoric pollen. By the way, I'm having

  problem.'

  an affair with Mrs Z°PP' I should have mentioned it before but it

  ' That sounds like blackmail.'

  slipped my. . .

  ' I t wasn't meant to be.' He stood up, and his reflection

  Dear Hilary,

  rose to face him in the mirror over the handbasin. 'I must shave. This conversation is getting more and more unreal.

  Not 'Darling* because I've forfeited the right to that term of

  I'll go back in a month's time, of course. Back to Hilary and

  endearment. Only a few months after the Melanie affair. ..

  the children. Back to Rummidge. Back to England.'

  Dearest Hilary,

  ' Do you want to ?'

  You were very perceptive when you said I seemed more relaxed and

  'Not in the least.'

  cheerful in my last few Utters. Not to put too fine a point on it, I have

  'You could work for me if you like.'

  been getting laid by Desiree %app three or four times a week lately,

  'For you?'

  and it's done me the world of good. ..

  'As a housekeeper. You do it very well. Much better than He composed letters to Hilary in his head all the way to me. I want to go back to work.'

  the campus, tearing them up, mentally, almost as soon as he He laughed.' How much would you pay me ?'

  had started them. His thoughts seemed to spin out of control,

  'Not much. But there'd be no visa problems. Would you into absurdity, sentimentality, obscenity, as soon as he tried get me a towel from the closet, honey?'

  to bring into a single frame of reference images of home, He held the towel open as she stepped glistening from the Rummidge, Hilary and the children, and the image of his shower, and began rubbing her down briskly.

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  present existence. It was difficult to believe that by boarding

  'You must be drunk,' said Desiree unsympatheticalh/.

  an aeroplane he could be back, within hours, in that grey, Despite her umbrella, she was getting very wet. Philip was damp, sedate environment from which he had come. As easy totally saturated. Furthermore they appeared to be standing to believe that he could step through Desiree's dressing-table in several inches of mud, instead of the garden path.

  mirror and find himself back in his own bedroom. If only he

  ' I'm perfectly sober,' he said, groping in the dark for the could send home, when the time came, some zombie replica porch steps.

  of himself, a robot Swallow programmed to wash dishes, take

  'Somebody must have moved the house,' she said sarcas-tutorials, make mortgage repayments on the 3rd of every tically.

  month, while he himself lay low in Euphoria, let his hair Which, in a manner of speaking, was quite true. Ro
und-grow and grooved quietly with Desiree . . . No one would ing a corner of the building in search of the front door, they notice in Rummidge. Whereas if he went back in person, in came upon three terrified girls in mud-stained nightwear -

  his present state of mind, they would say he was an impostor.

  Melanie, Carol and Deirdre — who had just been jolted out of Will the real Philip Swallow please stand up? I should be interes-their beds as the house slewed round in a great arc (lucky ted to meet him myself, Philip thought, steering the Corvair Charles Boon was warm and dry in his snug studio). 'We round the tight bends of Socrates Avenue, tyres squealing thought it was the earthquake,' they said. 'We thought it softly on the smooth tarmac, houses and gardens rotating was the end of the world.'

  dizzily in the rear-view mirror. He had ended up driving

  'You'd better all come home with me,' Desiree said.

  Morris Zapp's car after all. 'You might as well keep the

  // was, you see, purely an act of charity, and meant to be a very battery charged,' Desiree had said, a few days after he temporary arrangement. Just to give us a roof over our heads until we moved into the house. ' I can't watch you going off to catch could return to Pythagoras Drive, or make other arrangements . . .

  the bus every morning with that car idle in the garage.'

  Carol and Deirdre soon moved on. Melanie set up with It all started, you see, on the night of the landslide. Mrs ZaPP an^

  Charles Boon in the South Campus area - they had thrown I had been invited to the same party again, and she offered me a lift themselves wholeheartedly into the cause of the Garden, and home, because there was a kind of tropical storm . . . P y t h a g o r a s wanted to be near the scene of the action. Eventually, of the Drive was like a river in flood. The rain swept in great folds refugees from the landslip, only Philip was left in the Zapps'

  across the beam of the headlights, drummed on the roof and house. He hung on, waiting to see if the house on Pythagoras almost overpowered the windscreen wipers. The streetlamps Drive would be made safe: Desiree told him not to worry.

  were out, shorted probably. It was like driving on the He began to look desultorily for another apartment: Desiree bottom of the sea. 'Jesus Christ,' Desiree muttered, peering told him to take his time. He didn't feel too bad about im-through the flooded windshield. 'I think I'll sit this out, posing on her because she was often out in the evenings at when I've dropped you.'