Lost in Flight

by Neeny Boucher

  It was the hospital. Of course, it was. Christina tried to get some privacy in an open plan kitchen/lounge by going behind the kitchen counter, but Riley followed her in. Trying to sound calm and professional, not like someone who was just recently a singing, dancing, screaming, psycho hose-beast, Christina listened intently. She waited patiently for them to give her the test results, while she was standing in the same room with the man she’d had unprotected sex with and who was partially responsible for this whole drama.

  ********************

  Riley

  Riley was watching Christina with narrowed eyes. She’d turned her back on him and held the phone to her right ear, speaking as quietly as she could. What was she doing? Something wasn’t right here.

  He heard her say, “Oh, that’s great news. Yes, I mean no, I won’t. Excuse me?”

  Then she muttered something he couldn’t hear properly and asked the caller to wait. She paused, turned around, and glared at him. She started pointing to his junk in a jabbing fashion and he was glad he wasn’t standing any closer.

  Riley looked down at his boxers and back at her. He didn’t get the problem. She’d seen him in much less, but he put his palms up and went to the bedroom to put on some jeans so Little Ms. Prudey-Rudey wouldn’t have another epic meltdown.

  He left his bedroom door open so he could hear what she was saying and heard her say louder. “Can you repeat that? No. I haven’t had one. Yes. That’s correct. I haven’t had a test yet for confirmation. Pregnancy – yes, that’s right. Uh-huh. I’ll do it next week. I’ve got an OBGYN in D.C.. Excuse me? Now. Yes I am. It all feels normal.” Then, she did a nervous giggle. “I’m fine. Yes, if there’s any change, I’ll take the necessary steps.”

  He hauled his jeans on and his eyes were nearly goggling out of his head. Pregnancy test? A freaking-pregnancy-test? OBGYN? And what were necessary steps? He kept looking at the doorway waiting for Christina to finish her conversation. He was starting to put things together like the bandage on her arm. She must have had a blood test and could be pregnant: with his baby.

  Riley stood up and counted to ten trying to calm himself down. “It’s cool, it’s cool,” he said quietly, but channeling Fonzie wasn’t doing it. If he went out there now, it would turn crazy and if she was pregnant by him, he wasn’t going to give her any excuses to drive him away or do something to their baby.

  He loved children. He’d always wanted them and one time he’d wanted them with Christina, so there would be something tangible of them left in the world. It would be a weird turn of fate if he got one with her now, but he wouldn’t complain. If she was pregnant, he wanted that baby, even if it came out of the vagina from hell.

  ********************

  Christina

  Christina thought this phone call was never going to end. She knew she was getting the privileged treatment because of the money her family was spending on Gabby – correction – the money Christina’s medical insurance was paying out for Gabby and because her brother was a rock star. She was trying to be as neutral as possible, but she was worried Riley would overhear the conversation.

  Ms. Perky on the other end of the line was nothing but thorough about Christina’s test results and fertility. The phone reception wasn’t the best in the house and Christina had to repeat herself or shout. She hoped he couldn’t hear and she kept wandering around the house, but the house was so quiet she felt everything was magnified.

  She wanted to “whoop” when she got the all clear from diseases, but her celebration was negated by Riley hovering in the background. She was relieved when she got him to leave and put some pants on because Ms Perky had begun to talk about menstruation.

  When the call finally ended, she breathed a sigh of relief and did a bit of a dance. She wasn’t infected and there would have to be some miracle for her to be pregnant. Looking around and seeing no sign of Riley, she did a bit of a “yessss” fist pump.

  ********************

  Riley

  Counting didn’t help or calm Riley down. When he heard her end the phone call, he went out and found her in the kitchen. He had some questions that she was going to answer whether she liked it or not. She looked really pleased with herself and happy, so it was good news then? Was she or wasn’t she? Did she want it or not?

  Riley watched her rearrange her face into a passive look when she saw him and it annoyed him, but he tried to hide it. He adopted a friendly smile, but he could tell it wasn’t working when her eyes went darker than usual and she pulled an “ewww” face at him. He gave up and went for the direct approach, “Everything okay, Christina?”

  She looked him up and down, answering with a suspicious, “Yes.”

  He raised his eyebrows and pointed to the bandage on her arm. “What’s that?”

  She yanked her sleeve down, snapping, “Nothing.”

  Did she think he was stupid or something? Actually, he knew she did. She’d told him often enough.

  Riley was about to broach the subject of pregnancy, when her phone rang again. She answered it as quickly as possible and then went all smiley, and giggly. Riley glared at her. “Hi Andy,” she said and started writing stuff down on a piece of paper.

  Ooooh, ‘Hi Andy’ is it? Riley thought. Wow. He gets chronic bitch face and this other guy gets sweetness, and light. He clenched his jaw and frowned. She actually looked a bit flirty and Riley’s face went into full scowl mode.

  Christina was saying, “Sorry. Tonight? It would have been nice to get some notice. Yeah-yeah-okay. I get it. I’ve been out of touch. What time? Flight number? No. I’ll pick you up. Where are you staying? My laptop? It’s here at the house. Why don’t you come over and you can do it then? Okay, see you when you get here.”

  Like hell, Riley thought. If she thought she was bringing this Andy guy into his house, she could think again. Riley looked over and saw the name of the hotel, Alexis, written down. He quite liked that place. It was quirky and a bit offbeat. He decided he’d go stay there tonight as well because, clearly, Riley needed alternative accommodation. Staying here with her in residence was impossible and he also wanted to have a look at this Andy guy.

  Riley was comforted in the knowledge that if she picked Andy up from the airport, her driving would put him off her for life. Then, he started worrying. If she really was pregnant, she might do some damage to herself and the baby with her seriously bad driving skills.

  She looked up at him and the flirty face disappeared. “Sorry about that,” Christina said. “Work. Where were we?”

  Riley smiled, locked eyes with her and said, “Baby.”

  ********************

  Christina

  Baby? Did he just call her baby? Christina’s eyes nearly popped out of her head. She looked at Riley and he was staring at her with his head cocked to the side. This was one of his personal, classic indicators that he was an inch away from erupting and not in a good way. Keeping herself as calm as possible, Christina said, “Excuse me? Baby?”

  Riley pointed to her stomach. “That baby.”

  Christina pulled her stomach in. Now, he was just being offensive. Sure she was a little bit bloated, but he didn’t have to point it out. It was day one of her period and this happened to lots of women. She self-consciously covered her stomach with her arms, saying stiffly, “I don’t see how this is any of your concern. You could be a bit more sensitive.”

  ********************

  Riley

  Riley’s eyes bugged out of his head, his hands clenched into fists and his jaw went tight. She was covering her stomach, like she was protecting the baby from him. Him? He actually wanted the baby – even if it meant being saddled with a deranged woman like her for a mother.

  He was so incensed he actually spit a bit when he growled. “None of my concern? Are you serious? What were you going to do? Not tell me and, and – just take ‘necessary steps’?”

  ********************

  Christina

  He was insane. Christina
decided that Riley needed medication or therapy – or something, but most of all, he needed to be far away from her. Edging away from the kitchen counter and grabbing her cell phone, Christina wondered whether she should make a pre-emptive 9-11 call. She also grabbed a pot, just in case she had to defend herself.

  ********************

  Riley

  Riley knew that look. It was her fight-or-flight and he couldn’t let her do either one, because it might be dangerous to the baby. He backed off away from her and put his hands up. “I just want you to know, Christina, if there was, you know, a baby, I’d want it.”

  He watched Christina’s eyes blink open and closed, open and closed repeatedly until it freaked him out. Moving slowly toward her, so as not to make her panic, but far enough away so she couldn’t hit him with the pot, he said, “I would, Dina. I’d be there for you, for my baby, the baby, for all of it. You wouldn’t have to take necessary steps or get rid of it.”

  ********************

  Christina

  Christina couldn’t help it. She started to snort, snicker and giggle which turned into hysterical laughter. She tried to stop it by covering her mouth with her hand, but failed dismally. She gasped out. “So we’re fighting about an imaginary baby? Oh my god.”

  Shaking her head, she looked him in the eye saying firmly. “First: I took the morning after pill. Second: I’m not pregnant. Third: the imaginary baby would be mine and I wouldn’t get rid of my baby okay? The conversation wasn’t about that.”

  ********************

  Riley

  At first, Riley just stood there watching her laugh until she got it together. He thought it might be hormones or something, or maybe she’d finally lost it for real. When she told him she wasn’t pregnant, Riley was contradictorily disappointed and relieved. It quickly turned to fury, however, when he heard her say, “And it’s pretty arrogant of you to assume that you would automatically be the father – if I was pregnant, which I’m not.”

  His head snapped to the side and he smiled. “I’m pretty sure I’d be the father, Christina.” He watched her eyes darken and her lips go tight, but he couldn’t help himself.

  She shook her head and barked out a laugh. “That’s really funny, Riley, considering… you know… I’m a whore. The father could be anyone.”

  His eye twitched and his jaw clenched. He should never have called her that and it was just like her to throw it in his face. If she wanted it to get vicious, he would oblige.

  Grinning and taking a step toward her, Riley shrugged. “You acted like you hadn’t been laid in a long time the other night, baby, leaving my swimmers as the only candidates.”

  Christina snorted. “Maybe I’m a good actress.”

  Actress? Bullshit, Riley thought and scowled. She’d be up for an Academy Award for that “performance.” They had problems in a lot of areas, but the bedroom was never one of them. Quite frankly, he was insulted at the inference.

  Riley rocked back on his heels and came forward bellowing at her. “Oh yeah? Maybe I felt sorry for you? Maybe I was doing charity work?”

  He regretted it the moment the words left his mouth. Her face fell and went pale. Without another word or look, Christina walked out of the kitchen up the stairs and away from him. He could tell by how straight her back was that she was livid. He inwardly cursed himself. He’d done it now and she was shutting him out.

  ********************

  Christina

  Christina was “this” close to tears and she needed to get out of there. She-would-not-cry-in-front-of-him. He hated her – it was on his face and in his words, and it hurt. A lot. She knew he did: five years ago he told her to her face, but she thought he couldn’t really hate her, not deep down, but really, he did.

  Seeing it up close and personal was more horrible than she ever imagined. He used to love her – she used to love him and now he loathed her with the same intensity. At a rational level, she didn’t expect anything else, but at an emotional one, she felt lacerated. She didn’t have the stomach for it anymore and needed to get out of here. This was just too cruel.

  ********************

  Riley

  Riley watched her walk to the top of the stairs and did something he hated. Gritting his teeth he called, “Wait, Dina – wait. Please. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

  She folded her arms and turned to stare at him, making his heart lurch. The anger was gone and what was left was a vulnerability that made him want to hold her. Instead, all they did was hurt each other and he didn’t know how to change it, but he wanted to.

  He said quietly, “Is there a chance you’re pregnant?”

  Christina shook her head and sighed. “Remote - like non-existent and in a would make-television-as-a-miracle-type of chance. So don’t worry. You’re off the hook. We’re free to carry on hating each other unencumbered.”

  Riley heard her voice crack a bit on the last part and he hated himself. “I don’t hate you,” he said, to his own surprise. It would be easier if he did. Then the lines would be clear, rather than this longing for something that didn’t exist anymore.

  “Okay,” she said dubiously, but he interrupted her.

  He rubbed his hands over his face and hair. “I don’t, Christina. I’m angry with you, still angry with you, but I don’t hate you. I wish I could get passed this. I really do, but I don’t know how. I’m trying though. Okay?”

  Christina walked down to the bottom step and sat on it. “I’m sorry. If I could go back in time and change things, the way I did things, I would. All I can say is I’m sorry.”

  They went silent until it became uncomfortable, each wondering who would speak first. Christina audibly sighed. “I wasn’t on the pill, Riley, so I had to do… stuff after we… you know. I took the morning after pill and have been waiting for my period. But I’ve got it and it’s normal. I’m pretty sure I’m not pregnant.”

  His response was a lame, “Oh” and he looked away. Strangely, he had been almost enjoying the conversation until now. It was the closest they’d come to civil without alcohol and sex in years.

  ********************

  Christina

  Christina’s mouth quirked at his response. He’d never been that good at dealing with women’s issues, but he’d asked and she was only too happy to oblige. She decided to have a little fun with how uncomfortable he was. Looking up at him and holding eye contact, she said with a malicious grin. “They want to know if I experience anything out of the ordinary when I’m menstruating, or something bad happens – you know - down there.”

  ********************

  Riley

  Okay. Enough already, Riley thought. He was wrong. This conversation could stop. Pulling an “ugh” face and shaking his head, he put his hands up waving her away. He muttered. “I’m sorry.”

  And he was. He was sorry they hadn’t been more careful and she’d had to go through this, but mostly, he was sorry they’d had a way too much information discussion about her menstrual cycle, and, ugh: potential problems down there.

  It wasn’t like he was completely insensitive regarding women’s problems. He ran off and got chocolate, was careful to not say the wrong thing, and kept out of the way like every other heterosexual man he knew. He just really didn’t want to know the intricacies of it. Surface information only on this subject was fine by him, but please – for the love of god – no more!

  ********************

  Christina

  Christina was trying not to smirk. Well that would certainly teach him to stick his nose into things that didn’t concern him and come up with the wrong end of everything. The look on his face was priceless. He actually looked like he’d been stung by bees and he was waving his hands between them to create physical distance.

  What did he think? Menstruation was contagious? The absurdity of the situation got the better of her and Christina burst out laughing.

  ********************

  Riley

  Tr
ying to be cool and cover how uncomfortable he was, Riley nodded saying, “So long as you’re okay, Dina.” They made eye contact and shared a grin. In the history of weird conversations between them, this one was right up there. Still, he was pleased that if she had been going to have their imaginary baby she would have kept it.

  He’d always imagined she’d get rid of a child with the type of ruthless efficiency she’d ended their relationship. For a moment, he let himself imagine what she’d look like pregnant with his child. He found the image erotic and for the first time, he was glad Christina had made him put jeans on.

  Riley coughed and dropped eye contact, and focused on her arm. He looked at the bandage and frowned, saying quietly. “What did you mean by stuff and things?”

  He watched her wring her hands, wave them about a bit and start “umming,” and “aghing.” She kept repeating “stuff” and “things,” waving her arms around, and pursing her lips.

  Riley still wasn’t getting it, but a not very nice picture was forming and she only ever did the hands thing when she was really embarrassed. Oh, he got it now. “Do you think I have diseases, Christina? Like I’m some kind of diseased person?”

  Christina gave him the satisfaction of going all shades of red and snapped. “This is why you shouldn’t listen in on people’s conversations! It is none of your business.”

  Ignoring her, Riley demanded. “Well? Do you?”

  ********************