Lost in Flight

by Neeny Boucher

  Riley was becoming increasingly uncomfortable, but he remained sitting. On the one hand, he was glad Christina hadn’t said anything and on the other a little insulted. Andy smiled and said pointedly. “My friendship with Christina means a lot to me and obviously, you mean something to Christina. That’s good enough for me.”

  He didn’t know how to respond so he gave Andy a tight smile and they carried on drinking. The guys called it quits about 1 a.m. and Riley crashed out to sleep, only to be woken by Andy James banging on his door around 6:30 a.m. Staggering out of bed and glaring, Andy insisted they go to the gym before breakfast. Unlike Riley, Andy looked relaxed and ready to go. Riley was the youngest in his family and the closest he got to a younger sibling was, Gabby. Right now, he was grateful for that.

  ********************

  Riley, Seattle, The Present, Wednesday 10 October 2012

  They met up with Dina at the hospital after breakfast and Riley gave her back Andy’s envelopes with a hard stare. He knew she’d read them and fret, but she had to have them. Andy had made that clear.

  Before going to see Gabby, Dina had taken Andy aside saying, “You need to be gentle. She’s been through a lot and I don’t want her to get upset, and worry.”

  Andy assured Christina that he would be, but she looked dubious. Riley could tell that sensitivity might be an issue for Andy. Even in the short time Riley knew him, Andy didn’t strike him as the sort of person that would back down on anything. Persistent was the word that sprang to mind.

  Gabby was sitting in her hospital bed when they got there with her headphones in. She grinned widely when she saw them and was especially pleased to see Riley. Dina introduced Andy to Gabby and she smiled at him saying, “Hello.”

  Andy James stood in the doorway of the room for a bit with his sunglasses parked on his head, his eyes wide with his lips pressed together staring at Gabby like she was the latest piece of technology. He recovered himself and went over to her, but seemed at a loss. He shook her hand and seemed a bit nervous.

  Riley was watching Andy and Gabby with a smile on his face. He hadn’t seen love at first sight for a long time, but he was pretty sure he was witnessing it now. He caught Dina’s eye and wiggled his eyebrows, nodding his head toward Gabby and Andy.

  Christina turned to Riley and gave him a questioning look. He motioned his head toward the young couple, that were giving each other shy looks, and Riley winked at Christina. He almost laughed when he saw it dawn on Christina’s face and her mouth opened in an “OH.”

  Riley motioned to Christina and they left the room to give Andy, and Gabby some privacy. As they passed Jed he was grinning and whispered. “Look at that, Shrek has come for Princess Fiona.” The two men shared a chuckle, but Christina was still in shock.

  When they got outside the door, Christina kept trying to stare through the windows, so Riley pulled her away. She looked at him and said, “I had no idea. I honestly thought he was gay.”

  Riley tried not to laugh and asked. “Why would you think that?”

  She motioned for him to come closer so she could speak in his ear. “I’ve never seen him with anyone, he dresses well, he’s educated, interested in art and can dance really, really well.”

  He whispered back. “Being well dressed, a good dancer and not a man whore doesn’t equal gay.”

  Dina was so close he couldn’t resist. He dragged her around the corner out of sight of the others, pushed her back against a wall and kissed her. He had his hands in her hair and hers were up under his arms pulling him closer. He was looking for a stairwell, but couldn’t see one, so just kept kissing her.

  They were oblivious to passers by until they heard an indiscreet: “AHEM” from Jed. They broke apart, but Riley grabbed her hand and looked at Jed.

  Jed’s eyes were twinkling. “Keeping up with your first aid, I see. Good for you, but the Bride of Frankenstein and Igor are finished.”

  Riley grabbed Dina’s hand and went back into the room. They stayed talking to Gabby for another hour with Andy James hovering in the background. He would come into the room and go, as if he was frightened to be too close or far way.

  After asking Gabby if she needed anything and her replying, “no,” they made their way to the car. Christina stopped to tell Jed that Mandy was coming in tonight and would be staying at the townhouse – if it were okay with him. When she said, “Mandy won’t take up any room, she usually sleeps with me,” the look on Jed’s face was worth a thousand words. Riley could imagine Jed playing a slideshow of all the women he found unattractive in their bathing suits to block the images that were running free flow through his mind. On the way passed, Riley gave a speechless Jed a pat on the shoulder.

  As soon they got out of the hospital doors, Andy James turned to him and Dina saying, “I’m going to get these pricks.” The guy had it bad and Riley could relate.

  ********************

  Riley took Andy back to the hotel, called Bonnie Howard and asked her to meet him. Half an hour later, he was driving with Bonnie in her Porsche on the pretext of looking at properties, but he wanted to ask some questions. He knew this wasn’t going to be easy because Bonnie and Dina would stand in front of tanks for one another, but he wanted to help. He needed Dina to let him and the best, possibly the only way through her defense mechanisms, was Bonnie.

  He recognized Bonnie’s car from the garage at the townhouse. “Pretty brave of you to lend your car to Dina.”

  A smile crossed Bonnie’s face. “It was an emergency.” They shared a meaningful look and laughed.

  They walked around the property and Riley was impressed. This would be his pick and when he said as much to Bonnie, she gave him a tight smile. Bonnie folded her arms and looked away. “Is anyone going to discuss this with Dina?”

  Riley nodded. “I expect so. Johnny gets into town soon and I’ll make sure they talk about this with her.”

  They didn’t say anything to each other for a while until Riley finally said, “Bonnie, I’ve heard things are pretty tough for Dina in D.C..”

  Bonnie turned to him and pierced him with a look. “We’re way too sober for that talk and it’s too early to start drinking. Just leave it, Riley.”

  He laughed and shook his head. “No can do, Bonnie and as much as I agree with you on the drink, we’re going to have to do this sober.”

  Riley waited while Bonnie pressed her lips together and made her decision. Sighing, she said, “Okay, but just to be clear – I won’t be bagging Dina or telling you state secrets. I’m not breaking the girl code, but if we can talk around that, I think we should and if I find you want to play head games with her, I’ll come for you.”

  He automatically went to deny he played head games, but it died in the face of Bonnie’s glacial stare. Nodding, he said, “Okay, but that’s not the reason I’m asking. I want to help – if I can. I know you’re close with her and if she was going to confide in anyone, it would be you.”

  Bonnie stared at him until it became uncomfortable, before nodding assent. He listened as Bonnie told him that Christina was working herself to death in D.C. because of the time off for Gabby and to keep her job. Riley asked. “What does she need Bonnie?”

  She shrugged. “I honestly don’t know. More clients maybe?” Then Bonnie groaned, “But that would just add to her workload. Maybe she needs a client based in Shanwick or to win the Lottery?” Bonnie laughed and Riley joined her.

  Neither Bonnie nor Riley knew the ins and outs of a law firm, but he had an idea. Dina would hate it, but it would kill two birds with one stone. Still, if it was for her own wellbeing, he was prepared to do it anyway and face her wrath. Actually, he could avoid that by putting plans in place when he went off-grid to finish his projects at the end of the month.

  Riley gave Bonnie a look out of the corner of his eye and said quietly, “When does she go back to D.C.?”

  “Next week,” Bonnie answered. “She’s going to get Gabby settled in Shanwick and head back.”

 
Less than a week ago, he would have found some satisfaction in this account of Dina’s life. He’d wanted her broken and miserable to pay her back for leaving him. Now, it made him feel like a knife was twisting in his stomach.

  Then he heard Bonnie say, “It’s not equal,” but he didn’t know what she meant so he asked her to elaborate. Bonnie repeated. “It’s not equal. They all say they’re doing their bit, but they’re not. Their father – where is he? He sits in Gabby’s room playing the guitar trying to communicate his feelings and then leaves when it all gets too much for him.”

  Riley could picture it and laughed. To his surprise, Bonnie joined in. “I know. It’s crazy – then Johnny arrives. They joke around, he buys Gabby presents and then takes off when it suits him.”

  He tried to halt Bonnie saying, “Oh, come on, Bonnie, that’s not really fair. They’re doing their best,” but she shut him up with a look.

  “Fair? You know what’s not fair? Dina’s holding it all together – the emotional stuff, the medical stuff, and the legal stuff. Gabby doesn’t call Johnny or their father when she’s down. She calls Dina and Dina gets on a plane, and flies here to look after her, and she’s the one that can least afford the time or expense, but she does it. So, puh-lease, don’t tell me what’s fair.”

  He’d always found Bonnie Howard equal parts admirable and intimidating, but he looked at her now with respect. He said to Bonnie. “It might get better when Gabby goes home?”

  Bonnie rolled her eyes. “Oh sure, but it could take her years to heal properly – years. Who do you think will be looking after Gabby? Johnny? Jack? It’ll be Dina.”

  Riley raked his hands through his hair as Bonnie went on. “She’ll give up her job to take care of Gabby and the others will just flit off like it’s no big deal. She’ll wither up and die in that town, Riley. She hates it.”

  He knew it was true, all of it. It would fall to Dina, but he could at least ensure she had future options. They shared some companionable silence for a bit and then he heard Bonnie say, “Riley, there’s something else you should know.” Riley waited until she finally said, “This property purchase you’re all going in on, she’s worried.”

  Frowning he said, “About what?”

  He could tell Bonnie was uncomfortable, but she took a fortifying breath. “She’s worried that one day you’ll marry someone else and have kids. She doesn’t want to have to look at that every time she goes to see her family.”

  Riley almost laughed. He shook his head saying, “That’s not going to happen, Bonnie,” but she was undeterred.

  “It might happen. How would you feel if it were her, Riley - her with someone else and kids?”

  That was simple. He’d hate it. He shook his head repeating, “Not going to happen, Bonnie.”

  “But it might happen, you don’t know what the future holds,” Bonnie insisted.

  Sighing, he looked at Bonnie. “It’s not going to happen. She’s been back in my life for less than a week and turned my world upside down. I thought we were finished, but we’re not. I’m not sure we ever will be. I love her, Bonnie, and no one else. It’s that simple.”

  He didn’t meet Bonnie’s eyes for a bit and when he did he could have kicked himself for being such a sad guy. He couldn’t decide what was worse: his confession or the look of sadness in Bonnie’s eyes. Riley wished he hadn’t been so indiscreet. What if she told her?

  Riley looked at Bonnie and pleaded. “Please don’t tell her, Bonnie.”

  She came over and squeezed his hand promising that she wouldn’t. He said, “She’s always been stronger than me. She can keep away. I can’t keep away from her, Bonnie – not when she’s close. I’m like an addict.”

  Bonnie shook her head. “I’m not sure that’s accurate, Riley.” She folded her arms and glared. “I don’t think either of you can keep away from each other. Believe me, Mandy and I tried to keep away her away from you last Friday. She even took on bikers to get to you.”

  Riley’s head spun round so fast he hurt his neck. “Bikers? What?”

  But Bonnie ignored him and stared off into the distance. “I don’t think Dina expects happiness in this world, Riley. She hasn’t had a lot of it. She goes through life expecting the worst and it hasn’t really failed her.”

  He actually, physically flinched when he heard that. It was the thing that had nearly driven him crazy and haunted him. After the divorce, when his mind replayed everything, he would focus on his inability to make her happy. It had gone around and around in his mind until he became fixated on it.

  Riley turned to Bonnie and confessed things he’d never told a soul – not even Dina. They ended up sitting in her car while he spilled his guts to Christina’s closest friend. For the first time in ages, Riley talked about Dina from his perspective and for the most part, Bonnie just let him. She would interrupt him every now and again, and correct him on some point, but she mostly stayed quiet, letting him vent.

  He then put his head down and confessed what he had never been able to say out loud to anyone. “I don’t think she ever really loved me – not the way I loved her and she got rid of me because I was just a fucking inconvenience.”

  Bonnie just stared at him in disbelief. “Riley – you can’t believe that? She did love you. Completely. You didn’t see her afterwards – after you’d torn each other to shreds. I did. She was a mess. I had to hold her because I thought she was going to break into pieces.”

  He looked at Bonnie and she nodded with a sad smile. “Oh, yes. You two drove each other insane, still do; the way only two people who really love each other and can’t get their acts together can.”

  Riley grimaced. “I know I messed it up, Bonnie,” but she cut him off with a wave of her hand.

  “It wasn’t all your fault, Riley, and Dina would tell you that herself if you two could ever – you know - use your big grown-up words and have a conversation.” They shared a grin and Bonnie said, “You know, I’ve always wanted to know a few things.”

  “Like what?” Riley said.

  “Like why didn’t you take Dina with you when you left to go on the road? I never understood it. You two were inseparable and then you’d take off for months at a time, leaving her by herself. It made her miserable.”

  Riley squirmed. “I always thought she’d be better off at home. The road is hard sometimes…”

  Bonnie stared at him skeptically. “She’s a Martin. They have the road on both sides of their DNA. I mean – look at her – she got out of Shanwick as soon as she could.”

  He listened as Bonnie talked, taking it all in. “Shanwick wasn’t big enough for her - not her,” Bonnie sighed. “I just never understood some of the decisions you both made. Difficult is not something that would frighten Dina. Dying in a small town was. Her mother died young, Riley – in a small town with kids. She wanted… she deserved better than that.”

  It had never occurred to him, but when he thought about it, he knew Bonnie was right. He said, “I felt I couldn’t do anything right by her in the end, Bonnie, so I just stopped trying. It was like the only time I could get a reaction from her was when we were fighting or f... um, just torturing each other. I hated myself for doing it, but I couldn’t help it either. At least I knew she felt something. If I could take it back and do things different? Yeah. I would. Seriously. I would, but I can’t. It’s done.”

  Bonnie nodded. “I believe you, but why haven’t you ever told her these things? You’re both alike. She keeps everything in – like you do - until it explodes. She fights, Riley, and so do you.” She laughed and made him laugh too, “I don’t have to tell you that, but come on? Why didn’t you go get her? She would have taken you back, especially the first time. It might’ve taken awhile, but she would have.”

  Riley didn’t say anything. He just ground his teeth. “I always thought she’d hate it and come back, and we’d find each other.” He shrugged. “It was all around the time her mother died and I thought it was mainly the grief talking. She was always giving
me ultimatums and then we’d get back together. I thought this time was no different and then it was too late. I waited to hear she’d come back home, but it didn’t really happen until Mandy and Dave’s wedding.”

  He heard Bonnie groan. “Ri-ght. Translation, you were too stubborn and proud – just like her – to find some compromise.”

  He grinned and then scowled. “The second time – after Mandy and Dave’s wedding. I did go to get her, but she was with someone else.”

  Bonnie nodded. “I remember. You called her a whore.” Riley winced and Bonnie shrugged her shoulders and gave him a pointed look. “But that’s ancient history – where it should stay. She’s never married again, Riley, and neither have you. Interesting, isn’t it and both of you could have.”

  Riley stared at her. “Oh, yes,” she nodded. “I know about Bianca.” Bonnie gave him a mischievous grin. “You know - Mandy – the girl network – nothing’s sacred outside the circle, only on the in. Dina could have as well, but she didn’t.”

  Bonnie sighed. “You know, if you do feel the way you say you do about her, now’s your chance to make it right.”

  Riley glanced at Bonnie, then away. “I didn’t just give her my heart Bonnie. It’s like I gave her my soul as well.”

  Bonnie rolled her eyes. “I get it. You’re crazy for one another or just crazy, but seriously, now’s your chance. Do you want her back or not, Riley? It’s pretty simple really.”

  Riley didn’t respond for a while. He had to chew it over. It was the question he asked himself and he didn’t yet have the answer. Finally, he said quietly. “I want her back, but if it doesn’t work out, I’m not sure I’ll be able to put myself back together again. I want to be with her, but then again, I’m not so sure.”

  ********************

  Christina, Seattle, The Present, Wednesday 10 October 2012