When my mother had satisfied her anger and desire to inflict pain on us, she simply walked out of the bedroom, closing the door behind her. I sobbed on Terricka’s shoulder as she moaned lightly and blood ran down my arms and legs while my head banged like a midget was sitting on my brain playing the drums. Despite the physical, mental, and emotional pain we were in, my brother, sister, and I all remained still and quiet after our mother closed the door because we knew she was still lurking on the other side, waiting to hear us say something. After about two minutes, we could hear her footsteps as she slowly walked away cursing while flicking her lighter to light her cigarette.
“I know you muthafuckas wonna talk about how much y’all hate me and want y’all daddies, but I don’t give a fuck! I hate y’all asses too! And it’s obvious that y’all daddies hate y’all too! Them bitches ain’t here is they. All of em some worthless muthafuckas just like they seeds and I can’t stand none of ya! Am I supposed to care that y’all hate me? Hell naw! All I care about is ya getting the fuck up out of my house so you bitches better hurry up!” My mother yelled as Terricka and I sat up and helped each other up off the floor.
When I looked at my sister’s face, I couldn’t help but gasp. Her face was bruised and swollen like she had fell face first out of a moving car. Her right eye was purple and badly swollen and we both had welts and gashes from head to toe. I got a glimpse of my bruised and battered face in the small mirror on our dresser and I almost cried at what I saw. My eye was swollen just like Terricka’s, my paper sack colored skin was red and bruised, and my neck, chest, and arms had deep, bloody welts all over them.
“Oh my God, look at us T!” I cried as my sister went over to pull Sha from under the bed as he cried.
I turned to hug my sister and brother as we all stood in the middle of the floor wrapped in an embrace. Too many times before we had been in that same position, trying to comfort one another after our mother had tried so hard to break us down. Like always, she swooped in to destroy and we were left to pick up the pieces after the storm was over. It seemed our pain and heartache was never ending as long as our mother was around. I hoped that the storm would soon be over for good, no matter what it took to get it that way.
“It’s gonna be okay, y’all. Get dressed fast and let’s go to school. Sha, we will get you there early enough to eat breakfast because I’m not stopping in her kitchen. I just want to get as far the fuck away from here as possible.” My sister said as she went over to the mirror and began cleaning the blood off of her face with a sock.
“I gotta make about $500 today because I can’t take this shit here much longer. I’ma have enough saved up to get us all the way to North Carolina by the time April gets here. As soon as midnight hits that night, I’m out of here. I’ll stay close by so if y’all need me I can come running; and as soon as you graduate in May, we’re gone and we’re never looking back. Once I’m gone, I never want to see her again…Ever!” Terricka said as she continued to clean the wounds on her face and Sha and I watched her while slipping on our dingy, wrinkled clothes.
Once we were dressed, Terricka fixed her and my makeup so that our black eyes, cuts, and bruises weren’t all that noticeable before we slipped out of our room. On the landing, I looked into my mother’s room and noticed a pair of blue Timberlands laying at the foot of the bed. I thought I recognized the boots and the voice I heard moaning coming from the room; however, I quickly dismissed the thought as Terricka pulled me towards the steps.
“Fuck her, Tisha, and whatever she does. You have to stop caring about her so much when it’s apparent she doesn’t give a shit about us. We have to live for US from now on. We all we got.” Terricka said to me with a serious look on her face.
I hugged my sister, holding her tightly as I wished I could erase all of her pain. I knew that she held the most hurt, anger, and resentment for my mother because she was around longer, and endured more pain. That is why she acted out so much. She once told me that she would rather be in juvenile than with our mother. That is why when I was thirteen years old and she had just turned fourteen years old, she ran away a total of 46 times in one year.
It was like every time I turned around my sister was gone and the police were out looking for her and bringing her back home. Never once did they ask her why she was running away or even investigate our home to see why our mother was never the one to report her missing, unless it was close to her welfare recertification date. Authorities had let us down just as much as our mother and that had made my sister cold and unforgiving. That is why when she got in a dark place people often avoided her, me included. I knew that sometimes my sister’s hate would boil over and she could become just as insane and terrifying as my mother.
I could see that same deep anguish and insane rage burning inside of her at that moment as she snatched opened the kitchen door and burst out of it like an animal. Sha and I trailed closely behind Terricka with our heads down, not saying a word until we got in front of his school. At the sidewalk, Sha hugged me tight and touched the huge bruise on my face before telling me how much he loved me. I told him I loved him back as I watched him walk over to Terricka, who was puffing hard with anger on a Newport. Sha stood there in front of Terricka for a few seconds, just staring up into her face before suddenly reaching up and wiping away the tears that were streaming down her cheeks.
“I love you too, Terricka, more than you know. Please be okay for us.” Sha said as Terricka slowly looked down at him.
My brother knew what Terricka’s anger could bring and I could tell he was afraid of it. He had seen her at her worse before just like I had, and he knew that with both her and my mother raging, things wouldn’t end well. He knew he had to make her see that having us by her side was all she really needed.
I watched as my sister’s shoulders began to relax and the pain on her face slowly disappeared. She reached down and hugged Sha tightly in her arms before kissing him on the forehead and messing up his hair like she always did.
“I’m okay, lil twerp, now get in that school and make them straight A’s. Go to the Boys & Girls Club after school and we’ll come get you before we go home.” Terricka said as Sha stopped to turn around and look at us with his face scrunched up.
I knew that he was looking at my sister and me crazy because we had told him the same thing the day before, but ended up falling asleep with our boyfriends, leaving him to get home on his own. I apologized to him again for that before kissing him on the forehead as two boys his age walked up and he pushed me away.
“Okay, that’s enough, Tisha. Just be there to get me. Or else!” Sha said showing me his little fist as Terricka and I began to laugh.
“We got you macho man. We promise we’ll be there Sha.” Terricka said as we both continued laughing while watching Sha and his friends walk into the building.
Once Sha was in the school, my sister and I walked on to school in deep conversation about what we would do that day.
“So what are you gonna do all day, T? Please, don’t do anything to get yourself in any more trouble. The last thing I need is for you to get locked up leaving me and Sha alone with Denise. I’d probably have to kill her crazy ass then.” I said to Terricka joking, but inside I knew that was a real possibility.
I knew that being that my sister already had a record it would be easy for her to get flapped if she was out breaking in houses, selling dope, or simply standing on the block when she was supposed to be at school. I also knew that her going to jail would mean Denise would take all of her anger and frustration out on me and Sha, and that would end badly. I was growing more and more tired of her bullshit with each passing day and I could feel my hate for her grow every time I thought of the things she did to us and made us do. I knew that if I felt it necessary, I could kill my mother without remorse and the thought of that scared me to death.
“Look Tisha, I’m going to be okay. All I’m doing today is packaging, selling a lil weed to designated people, and selling merchandise out of t
he trap, nothing else. I will be right here when you get out of school and we’ll come back over here so I can get my money, go get Sha, and then get us something to eat before we go home. Everything gonna be straight, I’m telling you.” My sister reassured me as we walked up to the gate in front of the Overlooks.
As soon as we stopped in front of the group of boys standing at the gate, my heart began to race and my throat got dry. I instantly noticed Jerrod standing near the back of the crowd puffing a blunt as his eyes met mine and we both smiled. I tried to act unbothered by his presence as I walked on passed the entrance in the direction of the school. Before I could get ten steps away, I could hear Jerrod calling my name as he ran up behind me.
“Tisha baby, where you going?” Jerrod said as he jogged up behind me and put his arms around my shoulders before kissing me all over my ear and neck.
I shivered in his arms as the soft touch of his warm, wet, juicy lips sent quivers all down my spine. I couldn’t help but to giggle as he nibbled on my ear as he whispered sweet nothings.
“I dreamed about your fine ass all night long. All I could see when I closed my eyes was your flawless, paper sack colored skin and those big, beautiful brown eyes. I ain’t gonna lie, Tisha, I think I’m falling in love witcha girl. What kinda voodoo did you put on me?” Jerrod asked joking as he continued to nibble on my neck and tickle me from behind.
I laughed and squirmed in his arms until he suddenly stopped kissing me and gasped. I quickly turned around to see the hurt, confused look on his face as he stared at the blood that was on his hand. I reached up and rubbed the spot where he was kissing me to feel the wet, warmth of blood dripping from one of the welts the extension cord my mother had used to beat us had left behind. I quickly wiped the blood off of my hand on to my dingy black uniform pants before zipping up my jacket and trying to brush off the situation.
“Oh that was just an insect bite that I scratched and it turned into a sore. It’s okay though.” I said to Jerrod as he continued to just stand there staring at me with his bloody hand in the air.
I could tell that he wasn’t believing anything I said as I tried to force a smile and he just continued to stand there. After about a second of awkwardness, I turned around to walk away as Jerrod stepped forward and grabbed my arm. He turned me around and grabbed my face in his hands as he used his thumbs to wipe away small patches of the make-up on my cheeks. When he saw the bruises and cuts that were under the pound of liquid foundation and concealer I had on, I watched Jerrod’s sorrow turn into deep concern and anger.
“Who did this to you, Tisha? Who did it, yo mama? Maine, what the fuck? Why did she do this to you? Baby, I’m so sorry. Please Tisha, come home with me today. I will protect you. You can stay with me at my brother’s house as long as you want to. You can bring your brother and sister too, whatever you need just please baby don’t go back there. Let me help you.” Jerrod said as he pleaded with me using his eyes and his words.
I felt tears roll down my cheeks as he kissed me on my forehead and pulled me close to him. I wanted nothing more than to be with him and finally be worry-free, not having to wonder if I will be beaten, raped, or sold at any time. I knew that Jerrod would protect me as much as he could, but I also knew he had his own demons. I knew that his brother was just as possessive and angry when he drank as his father was. I also knew that he didn’t really want Jerrod living with him, but he agreed just to get the monthly stipend their mother provided. With issues of his own at home, I did not want to ruin the love we had just found by complicating his life even more.
“No baby, it’s okay. She’ll be okay today. It’s Friday and she gets checks from Shamel’s dad on Fridays. She won’t let him see Sha and pretends he is a deadbeat dad, but every Friday her $350 check is there waiting on her and by Sunday morning she’s broke and there’s no food in the house.” I said to Jerrod without realizing it until it was too late.
That happened a lot when I was around him. He made me feel so comfortable and safe that I would let my guard down and just let my true feelings and emotions out.
“Well, I got some money if you need it. As a matter of fact, here.” Jerrod said taking a wad of cash out of his pocket and peeling off two, crisp one hundred dollar bills and handing them to me.
I shook my head and tried to protest as I handed the money back to him. I couldn’t take his money. Although, I knew that two hundred dollars would go a long way, I didn’t want to take his money because I didn’t want to seem like anyone’s charity case. Jerrod pushed the money back into my palm as he smiled at me and put his arm over my shoulder, totally disregarding my resistance.
“You can go ahead and put that in your pocket, Tisha, because I’m not taking it back. And before you think it, I didn’t give it to you because I feel sorry for you or no shit like that. I gave it to you because I love you and a man is supposed to take care of his woman. Besides, I don’t feel sorry for you anyway. If anything, I admire you because not many females can go through the shit you go through every day and still come to school, get good grades, and do it all with a smile on their faces. And aside from that be thick and beautiful as hell…Owww, you a bad girl, Tisha Lewis!” Jerrod said jokingly as the sad, pained look on my face turned into a big, bright smile.
Jerrod made me feel so good that I forgot all about the bruises all over my face and the pain in my body as we talked and walked hand-in-hand to school. Inside the building, we were greeted by stares, whispers, and a lot people speaking to us. It was like I had turned into an instant celebrity as the girls, who always made fun of me or simply ignored me, began to speak and ask me questions. The rest of the morning I breezed through my classes with ease, pleasantly surprised with the new calm, welcoming atmosphere me whooping Roxxy’s ass had created.
At lunch Jerrod sat with me and ordered us every item on the lunch menu they had for sale in the cafeteria. I noticed all eyes were on us as Jerrod fed me fries and leaned over every once in a while to kiss me on my neck. I saw envy in the eyes of some of the girls who liked him as I glanced around the room, loving the attention I was finally getting, good and bad. Although most of the senior girls who liked Jerrod rolled their eyes and whispered behind my back, I knew that no one would dare say anything to me to my face in fear that I would go crazy like I had done on Roxxy.
By the time the school day was over, I walked out of the building happy, and for once in my life feeling like I mattered as Jerrod held my hand and we went into the Overlook. After sitting around with the guys in the trap and watching Jerrod play Call of Duty with Buddy for a while, Terricka finally appeared with her money and we prepared to leave. I kissed Jerrod long and passionately at the door before he asked me again to come and stay with him and I declined.
“Remember that the offer is always open, baby. Call me if you need me, Tisha.” Jerrod whispered before kissing me again.
I stood there in the doorway for a minute still lingering in Jerrod Jordan’s cologne feeling his soft lips on mine. I didn’t want to leave him, but I knew I had to. I reluctantly walked away, looking back at Jerrod every second as he blew kisses at me and Terricka laughed while pulling my arm. The entire walk to the Boys & Girls Club to get Sha all I could think about was Jerrod and how good he made me feel. I was in a love haze as Terricka left me to go in and get Sha. While she was gone, I sat on the curb reliving my time with Jerrod. I was so wrapped up in my daydream I didn’t even notice Sha and Terricka had come out of the building until Sha kissed me on the forehead, startling me back into reality.
“Thinking about ya boo, huh? Tisha and Jerrod, sitting in the tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” Sha sang as I got up and chased him down the street giggling with Terricka following us.
We laughed and played all the way to Wendy’s on Thomas before sitting down and having a great meal. After we ate, we all walked home in silence, anticipating the mayhem that would unfold. I don’t know why, but it was like we could feel tragedy before it struck. Somehow we knew that something bad was about to happen
when we got home, but there was nothing we could do to stop it. All we could do was hope that the storm wouldn’t be too bad or last for a long time. I prayed that God would shield and protect us from all pain and harm as we walked up to our building and noticed all of the lights upstairs were on.
“Lord just give me strength. Protect us from whatever madness lies behind this door.” I said out loud before opening the door and walking in.
Chapter 7
Terricka and Sha trailed behind me as I opened the door and my hands trembled while turning the knob. I held my breath as the door made its usual squeaky sound, alerting my mother that someone was coming in. I hated that snitch ass door because if you didn’t open it just right it would sound the alarm and my mother would come running like a lion ready to pounce just to see who it was. She didn’t come running that time though. I paused once inside the living room, waiting for her to come down the steps yelling and cursing. However, I didn’t hear or see her anywhere. All I saw was an immaculate living room, void of all drug baggies, garbage, and the usual, stale, musky, crack smell that lingered in the air.
SINS OF THY MOTHER Page 7
