SINS OF THY MOTHER

by Niki Jilvontae

  I couldn’t stop the whirlwind of emotions that hit me at that moment when the one person who always had our back walked away because of our mama. Once again the sins of our mother had cost us something we would probably never be able to get back. I was crushed knowing that we had no one left. Our grandma was in Mississippi since our evil aunt Kim had forced her to move away. Lisa was all we had and in an instant she was gone.

  “What we gonna do, T? We ain’t got nobody. We might as well go turn ourselves the fuck in.” I said sobbing as my sister put her arm over my shoulder and pushed me forward.

  Tears ran down my face as we made our way out of our apartments and the early morning sky lit up with lightning strikes. It was 3 a.m. in mid-February, yet it was usually warm that night as we walked with no coats, pants, or shoes on without being cold. We walked in silence with nothing but our sniffles and the thunder raging around us echoing in our ears until the rain began to pour down. I looked up at the sky directly into the rain clouds and asked the Lord to send us some help. I hoped that some way, our curse would be lifted for a second and everything wouldn’t end in tragedy for us like it always did.

  Just as Terricka and I crossed the street and walked into the parking lot of the North Gate shopping center, God answered my prayers. A blue Crown Victoria whipped up in front of us fast, cutting us off and causing us to stop dead in our tracks. I stood there in my wet, transparent nightgown, holding my sister’s hand as we waited for the next round of devastation to hit. Instead though, it seemed as if the clouds disappeared and the sun shone only on us as Jerrod jumped out of the car and swooped me up in his arms as he yelled for his brother to help Terricka. I looked up into the face of the love of my life as rain poured down on us and he cried.

  “I got you, Tisha, I love you baby and I’ll never let anyone hurt you again.” Were the last words I heard Jerrod say before the stress of the day took over and I blacked out.

  Chapter 9

  I woke up the next morning so the sound of a woman humming as she dabbed a strong liquid on my skin. I batted my eyes, opening and closing them trying to get them to focus. When my vision finally became clear, I looked up into the beautiful, bruised face of a cocoa colored woman with big hazel eyes, deep dimples just like Jerrod’s, and a pair of small, black cat woman glasses with diamonds on them. She smiled at me warmly and encouraged me to remain laying down as I tried to sit up in the bed but my entire body ached.

  “No baby just stay right here, I’m taking care of you.” The woman said as I looked at her with confusion on my face and she started to explain.

  “I am Jerrod’s mother, Amy, and I am a nurse. Jerrod called me at about 4:30 this morning, telling me that his friend needed help. When I got here an hour ago, you were unconscious and in bad shape. Fortunately, you don’t have any broken bones, just a lot of cuts and bruises. I suspect you may have a concussion also which is why I urge you to go to the hospital.” Jerrod’s mother said as my heart started racing and I protested.

  I couldn’t let her take me to the hospital and they would call my mother. That would mean the police would show up and Terricka and I would go to juvie. I couldn’t risk that.

  “Noooo, no hospital. I’m fine. Thank you Mrs. Hill, I appreciate everything you have done for me, but I have to go.” I said as I sat up on the bed and my head began to spin and my side ached.

  All of the punches I had taken along with the gang rape, had more of a physical and emotional strain on me than I thought as my body shut down on its own and I fell back on to the bed. Jerrod’s mother was at my side instantly, wringing out the rag she had in a bowl on the floor and rubbing my forehead with it.

  “JERROD…. JERROD. Keith go get Jerrod and tell him to come here now!” Amy yelled to Jerrod’s brother who had appeared in the doorway when she was calling Jerrod’s name.

  My whole body ached as I laid there with my hand laced in Jerrod mother’s hand and she told me everything would be okay. I closed my eyes and let exhaustion take me as Jerrod’s mother rubbed my head gently like only a real mother would. In seconds I was out like a light only to wake up seconds later to the sounds of Jerrod’s mother whispering to him.

  “Baby, I can tell you like this girl a lot and I must admit that I already like her too, but you have to be careful dealing with girls who show up all beat up and sexually abused.” Jerrod’s mother whispered to him as he groaned in agony.

  I opened my eyes and tilted my head slightly towards their voices when I heard Jerrod and his mother walk away. I gazed at Jerrod standing there in distress with his hands on his head as his mother told him I had been raped vaginally and anally. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he looked my way and I closed my eyes to pretend like I was still sleep. I could hear him huff and puff and pace the floor as his mother tried to console him. I opened my eyes to see Jerrod punch a hole in the wall by the door before sliding down to the floor. He sat there for a minute with his head in his hands as his mother rubbed his perfectly formed waves.

  For a second I thought that me and the baggage that came along with me was too much for Jerrod as he shook his head and said no repeatedly. However, when he suddenly stood up and looked over at me lovingly as I quickly closed my eyes again, I knew that he loved me and would never leave me if he could help it. Although we had only been together a short time, I could feel it in my soul that Jerrod was the one. He was all I ever thought about and even hearing his voice made my heart sing. I prayed for him just as much as I prayed for myself so I knew that what I felt was real love. He was my destiny, that one person God made just for me.

  Jerrod dry his tears with his palms and took a deep breath as he turned to talk to his mother.

  “I hear what you’re saying ma and I respect your opinion. However, just like me or nobody else can tell you to stop loving daddy and leave him alone even although he’s an alcoholic that beats you. I feel the same way about Tisha. I know she has her demons, but which one of us don’t. I live in a family were I feel inferior and witness violence every day. We both have our crosses to bear living with the sins of our parents. You just told me to think about it and possibly run away because of the bad shit people do to her. I say that’s more of a reason to stay. She needs me just like I need her, God made us for each other. Can’t you see that? Now, I appreciate your help ma and your words of wisdom, but if you want to be here for me just support me and be there when I need you. I’m your son, but I’m not a little boy anymore. I’m eighteen years old and I have to make my own decisions; good or bad. I want to be with her mama.” Jerrod said to his mother in a confident, sincere tone.

  I couldn’t help but to shed a few tears as I watched Jerrod’s mother reach out to hug him as he slowly walked into her arms. A part of me was jealous of their close relationship and seeing Jerrod receive an amount of love from his mother that I would never get from mine. It hurt my heart having to long for a love that was supposed to come naturally.

  I closed my eyes and turned my head as I cried for the love I would never have with my mother. I also cried for that little abused girl who had endured so much simply for being born. I cried silently as Jerrod hugged his mother and she told him she would support whatever he did, and when I felt I had all cried out for a hopeless relationship I stopped. I cut off my heart and emotions when it came to my mother and decided I would focus on the love surrounding me and lean on someone who would actually help me up instead of tearing me down. I would focus on loving myself, my siblings, and the one man in my life who showed me real love.

  Jerrod walked over to the bed and sat down next to me as I pretended to be sleep. I heard his mother excuse herself from the room followed by the door closing as Jerrod laid down beside me. I felt my heart smile as he gently rubbed my hair before resting his head against mine. I could feel his breath on my neck as he inhaled and exhaled deeply, gathering his thoughts to speak.

  “Tisha, I love you, and I promise to always protect you and be there for you no matter what. Know that you never have to hide
anything from me, baby…I’ll never judge you, and I’m here when you’re ready to talk. I will always be here, Tisha.” Jerrod whispered in my ear as tears ran down my face and I turned my head to face him.

  He smiled at me with his eyes first and then it gradually spread down the rest of his face. Seeing his emotions come to life before my eyes made the love I felt for Jerrod even more magical. I felt nothing could harm me or make me sad as long as he was around, he wouldn’t let it. Jerrod was the best thing I had in my life.

  “I love you too, Jerrod, and I never want to leave you.” I whispered back to Jerrod as he reached up to wipe away the single, happy tear that rolled down my face before kissing me softly on the lips.

  When Jerrod kissed me, I felt sparks of passion all over my body and all of the air left my body. His kiss was like nothing I had felt before. That kiss was 100 times stronger and more passionate than he had kissed me the first day we met. I could feel Jerrod’s love as he ran his fingers through my hair before kissing up from my lips to both of my eyes.

  “Sleep my queen, mama said you need your rest. When you wake up I’ll be right here. You can take a bath and get comfortable and then I’ll bring you whatever you want to eat. I’m at your beck and call, baby... I told you I’ll take care of you. For real Tisha, I love you. maine!” Jerrod said kissing me on my nose before kissing me deeply on my lips, slipping his tongue in my mouth and caressing my tongue with his.

  I kissed Jerrod back flicking my tongue on his as I wrapped my arms around his broad, muscular shoulders. When we released our lip lock, I laid there in his arms as his kissed me in the top of the head and rocked gently from side-to-side. I fell asleep in Jerrod’s arms without a care in the world, in love with the thought of being in love. I woke up later that after about 3 o’clock and was greeted by my sister’s concerned face. She sat at the edge of the bed with her head down rocking from side-to-side.

  “Hey T.” I said in a weak hoarse voice as my sister turned around and smiled at me before hugging me tight.

  Terricka looked really good like she had a bath and had washed her hair as it laid straight and silky on her shoulders. I smiled at my sister and told her I loved her as she told me how nice Jerrod and his family had been.

  “They took care of me like they did you. The lady, Amy fixed up my wounds too. I feel alright so I was about to hit the trap and get some money I just wanted to wait until you were awake. I know Jerrod got you so I don’t have to worry. I don’t have to worry about Sha either cause I talked to a few people in the hood and they said CPS took him. They said Sha’s ass was laughing and skipping to the car when they removed him from the house.” My sister said laughing causing me to laugh a little too.

  “Oh, they said mama told the police we robbed and stabbed Jerome and he was just over visiting her. They looking for us on robbery and assault with a deadly weapon. She really fucked us off this time. It’s okay though because I’m gonna get enough money so we can vanish. Ain’t no way you can go back to school now any way. If we get flapped that shit really out of the window. We just gotta go while we can.” Terricka said as I sighed thinking about leaving Jerrod behind.

  Like when we were kids, Terricka could read my thoughts as she smacked her lips and looked at me sideways.

  “Don’t tell me you in love with the nigga for real and you don’t want to live without him.” Terricka said to me laughing as I looked at her with a sincere face.

  When I didn’t crack a smile, she knew I wasn’t playing and quickly changed her position.

  “Damn sis, I didn’t know you felt like that. It’s whatever you want to do. But if we stay here, how you gonna finish school. You would have to be staying for more than just him. Your education is a much better reason.” Terricka said as I nodded while thinking of a plan.

  I decided I would talk to Mrs. Cunningham and make her believe I needed to be on homebound for medical reasons, then I would complete whatever work I may have at Jerrod’s house while I figure out how to handle the law. I would call my mean ass aunt Kim and beg for help if I had to. I just couldn’t leave Jerrod. I couldn’t.

  Terricka agreed to my plan and kissed me before leaving the room. As soon as she let out Jerrod appeared with a beautiful pink Hello kitty pajama set in his hands.

  “I got something for you, baby, if you want to shower. Tell me what you want to eat and I’ll order it so it can be here by the time you get out.” Jerrod said to me as I got up off the bed and walked over to him.

  I stood on my tip toes and kissed the tip of Jerrod’s nose before taking the clothes off of his arm.

  “It doesn’t matter to me, baby, whatever you want.” I said to Jerrod as we stared at each other intensely until we both burst out in laughter.

  It was amazing to me how he could make me happy with no effort. Jerrod kissed me on the forehead before telling me he would order pizza and escorting me to the huge bathroom down the hall. I walked into the beautiful black and white painted bathroom with shiny, black marble floors and chrome fixtures in amazement. I couldn’t believe someone like Jerrod’s brother Keith could have such good taste and keep a house immaculate. Keith was way too goofy and mean in my eyes to like anything I would like, at least that’s what I thought, but I was so wrong.

  I peeled off the bloody, crusty gown I had on and stepped into the walk-in shower with the shower head that came down from the ceiling. I fixed the water to a comfortable temperature and let it beam down on me as visions of what happened to me flashed in my mind. I could still see Jerome’s beady eyes watching over my body and feel his sloppy lips on my skin. Tears burst forward fast and hard as I continued to see what happened to me. I scrubbed my skin hard and fast with the rag in my hand turning my brown skin red in the places I touched. I sobbed and asked God, ‘Why me,’ as my body trembled n despair.

  Suddenly, I felt the door to the shower open and turned to see Jerod entering the stall with his clothes on. He grabbed me in his arms and kissed me as I cried on his shoulder.

  “What’s wrong baby? What happened? Please talk to me. Please tell me what’s going on. I need for YOU to tell me, Tisha.” Jerrod said pleading with me to release that burden that was on my shoulders.

  I looked up into his beautiful brown eyes as the water rained down on us and I felt complete. I felt like I could tell him anything and I didn’t have to fear judgment. Before I knew it, I had spilled my guts as I cried and Jerrod held me tight. I told him about the beatings, and starvation, followed by the worst torture ever. I trembled in his arms as I described each sexual encounter with Jerome. When I began to describe what they did to me the night he found me, Jerrod sobbed and begged me to stop.

  “Please baby, please. You don’t have to say another word. I’m gonna kill them muthafuckas, Tisha. TISHHAAA, I’m so sorry baby. I couldn’t protect you. Baby, I’m so sorry. I’ma make ’em pay, Tisha. I promise you, baby. I love you, Tisha.” Jerrod said crying as snot, tears, and water streamed down his face.

  I grabbed his face and kissed him deeply as I cried with him. After a few minutes, he whisked me up in his arms and carried me out of the shower. I grabbed a towel off the rack by the door and wiped away his and my tears before using it to cover myself. Jerrod carried me out of the bathroom and back to his room, laying me softly on the bed. After getting dressed, he and I sat in the bed and ate pizza while watching a movie, just enjoying each other’s presence. We watched movie after movie wrapped in each other’s arms until it was well after 10 p.m. I fell asleep on Jerrod’s shoulder and woke up at about 2:30 a.m. to find him gone. I searched the house, but there was no sign of Jerrod so I sat on the couch in the living room and turned on the TV. After about ten minutes of infomercials, I fell and woke up to Jerrod bumping my leg. I opened my eyes and looked at him as he stood there frozen with blood splattered all over him and a terrified expression on his face like he had seen a ghost.

  “Baby, what’s wrong? What happened, Jerrod?” I asked him as a single tear fell from his eye as he huffed and puf
fed while biting his bottom lip.

  “I took care of it, baby. I made sure he would never hurt you or anybody else again. I love you, Tisha.” Jerrod said as my heart dropped into my feet.

  I knew right then that Jerrod had killed Jerome and that things were about to change drastically. I held on to Jerrod and rubbed his head as he sobbed on my shoulder. There was my king, my knight in shining armor, hurting and needing a little help, and I was determined to be there for him. I told Jerrod how much I loved him and that we had to pull things together. I escorted him into his room to gather some clothes and money then told him to get the keys to Keith’s car. I stood by the door and waited as Jerrod went into the room and argued with Keith to take the car. After a punch and two slams on the ground, Keith’s selfish ass finally gave Jerrod the keys and we left, headed to a hotel.

  “I’ma take you to the room first then I’ll go back to the hood and get Terricka. We gone be straight as long as we’re all together. I told you I got you and I won’t let anything happen to you.” Jerrod said as he drove down Thomas headed into downtown.