Lady of Steel

by Mary Gillgannon

  Hilary leaned near to Nicola. “I’m sorry, my lady. I know I should have put a stop to it. Simon is so hard to resist.”

  “Let us hope Fawkes is as charmed by his son as we are,” Nicola murmured back. “Time to go,” she told Simon gently. He nodded, and seemed reassured that Joanie would look after Willow. He took Nicola’s hand and let her lead him out of the solar.

  Once they were in the cart, he grew anxious and tearful. Thankfully, Gilbert soothed things over by having Simon ride with him on his horse. Watching the two of them, Nicola felt the familiar longing. Someday Simon would look to her for comfort and reassurance. Although she might have to wait a while.

  ****

  “What the devil are you doing up here?” Reynard strode toward Fawkes as he stood on the rampart walkway. Reynard’s green eyes were bright with accusation. “You told me you were going to rest!”

  Fawkes braced himself against the crenellated wall. He knew he was overdoing, but he couldn’t bear to stay in that room any longer. The bedchamber that had once tantalized him with Nicola’s allure had since become a hellish prison. “I needed to stretch my legs. And I want to see them as soon as they arrive.”

  “If you’re going to watch for Nicola and Glennyth, at least do so from the gatetower where you can sit part of the time.”

  “You’re right. I’ll come down in a moment.” Fawkes turned for one last look over the valley. He saw a wagon and a half dozen horses coming down the trackway. “They’re here.”

  Reynard came to stand beside him. “Who’s that with them? Looks like Sir Gilbert. I wonder why he decided to ride back with them.”

  “I don’t know. I hope it doesn’t mean there’s been more trouble at Mordeaux.” Fawkes strained to see the occupants of the wagon. Nicola and Glennyth. And another woman, but not Hilary. And where was Simon?

  Then he saw a young child sitting on Nicola’s lap. He looked so small from this distance. So vulnerable. Of course. Simon was not yet four years old. Just barely past babyhood. Fawkes experienced a sudden sense of unease. He knew nothing about children. He swore softly.

  “What is it?” Reynard asked.

  He let out a weak laugh. “I can face down attacking knights. Whole armies. But here I am, about to meet a small child and I’m terrified.”

  “Terrified? Why?”

  “I don’t know what to say to him. How to act.” He took a deep steadying breath. “Simon has been in my thoughts constantly from the moment I stood on these ramparts and FitzSaer told me Nicola had borne a babe. For a long time I imagined him as a tiny infant buried in a lonely grave. Then a few days ago I learned he was alive. Nicola has described him to me, but in my mind he was a lot bigger. A lot more grown up. I assume he’s talking. But even so… How much can he understand? What should I say to him?”

  “Watch Nicola. See how she acts with him. And don’t expect too much. Small children are often fearful of new people. They will cling to their mothers and cry.”

  “How do you know this?”

  “Told you before. I’m the eldest of six. I’ve had more than my share of rocking babies and soothing toddlers.”

  “Simon is very fair. I can see his golden hair from here.”

  “Nicola warned you he doesn’t look anything like you. Indeed, that’s part of what created this whole mess. If he’d looked like you she probably would have told you about him right away.”

  “Probably not.” Fawkes answered. “I don’t think she trusted me enough. At least not at first. She thought I was some bloodthirsty ogre who ate small children for breakfast.” He couldn’t help grinning at the image. “Odd to remember, now that I’m the one quaking in fear.”

  Reynard squeezed his good shoulder. “You’ll do very well, I’m certain. Pretend he’s a horse you’re trying to gentle. Go slow. Give him time to get used to you.”

  “I wonder who that other woman with them is. Perhaps she’s some sort of nursemaid for Simon, although I would have thought he’d outgrown that.”

  “I’m more concerned with why Gilbert has accompanied them. What do you make of that?”

  “I don’t know. We’ll have to find out.” Fawkes turned. “Indeed, I’d better start making my way down there, if I don’t want to appear pale and sickly when they arrive. Both Nicola and Glennyth will give me a tongue lashing if they think I’ve been exerting myself too much.”

  Fawkes took his time navigating the stairs and crossing the bailey. He stopped at the cistern by the gate, knelt down and splashed his face with water. Then there was nothing to do but wait.

  The riders came in first. The four knights Fawkes had sent as an escort and Gilbert. Gilbert nodded to him as he dismounted. “My lord.”

  Fawkes was on the verge of asking why Gilbert was there when the cart rattled in. Nicola, looking beautiful as ever—and on her lap, the boy. With golden hair and huge eyes the vivid blue of cornflowers.

  Nicola handed the boy to Glennyth, then took Fawkes’s hand to climb out of the wagon. He wanted to kiss her in greeting. But he thought that might be going too far, with half of the castle gathered round to watch.

  “My lord,” she said. “Fawkes.” She corrected herself with a smile. Then she turned to the wagon and Glennyth handed her Simon.

  To Fawkes’s relief, the boy looked more curious than frightened. “Hello, Simon.” Was it too soon to tell the boy he was his father? Wanting some contact between them, he extended his hand. The boy regarded him with puzzlement.

  “He doesn’t know yet about shaking hands,” Nicola said.

  “Of course not.”

  And yet he longed to touch this child. Impulsively, he tousled the boy’s hair. Simon giggled, grinning in delight. Emotion squeezed Fawkes’s chest. A sharp aching sensation.

  Fawkes cleared his throat and looked away. “I see that Gilbert came with you.”

  “Aye. Indeed, Simon rode part of the way with him.”

  “But why did he come? Is there more trouble at Mordeaux?”

  “Nay. Nothing like that. He came because…I have a proposition for you.”

  “What sort of proposition?”

  “’Tis complicated. I’ll explain after we wash and eat.”

  “Down,” Simon said. “I want down.”

  “Of course, love.” Nicola set Simon on the ground.

  Fawkes thought the boy seemed impossibly small. And yet he recalled Nicola telling him that Simon was large for his age.

  Fawkes glanced at Nicola, wondering what she meant by a proposition. Only a moment passed, but when he looked down again Simon was gone. Fawkes turned, stricken with sudden fear. “Simon!” he called. “Simon!”

  “He’s there.” Nicola pointed. “I told you he loves animals.”

  In the bailey crowded with horses and people, Simon had caught sight of Gimlyn and was headed straight toward the cat. Although there was no obvious danger, Fawkes’s heart jumped into his throat. “Will he be all right? The cat won’t scratch him, will he?”

  “More likely, Gimlyn will run away,” Nicola said.

  But he didn’t. Instead, the cat rubbed against Simon’s legs. Simon reached down to pet the animal and the cat lay down on his side. Simon gave Gimlyn a few awkward pats as the cat rolled around in the dirt.

  “See, I told you,” Nicola said. “Most children his age would grab at the cat and make it run. But Simon has been taught to move slowly and touch animals gently, so Gimlyn accepts him.”

  “I don’t know what most children do with animals. Or with anything else. I know nothing about children, Nicola.”

  She touched his arm. “You don’t have to learn all at once. In truth, I don’t know much more than you. I’ve only been around Simon for short periods of time. I’ve never cared for him on my own. I wish now I’d had Hilary come along. But she would have had to bring Joanie and there simply wasn’t room in the cart. And I must learn how to be Simon’s mother sometime.”

  “We can learn together how to care for him.”

  Nicola nodded a
nd went to Simon. Kneeling, she said something to the boy. He reluctantly turned to her. Even as she picked him up, the boy swiveled his head to look at the cat.

  “Come on, Simon,” Nicola said. “We’ll go into the hall and have something to eat. But first, we must wash our hands. Here comes Old Emma. She’s going to help me take care of you. Did you know she took care of me when I was your age? Hard to imagine, isn’t it?”

  Nicola approached the elderly servant, Reynard appeared beside Fawkes. “Should you not go back to bed?”

  Fawkes started walking to the hall. “I’m well enough. Seeing my son has revived me.”

  Reynard made a grumbling sound. “I’m pleased for you, I truly am. I only wish my own life was turning out so happily.”

  Fawkes gave Reynard a searching look.

  “Glennyth is going to live at Mordeaux. The young woman with her, Lyssa, is going to be her assistant. I think Glennyth is here mostly to gather her things.”

  “Does Nicola know about this?”

  Reynard’s tone was bitter. “Of course.”

  “Glennyth is the healer for Valmar and the village. We need her. I can forbid her to leave.”

  “She’ll say she owes you nothing. And she’s right. She’s not a villein tied to the land.”

  Fawkes nodded. Even if he had the right to coerce Glennyth to stay, it would be foolish to try to do so. The wise woman was willful and stubborn; she would get her way somehow. He glanced at Reynard, wanting to tell him he should go with her. But if he did that, what would he do for a captain? More important, how would he survive without Reynard’s jesting and lazy good nature?

  Of course that good nature and humor had not been much in evidence of late. Falling in love had changed Reynard, and not necessarily for the better. Before, he had been carefree and lighthearted. Now that he had something to lose, he was no longer so easygoing and cheerful.

  Love could do that to a man. Tie him in knots and make his life a living hell. And yet it could also make a man feel as Fawkes did now: as if his chest might burst with tender emotion. As if he could do anything, conquer any foe, fight his way to any goal. To love was to risk everything, and yet you could gain everything as well: purpose, joy, contentment. ’Twas a hard bargain, but a fair one.

  “Let me talk to Glennyth. Perhaps we can work out an arrangement where she visits Valmar regularly to care for those who need her skills. You could visit her also. At least during times when Valmar faces no serious threat.”

  Reynard nodded glumly.

  “For now we should go to the hall and have something to eat. And I need to speak to Gilbert, find out why he is here. Perhaps he’s heard something about FitzRandolph. There must be a reason why he felt four knights wasn’t enough to escort Nicola and my son safely back here.”

  They went into the hall. Fawkes sought out Nicola and Simon. Old Emma was seated next to Simon, who was propped on two cushions. The servant appeared to be giving him pointers on how to behave.

  Fawkes sat down across from Nicola and met her gaze. She nodded to Simon and Old Emma and shrugged her shoulders. “Apparently, Simon has never eaten in the hall with everyone else. I suppose Hilary hadn’t thought him old enough. I would have had his food brought up to the bedchamber. But Old Emma said if he was going to be lord here someday he needed to learn how to behave as a gentleman.”

  “I would have thought him too young myself,” Fawkes said.

  “But neither of us have any experience in this. Since I was a girl, my training was different. And you were not a lord’s son.”

  Fawkes motioned to Maida and the servant put some roasted meat on his trencher. When Maida had moved away, he asked, “Does it bother you that I am low-born?”

  “I can find no fault with your manners. But I’m certain you learned them slowly, over the years, picking them up from watching men who grew up in castles and fine houses.”

  “True.” Fawkes took out his eating knife to cut his meat. “I suppose you know about Glennyth’s plans. Needless to say, I’m concerned. What if something happens to Simon and we need a healer immediately?”

  “I don’t think we can stop Glennyth from doing this. She promised to supply me with basic medicines and herbs and train someone here at Valmar in how to use them. That’s why she brought Lyssa, the young woman accompanying us. So she can train both apprentices at the same time.”

  “Who does she think to train here?”

  “She hasn’t said yet. Perhaps she’s still deciding. I was thinking of Maida.” Nicola nodded to the servant girl, now pouring wine.

  “But there was that incident with de Ronay. Her demeanor afterwards was very petulant and childish.”

  “She dallied with the jongleur because she is ambitious. He told her he would take her away with him and she believed him. She wants more out of life than to be the wife of a villein. Or a castle serving maid. If Glennyth can train her in healing skills, that would give her status, and a sense of purpose. It might be the making of her.”

  “I suppose so.” Fawkes was doubtful, but what did he know about young women and their fancies? “Still, there is the matter of Reynard. If Glennyth leaves, ’twill break his heart.”

  “Reynard? The Sly Fox? The carefree knight who charms and seduces and then quickly moves on to his next conquest?”

  “That has been his reputation. But this time it’s different; he has serious feelings for Glennyth. Or do you think it only fair, that he experience the heartache he’s caused others?”

  “He’s undoubtedly caused some heartbreak, but not a lot. At least I’ve heard he is clear about his intentions and doesn’t lead women on. He doesn’t pursue the young, vulnerable ones like Maida.” Nicola reached over and squeezed Fawkes’s hand. “I’m happy enough that I want everyone to be happy, at least the good, honest people who deserve it. I have an inkling how to make everything work out, if you agree.”

  Nicola had not anticipated she would tell Fawkes about her plan so soon. But perhaps it was better this way. His worries about Reynard would work in her favor.

  He listened quietly, eating steadily while she explained all of it: Simon’s welfare. Reynard’s happiness. Gilbert’s skill at tallying. Warin’s failing eyesight. “So, you see,” she said. “It works out for everyone. Simon’s life is not entirely uprooted. Reynard and Glennyth can be together. You get a strong, trustworthy castellan for Mordeaux. And Gilbert gets a position more in keeping with his skills.”

  “What of Hilary? She’s chatelaine at Mordeaux. How does she feel about leaving her position at Mordeaux?”

  “I think she would rather move to Valmar than give up Simon. She loves him and wants what is best for him. At least here she can be part of his life.”

  “When will we explain things to Simon? Tell him that we are his true parents?”

  “I think he is too young to do so yet. And there’s no real need. Children don’t question it when someone who cares about them comes into their life. It’s only when they lose someone that they need answers and reassurance.” Nicola nodded to Old Emma. The servant was telling Simon something, and they both looked as comfortable and at ease as if she’d been his nurse from birth. “No one has ever been injured by having a surfeit of doting mothers, I assure you.”

  “Not injured, perhaps. But what about being utterly spoiled?”

  Nicola shook her head. “You don’t know Old Emma like I do. She’s as strict as she is affectionate. She’ll not let him grow up spoiled and selfish. Besides, he’ll have two fathers to look up to and learn from.” She smiled at Fawkes and again patted his arm.

  “And you accept this arrangement? Knowing you share Simon with two other women?”

  “’Tis a very simple thing. I want what is best for Simon. As for you having to share the role of father, I’m afraid fathers aren’t terribly important in the early years. You’ll have plenty of time to shape and mold Simon to your liking.” Nicola felt her smile waver. She feared there would be conflicts between them over how Simon should b
e molded. But, God willing, they’d have other children, and that would ease the responsibilities that rested on her dear sweet boy.

  “It seems you’ve thought of everything,” Fawkes said. “There are times I feel certain you should have been a man. I vow, you have the shrewdness and the force of will to command an army.”

  “I’ve not thought of everything,” she answered. “For example, I’m not entirely certain where everyone is going to sleep tonight. I suppose Lyssa can bed down in the weaving shed with the other unmarried women. Hopefully Gilbert won’t be too offended at having to sleep in the barracks. I doubt I’m going to be able to separate Old Emma from Simon. Yet having all four of us in the tower room is going to be very cramped.”

  “Perhaps for tonight, Simon can sleep with Old Emma in her alcove and you and I can have the bedchamber to ourselves.” Fawkes’s dark eyes bored into her, reminding her that this was not only the man she loved, but the man she desired most passionately.

  “You’re certain you won’t hurt your shoulder?”

  “There are positions we have not tried.” A faint smile quirked his lips.

  Nicola suddenly felt breathless with anticipation.

  Epilogue

  Nicola shut and latched the door to the tower room and turned to Fawkes, who was already undressing. “You’re certain no one saw us come up here?”

  “What if they did?”

  “They might guess what we’re up to.”

  “Who cares if they do? There’s no crime in tumbling my wife, even if it is only midday.” Having stripped off his tunic, Fawkes sat down on the bed to remove his boots.

  Nicola undid the lacing on her gown. “I suppose not. But they might think it strange that we’ve come here to do it instead of the lord’s bedchamber.”

  “Until only a few weeks ago, this used to be our bedchamber. Or rather, your bedchamber. It still reminds me of that first time.”

  Fawkes dark gaze raked her, making Nicola shiver. “I can’t forget that day either. You weren’t what I was expecting at all.”