by Brie Paisley
This book is a work of fiction. Any names, places, character names, establishments, locations, or incidents are the work of the author’s imagination and is used fictitiously. If any resemblance of actual persons, dead or alive, places, locations, establishments, or events are coincidental.
Copyright © 2015 by Brie Paisley
All rights reserved. This book is not to be copied, shared, or produced in any way without the written consent of the author.
Cover art by: Rebecca Marie of The Final Wrap
Edited by: Karen Mandeville-Steer of Karen’s Book Haven Editing Services
Formatted by: Brenda Wright from Formatting Done Wright
There are so many people to thank, that I know I will forget if I start naming them off. So, instead of forgetting someone, I just wanted to say thank you for every single person that has helped me get to where I am now. I honestly have no idea if I would’ve finished this book as soon as I had without all the support from all of you. Y’all know whom I’m referring to! This amazing journey is far from over for me and I cannot wait to share it all with you again. I really don’t know how I can thank each and every one of you enough for everything!
Worshipped series
Worshipped-book one
Betrayed-book two
Coming soon:
Redeemed-book three of the Worshipped series
Table of Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Epilogue
My life’s ruined.
I can barely see two inches in front of me as unshed tears cloud my vision. I start crying hysterically, and I know I need to calm down, but I can’t. My life is over. All my plans for college and being a ballet dancer are no more. My dream that I’ve always wanted is just … gone. Everything has just ended with these two pink lines. How can two little lines destroy everything I have worked so hard to achieve? I put my hands over my eyes and slide down to the floor of my bathroom. My shoulders shake uncontrollably, and I know if I don’t calm down or at least be a little quieter, my mom will hear me. I’m not ready to see the look on her face when she realizes her baby girl got knocked up.
What am I going to do?
I know I need to tell my parents. They’ll help me figure out what I need to do. The best thing about my wonderful and loving parents is that they won’t judge me. Yes, they will be highly disappointed in me, but I know they will still be here for me and help me figure out what I need to do. I don’t even know if I should tell him yet. I know what he’ll say. He will want me to get rid of it, and I don’t think I can do that. I mean it’s a baby … It will be murdering a child. I can’t do that. I won’t do that. I would put the baby up for adoption before I even consider aborting it. Malcolm’s going to be pissed at me. I know it takes two for shit like this to happen, but he will find a way to blame me. He always does. It’s who he is. The asshole never takes responsibility for anything. I should’ve known better when he tried for weeks to get my attention. He’s known for his playboy ways, getting what he wants then never hearing from him again. But, I thought he had changed. To me, he was different. Always saying the right things and being the perfect gentleman.
I bang my head against the wall while pulling at my hair, hating that I know we will have to tell his hateful mother. I don’t know why, but the woman just hates me. I assume she thinks I’m after Malcolm’s family’s money, but I’m not. I’ve learned at a young age you have to work for the things you want. The harder you work, the more pay off you get in the long run. Mom and dad taught me that and I agree whole-heartedly with it. I’ve experienced it myself. But I know what Malcolm’s mother will say. It’ll be a cold day in hell before that woman is nice to me even a little bit. I don’t see how Malcolm’s dad puts up with her. But then again, money loves money right, and that’s what their family is about. It’s ‘money this, money that’. I hardly ever go over to Malcolm’s anymore because his mother is always talking about how I don’t come from money. One day I will slap that bitch.
I wipe my eyes, deciding that I don’t need to dwell on this anymore. What’s done is done, and I can’t go back and change what happened. To be honest, I have no idea how I got pregnant. Well I know, but I thought Malcolm had used a condom that night. Now more than ever, I realize getting drunk and having sex was one of the biggest mistakes I could’ve made. I have no idea how I’m going to handle being pregnant and being a senior in high school. I just turned eighteen … how am I going to do this?
I get up off the cold tile floor and I pick up the test. I toss it in the trash and I recall how I got the damn thing. I begged my friend Casey to buy it for me. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. She told me I was acting crazy because no matter what, I still had to take the damn thing. I don’t know. I just couldn’t make myself go into the drug store and get it for myself. Which reminds me, I need to call her. That was the one condition for her buying it. She wanted to know right after what it said.
Casey is worse than a parent with her lectures and making people feel guilty. I really don’t know why I’m friends with her either. Funny how I’m questioning everything about my life now that I know everything is about to change. I won’t lie either. I’m fucking terrified. I look at myself in the mirror and my reflection makes me feel worse. My dirty blonde hair is everywhere. I need to brush it after all the pulling at it I’ve done. Dark blue eyes rimmed with red stare back at me as I wipe away another tear as it slides down my cheek. I’ve cried so much today. My small build is from years of training as a ballet dancer and it compliments my round face. I think I’m just cute. Not sexy, no. Just … cute. Plain. Boring. And now, now I’m pregnant. I turn around when I can’t take looking at myself anymore. I can’t believe I let this happen. I always have a plan. There’s no room for variables or mistakes. I never leave anything to chance, but now I have no fucking clue how to plan this out. I don’t even know where to start, or how to take care of a baby. The thought of holding such a tiny life in my hands makes my stomach hurt.
I take in a deep breath trying not to let the feeling of dread overwhelm me. There’s so much to do, so much to figure out. I don’t even know where to begin. I guess I should tell Malcolm first. Then we’ll decide when to tell my parents and then his. There’s doctor’s appointments and to figure out what to actually do. Do I really want to be a mother? I’ll admit, the thought does bring some hope that things will be alright, but then again, I’m eighteen. I work part time at the ballet studio teaching small kids how to dance, but that won’t pay for much. I need my mom.
I open the door and walk into my bedroom. I sit down on my bed and I just look around my small room. It’s a typical teenager’s room I guess. Nothing spectacular about it. But it’s mine and even though this room used to be my safe haven and my escape from the world, I feel trapped. I feel as though the walls are closing in on me and I have to get out now. I jump up and walk out in the hallway. I s
hut my door and I lean back on it. I just need my mom. She’ll know what to do and she will tell me what to do. That’s what I need right now. For someone to tell me what the fuck I should do.
I trudge down the stairs. I hear mom in the kitchen cooking dinner and the TV on the sports channel in the living room. I know dad’s in there. He always watches the reruns of the games he misses due to working throughout the week. My dad always works. He does it to provide for my mom and I, and I make sure to never take anything for granted. There are times that I hate he works so much and so hard, but I know he enjoys his work and as long as he is happy I will be happy for him.
I just hate that I ruined his perfect image of his little girl. This is going to kill him.
I peek around the wall seeing my mom humming over the stove stirring our dinner for the night. She’s still beautiful even though she’s pushing forty-five. To me, she still looks like she did when she was my age. The only difference is she has wrinkles around her eyes and mouth from smiling all those years and her hair has a bit of grey in it. My mom, Ella, is amazing. I couldn’t ask for a better mother. She’s always there for me no matter the situation.
Disappointment in myself makes me cringe. I cannot believe this happened to me. Of all people in our small town, I know I’m the last person anyone expected this to happen to. I’m a shy girl. I’m the quiet girl. The girl who never breaks rules. The girl who’s great in school and never gets into trouble. I’m the loner, the one that never goes to parties or drinks. I’ve never broken a rule or even gotten into trouble. But, one bad choice, one mistake, has changed everything.
I should’ve never have gone with Malcolm to that party. I should never have lied to my mom and dad about it either. The irony in that the first time I have sex, I fucking end up pregnant. Karma’s certainly a bitch.
“Ava, I know you’re around the corner. Come in here and help me finish dinner.”
I jump at mom’s voice. I’m scared to go into the kitchen with her. One look and she’s going to know something isn’t right. I don’t know how she always knows, but she does. How she didn’t know I was lying a few months ago about that stupid party, I’ll never know. Maybe she did know, but decided to trust me.
And I broke that trust.
“Ava?”
I shake my head, telling myself it’s now or never. I clear my throat and I walk into the kitchen. My mom turns her head and smiles at me and moves to the counter to make homemade biscuits. I already know what she wants me to do. This is our thing I guess you could say. She always makes the biscuits and I tend to whatever she has going on the stove. Tonight, she has green beans, corn, black-eye peas, and fried chicken going. My mouth starts to water, but not because I’m hungry. The food is putting off a weird smell and it’s making me feel sick. I try to play it off and try to keep down the vomit that’s trying to come up. I breathe in and out of my mouth and I think of something else. But no matter how hard I try, I know I won’t win.
I turn and run back down the hall straight to the bathroom. I barely make it as I puke. I vomit over and over. I don’t know how long retch, then I lay my head on the toilet seat when I’m finally done.
“Sweetie, are you alright? Are you sick?”
I wipe my mouth and I look at mom. I see nothing but concern and worry written all over her face. I can’t help myself when I burst into tears and I sob uncontrollably again.
“Oh, honey. It’s going to be fine. You must have caught a bug from school. You’ll be fine,” she tells me as she leans down and rubs my back. I bury my face on her shoulder as I continue to cry. I know this is the moment. I have to tell her. Fuck telling Malcolm first. I need my mom more that I need him.
“Mom …” I try to tell her what’s really wrong, but my sobs make it impossible for her to understand what I’m trying to say.
“What is it honey? Are you hurt?”
I shake my head and I raise my head up and I look her in the eyes. I take a deep breath in an attempt to get my tears under control.
“Mom, I … I need to tell you something. But …” My voice cracks as I try to tell her.
“Ava, you’re starting to scare me.”
“No, mom, I’m fine. Well, as fine as I can be right now. I just know you are going to be so disappointed when I tell you …”
“Oh honey, you could never disappoint me,” she says as she pushes my hair out of my face. I close my eyes wishing that were true. I want so badly to believe that, but I know this will kill my parents. They think I’m the perfect child and will go on to do amazing things with my life. Once they realize I lied to them and got pregnant …things will never be the same.
I look at my mom again and I say, “Mom, I’m pregnant.”
I sit on my bed, wondering what’s taking mom so long to come back. I know I shocked the hell out of her. I never meant to blurt it out like I had, but I needed her to know. I need her advice. I need her to tell me what to do. She didn’t say anything when she helped clean my face and led me to my room. I don’t know if she’s telling my dad. I don’t know what’s going on, but I do know I’m scared to death to see dad right now.
My phone starts to ring and I groan knowing it’s either Casey or Malcolm. I told Casey I thought I was pregnant, at school one day when I realized I missed my period. I have yet to say anything to Malcolm. To be honest, we haven’t been together very long, and he’s a three years older than me. I don’t know if he’ll think I did this on purpose, but knowing him, he will think just that. We only dated for six months before that party. He begged and pleaded for me to go. One of his friends from college was throwing it, and he said it was important that I go. So, being the dumb naïve girl that I am, I lied to my parents and I went. I knew I should’ve stayed home that night and studied for my test, but I didn’t. To be honest, the party was fun. Really fun actually. I got drunk for the first time. I danced like a wild and out of control girl but with the confidence I wouldn’t have otherwise. I was the life of the party, so when Malcolm told me he wanted to fuck me, of course I said yes. Under normal circumstances, I would’ve told him no. I always did before that night. But for some reason, I didn’t give it a second thought. I was having so much fun and just living life for once.
I can’t say for sure if my sexual experience was good or bad. I’ve no one else to compare too. Malcolm took my virginity that night. I remember it hurting like a motherfucker, but it did start to feel … good? I don’t know. I just remember afterwards, we both lay there and I got sick. I think I must have passed out, because the next morning, I was at Casey’s house.
That was two months ago, two weeks before Thanksgiving break. I should’ve known something wasn’t right when I didn’t have a normal period that first month. When I saw the spotting, I was relieved and didn’t think any more about it. I thought everything was fine. As the next month came, I knew something was wrong when I didn’t have any sign of my period. Then the morning sickness started. That’s when I knew I had to take a test. I also knew I wouldn’t be able to hide it from my parents. Especially mom.
I’m such a fucking idiot. I thought having sex would’ve changed things between us, but it didn’t. He still calls and texts, but I haven’t really seen him since that night. Casey tells me it’s just him being busy since he’s in college, but I know the truth. He got what he wanted from me. I was the shy virgin conquest he wanted to check off his list. I feel ashamed I let it happen. I should’ve known better. I should’ve known he didn’t love me like I thought I loved him. Well, I still love him for some stupid reason. At least I think what I feel for him is love. How would I know what love feels like? Malcolm is the first guy I’ve ever dated.
My phone rings again and I give up and answer it without checking to see who it is.
“Ava! What the hell? You were supposed to call me the second you found out what the test said. What have you been doing?”
I roll my eyes wishing I’d ignored her call. Casey’s my only friend, but she really pisses me off sometimes. Sh
e can be really selfish, and I still have no clue why she and I are friends.
“Casey, get off my back. I was going to call you and tell you, but damn! I’ve been freaking the fuck out for the past three hours. My mom knows.”
“So, it was positive?”
I close my eyes, trying to get my emotions under control. I sigh deeply as I say, “Yes.”
“Wow. So, what are you going to do?”
I want to know the answer to that as well. “I don’t know yet. That’s why I told my mom. She’ll help me figure it out.”
“Are you going to tell Malcolm?”
“Yeah … I guess I need to.” She stays quite for a while and I have to check my phone to make sure she didn’t hang up.
“Casey? Are you still there?”
“Yeah. Look I have to go, Ava. Talk to you later.”
I look at my phone confused as hell. She just hung up on me. I shake my head and roll my eyes. Typical Casey. If it isn’t all about her, she gets a stick up her ass. She reminds me of Malcolm’s mother. Casey comes from a wealthy family as well and she’s sort of a brat. Like I said before, I don’t know why we’re friends. Come to think of it, she just showed up one day and told me we were friends. I guess because I really didn’t have anyone else, I just went along with it.
I hear a small knock at my door and I see mom come in. She looks as if she has been crying, but she gives me a small and sad smile. She walks inside my room and she shuts the door. She makes her way to the bed and sits down beside me. She takes my hand in hers and she squeezes my hand. I look up at her, and I see tears coming down her face.
“Mom, please don’t cry. I’m so sorry,” I tell her as my own tears start to fall again.
“Ava, I need to know what you plan on doing. Your father and I, well, honey, I just don’t see how we can raise a baby. What are you going to do?”
“I … I don’t know mom! Tell me what to do!” I say to her begging for her help. I’m just a kid still. I don’t know the first thing about taking care of a baby.
