by Brie Paisley
“Ava, listen to me. I cannot tell you what to do. This is your choice. You have to decide what you want to do. All I can do, and your father can do, is support your decision and help you as much as we can.”
“But, mom … I don’t know what to do. Please tell me what to do. Please!” She pulls me closer as she lets me cry and beg her to help me. We both sit for, what seems like hours, before she pulls me away from her and kisses me on my forehead.
“You need to tell Malcolm, and then you decide what you want. Okay? We’ll take it one step at a time. You call Malcolm and in the morning, I’ll call the doctor.”
Mom’s simple plan gives me some relief. “Okay.”
She gets up and walks toward the door. “Mom?”
“Yes, sweetie?”
“Did you … what … what about dad?”
She drops her head and she sighs. She walks back over to me and places my hair behind my ear. “You’re dad … He just needs a little time to let the news sink in, okay? It doesn’t mean he loves you any less. He just needs to have time to himself.”
I nod and she leaves. I sit on the bed in shock. I knew my dad would take it hard. And it kills me to know that I did this to them both. Mom’s trying to help as much as she can, but I can’t help but regret this.
If I could only go back.
If I could only change that one night.
My choice to wait to tell Malcolm about the baby until after my doctor’s appointment was yet another mistake. I sense him staring and I look up from my menu to stare right back at him. His sky blue eyes seem to look right through me. Like he’s trying to get into my head. I’ve always thought Malcolm was attractive. He’s tall, muscular, and has a great smile. His black hair is a mess and he needs to shave. Maybe Casey was right about him being busy. He looks tired and worn down. Maybe it was a mistake that I asked him to meet me at the local café so we could talk. I was surprised he agreed, and showed up on time for once. We have a staring match for a few more moments and I have to look away. His gaze is making me feel uncomfortable and to be honest, I don’t want him to know anymore. A part of me knew he would act this way. He out right told me this was all my fault and wanted to know what I planned on doing with ‘it’.
“Ava, look I’m sorry I’m being a dick, but why didn’t you tell me you thought you were pregnant? I thought we were together?”
“What do you mean by together? I haven’t seen you since that party really, and honestly, I thought you got what you wanted and moved on. I was trying to do the same.”
He slams down his hands on the table causing me to jump. I hesitantly look at him and he’s glaring. Fuck now he’s mad. “That’s not fucking fair, Ava. I have classes, I have a lot going on, and I couldn’t drop everything to be with you. I thought you understood that?”
“I do … I really do get that. But you have to admit our relationship wasn’t exactly perfect or normal.”
“What are you going to do? Are you keeping it?” He shakes his head and gazes out the window. “I know I used a condom that night.” He turns back to me as he runs his fingers through his hair. “How did this happen?”
“I don’t know,” I huff out. How am I supposed to have the answers he’s looking for? I was drunk that night. “Malcolm, I don’t know what happened. Maybe the condom broke and neither of us realized. This is really overwhelming and I have no clue what to do.” I shrug my shoulders as I tell him, “The doctor said I’m only eight to ten weeks along.”
“What did your parents tell you to do?”
I sigh as I say, “They want me to make this choice on my own. They just told me whatever I decide, they’ll support me and try to help me anyway they can. To be honest, there’s no way I can take care of this baby on my own.”
We are both quiet. Neither one of us knowing what to say to each other. We order our food and eat in silence. The whole idea of me telling Malcolm is turning into another bad choice on my part. I shouldn’t have told him. I should’ve just handled this own my own. I honestly don’t know what I expected him to do. Maybe for once, man up and ask to help? Fuck I don’t know.
“I think we should tell my parents. They have the right to know and I know it’s mine.” I place my sandwich down and look up to him.
“You sure that’s what you want? Your mother’s going to hate me even more than she already does.”
“Yeah, well, my mother hates everyone. She doesn’t discriminate.”
I don’t know how to respond back to that. He’s half right. His mother hates everyone, well, except him. I don’t know if he doesn’t see that or not. But with him actually wanting to tell them gives me some sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe he wants to be in this with me.
“Malcolm?”
“Yeah?”
“You do realize if we tell your parents, they’re going to want to know what we’re going to do. I still don’t know what to do. I know I don’t want to get an abortion. Maybe we can look into adoption? What do you think?”
He takes a large gulp of his drink and sets the glass down. I watch him as he carefully wipes his hands off on his napkin. It’s almost as if he’s deciding on what to say to me. As if he says the wrong thing, he’ll be made out to be the bad guy. I don’t want him thinking that. Yes, we’ve had our differences, made bad choices, but I still care for him. Which is probably stupid on my part.
“Look I’m sorry I said anything. I don’t want you to feel any pressure. If you don’t want to be a part of the decisions, then I’ll understand. I just thought you should know.” I get up to leave, not really knowing what else to do. Then I remember the sonogram picture I got from the doctor today. I pull it out of my purse and I hand it to him. He looks at me curiously and I push the picture at him telling him to take it. When he does and he sees what I gave him he snaps his head back at me.
“Is … is this our baby?”
“Yeah. I should know in a month or two what the sex is.”
Malcolm looks at the grainy picture like he needs it to survive. He holds on to the picture tightly and he starts to grin. I’ve never seen him this way with anything before. I smile seeing how much he’s enjoying seeing our little baby. I wait for him to look back at me before I nod my head and I turn to leave. I’m almost out of the café, when I feel a hand on my arm.
“Ava, don’t go. Please. Stay with me, okay?”
My heart flutters and I feel butterflies in my stomach. I nod my head, knowing I can’t walk away. Not just because I’m carrying his baby, but because my feelings for him haven’t changed. If anything they’re growing just seeing how excited he is now. Maybe this will be yet another mistake, but at the same time, I have to take the risk. I owe our unborn child that much.
A few days later, I finally give into Malcolm about talking to his parents. I’m a bundle of nerves and as I stand in the grand entrance, I feel like I’m either going to pass out or puke everywhere. Neither one is good. Malcolm stands beside me and holds my hand. He pulls me closer to him when he sees me wobble. Stupid idea to wear heels, but, I wanted to try and impress the bitch known as Tina Daniels. I know I’ll never in a million years win this woman’s approval, but at least I’ll know I tried. Not really much she can do now that her only son knocked up the poor girl.
The maid, yes maid, walks in and tells us that we can go into the parlor. What is it with rich people and their weird names for their mansions? This day is going to be horrendous. I know it. We follow the elderly maid into the parlor and I try not to stare at how much money is in this house. I have to admit, it is absolutely gorgeous. The entire house screams money and lots of it. I feel like I’ve stepped into a celebrity’s home. This room, just this one room out of the whole fucking house, is making me sweat. I’m becoming more nervous by the second.
“Don’t let the house overwhelm you. It’s just things. You’re going to be fine. Just let me do all the talking, okay?”
Malcolm senses my worry. I nod my head in agreement, because let’s face it, I really don�
�t want to say anything stupid and make this whole situation worse. The last thing I want is for his mother to think I’m some sort of country bumpkin. I mean we are in Tennessee, but we live in a fairly populated town.
We’re asked to sit and we both do so without a word. I’m having a hard time sitting still. I keep fidgeting with my skirt worried it’s too short. I push my hair out of my face then tuck it behind my ears. Malcolm grabs my hand and smiles at me for encouragement. Why isn’t he scared? I’m freaking the fuck out. I wasn’t this nervous when I told my mom. But then again, maybe it’s because I already know what Malcolm’s mother is going to say.
Can’t wait to hear what she actually thinks of me.
And then she walks in. Tina is, of course, perfectly put together. Not a hair is out of place. And who wears a full white pant suit during the day? I shake my head slightly, clearly feeling out of my comfort zone. She screams money. From her salon bleached hair, to her perfect manicured hands, and all the way down to her perfect pedicure. She makes me want to gag. Malcolm has to pull me up with him when he stands to greet her. They both hug and his mother kisses each of his cheeks and proceeds to tell him how much she’s missed him. Finally, she notices me. And I really wished I could run and hide in a corner somewhere.
“Ah, Eva how are you?”
I clear my throat and look at Malcolm. I’ve suddenly lost my voice and thank goodness he catches on.
“Mother, her name is Ava, not Eva.”
“Oh, darling forgive me!” She laughs like it’s no big deal. She always, fucking always, calls me by the wrong name. At least this time it’s sort of closer.
“Mother, let’s sit. Ava and I have something to tell you and father. Where is he anyways?”
“Your father had a business meeting and had to fly out to New York. He should be back later in the week. Why don’t you come back again, so you can tell him your … news?”
Malcolm sighs loudly and I think he already knew his dad wouldn’t be joining us. I secretly think all his dads ‘business’ trips, are just his way of getting away from his wife. Not that I can blame him. Malcolm’s mother just has a way of making you feel dirty even though you know you’re not. Like the way she’s looking at me now. With complete and utter disgust. I’m nothing but the dirt on the bottom of her shoes. The low life that’s only useful to clean and cook for her.
We sit on the other couch across from his mother. I’m beyond nervous. I have a clue how she’s going to take our news, and I try to prepare myself for the brutal words I know she’s going to say to me. Let’s face it, this whole situation is going to be my fault of course. Her son can do nothing wrong in her eyes. Even when he gambles away her money on some of his poker nights.
“I need to tell you something, and I know you might not like it. But I want you to try and understand some things are out of our control.”
“I’m listening. Tell me what’s wrong, darling. Do you need more money?”
“No, mother I don’t need any money,” Malcolm sighs and takes my hand in his again. His mother doesn’t miss the gesture.
“Ava and I … well, mother, we’re going to have a baby.”
The room goes instantly silent. All I can hear is the tick, tick, tick of the grandfather clock. Even the air in the open and very large room gets sucked out. Tina tries to compose herself and I can tell this news is something she was not expecting. The shocked look on her face is priceless.
“Mother?”
“What do you want me to say, Malcolm? I knew this would happen. Are you even sure it’s yours?” I feel Malcolm flinch at his mother’s hard words. “You know how some girls will say anything to get you to give them money. This is exactly why I was against this whole relationship. I knew this would happen!”
I can feel the hateful gaze from his mother and all I want to do is hide. I never asked for any of this. And the last thing I ever wanted is their family’s money. I could think of a thousand different things I want instead of money!
“Mother, I need you to be nice. I know for a fact that the baby is mine. And I know Ava is not after money. Far from it.”
I want to high five Malcolm for standing up for me. I give him a small smile when he looks at me. It makes me feel like he really is in this with me. And I have hopes that things will work out for us.
“What do you plan to do about it? We can’t have this tarnishing the family name. What do you think your father will say when he hears about this?”
“I have a plan, mother.”
“And what might that plan be, Malcolm? Because where I’m sitting I don’t see a great outcome out of this … this unfortunate situation.” She turns her rueful gaze to my stomach.
Malcolm ignores his mother and he turns to me. He looks at me and for the first time I can actually see that he might love me. There’s something in his eyes that I’ve never seen before. He digs around in his pocket and he pulls out a small velvet box. My breath catches in my throat, and my brain is coming up with a million different scenarios. There’s no way he’s about to do what I think he is. Tina obviously sees the box too and when she starts to say something to stop him he tells her to shut up.
“Ava, I know this isn’t the ideal way to do this, but I think it’s the best thing. I told you I have a plan and this plan involves you marrying me. Will you marry me?”
My hands cover my mouth and tears build up in my eyes. I cannot believe this. He’s asking me to marry him! I don’t think twice about it when I nod my head. He smiles that thousand dollar smile and slips a small princess cut diamond ring on my finger. I grab him and pull him close, hugging him as tightly as I can. Our moment is rudely interrupted by Tina’s excessive throat clearing. We both turn to her and even though I know she’s going to be a total bitch about the whole thing, there’s no way she can ruin this moment for me.
“Where are two planning to live? Malcolm! You cannot drop out of college! I forbid it.”
“We’re going to stay in the guest house around back and I’ve already signed up for online classes. Mother, can’t you just stop worrying and be happy for me? For us?”
She stills at his words. I’m waiting for the next tirade of abuse and how disappointed she is. “Well, I guess a congratulations are in order then. Oh alright, I’m happy for you two. Even if I think this whole thing is ridiculous. Now, where’s that maid? I’ll have her prepare something special for tonight.”
I let out a breath that I feel like I’ve been holding since we walked in this house. I turn to Malcolm and we both burst out laughing. It must be killing her to say something positive. I smile up at Malcolm as he tugs gently on my hand.
“Are you sure about this? I mean, I never thought you had this in mind,” I tell him while I look at my ring. It really is beautiful. It’s just like me. Simple but elegant at the same time. I wonder for a second where he got the ring, but I don’t say anything to Malcolm.
“Yes. I’m absolutely sure about this. I’ve never been so sure about anything in my life. I want to take care of you and our baby.”
Hearing him tell me this makes all the stress about having a baby at such a young age lift a bit. I smile at him and I can’t help to think that finally things will work out between us and with everything going on. I know it won’t be easy, and I know things will most likely become worse before they get better. Now, I have someone else that’ll help and I’m thrilled Malcolm is stepping up to the plate.
My smile fades and Malcolm notices. “What? You already changing your mind?” He asks me with a hint of nervousness in is voice.
“No. It’s not that at all. I just realized we have to tell my parents that we’re getting married. I’m not sure how they will react to that. I mean, I’m barely eighteen.”
“You’ve nothing to worry about. I think once your parents see that I’m willing to do the right thing by you and our baby, they’ll agree and give us their blessing.”
I hope Malcolm is right. I still haven’t really talked or seen dad much since mom tol
d him. I want to think mom and dad will agree to this choice and I hope they believe we can make it. I know I could really use them in my corner, because I can already tell Malcolm’s mother isn’t going to like this choice like she’s pretending to. I mean this woman hates my guts, and I know she’ll only cause more problems mainly for me down the road.
I grab Malcolm’s hand and we both look at each other. I don’t dare say what I’m thinking. I’m scared shitless of the future.
“I think that’s the last of it,” I tell Malcolm as he brings in the last box of my things into our new home. Granted it’s not ours, and it’s his parent’s guest house, but at least we have somewhere to stay. I don’t think either one of our parents would’ve liked us moving in under their roof.
My parents took our news of getting married better than I thought they would. Dad seemed saddened that I wanted to move out, but said he understood. I needed a place to start our new family with and he and mom supported us. It’s still strange not living with my parents. I still half expect to see mom in the kitchen or dad on the couch drinking a beer and watching sports. I’ve come to realize that getting older isn’t as much fun as I thought it would be.
“Ava? Are you alright?”
“Yeah, just thinking.”
“You know, it’s not too late to change your mind. I know this is a huge change and we’re both really young. We can pack up your things and take it back to your parents if you want. Just say the word. I don’t want you to feel pressured to move in with me. I just thought since we have a kid on the way we should, I don’t know, spend more time together and try to make this work.”
I walk over to Malcolm and I take his hand. I look up at him and I tell him, “I’m not going to change my mind. I think this is probably for the best. I know we’re young and things will be hard, but you’re right. We do need a place together for us. For our family. It’s just strange not being at my parent’s home anymore. I’m just adjusting. It’ll take time for me to get used to all this.”
