by Brie Paisley
Gabbie loves Viktor being around all the time. Before, he would come and go as he pleased, but now, he’s always with us. He’s even stopped working so much. He doesn’t go to the club all hours of the day, or answer his phone every time it rings. We’ve done so much together in these past few days, and I find myself seeing the three of us as a family now. He even brought some of his things over from his apartment and it’s surprisingly thrilling seeing his clothes mixed with mine. He didn’t bring everything, and since his lease is up, he put his furniture in storage. One day, possibly soon, he’ll officially move in with us. The thought brings a smile to my face.
I sit out on the back porch, watching Viktor push Gabbie on the swing set. I place my book down, as I get up and walk over to them. I hear Gabbie giggling loudly as she says, “Gain, Icky!”
Knowing how happy Viktor makes Gabbie makes me realize I did make the right choice of not pushing him away anymore. I still have yet to tell him the full story behind Malcolm, but it’s getting harder to keep up my walls around him and out of my heart. Viktor pushes Gabbie higher in the swing and she holds onto the chains tightly with her little hands. I stand beside the swing set as I see her look over to me. Her eyes light up with joy and that sweet smile is showing. Her blonde hair whips around her chubby checks and she tells Viktor to push her higher. She’s my little dare devil it seems.
I feel Viktor watching me, and I blush as I look down at my feet. I hear him laugh, knowing he loves to make me blush. It’s so easy for him to do so. I still don’t understand it. How is it that I can dance and take off my clothes for men, but when it comes to Viktor, he makes me feel like a teenager again?
Viktor pushes Gabbie once more, then he slowly stops her. I think for a second she might throw a tantrum for Viktor stopping, but he quickly distracts her. “Gabbie, go get your bubble blower off the porch. I want to see you make bubbles for me and your mommy.”
“Okay, Icky.” Gabbie runs to the porch to find her bubble blower and Viktor turns to me. He pushes a piece of my hair out of my face and he leans down to kiss me. I uncross my arms and wrap them around his waist, pulling him closer to me.
“Icky, wat you doing?”
Viktor pulls away too soon for my liking, but we both laugh at Gabbie’s timing. Viktor bends down to her level, and fills the bubble blower with the bubbles Gabbie also brings with her. I swear, she’s too smart for an eighteen month old. Viktor shows her again how to make the bubbles come out and she squeals and giggles once she does it herself. I don’t know what the obsession with the bubbles is, but I could stay out here all day watching her laughing, and being amazed by them.
Viktor stands beside me and puts an arm around my shoulders. He pulls me closer to him and I come willingly. I wrap my arm around his waist and I sigh when I feel him kiss me on my forehead. I’m really starting to love how easy it’s become to be around Viktor. It’s not nerve-racking to be close to him, and I feel as though we both are more relaxed. I see him smile and laugh more. It’s a sound I’ve come to love to hear. I don’t question myself as much around him anymore, except when it comes to sex. I still don’t know if I’m ready for that just yet. I know I want him to make me come again. No woman could forget that.
But, at the same time, I’m still scared. What if we do have sex and I’m horrible at it? What if that’s all he wants from me? I can’t handle him leaving Gabbie and I. It’s too painful for me to even think about. I want to think Viktor’s different, but it’s hard to fully let him in after the way Malcolm treated me and tossed Gabbie and I away as if we were nothing. I feel Viktor’s hand rub up and down on my arm, and I try not to think of negative thoughts. I hate that I have to remind myself on a daily basis that Viktor is not Malcolm. That he won’t treat me the way Malcolm did.
I lean into Viktor more seeking his comfort. I wish the past was easier for me to let go of. I hate knowing that I question Viktor’s motives, and I hate second guessing everything about him. I know I want to let down my guard for him, and let him in totally, but the fear of him leaving stops me. I know I need to let it go. I know I need to trust him. Viktor has never given me a reason not to trust him.
“What are you thinking about, moya lyubov'?”
I sigh, and I almost tell him the truth, but I don’t. “Nothing really. I hate that it’s Wednesday.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because, tomorrow my parents will come to get Gabbie.” I watch her run around the oak tree, hating that I have to be away from her for four days. “I hate having to be away from her so much.”
Viktor moves me to his front, and he puts his arms around my stomach. He leans down and says in my ear, “I could take care of you and Gabbie. If you wanted to stop dancing at the club, I’ll take care of you. I want to do that for you both.”
I let my head fall back onto his chest really thinking about what he’s telling me. I’ve heard this from so many strangers, but Viktor is the only man I want to hear this from. “I like working, Viktor. I like dancing, maybe not the taking my clothes off part, but I’m doing the one thing I love.”
“What would you be doing if you hadn’t had Gabbie? I can’t picture you doing this if you didn’t have her. I know you do this for her. I know you want the best life for her, and want to do this all on your own, but Ava, you don’t have to do that anymore. I don’t know what else I need to do to prove myself to you.”
I close my eyes and sigh, knowing he’s right. “If I didn’t have Gabbie, I’d probably still be in college. I’d probably still be working for Mrs. Myrah at the ballet studio. I really don’t know, Vik. I thought my life would be different from what it is now. I thought by now I’d be close to having my degree, maybe owning my own studio.” I step away from him, and I’m glad he lets me go. I need a second to think. I don’t really know why I can’t let Viktor take care of Gabbie and me. I turn to him and I cross my arms over my chest. “I know you can take care of us. You’ve done that since you found me on that sidewalk. But what I don’t understand is why. Why you choose to stay after all this time. You didn’t know me, and I sure as hell didn’t know you. I still don’t know you.” Viktor watches me not saying a word as I continue to tell him how I feel. “I do what I have to do to take care of Gabbie. I cannot and will not be stuck all by myself with no money, no job, and nowhere to live again. I can’t just give up dancing yet. It’s great money and I know in a few years I might not have to worry about money for a while. I really want to believe you Vik, I do, but I just can’t yet.”
Viktor opens his arms as he says, “Come here, moya lyubov'.”
I walk over to him and he brushes my hair behind my ear. He looks at me, and I know he’s figured out what happened to me the day he met me. I can see the anger all over his face. “Is that what he did? He left you with nothing?”
“Yes.” I say as I drop my head. Regret fills me with thoughts of Malcolm. I wish I had been smarter about him.
He lifts my chin with his fingers making me look at him. He takes a deep breath before he says, “I can’t imagine what that was like for you. But what I do know is, I’m glad he left. I’m glad I was there to pick up the pieces that he shattered. I wish I could beat the shit out of him for treating you that way, but if he hadn’t done what he did, we would’ve never met.”
My eyes well with tears and I fight like hell not to let them fall. I turn my head seeing Gabbie playing in her sand box. I don’t want Viktor to see me cry.
“Ava, look at me.”
I sigh and use the back of my hand to wipe my eyes. I turn to him and he takes my hand. He leads me to the steps on the back porch and we sit down side by side. We both are quiet for a few moments before he shifts and grabs my hands. He lays them on my lap and I can feel him rubbing circles on my hand. His touch lets me know he cares for me. He’s trying to comfort me.
“Do you want to know why I have so many rules set in place for the club? And why I don’t follow them with you?” He asks, and I look at him in confusion. I know he has a s
hit ton of rules, but for me, he breaks every single one. I nod my head, actually wanting to know the reason behind this. Maybe knowing will help me fully trust him.
“A few years after I opened the club, I become involved with a dancer.” He looks away for a moment and clears his throat. Whatever he’s trying to tell me is obviously hard for him to admit. “She and I were together for a few months. Back then, I didn’t think the rules or the contract needed to be done. I trusted my girls, and they trusted me. But, the dancer I was involved with,” he stops and takes one of his hands off of mine. He rubs his face and sighs a few times before he continues. “She became pregnant. She made me believe the baby was mine, and I did everything I could to take care of her.”
I squeeze Viktor’s hand trying not to feel jealous of another woman being close to him in that way. The last thing I ever expected to hear was that Viktor got a dancer pregnant.
“I went for months, thinking the baby was mine after she gave birth. I thought she loved me. I thought she wanted to be a family together.” Viktor turns to me and I can see the pain of his past taking over in his eyes. “The baby wasn’t mine. She used me for my money. That’s all she wanted. She was nothing more than another dancer trying to make money. She played me damned good, actually. I was surprised and shocked to be a father when she finally told me she was going to have a baby. But, I was willing to do what was best for her and the baby. Over time, I loved the idea of being a father and raising a kid of my own. I never once thought she was sleeping around with someone else. And that someone else happened to be my brother.”
Viktor turns away from me again and I sit in shock. His own brother knocked up the woman he was involved with. And for him to believe for so long that the baby was his … I couldn’t imagine what that must feel like. I want to ask him why he still tolerates Sebastian after what he did, but I don’t want him to stop talking.
“Afterwards, I made all my workers sign a contract. I made the rules and they knew the consequences if they broke those rules. My brother, well he was furious for a while. It took us a long time to get back on speaking terms. The dancer, Misty, she ended up leaving the club and I have no idea where she is now. Sebastian hasn’t heard from her either, but I think he prefers it that way. It’s something we don’t talk about.”
Viktor stands up and faces me as he says, “Now do you see why I didn’t want you speaking to him? From the moment I met you, I knew you were different. I had no idea how much I would want to be around you. I wanted you to be mine. I wanted you all to myself even though I knew you had just been put through hell. I offered you a job not only for your benefit, but for mine as well. I saw a fire in you and when we discussed the contract, and you asked to make payments on the house and the car I offered for you, I knew you were nothing like Misty. You’re completely different from everyone at the club and that’s what attracts me to you the most. I’ve seen how hard you work at the club, how hard you try to be the perfect mother for Gabbie. That only makes me want you more than I already do. I didn’t realize how stubborn you would be, but Ava, I’ll continue to fight for you if I have to. I don’t understand what it is about you that makes me want you this way. I just know I have to have you. I have to be a part of your life and Gabbie’s. When she came out and I saw the both of you together, I just knew. I can’t explain it. I don’t understand it either, but all I do know is, I want you. I want to be everything you need me to be.” Viktor bends down and places his hands on my face. “Ava, I want you to be mine. For as long as you’ll have me. Gabbie already loves me, and I want you to love me too. I want you to trust me, and I need you to let go of your past. I’m not going anywhere. Don’t think for one second that I’ll ever leave you or Gabbie.”
His words make my breath catch in my throat. It takes me a few seconds before I can form the words he’s waiting for me to say. I gaze into his eyes knowing he’s telling me the truth. There’s no way he could be lying to me or telling me what I want to hear. I smile at him and he smiles back at me. He rubs his thumbs on my cheeks, and I finally let go of the breath I’m holding.
“Okay, Vik. I’ll try to trust you.” I know I should say more to him, but these words are the only ones that come out. He seems pleased with it. Viktor leans down and places his soft lips on mine. He kisses me gently, and slowly pulls away from me. The way he’s staring at me now, makes me believe he might love me. I know I’ve been falling hard for him since the moment I met him, and even though I know neither one of us is ready for that yet, just knowing he cares for me this way makes it easier to finally accept him. To finally let go of all the pain from my past. I know it might not be easy for either one of us, but as long as we try, I can live with that.
Viktor lets go of my face and holds out his hand. I take it, letting him help me up. He pulls me into his arms and holds me close. I can hear the thump, thump, thump of his heart. The sound is like music to my ears. I feel Gabbie tapping my butt, and I look down to see what she’s doing.
“What is it, baby?”
Gabbie drops the bubble blower and says, “Mommy, me want hugs too.”
Viktor lets me go and picks her up. He hugs her tightly and he holds out his arm for me to join in. I wrap my arms around both of them, loving the feel of them in my arms.
Viktor and I lay on the couch facing each other, talking and laughing. Our legs are tangled together and Viktor’s arm is wrapped around my waist holding me close. Gabbie sits in the floor close by us while playing with her blocks. The Little Mermaid plays softly on the TV and I can hear Gabbie singing along with the characters. I never thought Viktor and I would be where we are at right now, in this moment. I knew from the first time I met him, he was different, but laying with him, talking with him, it seems surreal to me.
I move my arm under my neck, making it easier to be comfortable and talk to Viktor some more. I like that he’s telling me more about himself. It feels right, and natural with him talking to me about normal things.
“So, now will you tell me when your birthday is? Or at least tell me how old you are.” I say playfully. I grin and giggle when he rolls his eyes at me.
“You really want to know?”
“Yes, I do. I’ve been trying to find out for a year now. Come on, Vik.”
He sighs giving into what I want. “Fine. I just turned thirty-two. My birthday was two months ago. Satisfied now?”
I blink a few times trying to hide the shock that I’m sure is showing on my face. I had no idea Viktor was in his thirties. I knew he was older, but he’s thirteen years older than I am. He starts to laugh at me, and lightly punch him on his shoulder.
“Why are you laughing?”
Viktor’s eyes shine with humor as he says, “I wish you could’ve seen the look on your face. Priceless. Didn’t expect me to be so old did you?”
“I … I, no. I mean I knew you were older, but I didn’t realize I’d be dating a dirty old man,” I snap back sarcastically. “Is that why you didn’t want to tell me? You thought the age difference would bother me?”
“Ava, you know I’m a private person. I keep a lot of things to myself, and I’m only telling you now, because like you said, we’re dating.” Viktor wiggles his eyebrows as he says this. I like this side of him. “Also, I do not want anyone else knowing. They would try to throw me a party or something.”
“What would be so wrong with that? Vik, the girls you work with, they respect you. And they think of you more than just their boss.”
“I know. But,” he pulls my leg over his waist and turns so he’s on his back. He slowly brings me over him so I’m lying on top of him, and he brushes my hair out of my face. “I still want only you to know. Can you keep my birthday a secret?”
I lean down and give him a peck on the lips. “Yes, I’ll keep your secret. Speaking of secrets, are we telling anyone about … you know … us? I don’t want the girls thinking I’m getting special treatment or anything.”
“Well, you sort of are.”
“Vik, I’m
serious.”
“Let’s just see how it goes then. We’ll continue to do as we did before you finally let me have you.”
“Technically, you haven’t had me yet. We’re just dating. There’s a big difference.”
Viktor gazes at me as he licks his lips. I’ve grown very fond of this lustful look he has for me. “Do you want me to have you, Ava?”
My face turns a bright shade of red. I hate I can’t hide my blush better, he makes it damn near impossible. I have to turn away from his intense gaze as I sit up. I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet. I want to be. I know it’ll be amazing, and I really would like him to make me come again.
“Ava, look at me.”
I face him, as I say, “I don’t know if I’m ready for that.”
“I’m not going to pressure you to do anything you don’t want to. You know that. And you also know, you want me to make you come again.” Viktor rubs his hands up my arms and back, slowly bringing me down closer to him. “You know you want me to be the one to make you come undone and feel nothing but pleasure.” His hands tangle in my hair as he bring me inches from his lips. I rest my hands on his chest, and I can feel his heart beating hard against my hands. I can feel his breath on mine as he says, “You know exactly what you want. All you have to do is take it.”
Viktor’s lips crash onto mine. He takes my mouth with force and kisses me with passion. His teeth nip my lips and he sucks away the sting. His hand moves to the back of my neck pulling me closer as his other hand slowly moves down to grasp my ass. My heart flutters and I lose my breath as he kisses me with such demand. I feel as though I need him to breath. I kiss him back trying to show how much I do want him. Even if I have doubts about being ready or not, I do want him. All of him. I can feel his growing erection on my now aching pussy. I can’t stop my hips when they start to move against him. He groans in my mouth and the sound makes my stomach clench with want.
