Fall To Pieces

by Jami Alden

  "Wow, they must be so excited," Sadie had said.

  "Yep, they're thrilled. They've even set a wedding date—October first."

  "Wow, that's soon!"

  "It is, and of course this means Josh and I will have to postpone. Or maybe I should get myself knocked up and force his hand." Molly laughed, but Sadie could tell it was forced. "Anyway," Molly continued, "you should be getting a save the date card any day now."

  "I don't know, I'm really busy—"

  "Come on Sadie, you can't skip Ellie's wedding just because you can't deal with Dylan," Molly snapped, exasperated.

  Sadie hadn't bothered to deny it. "I'll see if I can get the time off."

  Dylan. It was the one subject she and Molly had agreed not to discuss. Sadie would like to think that it was Molly's mention of him that had him looming in her brain all afternoon.

  But that would be a lie. Even though their time together already felt like it happened a hundred years ago, in a different lifetime, she couldn't get him out of her head.

  She mostly managed to block him out at work, but even then, he seeped through the cracks of her consciousness. Every moment they spent, every touch shared, every word spoken, was seared into her brain.

  Especially the last, the moment she realized that while she'd been falling in love, Dylan had merely been killing time.

  She shook her head, called herself an idiot for the thousandth time that month, and gathered her briefcase from the passenger seat.

  She got out, grumbling to herself when she saw that despite the call to the landlord, the motion sensitive lights didn't go on as she stepped onto the concrete path that led to her front steps.

  Picking her way in the dark, she didn't see the shadowy figure under the eaves until she had nearly reached the first step.

  Panic rushed through her and she took an instinctive step back, then froze as an achingly familiar voice called out.

  "Sadie, it's me."

  Chapter 17

  "I didn't mean to scare you," he said as she closed the distance between them.

  "It's okay," she said, fumbling in the dark to unlock the door. "You—ah—surprised me."

  She pushed the door open and flipped a switch on the wall, flooding the entryway with light.

  His stomach churned with nerves. He'd spent twenty hours driving plus the two he'd spent cooling his heels on her front porch, thinking of exactly what he would say when he saw her.

  Now he could do nothing but stare at her, his tongue glued to the roof of his mouth as he drank in every detail of the woman he'd ached for every second of the last two weeks. Her hair was pulled back at her nape, a few curls escaping to brush the smooth, pale skin of her cheeks.

  Her dark, heavily lashed eyes had faint circles of fatigue as she regarded him with surprised confusion.

  A wave of overwhelming need surged through him as he watched, barely hearing as her full, pink lips moved. "What are—"

  He couldn't stop himself from closing the distance between them, couldn't stop himself from curving his hand around the slim column of her neck and pressing his mouth to hers.

  She stiffened, making his heart skip a beat as he prepared himself to feel her fist against his jaw or a knee into his groin. He braced himself, knowing it was no better than he deserved.

  Then her lips parted on a little sigh as her hands stole up to his shoulders. He groaned and tangled his tongue with hers, heat sizzling through him as he drank in the spicy sweet taste of her.

  He backed her up against the closed front door and pressed himself against her, wishing their clothes would magically melt away so he could feel her, skin to skin, like he'd been aching to for what felt like eons.

  A last burst of sanity reminded him that after the way he'd treated her, Sadie deserved better than a fast, wild fuck in her foyer.

  She deserved an explanation. She deserved to decide if he deserved a second chance.

  He lifted his head, took a deep breath, and stepped back to make a few inches of space between them. "Sorry," he breathed. "But I've been thinking about that for the last thousand miles or so."

  "Oh," Sadie replied, eyes glazed, cheeks and lips flushed.

  "Now that's out of the way, I think we have some things to talk about."

  She shook her head a little, as though clearing it of the cobwebs. "Of course." She pushed away from the door and walked through a doorway into a small sitting room, flipping on lights as she went. Dylan followed her through it into the small kitchen and watched as she poured two generous glasses of red wine.

  "I don't have anything else," she said as she handed him one, "and I feel like I might need a drink for this conversation."

  She leaned her hip against the countertop, took a sip of her wine, giving him an expectant look over the rim of her glass.

  The snakes were back twisting around in his stomach and he felt a cold sweat bloom down his back. He took a hefty swallow from his own glass as he struggled to piece together the words he'd spent hours coming up with on the road.

  It had seemed so easy as the miles passed. Be honest. Tell her how you feel. Apologize for being an ass.

  "Dylan, what are you doing here?" she prodded.

  The last part was easiest, so he decided to start with that. "I wanted to apologize, explain what I said."

  She cocked her eyebrows. "You could have sent an email or called and saved yourself the gas money."

  He felt his face heat, realized that despite her enthusiastic response to his kiss, she was keeping her guard up.

  Well you'll just have to break your way past it, won't you?

  "When I said guys like me don't end up with girls like you"—he winced as pain flashed across her face, only to be hidden a moment later—"I didn't mean what you thought I meant."

  His stare wavered under hers and he dropped it to his glass, staring at the dark crimson liquid as though it would suddenly reveal the perfect words to make her understand how sorry he was, how much he loved her.

  Words that would make her forgive him.

  "When I got the news, I felt like a loser. You're smart, and successful, and I couldn't see what you would want with a loser like me. I didn't want to be the guy following you to California, riding your coattails because I couldn't think of anything better to do."

  She stayed silent, her lips pressed in a tight line.

  "But after you left... I missed the shit out of you."

  Her lips quirked into a little smile, sending a burst of warmth through his chest.

  "And I figured some stuff out. Like, with my writing. I never thought of it as a career path, more of a way to get a handle on all the crap spinning around my brain. But after what you said, I sent some stuff to Jane to get her take. She showed it to her literary agent who actually thinks it has potential."

  "That's fantastic!"

  "Yeah," he said and scrubbed a hand through his hair. "And I—uh—also realized that—uh"—shit, why was this so hard? He took another drink of his wine, followed by a deep, fortifying breath. "I also realized that even though I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do with the rest of my life, that shouldn't stop me from being with the person I want in my life."

  Her eyes flared with surprise and guarded hope as her fingers tightened around her wine glass. "What are you saying?"

  He set his nearly empty glass on the counter and took a step toward her. Hoping she didn't notice how much his hands shook, he took her glass from her and laced his fingers through hers. "I'm saying I love you."

  ###

  "Really?" Sadie said, half expecting to wake up and realize this was all an amazing, impossible dream. But no, Dylan was really here, his broad, callused fingers laced with hers, standing so close to she could feel the warmth of his body radiating into her own.

  "Yeah, really," he said with a chuckle. "How could I not?" His one hand released hers and came up to brush against her cheek in a touch that thrilled her to her very core. "You're beautiful, smart, funny, and sexy as hell."


  Heat rushed to her cheeks as her mouth stretched in a grin to match his.

  "But even more important," he said, the grin fading as his gaze filled with intensity, "once I got over my pity party, I realized that whenever I was with you all the shit crashing around in my head, all the stress, all the bad memories, they all faded away. Being with you makes me happy, Sadie, happier than I ever thought it was possible to feel."

  Tears stung her eyes as his words flowed over her, washing away the heavy weight of grief that had settled over her these past few weeks. She wanted to freeze this moment, certain she could never feel as much joy as she felt right now.

  "Uh, Sadie?"

  She blinked, focusing back on his intense blue gaze, drinking in all the love radiating from his face.

  "Are you going to say something?" he blurted. "Like, maybe you love me too?"

  In that second she realized that mixed in with the love was something that looked an awful lot like fear. A sound rose from her throat, half-sob, half-laugh at the that idea Dylan Decker would ever for a second be afraid of her rejection. Tears flowed down her cheeks unchecked. "Of course I love you! I've loved you since I was thirteen years old!"

  The last was muffled as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against him until her face was buried in the curve of his neck. It felt so good to hold him, to breathe in the warm, musky scent of his skin. To feel his big, broad hands splaying against her back.

  "And everything you said, about being happy when you're with me, I feel the same too," she said, breathless now as he peppered her lips and cheeks with kisses. "With you I felt like I had someone at my back, like I didn't have to face every problem on my own. And it's been so hard without you, like I left piece of myself back in Big Timber."

  "I'm sorry," he groaned between soft pecks of her lips. "Forgive me for being slow on the uptake and needing a little more time to realize how much I love you and need to be with you."

  "I waited fifteen years for you," she said, giving his bottom lip a playful nip. "What's a few weeks in the scheme of things?"

  "Okay if I spend the next fifty or so making it up to you?" His hand slid up her ribcage, coming to rest against the undercurve of her breast.

  Heat rushed through her, a vivid reminder of just how much she had missed him. "That sounds like a good start."

  THE END

  Want to know how Damon Decker and Ellie Tanner found their happily-ever-after? Keep reading for an excerpt of Blame It On Your Heart, book one in the Big Timber series.

  She turned slowly, preparing herself for the gut punch of seeing his face again after all these years.

  "Damon." Her voice caught in her throat at the first sight of him. Even in the dim light of the restaurant, there was no mistaking the lines of his tall, rangy body. In the years since she'd seen him, he'd gained a couple inches in height and at least thirty pounds. And from the way his T-shirt stretched across his broad chest and shoulders it was all muscle.

  Her gaze drifted up to his face, to that square jaw she used to trace with her fingers to feel the rasp of thick stubble. The high cheek bones, sharper now than they'd been, giving his face a leaner more chiseled look.

  Finally she met his gaze, those dark blue eyes that had been stormy with anger and hurt the last time she'd seen him. Now they didn't show anything. Not anger, not surprise.

  Unlike her, he'd known she was coming.

  And while she'd known that the odds were they’d run into each other sooner or later given that his mother and hers had been best friends since childhood, she'd been determined to push it back to as "later" as possible.

  She would have assumed he would be on the same program.

  So what the hell was Damon Decker, who had made it plain as day that he never wanted to see her again, doing here in her family's restaurant?

  Ellie didn't even realize she'd asked the question out loud until Molly answered, her voice falsely bright, "Damon is our new partner!"

  "Since when?" she burst out desperately trying to maintain her composure.

  "They brought me on a little over six months ago. I've been looking to branch out, and this was a great opportunity," he said calmly as though there was nothing strange about this situation.

  She was speechless, struggling to process it all. Of all people, she would have never expected Damon to align himself closely and invest in her family's business.

  Not that he wasn't capable—Adele had been only too happy over the years to keep Ellie updated on every detail of Damon's life, learned from her at least once a week lunches with Damon's mother Vivian. So it was no surprise to her to learn that Damon, who had successfully invested in a chain of gas stations and convenience stores since he got out of the army four years ago, had the means to invest in a project like this.

  "Of course, it's not anything like what Troy made," Adele had mused. "But it's good, honest work and he's really made something of himself."

  The subtle dig hadn't gone unnoticed. Adele had never thought much of Troy, and the only thing that kept her from badmouthing him outright was her unconditional love of her only grandchild.

  Too bad Ellie hadn't been able to see what was so obvious to her mother.

  She felt Damon's stare give her a full body sweep and desperately wished she could have staved off Anthony's hunger to change out of her grubby tank top, threadbare cutoffs, and flip flops. Surely if she'd been wearing her New York armor of full makeup, hair tamed into a perfect silk fall across her shoulders, dressed head to toe in designer labels, she wouldn't have felt so vulnerable.

  Vulnerable. There was a time when it would have been impossible for her to imagine feeling that way with Damon. Practically from the moment they'd met he was a strong, steady presence in her life, making her feel safe, assuring her she'd never be alone.

  Now she felt stripped bare, the sting of her ruined life and failed marriage made more acute under his assessing gaze.

  Of course he knew the truth. Even if their mothers didn't share every little detail, he'd have to have lived under a rock for the past year to not know what a shambles her world had become.

  But if he was gloating inside, it didn't show on his face. It was disconcerting. Once upon a time, she could read his every emotion as though she was feeling it herself.

  "And that surly guy in the kitchen?" Ellie asked, trying to stay on track even as she tried to regain her equilibrium.

  "Brady McManus. He was in the Rangers with me."

  She nodded. By Rangers she knew he meant the army rangers—Adele had told her all about it. Just as she'd told her when Damon had moved back to Big Timber as soon as he finished up his last tour in the army.

  Ever since then she'd been bracing herself for the day Adele would pass on the news that Damon was settling down with some nice local girl and having a couple kids.

  And as unfair as it was, considering she was for the most part happily married and a mother to boot, the thought of Damon having that life in Big Timber—without her—made her stomach clench and her eyes burn with tears.

  But that day hadn't yet come. Even if her mother hadn't kept her up on the latest doings of the Decker family, Ellie would have known what Damon was up to. Ever since Damon's older brother, Deck, had married actress Jane Bowden, the press had been all aflutter over his younger, single brothers. One recent issue of People Magazine had even featured them as two of the country's most eligible bachelors.

  In the article that had accompanied the picture, both younger Deckers had asserted they were currently very single.

  She wondered how much longer that would last. Then it hit her. If she didn't figure her life out soon, when and if Damon fell in love and married someone else, she'd be here to witness it firsthand.

  Her stomach rolled and she thanked God she hadn't had the appetite to eat anything today.

  "Are you alright, honey? You look a little peaked."

  "I'm okay," she said, moving on unsteady legs to sit next to Anthony who was busy wolfing down hi
s burger. She reached out and rubbed her hand across his back, driven as much by the need to touch her child as by the physical reminder of what her life was about now. Why she had no reason whatsoever to be concerned about Damon Decker's love life.

  She'd made her choice a long time ago and there was no going back.

  Click here to order Blame It On Your Heart!

  More Books By Jami Alden

  Private Paradise

  Private Pleasures

  Private Passions

  About the Author

  Jami Alden is an award winning author of sexy contemporary romance and gritty romantic suspense. Her book BEG FOR MERCY was awarded the Romantic Times Reviewer's Choice Award for Best Romantic Suspense, and her contemporary ebook original, PRIVATE PLEASURES, was a top 10 bestseller on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and iBooks.Jami's books which feature smart, driven women and hot alpha heroes are known for being sexy, intense, and full of emotion.

  She is currently working on a new contemporary series set in a small Montana town. The first book in the series, BLAME IT ON YOUR HEART, is available now.

  Jami lives in the San Francisco area with her husband, 2 sons, and a dog who patiently listens to my dialogue and helps her work out plot points. When she's not writing, she enjoys running, reading, cooking, and watching a brain numbing quantity of food network programming.

  To keep up to date on Jami's newest releases, be sure to sign up for her newsletter!