by Nique Luarks
When I felt my bed dip behind me, I sighed. My heart thumped, and my breathing labored when True wrapped his arm around my waist. He hugged me, whispered that he’d missed me and then laid on his back. Still lying on my side, I kept my eyes closed so tears wouldn’t fall freely. I wasn’t so much sad as I was mad.
I was mad that True and I had crossed that line. I was mad that I’d known True my whole life, knew he was a dog, and still was in love with him. And I was mad that for so long, I’d bottled up my emotions and had still wound up just being his baby mama. Most of all, I was mad at myself for even thinking about aborting my baby just because I was upset with him. But I was scared because I’d never been this mad at True.
Ever.
That’s how I knew our relationship was changing. We were changing. And that was a hard pill to swallow, considering everything we’d been through.
“Talk to me,” True mumbled. “What’s on your mind, Jelly?
“Nothing.” A lone tear slipped from my eye and slid down the bridge of my nose.
He smacked his lips. “You lyin’ to me now? When we start that?”
I sighed.
“Turn around and look at me, Chance,” he said sternly.
Obliging, I shifted my body until my front was facing his side. Wrapping my arms around my pillow, I stared at the side of his face. One of his arms rested behind his head and the other in his pants. Since he still had his dad hat on, I couldn’t see his eyes.
“Why you cryin’?”
“Because I don’t wanna lose us.”
“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” He licked his lips. “You ain’t going nowhere, and I ain’t either. You stuck wit’ a nigga now.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
“Then use your words and elaborate, Chance. All this cryin’ and poutin’ you doin’ is stressin’ me out.” Grabbing behind my knee, he lifted my leg and rested it on top of him.
“True, we’re going to have a baby.”
“I know.”
“We’ve been having sex.”
“I know.”
I scooted closer to him. “I just don’t want to grow to hate you.” Finally being able to say that out loud lifted a weight off my shoulders.
“The only way you could grow to hate me is if it’s hate in your heart right now.” He turned to look at me. “You hate me, Jelly?”
“No.”
He massaged my thigh. “You just scared, man. All this shit is new for you. It’s new to me too, though. You my better half, Chance. You think I ain’t thought about the risk of what we did? You a major part of my life.”
“Ditto.”
“I need you stop cryin’, though.” He stared at me. “You ain’t got no reason to be feeling miserable.”
“I’m not feeling miserable. I’m just overwhelmed,” I admitted. True and I were about to share a baby.
“Just let this shit flow.” He rubbed my butt. “We good. Ain’t shit between us gon’ change.”
I found that hard to believe. Unfortunately, people changed every day. “I still can’t believe it.”
True chuckled. “Man, Jelly, who would’ve thought you’d have that snap back.”
I giggled, pressing my face into the pillow. “Oh my God, True. Shut up.” I cheesed.
He turned sideways and hugged me. “You been holdin’ out on me, best friend.”
Lifting my head, I stared into his eyes. “We can’t be doin’ that no more, True.”
True sucked his teeth and frowned.
“You can look like that all you want, but I have to be loyal to myself before I am to you or anybody else. And a part of being loyal to myself is protecting my peace of mind.” I snuggled closer to him. “Can you respect that?”
True didn’t speak at first. Instead, he stared directly into my eyes. Licking his lips, he pulled me closer. “It’s whatever you want.”
I smiled, poking his nose playfully. “I missed your face.”
He grinned. “I missed yours too. What you do in New Orleans? What they end up naming the lil’ baby?”
“Cairo.” I pulled his hat off of his head. “She looks just like Gino.”
True nodded.
“How’s Chase been?” Not only had I distanced myself from True, but from my god babies as well. That didn’t mean I loved them any less. I just didn’t want to chance running into True.
“He’s cool. Chasity’s been driving that nigga crazy, though.”
“Morgan is supposed to be doing her hair Tuesday. Can you see if Quindelle will drop her off at Granny’s and I’ll just pick her up from there?” I had to get my own hair touched up and my nails too. Who was better to pamper myself with than Chasity? I could probably bring Erin along to get her out of the house.
“Make sure when she gets her nails painted she stay on the pink side. All that other shit you be letting her do with them crystals and shit is dead,” he said sternly.
I frowned. “She likes Swarovski crystals. And she likes when her nails match mine.”
“Then you can get pink nails too.” He shrugged with his eyes closed.
Shaking my head at him, I rose and turned around. With the direction our relationship was going, I didn’t know where we’d end up. Carrying True’s baby meant we could never be how we were. However, I was fully aware of my feelings. I couldn’t control the outcome, but I could control how much I let True bother me from this point forward.
Staring at the wall, I couldn’t help but feel guilty. I always told True to take full responsibility, and I was proud of him because no matter what, he had. But I was responsible too. Deep down I’d always loved True and wanted him to myself, which was part of the reason why I’d dedicated a big chunk of my life to him.
True’s snoring snatched me out of my thoughts and brought me back to reality. Closing my eyes, I hugged my pillow and let sleep consume me.
True
Chance’s phone kept going off, but not once did she wake up to answer it. Reaching over her, I grabbed it off her nightstand. Haze’s name flashed on the screen and my jaw line flexed. He was Chance’s first. The nigga lived out in California, but he and Chance fucked around every once in a while.
When he started calling again, I answered the phone. “Wassup?”
“Let me talk to Chance.”
“Nigga, she’s sleep.”
“Who dis? True?” He chuckled. “Wake Chance up and tell her I need to talk to her. I gotta confirm her flight information.”
I stared at the side of Chance’s head. “Stop calling my baby mama.”
“Baby mama?”
“Nigga, you heard what I said.” I hung up the phone and tossed it in front of Chance. I sat on the side of the bed fuming. “Chance…” I stood up. I grabbed my gun and tucked it in my jeans.
Chance stirred in her sleep when I called her name again. She pulled the covers up over her shoulders and then yawned. “What, True?”
“You still fuckin’ that nigga, Haze?”
She sighed before grabbing her phone. I watched as she unlocked it and focused on the screen. “Why did you answer my phone?”
“Answer my question.”
“True...” she whined groggily, tossing her phone. “Do I question you about who you sleep with?”
No.
But I didn’t give a fuck about all that.
“Don’t fuck that nigga while you pregnant with my seed.” I snatched my hat up.
Chance’s head snapped in my direction.
“I don’t know what the fuck you lookin’ at me like that for.” I stormed to her side of the bed and looked down at her. “Ain’t no nigga running up in my baby mama while she pregnant.”
“Your baby mama?” Mortification flashed in Chance’s eyes, but her face frowned up in disapproval. She looked like she wanted to steal on me. “Don’t refer to me as that, True.”
I shrugged.
Chance glanced back down at her phone when it sounded off. She paused to read whatever had been sent to her and
then her gaze landed back on me.
“You told Haze I was pregnant?”
“Yeah.”
She threw her covers back and hopped out of the bed. “You had no right to do that, True.”
“No right?” I waved her off. “Fuck you mean? You pregnant. What you tryna lay up with another nigga for anyway?” I’d never felt like I wanted to yoke Chance up before. But it was taking everything in me not to snatch her up.
“Do I question you about who you’re having sex with?”
“That’s different.”
She scoffed before switching to the bathroom. “I don’t appreciate you doing that.”
I followed her. “So, you was gon’ fuck that nigga, not caring that you’re pregnant?”
“It’s none of your business what I do with Haze. If I want to have sex with Haze, Ren, or whoever else I feel like, I can,” she snapped, standing in front of the commode. “I have to use the bathroom.”
“Use it.”
Placing her finger tips on both sides of her head, she massaged in a circular motion. “True...”
Chance had me acting like a straight female. I’d never hounded a broad this much about the next nigga. I was too G to be standing in the bathroom with a chick, while she peed, questioning her. I usually didn’t have enough fucks to give when it came to a bitch and her personal life. But Chance was different.
She pulled her panties down and sat on the commode. “So, you’re going to watch me use the bathroom?” Chance’s head snapped in my direction.
Licking my lips, I nodded my head. “A’ight, you got it.” I turned to leave. “Play wit’ me if you want.”
As soon as I stepped into Quindelle’s crib and shut the door, I turned her around and pushed her up against it. Roughly lifting her shirt over her ass, I grabbed a handful of her hair. Pulling her head back, I widened the gap in her legs. I unbuckled my belt and I pulled my dick out the top of briefs. A soft moan escaped Quindelle’s lips when I rubbed the head of my dick against her clit.
When the entire tip was sliding from her wetness, I went into my back pocket for a condom. Ripping it open with my teeth, I removed the rubber and slipped it on. I dipped in her opening and Quindelle’s body trembled underneath me.
“Mmmm....”
Gripping her hips, I went in as deep as she would let me. Once she gave me my limit, I fucked her harder.
“True...” she whimpered. “Fuck.”
Tuning her out, my mind flipped back to Chance. She had me fucked up. All that eye rolling, neck snapping, and popping off she was doing wasn’t even like her. My word was usually law with Chance. Quindelle grabbed my wrist as her body jerked back and forth.
“Damn, True,” she moaned loud. “I love you.”
Ignoring her, I grabbed a handful of her hair.
“Shit...” I deepened the arch in her back. “That’s my spot, baby.”
My phone started ringing.
“Yessss....” Quindelle’s body shook as she came. Her legs bucked as I held her up. Once she was finished getting her shit off, I dug deep.
My phone sounded off again.
Quindelle body went limp from exhaustion, turning me off as I slid out of her.
“Can we finish in the bed?” She faced me. “My legs feel like Jell-O.”
After snatching the condom off, I put my dick up. “Nah, I’m ‘bouta go.”
Quindelle mugged me as she pulled her shirt down. “Nigga, are serious?!”
I fixed my jeans and balled the condom up. Quindelle stayed at the front door as I went to the bathroom. After flushing the rubber and washing my hands, I went into my pocket for my phone. Both calls were from Chance. When I got back to the front of Quindelle’s, I went in my pocket again for a bankroll.
Before opening the door, I handed it to her and started down her porch steps.
“I’m not a whore, True.” She slammed the door dramatically.
Her ass kept that money, though.
I shook my head.
Bitches...
18
Nothing lasts forever
Chance
With blue tape in my hand, I walked through my new shop making sure everything looked up to par. My heels clicked along the shiny hard-wood floors as I inspected every crack and cranny. Emmit and his men had done a great job. A sense of pride surged through my veins as I took it all in. My business now had two buildings, and this was just the beginning.
Unhooking the one button on my cream blazer, I entered my new office. When I heard the ding that let me know the door in the front had opened, I stepped back out. I ran my tongue across my teeth and put on a smile as I rounded the corner. When my eyes locked on Haze, I licked my lips. He looked a lot like the rapper Method Man.
“Why I always gotta hunt you down, woman?” He chuckled lightly.
I smiled, falling into his hug. “I thought you’d be back in California by now.”
“My flight leaves at four. I just wanted to see you before I left.” He looked around. “Would be better if you came with me like you had said you would.”
“Haze...” I sighed.
“Is it because of True?” He tilted his head. “Wassup wit’ you and him anyway? I thought he was just a friend.”
“He is.”
“But you’re pregnant by him?”
I nodded.
“So, y’all together? I mean wassup?” Haze leaned against the counter. “Last time I talked to you, you agreed to see if we could fix our shit.” He frowned. “Talk to me. Wassup?”
Haze was my first sexual partner. Everything between us was great until he felt like I hung out with True too much. A couple of months ago we reconnected on Instagram. After a few phone conversations and back-and-forth texts, we agreed to start our relationship from scratch, which was why he wanted me to come to California for few days so he could have me all to himself.
“I’m not with True.”
“So, what? He’s a sperm donor?”
Yep.
“I wanted a baby and since he’s the only male I trust...” My voice fade and I shrugged.
Haze stared at me. “So, that’s it?”
I gave him a funny look. “What do you mean?”
“We can still date?”
I chuckled. “You still want to date me, knowing I’m pregnant?”
He nodded. “Hell yeah. I let you get away once, but I’m not letting it happen again.”
Smiling, my eyes shot away from his bashfully.
“Come to Cali wit’ me.” Haze stood up straight and put his hands in the front of his hoodie.
Sighing sympathetically, I shook my head. “I can’t.” I would come back and have to deal with True. I was smart enough to pick my battles wisely.
“Okay. Well, how ‘bout this?” He pulled his pants up and they fell back down slightly. “I’m coming back in two weeks. I’ll let you sort that out and when I touch back down we can see what’s up.”
“I would like that.” A wide smile spread across my face. “Thank you for understanding.” It was nice to deal with a man who wasn’t bullheaded.
“Can I get a hug before I head out?” With outstretched arms, he waited for me to come around the counter. Once I fell into his embrace, he gave me a firm squeeze. “I’ma wait on you, Chance.”
“Mommy!” I shouted, shutting the door behind me.
“I’m in the guest bathroom, Chance,” she called back.
Making my way through my parents’ home, I inhaled the sweet scent of vanilla. My mom kept their home spotless. I could remember being awakened from my sleep early Saturday mornings to music playing and her tidying the house. When I neared the bathroom, she stepped out into the hallway.
“Hi, baby.” We shared a hug and she went back in the bathroom.
“Hey, where are you going?” I questioned, leaning against the door jam. “Where’s daddy?”
“Which question would you like me to answer first?” She chuckled lightly while applying a coat of pink lipstick.
/> “Either or.” I maneuvered past her to sit on the furry commode lid.
“Well, your father is at your grandmother’s house and I’m going to meet your auntie for lunch.” She faced me, smiling. “Is that okay with you?”
Giggling, I slapped her butt playfully. “Daddy know you got these tight pants on, Miss Thing?” I’d gotten my booty honestly.
“Don’t be a creep, Chance.” She laughed. “And your dad loves me in these pants.”
“Oh wow.” I shook my head. “You could’ve kept that to yourself.”
“You’re a big girl.” She placed the lipstick down and she crossed her arms. “That’s why I feel like you’re ready to tell me what’s been bothering you.”
“Mommy...”
Raising her hand, she silenced me. “You’ve been distant, moody, and inconsolable. I know my child. Talk to me.” She faced the mirror again and grabbed her curling iron.
“I made a mistake.” That was the only explanation I could give as to why I had let my relationship with True get like this.
“No such things as mistakes. We’ll call them life lessons because you didn’t know any better.”
“But I did.” I knew exactly what I was getting myself into when we crossed that line, which was I’d never tried to look at True in that light. I’d been so caught up in the moment, though.
“No if you knew the exact consequences of your actions, you wouldn’t have done it.” She skillfully curled her hair. “You live and you learn, baby.”
Nodding, I slumped forward. “Mommy...”
“Yes, Chance Breon?”
“I had sex with True.”
“And how do you feel about that?” She stopped curling her hair to grab a Kleenex out of the holder.
Taking it from her, I shrugged. “Disappointed, relieved, sad, mad, confused. It was so good, Mommy.”
She chuckled.
“Like, mind-blowing… When I spent the night with him the second time, I woke up to him kissing all over me. Just to do it again.” Sex with True was life-changing. No wonder Nisha and Quindelle acted the way they did.
“Why are you upset?”
