Searching for Glory

by Hunter J. Keane

  “Good night, Glory,” Johnny whispered as he walked past. Kate was already on her way to the car, pulling Denton along with her.

  “Good luck, Johnny,” I muttered too quietly to be heard.

  * * *

  It took me almost two hours to finish cleaning up after all the guests had left. J.J. stuck around and helped me carry everything into the house, but the other kids all disappeared to their rooms.

  “Somebody is getting an extra Christmas present this year,” I said to him as he helped me carry the last of Christopher’s presents inside.

  I was on my way to Julia’s room to lay down when I heard soft crying coming from Vic’s room. I padded lightly down the hall and stopped just outside my sister’s half-open door. I could see Vic sitting on the edge of the bed with her head in her hands. Jake was sitting next to her, rubbing her back and murmuring softly to her. I felt like in intruder, but I couldn’t look away.

  My heart ached for them, and especially for Jake. Vic and Jake were the great love story in my life. I hadn’t had parents to look to for guidance on what a loving relationship should be. But I’d had Vic and Jake. They had been together for half my life, and they had done things the hard way. Against the odds, they had made it work. Because above all else, they loved each other. Jake had always been amazing with Vic, taking care of her and loving her unconditionally. And now he had to let her go.

  When I finally lay down in bed, I couldn’t sleep. I had suffered bouts of insomnia in the past, but this was even worse. A million thoughts were cluttering my brain and not even the soothing, repetitive breathing coming from Julia’s bed could calm me down. I stayed in bed until five, willing sleep to come. At last, I couldn’t lay motionless any longer.

  Ten minutes later I was sitting on the porch swing, wearing blue pajama pants and a white t-shirt and holding a steaming cup of coffee. Back in California, I always had my morning coffee outside, watching the waves crash against the rocky shore. This was a different experience, but equally representative of nature’s beauty. The sun was just beginning to paint the sky in colors of light pink and yellow. Rabbits frolicked in the overgrown grass and birds chirped merrily from trees.

  When I went inside to refill my mug I found Jake in the kitchen already dressed for a day of farm work. He yawned loudly as he filled his thermos with the brown liquid.

  “Long night?” I asked.

  “Something like that,” Jake replied as he filled my mug. “Vic is having a rough time.”

  I didn’t know what to say. In all the time I had known Jake, we had never had a serious conversation. We mostly teased one another or talked about the weather. This was new territory. “I sensed that.”

  Jake sighed sadly. “She has cancer. She’s going through all these treatments that are making her so sick. But you know what she’s upset about?”

  I shook my head.

  “She’s losing her hair. Of all the things…” Jake shook his head and laughed fondly. “But I guess that’s Vic, huh?”

  “Yeah, that’s Vic.” I smiled weakly as a plan percolated in my head.

  “Makes me love her even more.” Jake grabbed his thermos and headed outside.

  Princeton, Missouri: 2000

  “Travis is staring at you,” Kate hissed over her red cup. “Again.”

  I had glanced quickly over my shoulder to make sure Travis was still standing by the keg and not anywhere near us.

  “I don’t even know why he is here.” I tried not to shudder in front of Kate. She didn’t know what Travis had done to me two years earlier. You were the only one that knew.

  “It’s like he’s obsessed with you.” Kate shook her head in wonder. “You better hope Johnny doesn’t see him gawking at you. He’ll kill him.”

  Everyone knew you hated Travis even if they didn’t know why. You weren’t a violent guy, but you always struggled to control yourself around him.

  “Johnny will be fine,” I said. I had looked around for you, but you must’ve gone in the house. “Travis isn’t even on the team so why is he at the baseball team party?”

  “Probably just to leer at you.” Kate’s eyes widened. “He’s coming over here.”

  “What?” I couldn’t move. My entire body had gone numb except for my hands which were shaking uncontrollably.

  “Ladies,” Travis said. He took a seat next to me on the old tree log that had been pulled up next to the bonfire. His leg brushed against mine and I almost vomited. “So, Glory. I’ve been thinking.”

  “Shocking,” I muttered. Travis’ lips curled in an evil smile.

  “Funny. Anyway, we should go out sometime.” His smile turned suggestive. “Or stay in, if that’s what you prefer.”

  I should’ve punched him. I should’ve screamed at him. I should’ve got up and walked away. But I didn’t do any of those things. That night with Travis had altered me forever. Most of the time I was able to push it to the deepest corners of my mind. But whenever I saw him, it all came rushing back. The deepest wounds never really heal. They never become a scar.

  “You okay, Glory?” Suddenly you were there, like you always were whenever I needed you. I could see that your hands were curled into fists and you were breathing rapidly.

  “Johnny.” Your name came out in a pitiful squeak. Kate was looking back and forth between all of us in complete confusion.

  I grabbed the hand you reached out to me and let you pull me away from Travis until I was standing beside you. My legs were rubber so you put your arm around me to keep me on my feet. You never said a word to Travis, but your eyes said everything. Some of the other kids sensed what was happening and they watched with hopeful eyes. They wanted a fight, but you had more control than that. My hand was on your chest and I could feel your heart racing. That bothered me more than you could know. You were always so calm, always centering me when my emotions got the better of me. But this time, it was different.

  “Johnny,” I whispered in your ear. “It’s okay.”

  You blinked and took a deep breath. Just like that, your heartbeat was steady and regular again. For the first time ever, I was your anchor. Love is like that. Sometimes, it forces us to be better versions of ourselves. Other times, it destroys us.

  CHAPTER NINE

  I spent the next hour formulating a plan. Once I had it figured out, I woke up Julia and filled her in. She grumbled loudly at first, but then she warmed up to the idea. Since finding out about her mother’s illness, Julia had done a 180 with her attitude. She was still a hormonal teenager, but she was more tolerable to be around. She had also stopped texting Logan a hundred times each day which pleased Jake most of all.

  We left a note for Vic and then headed out on our adventure. It took two hours of driving to find a decent wig shop but when we did, we selected a half dozen wigs of different lengths and colors. Then we headed to a hat shop and picked up nearly a dozen different hats and tracked down some brightly colored scarves.

  Once we were done shopping, we made one more important stop and then headed home. With all the shopping and the travel time, it was almost dinner time before we got home. I stopped and picked up some pizzas on the way back to the farm. When we walked in the house weighed down by packages and pizzas, we caused quite a commotion.

  “Aunt Gloria?” J.J. asked as he stared at me in shock.

  Vic came into the living room just then and almost dropped her glass of water. Her mouth hung open in confusion. “Glory? Julia? What did you two do?”

  “We went shopping, Mom,” Julia said, gesturing to the bags that were covering the floor.

  “I can see that. What I meant was, what happened to your hair?” Vic reached out her hand and ran it over Julia’s newly colored hair. Gone was the ink black- replaced with a shade much closer to Julia’s natural color.

  “We got our hair done.” I ran a hand over my own sleek bob and tried not to freak out too much about not having any hair. “You like?”

  “Why?” Vic was still in shock.

  “
For you, Mom. I know you hated my black hair, and I was getting sick of it anyway,” Julia said. I had chopped off my signature long locks in favor of a hairstyle that hit just at my jawline. “And Aunt Gloria cut off all her hair and had them donate it to this place that makes wigs for cancer patients. Isn’t that cool?”

  Finally. My niece thought I was cool again and I only had to chop off all my hair. “And…” I lifted up one of the bags. “We bought you some stuff. Only the chicest in cancer accessories.”

  “Ooh.. I want to see!” Marta stuck her head into one of the bags.

  “Later. First, let’s eat this pizza before it gets cold.” I went into the kitchen to get plates and napkins.

  We ate in the living room, all seven of us. There was a lot of laughter and joking. Jake made sure to give me a hard time about my new hairstyle. He was convinced that I would never get cast in anything ever again now that I had ditched my trademark look.

  “I think Aunt Gloria looks nice,” Christopher said as he reached for more pizza.

  “Thanks, Chris.” I stuck my tongue out at Jake but I knew there was probably a little bit of truth to what Jake had said. Franny Zo would flip out if she could see me right now.

  After the pizza had been polished off, I had Vic try on all of the wigs. The long blond one made everyone laugh. The red one made her look like a drag queen. Everyone agreed that the one that looked best was the one most resembling her current hairstyle. Vic laughed through it all, though her eyes teared up occasionally.

  Over the next couple of weeks, I continued to play the role of assistant mother. The kids were just days away from starting school so I helped them shop for new clothes and school supplies. I felt so bad that Vic was too sick to come and ended up spoiling the kids rotten. They were given anything their hearts desired. Julia would be the best dressed girl at school and Christopher loved his new mp3 player and video game console. The younger kids were spoiled with toys, books, and movies. I knew that I shouldn’t be buying their love but I couldn’t help myself.

  When I took Vic to the hospital for her treatments, I spent some time getting to know the doctors and nurses. I learned that a shortage of funds was preventing the hospital from having state of the art treatment for cancer patients. It was then that I decided to work with the hospital to build a new cancer wing. I had plenty of money to finance the wing. I was paid over two million dollars per episode for four seasons. Not to mention the movies I had been in and endorsements I had done. My nest egg was quite comfortable and I couldn’t think of a better way to spend the money.

  This new purpose gave me the distraction I needed. I had been spending my days consumed with worrying about Vic and the family. Whenever my mind started to wonder, it always drifted to Johnny. But now, I had a new focus and it was one that I could take pride in.

  One Thursday evening, I left the farm and headed into town. My plan was to give Vic some time alone with her family while also finding a quiet place to work on the cancer wing plans. I ended up at the local bar and grill, which was mostly empty. I ordered a burger and some fries and started thumbing through the research I had done. I was able to sit undisturbed because no one recognized me with my new haircut.

  This proved to be problematic an hour later when a group of young women from the town came in. They sat at a table next to me and ordered a variety of fruity drinks and set about gossiping. I quickly learned who was having an affair with whom, and who had just lost his job. I was mildly entertained until the conversation turned to something a little more personal.

  “I still don’t understand what Gloria Star is doing in this town,” the blonde with pink lipstick said. “I know that Vic is sick, but last I checked Gloria isn’t a doctor.”

  “Well, I heard that her being here has nothing to do with helping her sister.” The redhead wearing a too-low top took a long drink from her martini glass.

  “Do tell,” prodded the blonde.

  “I don’t know the exact situation, but it has something to do with Johnny Carter.”

  I felt my face grow hot and wished I could disappear. It was incredibly awkward listening to these catty women discuss my supposed motives.

  “I heard from Kate’s cousin, Mandy, that Gloria has been trying to break up Kate and Johnny.” The redhead paused for dramatic effect and was rewarded by gasps from the women.

  “That’s not all,” said the brunette who had so far been quiet. “It worked. Kate and Johnny broke up a couple of weeks ago.”

  My eyes widened in surprise and I scooted slightly closer in my seat so that I could hear better.

  “What does that have to do with Gloria Star?” The brunette asked with slurred words.

  “Well, Mandy said that Kate told her that Johnny was still in love with Gloria. They used to date, you know. A long time ago.” The redhead looked around knowingly at her friends and they all nodded emphatically. “Anyway, Kate confronted Johnny about it and he admitted that he’s still in love with Gloria. And then he broke up with her.”

  “What? No!” The girls chorused.

  I sat back against the vinyl seat and thought about what I had just heard. Chances were good that these girls didn’t have a clue what they were talking about, but if they were actually right… No, I wouldn’t allow myself to think about it.

  The girls changed the subject to one of their friends who had just had a nose job and I tried to get back into my work. I finally gave in and ordered a drink, hoping it might help me relax. I was having a difficult time concentration and not just because of that overheard conversation. The bar was starting to become more crowded and the noise level was rising considerably. I was trying to decide whether to order another drink when someone smacked a bottle of beer onto the table.

  “Of course,” I said as I looked up and found Johnny standing over my table.

  “Hi to you, too.” Johnny didn’t smile.

  “I suppose you’d like to sit?” I gathered up my papers and stacked them neatly on the table. Johnny slid into the seat across from me.

  “What’s that?” he asked, nodding toward the towering stack.

  “Research.” I took a sip of beer and enjoyed the coolness as it trickled down my throat. “It’s for a project I’m working on for the hospital.”

  Johnny nodded. “The new cancer wing? Jake told me about it.”

  A lengthy silence followed as we appraised one another. Johnny looked tired- his eyes were bloodshot and his hair was unkempt. I fought the urge to thrust my fingers in the waves.

  “You cut your hair,” Johnny said finally and I nodded. “Why?”

  “What do you want, Johnny?” I blurted out.

  Johnny smiled his beautiful, crooked smile. “I wanted to hear you call me that.”

  I wasn’t in the mood for his games and his charm. “I heard you and Kate broke up. Is that true?”

  Johnny’s smile vanished instantly. “It’s true. I’m surprised you care so much.”

  “I’m full of surprises.” I signaled to the waitress and ordered another round of drinks. We sat at the table for over an hour, knocking back beers and making small talk about nothing. When Johnny went to the bathroom, he was replaced by an old friend of ours, Nate Hodgins. Nate had played ball with Johnny in high school and we had all been part of the same social circle.

  “Well, if it isn’t Mornin’ Glory,” Nate teased with his old nickname for me. He had obviously been drinking for a while and his eyes were glassy. “I see you and Johnny are here together. Kind of like old times.”

  “Not together,” I corrected him. It was apparent I wouldn’t be getting anymore work done so I threw my paperwork into my bag. “I see you haven’t changed one bit, Nate.”

  “I guess you heard ole’ Johnny boy called it quits with that bitch Kate.” Nate took a long swig of beer.

  “I heard.”

  “Guess we have you to thank for that?” Nate grinned at me, proudly displaying the gap between his two front teeth. I didn’t take the bait.

  “Y
ou married, Nate?”

  “Nah!” Nate scoffed and took another drink. “Wild beasts can’t be tamed, sweetheart.”

  “You’ve got the beast part right,” Johnny said as he slid into the chair next to me. His knee grazed up against mine and he didn’t pull it away. I tried to focus on their good-natured repartee but I mostly thought about the warmth of his leg pressed up against my own.

  “You back for good?” Nate asked me as he watched a woman walk past in very tiny shorts and a tight shirt.

  “Well, I’m not back for evil,” I quipped.

  A handful more of Johnny’s friends came in then and pulled up chairs around the table. Johnny and I were forced even closer together to make room for the new arrivals. Rounds of drinks and shots were ordered and I was beginning to feel the effects. Johnny had lightened up considerably and had gone so far as to sling his arm across the back of my chair.

  There was a lot of teasing and joking among the friends and I found myself laughing along with them. I had been friends with many of them during high school and we were having a grand time reminiscing about the trouble we had gotten into back then.

  “What were you thinking, skinny dipping in the pool at school?” One of my old friends, Lori, asked Nate. “And during the middle of the day!”

  “Guess it’s no wonder I got caught with my pants down.” Nate laughed and everyone else joined in. Johnny gave my shoulder a light squeeze and I felt myself leaning into him. I rested my hand lightly on his thigh. Nate had been partly right, this was like old times.

  It suddenly hit me just how drunk I was and I had no idea how I was going to get home. Princeton didn’t exactly have around the clock cab service.

  “What’s wrong?” Johnny said, noticing that I had grown quiet and I was nibbling on my lower lip.

  “I’m just trying to decide how in the hell I’m going to get home,” I confessed while mentally scolding myself for getting so out of control.

  “My place is just down the road,” Johnny said softly, speaking directly into my ear. His breath was warm on my cheek. I felt my heart jump.