If Only for the Summer

by Alexandra Warren

  Considering the circumstances, I hadn’t imagined sleep coming in the near future. But something about Guy’s dick always called for it, though I wished I hadn’t since by the time I woke up, Guy was already gone. And while I thought I had already shed the only tears I would over it, once I picked up Jaxson’s Lightning McQueen car and read the note neatly tucked under it, I quickly learned otherwise.

  Nova,

  I knew this summer was going to be great, but you made it a thousand times sweeter. Thank you for just… being you, the best summer roommate a nigga like me could ask for, the best teacher Jaxson could have, and the dopest woman I’ve ever met. I hope we meet again, hope you keep in touch. But if you don’t, I understand. This is hard for me too.

  Love you shorty.

  Guy

  P.S. Jaxson told me to give this to you. :)

  Guy

  The first thing I did when Jaxson and I got back in town was take him to his mom’s house so they could catch up. The second thing I did was follow Nova on every social media account I could find her before sliding in her DMs. And the third thing I did was… wait. Wait for her to follow me back, wait for her to hit me up, wait for her to express even an inkling of what I felt for her, even more so now that we were apart. But after a full week of nothing, I was starting to wonder had I imagined the whole thing.

  Had we really connected the way I thought we had? Or had we simply been prisoners of the moment, creating something temporary out of convenience?

  Was the love she showed me and my son just part of her personality? Or was it really specialized for us?

  Were the tears she shed the last time we made love a result of her feeling as strongly for me as I did for her? Or was she just… caught up in the experience?

  The thought of it all had me stuck, a preseason football game playing absently in the background as I scrolled through Nova’s Instagram for the umpteenth time, quickly getting lost in the pictures she had uploaded during our time in Miami. There were pictures of her and Kaylin out and about in the city, pictures from Lamar’s games we had attended, random selfies at different landmarks we had visited, and then there was the infamous picture she had shared from the beach, labeled with a caption that I hoped still rang true.

  My screen flashing over to a phone call startled me, my heart thumping until I read the name scrolling across it and became disappointed. But that still didn’t stop Lamar from expressing his excitement the second I said “Yo”, skipping over formalities to ask, “Nigga… did you just see the ending of that game? That shit was nuts. ”

  Since I hadn’t been able to pay much attention to anything, I replied, “Nah, I missed it. What happened?”

  Instead of just answering my question, Lamar became hysterical when he repeated, “You missed it?! Bruh, you never been one to miss a good match-up. What you mean, you missed it?”

  “It’s on, but I didn’t watch it, man. Now get me up to speed,” I told him, apparently giving off more attitude than I intended to once I heard Lamar’s response.

  “Nah, something is up with you, I can tell. Mariah gettin’ on your nerves already?”

  I shook my head as if he could see me. “Nah, we’re cool. I’m just… has Kaylin heard from Nova at all?”

  While I hadn’t yet considered something actually being wrong with her, that would’ve been a great explanation for her not getting in touch. But Lamar didn’t exactly put me at ease when he replied, “I’m sure she has, but I’d have to ask. Why? She aight?”

  I shrugged, my irritation returning as I answered, “I wouldn’t know. I haven’t talked to her.”

  “Why not? Somethin’ happen with y’all two?” he asked, a question that I had my damn self.

  I mean, sure we hadn’t gotten a chance to give a proper goodbye with my flight home being much earlier than hers, but I didn’t imagine that as something for her to be upset with me about. Then again, when I thought back to the details of the note I had left in my absence, I wondered if that had played a role, wondered if she had decided to take my indirect suggestion of not getting in touch because our distance wasn’t a reality she wanted to deal with.

  Even with that in mind, I still answered, “Nothing in particular. Just haven’t heard from her since we left Miami.”

  I imagined Lamar becoming as concerned as I was, but his focus was elsewhere when he snapped, “Nigga, what’d you do to Cas? I told your ass not to fuck with her if you were gonna fuck her over.”

  “I didn’t do shit, man! I just… I hit her up on social media and haven’t heard back. That’s all,” I explained, feeling silly now that I had to say it out loud.

  Lamar wasn’t quick to make me feel any better about it either, his voice hinted with amusement as he asked, “Social media? So you got up in them guts all summer long and didn’t even get the digits? Damn, I didn’t know Cas had game like that.”

  I rolled my eyes as I groaned, “Tell me about it.”

  Of course I didn’t want to believe that Nova was gaming me, didn’t see her as that type of person. But it was always, always a possibility, though Lamar didn’t seem convinced either when he insisted, “I’m sure it’s just a mix-up. Maybe she had a lot of catching up to do when she got back or somethin’. You want me to get her number for you?”

  “Nah. If she’s gonna hit me up, I want her to do it on her own terms. And if she’s not… that’s her decision too.”

  Just the thought of never hearing from her again, watching her move on with her life without me - without us - made me sick even if I wasn’t sure how we would ever make it work with her in a different city. And since she hadn’t ever mentioned it, I assumed that wasn’t something she was interested in anyway, especially after her situation with ol’ boy. Truth be told, I hadn’t been interested in a long-distance relationship either. I wanted Nova with me all the time, wanted to wake up to her every morning and fall asleep with her at night. But then again, if that was what it took to make her mine, I was ready to make an exception.

  My mood must’ve been a little too somber for Lamar as he tried to lighten things up by joking, “Look at you. Ol’ Carl Thomas Emotional ass nigga. Sis really did you in for one, huh?”

  “Man. Got me good, bruh. Waiting by the phone to hear from her and all,” I admitted.

  “If she ain’t got you like that, she ain’t the one for you, dog. Trust me. We’ve all been there,” he replied knowingly, designed to bring me comfort but also leaving me worried since I wasn’t sure it was something I’d be able to shake if things really didn’t work out.

  Still, since I didn’t have much of a choice but to wait it out, I told him, “I don’t know how I feel about that, but I’ma take your word for it.” Knocks on the front door alerting me to continue, “But Mariah just got here with Jax so I gotta go.”

  “Aight, brodie. Well let me know if there’s anything I can do,” he offered, his words of simple support feeling like a virtual dap as I made my way to the door.

  I released a heavy sigh, telling him, “Appreciate it, bruh.” before ending the call and opening the door to my son and his mother, both wearing giddy smiles that I wished I could match.

  Their smiles made sense once Jaxson gushed, “Daddy, look at Mommy’s belly! It’s a baby in there!”

  I smirked, scrubbing his head as I asked Mariah, “Finally told him, huh?”

  She shrugged as she stepped past me into the house. “Couldn’t resist. He’s so excited. Wants it to be a baby brother.”

  “I’m sure Howard wants the same,” I replied as I shut the door behind them.

  And I didn’t think anything of my words until Mariah stopped dead in her tracks to ask, “Wait… you actually called him Howard? What’s the matter with you?”

  While I was sure it didn’t help my cause, I couldn’t help but whine, “Man, why does everybody think something is wrong with me? Why can’t I just be chillin’?”

  She rolled her eyes as she followed me to the living room and answered, “Because we all kn
ow you. So what’s going on? Not ready to get back to work yet?”

  I plopped down the couch, the highlights of the good game I had apparently missed playing on the television as I told her, “Never. But it’s not that.”

  “So… what is it then?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest as she waited for an explanation. An explanation I wasn’t really anxious to give her since it came with feelings I couldn’t do anything about.

  But since I knew she wasn’t going to let me get away with some bullshit response, I quietly pushed out, “I haven’t heard from Nova since Miami.”

  “Well did you try to get in touch?”

  There was no use in hiding how annoyed the question made me, my eyes tight when I replied, “Of course I did, Riah. But she hasn’t hit me back. I’m starting to think all that Miami shit was just a dream.”

  Mariah finally joined me on the couch, sitting near the edge as she assured, “It wasn’t a dream, Guy. I saw it with my own two eyes, saw y’all with my own two eyes, and there was a lot of love shared between the two of you. Maybe she’s just… afraid. I mean, you said she had just gotten out of something when I visited, didn’t you?”

  I shrugged. “Yeah, but I’m not him, and she knows that.”

  Even though we both knew it was true, Mariah still smacked her teeth when she replied, “Just because it’s crystal clear for you doesn’t mean it is for her. I mean, she was the one in the relationship, not you.”

  “So what am I supposed to do?” I asked, finding all this back and forth useless if it wasn’t going to equate to an actual solution.

  But unfortunately, Mariah didn’t have much to offer, taking way too long and thinking way too hard only to respond, “I’m not sure. But I do know sitting here in dirty drawers pouting about it isn’t the answer.”

  I rolled my eyes, my drawers being the last thing on my mind as I focused my attention back on the television while Mariah went back to brainstorming. “Maybe you should… try to go see her. Let your feelings be known face-to-face instead of…”

  “In the DMs.”

  Of course Mariah became hysterical when she repeated, “In the DMs? Guy, you have got to be shittin’ me. You’re in love with this girl and you’re sliding in her DMs like some random? What is wrong with you?!”

  I was quick to defend, “It was my only choice! I mean, I don’t have her number, and it ain’t like she lives around here, so…”

  “So you figure out another way if this is really what you want. And if they way you’re all frowned up is any indication, this is definitely something you want.”

  It honestly wasn’t even a question how much I wanted this, wanted her, wanted us. And while I might’ve felt defeated by her lack of response, I couldn’t just… give up. So I nodded to agree, telling Mariah, “I do. Badly.”

  She stood up from the couch, stopping to give me an empathetic pat on the shoulder as she suggested, “Well… make it happen then, Guy. Do what you have to do to get your girl back.” Then she made her way to tell Jaxson goodbye, leaving me to get to the drawing board.

  Nova

  It had been a little over two weeks – two weeks filled with meetings, and planning, and organizing, but still two whole weeks and change - since I last saw Guy, last heard from Guy, last experienced Guy. And it felt like I was going through literal withdrawals as I sat at my desk an hour before the first day of school would begin, the anxiety of my new students arriving and the disappointment of summer officially being over - us being over - coursing through me as I bounced my foot against the tile floor. There were a million things I could’ve been doing, making sure the desks and chairs were straight, reorganizing the bookshelf, checking to make sure I had everyone’s first day of school welcome kit ready to go. But all of that seemed far less interesting than thinking about Guy, reliving the memories of summer, wondering if he was sitting in his classroom doing the same thing that I was.

  My daydreaming was interrupted when one of the janitors knocked on the door of my classroom that was already open just to alert me, my eyes flashing up to find him carrying a bouquet of flowers. “Special delivery, Miss. Grant,” he announced with a smile as I stood up to accept them, more confused than anything since I had no idea who they could be from.

  I whispered a quick, “Thanks” waiting for him to leave the room so I could check the card. And once I did, I found myself holding back tears as I read it a few times through.

  “Your students are so lucky to have you. Have the best first day of school ever, Miss. Nova. Love, Guy & Jaxson”

  So many questions rushed to mind, but I couldn’t get over how thoughtful the gesture was. I also couldn’t get over him expressing his love for a second time, even if it was only on paper. Then again, if that was how he truly felt, why hadn’t I heard from him until now?

  Before I could come up with a reasonable explanation, my thoughts were once again interrupted by Mrs. Lewis gushing, “Wow. That’s a beautiful arrangement, Nova. Those from your California cutie?”

  My lip was pulled between my teeth as I kept a tight grip on the card and told her, “Actually… we aren’t dating anymore.”

  It honestly amazed me how quickly I had been able to get over David, but I suppose I had Guy to thank for that, providing the perfect distraction even when he continuously insisted that I process my breakup. Truth be told, there was really nothing to process after saying what I needed to say to him, released all the bile I had built up over him, cleansed my spirit of his entire existence.

  But considering Mrs. Lewis had no idea what all had occurred over the summer, she seemed legitimately disappointed when she replied, “Oh no. That’s a shame. But if they aren’t from him, who are they…?”

  Of course it hadn’t taken long for her nosey-meter to go off. And while I usually wouldn’t have entertained her antics, I couldn’t stop the smile that grew on my face as I answered, “A friend I met this summer. A really good friend.”

  “Some kind of friend he is, indeed,” she added with a knowing grin before heading towards the door.

  I caught her just when she hit the threshold to ask, “Mrs. Lewis, how did you and your husband meet?”

  I wasn’t sure where the question came from, but it seemed like exactly what I needed to hear when she answered over her shoulder, “Through mutual friends.”

  “Like a coincidence, or they hooked you up?”

  “Maybe a little of both. Either way, I’m grateful,” she replied with a full smile, leaving me with something to ponder as I called after her once more.

  “Have a good first day, Mrs. Lewis.”

  “You too, Nova,” she shouted from the hall, her steps fading into the distance acting as thinking music for my next move. And once they disappeared completely, I replaced the sound with my fingertips tapping against the desk to keep my brain churning as I worked to come up with a way to get in touch with Guy now that he had kind of reached out to me.

  An idea hit me ten minutes before the first school bell was set to ring as I rushed to get my purse out of the drawer it was locked in and fished out my phone before scrolling to the Instagram app I had purposely abandoned so I could focus on getting prepared for the school year. But I wished I hadn’t once I saw my inbox lit up with a notification telling me I had a new message, a message I quickly discovered was weeks old from the exact person I had been thinking about.

  So he had tried to get in touch before the flowers?

  @GuyTheGOAT : Nova, I hope this message finds you safe and sound, well and warm, and still fine as ever. I know I told you to get in touch if you felt inclined, but that didn’t exactly leave room for me to do the same. And like the idiot I am, I also forgot to leave you my number.

  The second message he sent was of his phone number that I frantically copied and pasted into a new text message thread, peeking up at the clock to see how much time I had left before rushing to type out a message of my own.

  “Was supposed to be on a social media cleanse until after I got g
ood and settled into the school year, but good thing I broke my own rules. The flowers you sent are gorgeous. Thank you. Call me later. Please.” - Nova

  I gnawed at my lip, hoping he’d get it and reply before his school day began, hoping that he even still cared to hear back from me after all this time. And just as the first rugrat strolled into my classroom, I received the simple response I was waiting on, a response that already had my heart racing with anticipation of just hearing his voice again.

  “I got you.” - Guy

  &

  The universe surprisingly worked in my favor, the first day of school flying by without any issues outside of the usual hiccups. But now I was faced with the waiting game, anxious to hear from Guy whenever he finished with his own school day. I took my time straightening up my classroom, making sure I had everything in order for the next day just to keep myself from becoming too antsy. And when I still hadn’t heard from him by the time I finished that, I decided to begin the walk home, hoping the fresh air would come with chill vibes.

  It didn’t, everything about the environment irritating me from the fresh cut blades of grass that went into my mouth when the wind blew to the drivers having a battle of their horns when one decided to pull out at the four-way stop before it was their turn. I was still spitting grass out when my phone vibrated in the pocket of my dress, the only thing I still had going for me. Though once I saw the unknown number on the screen, I assumed the universe had officially turned against me with a call from a bill collector.

  I tried to sound as pleasant as I could when I answered, “Hello?”

  “Thought you forgot about me, shorty.”

  Just the sound of his voice had me melting into the sidewalk, the sun suddenly shining brighter against my skin, and a giddy smile evolving on my lips as I replied, “One of my neighbors told me I’ve been walking funny since I got back in town so you obviously didn’t let me forget shit, Guy. It’s good to hear from you. And thanks again for the flowers you sent.”