Awakening - Book of Fire (Blood Heritage)

by Krista Gray-Fee

  For a moment his mind is taken to another day, another woman and a terrible storm. He pushes the memory aside and fully engages himself in the present. This time, this place, this woman is his to hold. He can love her without reservation, kiss her without guilt and make love to her with the blind passion that perfect trust allows. It is time to let go of the past completely. Time to really give up on what might have been in another world. He realizes he has been holding on to Joanna as much as she has been holding on to him. Neither giving up on the possibilities for a future, only settling into the reality of what their lives offered. He simply didn't allow another woman any chance to make an impression, his heart already taken. Amber somehow snuck in breaking that spell and without any effort at all she slid right into his heart. She is a part of him now, and she is his. He will not let anyone or anything come between them, not even for a moment.

  They settle into the kitchen for a cup of coffee and some scrambled eggs, sausage and toast. Amber is back to her usual spunky self and James hasn't felt so good in a very long time. He is happy and pain free, what more could he ask for? Allie is awake and agreeable again, despite the change in sleeping arrangements. She knows the bed will be hers again when James is gone. James drops Amber and Allie off at work on his way to the office and she will not let him leave without some extra coffee for the rest of his team. James and Rissa sit down and have a little chat while Amber makes up the drinks.

  You two are looking pretty cozy, Rissa chides.

  We are happy, he says, and realizes that he has been a bit of a cold shoulder to her in the recent past, he remembers thinking at one point she was interested in being more than friends so he just kind of stopped hanging around there so often. "Rissa I'm sorry I disappeared on you, Guess I was a bit uncomfortable when it seemed a possibility we could be more than friends. I used to run from any potential relationship as quickly as possible. Hope you can forgive my awkward tactics?"

  Rissa laughs. "No worries honey, you’re not my type."

  He just gives her a crooked smile. She winks at him and he understands. "Oh," he says, "I would have never guessed."

  "Well now you know." She smiles giving him a pat on the back. "Take care of our girl, will you?" Now he feels awkward again, wondering if she is interested in Amber...or has he read more into that than is actually there? James is beginning to doubt that he is as good at reading people as he once thought.

  "Rissa," James says, turning to catch her before she walks away. "Thank you for all your help with this mess, and please let me know if you see anything else, even if it doesn't seem important. I am still looking for so many answers, every little step forward helps. We will have to talk more soon."

  Amber hands him his drinks and they spend what seems like an eternity staring into each other's eyes, not wanting to break the security and comfort of the moment.

  James notices a woman watching him from the sidewalk as he gets out of his car. He is bending over to get the drinks off the console when he feels her gaze. He stands attempting to avoid her eyes but failing miserably. She smiles a seductive half smile and winks at him. He blushes slightly as he turns away, heading into the building. He feels a little uneasy about her, something he can't quite put his finger on. She makes the hairs on his arms stand up. James forgets about the woman the moment the door closes behind him.

  He is on cloud nine and his co-workers give him knowing grins as he passes out the coffee. Joanna is grateful for her latte, she has had a rough night and can really use the boost. Everything has begun to make sense in his life, and even with the heaviness of the murders on his hands James is beginning to feel hope again. Apparently his good mood shows on his face because his partner gives him the good old pat on the back and high five for getting himself laid. James just laughs it off, I guess it's time to let them all in on his relationship status so they won't think I'm out playing the field too hard. They all know something is up anyway.

  Dawn calls Rissa to let her know she is ok, and that she won't be seeing her for a while. She tells her another child is buried in the meadow and there is a third out there as well, near the old boathouse where the boys were killed so many years ago. She tells her she can't explain how she knows, but asks Rissa to trust her: "There is a lot going on right now and we all need our space to figure things out."

  Dawn has no intention of coming back to town. She is packing up what little she wants or cares about in this world into a large duffle. She has planned a vibrant exit with a huge house fire that will hopefully lead everyone to believe she is gone. She doesn't want anyone looking for her. She Is going out there... into the world. She is going to live in the shadows of man, where she can make her own rules.

  She no longer wants or needs the Circle or her human friends, she only wants to be free. She is going to disappear, to run wild and take what she needs. She will sleep under the stars and hunt. She can only feel the wolf within her, the human world is no longer her home. The restrictions of the clothing, the propriety of expected behaviors, the limitations. Dawn feels herself full of desire to taste lovers on a whim, to destroy and to chase. She wants nothing more to do with the minimalistic magic of the want-to-be witches and their mysteries. Most of all she doesn't want to be around Amber. There is something about that girl that makes her feel out of place, off her game. Amber unsettles her and changes the rules on her. The only guilt she feels comes in the knowledge that Rissa will mourn her, there is no pleasure in hurting her only real friend. Dawn hopes that neither Amber or Rissa will see what she is doing. She has cast a protection over her mind, has sealed the gates and raised the brick walls that encase her identity, her intentions, and her plans from her father; she can only hope they work just as effectively on her friends.

  Standing in the middle of her bedroom staring at what she once felt was her identity, the posters, the music, the clothing: She no longer feels any connection to it. She has surpassed it. There is only a touch of sadness as she drops the burning diary onto the floor. Her thoughts, her feelings and her experiences burst into golden flames as they find the puddle of gasoline, the colors swirling as the flames engulf everything she used to be. Dawn walks out the door feeling anticipation for the life in front of her. No regrets for the life she has left behind. The fire spreads quickly and there is no opportunity for turning back. She watches the building slowly disappear behind billowing screens of smoke, the swirling clouds of her existence reaching toward the heavens. How beautiful she thinks as the sirens begin to echo in the air. She does love to make a statement.

  There is not much left when the fires are quelled. The scorched remains lead the authorities exactly where she wants them. Dawn is glad for the chaos that has invaded her sleepy little town. The recent murders have proven quite useful to her and she thinks it appropriate that she hides behind one of them now, even in death the girl will serve to protect her as she takes on her new life. The irony amuses her, for one to live another must die. She is not like her cruel Father, she neither killed the girl or the children, but she is using their deaths to her advantage. She is not a killer, merely a scavenger surviving on the brutality and fragility of life.

  Dawn has only one loose end to handle, her on again off again boy toy Devon, he retrieved the body, and set up the fire for her. He is not exactly a bright guy and is easily persuaded to do her bidding. Dawn is very deeply aware that he must never be able to tell what has happened. He loves her deeply, but she is not the kind of girl to give her heart over so easily. She can't afford anyone coming to the conclusion that she is still alive. She hopes she will not have to kill him, she isn't ready to take that step yet, she just doesn't have a plan that far from civility yet. She has told him to meet her across the state line that evening and they will run away together. She wonders if there is any truth to the stories that a werewolf bite can pass on the gift. She isn't really in the mood for planning. She wants to get far away from this place before doing anything too drastic but it sure would make things convenient for her i
f he can just be turned before he figures things out. Something tells her that's too easy though, nothing in her world is ever that simple.

  She has her heart set on Montana, thinking the environment will be exactly what she needs to disappear into the forest where she will never have to deal with people or their problems again. They can enjoy the road trip and then she will decide what needs to be done. Maybe she can bite him just a little or maybe she will lose her temper and tear him into pieces. She has to accept she doesn't know what is going to happen in order to embrace her future. He is expendable.

  Throwing her meager belongings into the back of his old Chevy pickup truck, she drives out to their meeting point. He is there on his motorcycle waiting. He is sweaty and nervous as she drives up. "I wasn't sure you were actually going to go through with it." he says, smiling at her. Giving him her best mischievous grin, she kisses him playfully.

  "Have you ever known me to chicken out of anything?"

  "I still don't understand why you want them to think you’re dead, why couldn't we just leave? Who would come after us, we’re not exactly valuable members of society?"

  She laughs. "I just want to make sure, that’s all, I want to be absolutely free."

  He holds her close and whispers "I love you." She smiles at him brushing his hair out of his eyes. His wispy bangs adding so much charm to his face. She can't say those three words, she never will. She knows love only means pain and betrayal. Dawn isn't interested in such empty promises.

  Chaining his bike in the back of the truck and head out on the road. "You know you don't have to come with me," she says. He looks deep into hand stunning green eyes and says "of course I do, what would I do without you? "

  Sometimes she adores his dark and brooding side, and sometimes she thinks him weak because of it. She knows what he has been through and how broken he is. He... like Dawn, does not have a place to fit in. She thinks of the many miles of road yet to be traveled, and how far they have already come. They are bonded whether she wants to admit it or not.

  She wants to talk with him about the changes in her, to tell him how it feels to run like the wind through the trees. But that takes trust and she can't trust this secret with anyone; so she just laughs, and complains acting as if nothing has changed. He just goes along with it, knowing she is different somehow and he may never truly know her heart. Isn't love supposed to be unconditional anyway? Whatever her secrets, whatever she holds inside, these are just parts of the package and he has accepted. There are some doors that are off limits.

  Driving down the highway he sings along with the radio, she sleeps beside him on the seat resting her weary head in his lap. Looking down at her, he decides he is the happiest he has ever been with nowhere to go and nothing to live for except this beautiful woman. He has run with her for many long years and they have been through some pretty rough times. Now it's the two of them again, back on the road and back in each other's arms.

  They were lovers in high school and often for short spurts since. They have spent much of that time traveling together, but just as friends, looking for a place to set down roots. Every time they think they have found the right place, something happens and they always go back to where they started. It is like there is a force pulling them away from their dreams and hopes and back into the darkness they just can't seem to escape. He wonders what makes her think this time will be different. This time at least she has a specific destination in mind. This time he knows deep down they are running toward something and not just trying to get away. Whatever instigated this move is alright in his book.

  Meeting of Minds

  James picks up Amber at the shop around four and the two of them simply drive for a while. Tonight they will be having dinner with Joanna and Tanner.

  "You are not allowed to fall for him," he says to her with a smile. He is only half joking and she senses it in his voice, there is tension there weighing him down. She gives him a good long look, waiting to see if he will volunteer an explanation.

  When he doesn't she simply says, "History there, huh?"

  "That obvious?" is his reply.

  "Were you and Joanna involved?" she asks. Truly she has already suspected the answer, but decided there was no real threat there. Whatever they had is no longer on the table.

  "We were, he admits. Never really were actually completely an item, but we had kind of a summer romance a long time ago. She chose him and that was that." Amber begins putting the pieces together. He must have been pretty into her, that's why he hasn't dated much. That's why he was still single when she met him. Joanna broke his heart.

  Amber feels a bit uncomfortable knowing she has been allowed into the deepest corners of his heart. He wants her to know, before there is anything to make her speculate on her own. He wants her to understand that he is no longer in love with Joanna, but will always love her. He doesn't want Amber to feel threatened or betrayed by anything...ever. He will never let anything hurt her if he can help it. He explains his feelings for her are true and strong and he is not going anywhere. He explains how Joanna has been one of his best friends since childhood and so has her husband, the three of them used to do everything together. They should have predicted it was inevitable one of them would end up with her, Joanna just had a hard time deciding which one. Neither one of them blamed her, there were a lot of messy emotions at the time and they decided together that space was the best way to handle things. Amber catches images and emotions coming off him as he speaks of how things used to be.

  She tested the waters allowing James to release his feelings, his inhibitions and his years of pent up sexual tension. He wanted her so badly, all through high school and waited for her for years after. He had no intention of ever having another woman in his heart or in his bed. She had always seemed kind of oblivious to his feelings for her. She was the wild and popular girl that all the guys wanted to spend time with, and even now she is the dark and mysterious coroner that everyone on the force speaks about in the locker room. No one has ever gotten to make the acquisition, and it seems to them all that she is untouchable. She was never interested in romance, feeling more comfortable with James and Tanner most of the time. They fished, hiked and ran around like the neighborhood posse. They were inseparable.

  Over the years Joanna got prettier and more feminine, but the relationships never seemed to change to her. She was just one of the guys, until the night of the storm. Until the night he kissed her and held her, and never wanted to let her go again. She had let him love her, had kissed him back, the passion between them had blossomed into a fire that neither could quench. He waited so long to feel her touch, he trembled in her arms.

  She looked into his eyes and she knew how deeply he wanted her, but more importantly she saw that he loved her. Loved her in the overwhelming and permanent way that she was not willing to let him have. She gave in to his desires, and her own, and they made love. They made love for hours, the kind of passion that only exists in romance novels. Their bodies perfectly in tune with each other. He learned how to please a woman that night, how to give instead of take, how to read her body and her sounds. He had been in absolute heaven and had been oblivious to anything other than her. When he awoke alone he didn't know what had gone wrong. His heart had shattered in that moment and it had taken until he met Amber for him to realize the extent of the damage.

  The details were a blur, he only knew he had spent so many lonely nights wondering what he had done wrong, why she couldn't love him the way he loved her. He couldn't understand how he had her in his arms and then in an instant, like water she had slipped away through his fingers. She had never given him the opportunity to have her alone like that again, had never given him an explanation and had distanced herself from him. Shortly after that weekend she had begun to see Tanner openly. James had not known they were even seeing each other at all. Tanner would be angry when he found out about their short-lived romance, more because he knew she had feelings for him than because of any perceived betray
al. The two men had always known it would come to something like this, and to be honest, Tanner had felt James would be the victor. He had seen her look at him and the spark that burned between them was undeniable.

  Tanner decided to leave his job and to pull away from the relationship with James to make life more comfortable for Joanna. She had a hard time spending time with them both, whether guilt or desire neither would ever know. What could he do, he was in love with her too. Tanner married Joanna knowing that a little piece of her would never be his. Perhaps now, with Amber in the picture, they would all finally have the closure they needed.

  Tanner had been watching and waiting, hoping that James would find someone, that he would find his opportunity to love again. His own guilt made him desire confirmation that he hadn't taken his best friend’s only chance for happiness. The men agreed when they were young that ultimately they would leave it up to her when the time came, neither of them would let a woman get in the way of their friendship. In some ways they had, but ultimately the bond had never been broken. Real friends are the ones you can call after years of distance and silence and nothing has changed. You can talk like you saw each other yesterday, and that is the kind of friendship Tanner and James have.