The Arden Shakespeare Complete Works
Page 325
That hath a mint of phrases in his brain,
One who the music of his own vain tongue
Doth ravish like enchanting harmony,
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A man of compliments, whom right and wrong
Have chose as umpire of their mutiny.
This child of fancy, that Armado hight,
For interim to our studies shall relate
In high-born words the worth of many a knight
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From tawny Spain, lost in the world’s debate.
How you delight, my lords, I know not, I,
But I protest I love to hear him lie,
And I will use him for my minstrelsy.
BEROWNE Armado is a most illustrious wight,
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A man of fire-new words, fashion’s own knight.
LONGAVILLE
Costard the swain and he shall be our sport,
And so to study three years is but short.
Enter DULL, a constable, with a letter, and COSTARD.
DULL Which is the Duke’s own person?
BEROWNE This, fellow. What wouldst?
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DULL I myself reprehend his own person, for I am his
grace’s farborough. But I would see his own person in
flesh and blood.
BEROWNE This is he.
DULL Señor Arm … Arm … commends you. There’s
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villainy abroad. This letter will tell you more.
COSTARD Sir, the contempts thereof are as touching me.
KING A letter from the magnificent Armado.
BEROWNE How low soever the matter, I hope in God for
high words.
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LONGAVILLE A high hope for a low heaven. God grant
us patience!
BEROWNE To hear, or forbear hearing?
LONGAVILLE To hear meekly, sir, and to laugh
moderately, or to forbear both.
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BEROWNE Well, sir, be it as the style shall give us cause
to climb in the merriness.
COSTARD The matter is to me, sir, as concerning
Jaquenetta. The manner of it is, I was taken with the
manner.
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BEROWNE In what manner?
COSTARD In manner and form following, sir, all those
three. I was seen with her in the manor-house, sitting
with her upon the form, and taken following her into
the park, which, put together, is ’in manner and form
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following’. Now, sir, for the manner: it is the manner of
a man to speak to a woman; for the form: in some form.
BEROWNE For the ‘following’, sir?
COSTARD As it shall follow in my correction, and God
defend the right!
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KING Will you hear this letter with attention?
BEROWNE As we would hear an oracle.
COSTARD Such is the simplicity of man to hearken after the flesh.
KING [Reads.] Great deputy, the welkin’s vicegerent, and
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sole dominator of Navarre, my soul’s earth’s god and body’s fostering patron –
COSTARD Not a word of Costard yet.
KING So it is –
COSTARD It may be so; but if he say it is so, he is, in
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telling true, but so.
KING Peace!
COSTARD Be to me and every man that dares not fight.
KING No words!
COSTARD Of other men’s secrets, I beseech you.
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KING So it is, besieged with sable-coloured melancholy, I did
commend the black oppressing humour to the most
wholesome physic of thy health-giving air; and, as I am a
gentleman, betook myself to walk. The time, when? About
the sixth hour, when beasts most graze, birds best peck and
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men sit down to that nourishment which is called supper. So
much for the time when. Now for the ground, which?
Which, I mean, I walked upon. It is ycleped thy park. Then
for the place, where? Where, I mean, I did encounter that
obscene and most preposterous event that draweth from my
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snow-white pen the ebon-coloured ink, which here thou
viewest, beholdest, surveyest or seest. But to the place,
where? It standeth north-north-east and by east from the
west corner of thy curious-knotted garden. There did I see
that low-spirited swain, that base minnow of thy mirth –
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COSTARD Me?
KING That unlettered small-knowing soul –
COSTARD Me?
KING That shallow vassal –
COSTARD Still me?
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KING Which, as I remember, hight Costard –
COSTARD O, me!
KING Sorted and consorted, contrary to thy established
proclaimed edict and continent canon, which with, O,
with – but with this I passion to say wherewith –
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COSTARD With a wench.
KING With a child of our grandmother Eve, a female, or,
for thy more sweet understanding, a woman. Him I, as my
ever-esteemed duty pricks me on, have sent to thee, to
receive the meed of punishment, by thy sweet grace’s
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officer, Anthony Dull, a man of good repute, carriage,
bearing and estimation.
DULL Me, an’t shall please you. I am Anthony Dull.
KING For Jaquenetta, so is the weaker vessel called which I
apprehended with the aforesaid swain, I keep her as a
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vessel of thy law’s fury, and shall, at the least of thy sweet
notice, bring her to trial. Thine in all compliments of
devoted and heartburning heat of duty,
Don Adriano de Armado.
BEROWNE This is not so well as I looked for, but the best
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that ever I heard.
KING Ay, the best for the worst. But, sirrah, what say
you to this?
COSTARD Sir, I confess the wench.
KING Did you hear the proclamation?
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COSTARD I do confess much of the hearing it, but little
of the marking of it.
KING It was proclaimed a year’s imprisonment to be
taken with a wench.
COSTARD I was taken with none, sir; I was taken with a
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damsel.
KING Well, it was proclaimed damsel.
COSTARD This was no damsel neither, sir; she was a
virgin.
KING It is so varied too, for it was proclaimed virgin.
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COSTARD If it were, I deny her virginity: I was taken
with a maid.
KING This maid will not serve your turn, sir.
COSTARD This maid will serve my turn, sir.
KING Sir, I will pronounce your sentence: you shall fast
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a week with bran and water.
COSTARD I had rather pray a month with mutton and
porridge.
KING And Don Armado shall be your keeper.
My lord Berowne, see him delivered o’er;
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And go we, lords, to put in practice that
Which each to other hath so strongly sworn.
Exeunt the King, Longaville and Dumaine.
BEROWNE
I’ll lay my head to any goodman’s hat
These oaths and laws will prove an idle scorn.
Sirrah, come on.
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COSTARD I suffer for the truth, sir, for true it is, I was
taken with Jaquenetta, and
Jaquenetta is a true girl.
And therefore welcome the sour cup of prosperity!
Affliction may one day smile again, and, till then, sit
thee down, sorrow. Exeunt.
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1.2 Enter ARMADO and MOTH, his page.
ARMADO Boy, what sign is it when a man of great spirit
grows melancholy?
MOTH A great sign, sir, that he will look sad.
ARMADO Why, sadness is one and the selfsame thing,
dear imp.
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MOTH No, no, O Lord, sir, no.
ARMADO How canst thou part sadness and melancholy,
my tender juvenal?
MOTH By a familiar demonstration of the working, my
tough señor.
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ARMADO Why tough señor? Why tough señor?
MOTH Why tender juvenal? Why tender juvenal?
ARMADO I spoke it, tender juvenal, as a congruent
epitheton appertaining to thy young days, which we
may nominate tender.
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MOTH And I, tough señor, as an appertinent title to
your old time, which we may name tough.
ARMADO Pretty and apt.
MOTH How mean you, sir? I pretty and my saying apt,
or I apt and my saying pretty?
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ARMADO Thou pretty, because little.
MOTH Little pretty, because little. Wherefore apt?
ARMADO And therefore apt, because quick.
MOTH Speak you this in my praise, master?
ARMADO In thy condign praise.
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MOTH I will praise an eel with the same praise.
ARMADO What, that an eel is ingenious?
MOTH That an eel is quick.
ARMADO I do say thou art quick in answers. Thou
heatest my blood.
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MOTH I am answered sir.
ARMADO I love not to be crossed.
MOTH [aside] He speaks the mere contrary: crosses love
not him.
ARMADO I have promised to study three years with the
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Duke.
MOTH You may do it in an hour, sir.
ARMADO Impossible.
MOTH How many is one thrice told?
ARMADO I am ill at reckoning. It fitteth the spirit of a
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tapster.
MOTH You are a gentleman and a gamester, sir.
ARMADO I confess both. They are both the varnish of a
complete man.
MOTH Then I am sure you know how much the gross
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sum of deuce-ace amounts to.
ARMADO It doth amount to one more than two.
MOTH Which the base vulgar do call three.
ARMADO True.
MOTH Why, sir, is this such a piece of study? Now here
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is three studied ere ye’ll thrice wink. And how easy it
is to put ‘years’ to the word ‘three’, and study three
years in two words, the dancing horse will tell you.
ARMADO A most fine figure!
MOTH [aside] To prove you a cipher.
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ARMADO I will hereupon confess I am in love. And as it
is base for a soldier to love, so am I in love with a base
wench. If drawing my sword against the humour of
affection would deliver me from the reprobate thought
of it, I would take desire prisoner and ransom him to
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any French courtier for a new-devised curtsy. I think
scorn to sigh; methinks I should outswear Cupid.
Comfort me, boy. What great men have been in love?
MOTH Hercules, master.
ARMADO Most sweet Hercules! More authority, dear
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boy, name more. And, sweet my child, let them be men
of good repute and carriage.
MOTH Samson, master. He was a man of good carriage,
great carriage, for he carried the town-gates on his
back like a porter, and he was in love.
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ARMADO O well-knit Samson, strong-jointed Samson! I
do excel thee in my rapier as much as thou didst me in
carrying gates. I am in love too. Who was Samson’s
love, my dear Moth?
MOTH A woman, master.
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ARMADO Of what complexion?
MOTH Of all the four, or the three, or the two, or one of the four.
ARMADO Tell me precisely of what complexion?
MOTH Of the sea-water green, sir.
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ARMADO Is that one of the four complexions?
MOTH As I have read, sir; and the best of them too.
ARMADO Green indeed is the colour of lovers. But to
have a love of that colour, methinks Samson had small