To wish him wrestle with affection,
And never to let Beatrice know of it.
URSULA Why did you so? Doth not the gentleman
Deserve as full as fortunate a bed
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As ever Beatrice shall couch upon?
HERO O god of love! I know he doth deserve
As much as may be yielded to a man:
But Nature never fram’d a woman’s heart
Of prouder stuff than that of Beatrice.
50
Disdain and scorn ride sparkling in her eyes,
Misprising what they look on, and her wit
Values itself so highly that to her
All matter else seems weak. She cannot love,
Nor take no shape nor project of affection,
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She is so self-endeared.
URSULA Sure, I think so;
And therefore certainly it were not good
She knew his love, lest she’ll make sport at it.
HERO Why, you speak truth. I never yet saw man,
How wise, how noble, young, how rarely featur’d,
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But she would spell him backward: if fair-fac’d,
She would swear the gentleman should be her sister;
If black, why, Nature, drawing of an antic,
Made a foul blot; if tall, a lance ill-headed;
If low, an agate very vilely cut;
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If speaking, why, a vane blown with all winds;
If silent, why, a block moved with none.
So turns she every man the wrong side out,
And never gives to truth and virtue that
Which simpleness and merit purchaseth.
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URSULA Sure, sure, such carping is not commendable.
HERO No, not to be so odd and from all fashions
As Beatrice is, cannot be commendable:
But who dare tell her so? If I should speak,
She would mock me into air; O, she would laugh me
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Out of myself, press me to death with wit!
Therefore let Benedick, like cover’d fire,
Consume away in sighs, waste inwardly.
It were a better death than die with mocks,
Which is as bad as die with tickling.
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URSULA Yet tell her of it; hear what she will say.
HERO No; rather I will go to Benedick
And counsel him to fight against his passion;
And truly I’ll devise some honest slanders
To stain my cousin with: one doth not know
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How much an ill word may empoison liking.
URSULA O, do not do your cousin such a wrong!
She cannot be so much without true judgement –
Having so swift and excellent a wit
As she is priz’d to have – as to refuse
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So rare a gentleman as Signior Benedick.
HERO He is the only man of Italy,
Always excepted my dear Claudio.
URSULA I pray you be not angry with me, madam,
Speaking my fancy: Signior Benedick,
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For shape, for bearing, argument, and valour,
Goes foremost in report through Italy.
HERO Indeed he hath an excellent good name.
URSULA His excellence did earn it ere he had it.
When are you married, madam?
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HERO Why, every day, tomorrow! Come, go in;
I’ll show thee some attires, and have thy counsel
Which is the best to furnish me tomorrow.
URSULA [aside]
She’s lim’d, I warrant you! We have caught her, madam.
HERO [aside] If it prove so, then loving goes by haps:
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Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps.
Exeunt Hero and Ursula.
BEATRICE [coming forward]
What fire is in mine ears? Can this be true?
Stand I condemn’d for pride and scorn so much?
Contempt, farewell, and maiden pride, adieu!
No glory lives behind the back of such.
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And, Benedick, love on, I will requite thee,
Taming my wild heart to thy loving hand.
If thou dost love, my kindness shall incite thee
To bind our loves up in a holy band;
For others say thou dost deserve, and I
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Believe it better than reportingly. Exit.
3.2 Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK and LEONATO.
DON PEDRO I do but stay till your marriage be con-
summate, and then go I toward Aragon.
CLAUDIO I’ll bring you thither, my lord, if you’ll vouchsafe me.
DON PEDRO Nay, that would be as great a soil in the new
5
gloss of your marriage as to show a child his new
coat and forbid him to wear it. I will only be bold
with Benedick for his company, for from the crown
of his head to the sole of his foot he is all mirth. He
hath twice or thrice cut Cupid’s bow-string, and the
10
little hangman dare not shoot at him. He hath a
heart as sound as a bell, and his tongue is the clapper;
for what his heart thinks his tongue speaks.
BENEDICK Gallants, I am not as I have been.
LEONATO So say I; methinks you are sadder.
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CLAUDIO I hope he be in love.
DON PEDRO Hang him, truant! There’s no true drop of
blood in him to be truly touched with love. If he be
sad, he wants money.
BENEDICK I have the toothache.
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DON PEDRO Draw it.
BENEDICK Hang it!
CLAUDIO You must hang it first, and draw it afterwards.
DON PEDRO What? Sigh for the toothache?
LEONATO Where is but a humour or a worm.
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BENEDICK Well, every one can master a grief but he that
has it.
CLAUDIO Yet say I, he is in love.
DON PEDRO There is no appearance of fancy in him,
unless it be a fancy that he hath to strange disguises –
30
as to be a Dutchman today, a Frenchman tomorrow, or
in the shape of two countries at once, as a German
from the waist downward, all slops, and a Spaniard
from the hip upward, no doublet. Unless he have a
fancy to this foolery, as it appears he hath, he is no fool
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for fancy, as you would have it appear he is.
CLAUDIO If he be not in love with some woman, there is
no believing old signs; a brushes his hat o’ mornings,
what should that bode?
DON PEDRO Hath any man seen him at the barber’s?
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CLAUDIO No, but the barber’s man hath been seen with
him, and the old ornament of his cheek hath already
stuffed tennis-balls.
LEONATO Indeed he looks younger than he did, by the
loss of a beard.
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DON PEDRO Nay, a rubs himself with civet; can you
smell him out by that?
CLAUDIO That’s as much as to say the sweet youth’s in
love.
DON PEDRO The greatest note of it is his melancholy.
50
CLAUDIO And when was he wont to wash his face?
DON PEDRO Yea, or to paint himself? For the which I
hear what they say of him.
CLAUDIO Nay, but his jesting spirit, which is now crept
into a lute-string, and now governed by stops.
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DON PEDRO Indeed that tells a heavy tale for him:
conclude, conclu
de he is in love.
CLAUDIO Nay, but I know who loves him.
DON PEDRO That would I know too: I warrant, one that
knows him not.
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CLAUDIO Yes, and his ill conditions, and in despite of
all, dies for him.
DON PEDRO She shall be buried with her face upwards.
BENEDICK Yet is this no charm for the toothache. Old
signior, walk aside with me; I have studied eight or
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nine wise words to speak to you, which these hobby-
horses must not hear. Exeunt Benedick and Leonato.
DON PEDRO For my life, to break with him about
Beatrice.
CLAUDIO ’Tis even so. Hero and Margaret have by this
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played their parts with Beatrice, and then the two
bears will not bite one another when they meet.
Enter DON JOHN the Bastard.
DON JOHN My lord and brother, God save you!
DON PEDRO Good den, brother.
DON JOHN If your leisure served, I would speak with you.
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DON PEDRO In private?
DON JOHN If it please you; yet Count Claudio may hear,
for what I would speak of concerns him.
DON PEDRO What’s the matter?
DON JOHN [to Claudio] Means your lordship to be
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married tomorrow?
DON PEDRO You know he does.
DON JOHN I know not that, when he knows what I know.
CLAUDIO If there be any impediment, I pray you
discover it.
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DON JOHN You may think I love you not: let that appear
hereafter, and aim better at me by that I now will
manifest. For my brother, I think he holds you well,
and in dearness of heart hath holp to effect your
ensuing marriage – surely suit ill spent, and labour ill
90
bestowed.
DON PEDRO Why, what’s the matter?
DON JOHN I came hither to tell you; and, circumstances
shortened – for she has been too long a-talking of – the
lady is disloyal.
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CLAUDIO Who, Hero?
DON JOHN Even she – Leonato’s Hero, your Hero, every
man’s Hero.
CLAUDIO Disloyal?
DON JOHN The word is too good to paint out her
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wickedness. I could say she were worse; think you of a
worse title and I will fit her to it. Wonder not till
further warrant: go but with me tonight, you shall
see her chamber-window entered, even the night
before her wedding-day. If you love her then,
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tomorrow wed her; but it would better fit your
honour to change your mind.
CLAUDIO May this be so?
DON PEDRO I will not think it.
DON JOHN If you dare not trust that you see, confess not
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that you know. If you will follow me, I will show you
enough; and when you have seen more, and heard
more, proceed accordingly.
CLAUDIO If I see anything tonight why I should not
marry her tomorrow, in the congregation, where I
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should wed, there will I shame her.
DON PEDRO And as I wooed for thee to obtain her, I will
join with thee to disgrace her.
DON JOHN I will disparage her no farther till you are my
witnesses. Bear it coldly but till midnight, and let the
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issue show itself.
DON PEDRO O day untowardly turned!
CLAUDIO O mischief strangely thwarting!
DON JOHN O plague right well prevented! So will you
say when you have seen the sequel. Exeunt.
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3.3 Enter DOGBERRY and his compartner VERGES, with the Watch.
DOGBERRY Are you good men and true?
VERGES Yea, or else it were pity but they should suffer
salvation, body and soul.
DOGBERRY Nay, that were a punishment too good for
them, if they should have any allegiance in them,
5
being chosen for the Prince’s watch.
VERGES Well, give them their charge, neighbour Dogberry.
DOGBERRY First, who think you the most desartless
man to be constable?
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1WATCHMAN Hugh Oatcake, sir, or George Seacoal, for
they can write and read.
DOGBERRY Come hither, neighbour Seacoal. God hath
blest you with a good name: to be a well-favoured man
is the gift of fortune, but to write and read comes by
15
nature.
2 WATCHMAN Both which, Master Constable –
DOGBERRY You have: I knew it would be your answer.
The Arden Shakespeare Complete Works Page 405
