The Arden Shakespeare Complete Works
Page 468
VINCENTIO Art thou his father?
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PEDANT Ay, sir, so his mother says, if I may believe her.
PETRUCHIO [to Vincentio] Why, how now, gentleman!
Why, this is flat knavery, to take upon you another
man’s name.
PEDANT Lay hands on the villain. I believe a means to
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cozen somebody in this city under my countenance.
Enter BIONDELLO.
BIONDELLO I have seen them in the church together.
God send ’em good shipping! But who is here? Mine
old master Vincentio! Now we are undone and
brought to nothing.
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VINCENTIO [to Biondello] Come hither, crack-hemp.
BIONDELLO I hope I may choose, sir.
VINCENTIO Come hither, you rogue. What, have you
forgot me?
BIONDELLO Forgot you? No, sir. I could not forget you,
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for I never saw you before in all my life.
VINCENTIO What, you notorious villain, didst thou
never see thy master’s father, Vincentio?
BIONDELLO What, my old worshipful old master? Yes,
marry, sir. See where he looks out of the window.
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VINCENTIO Is’t so, indeed? [He beats Biondello.]
BIONDELLO Help, help, help! Here’s a madman will
murder me. Exit.
PEDANT Help, son! Help, Signor Baptista!
Exit from the window.
PETRUCHIO Prithee, Kate, let’s stand aside and see the
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end of this controversy.
Enter Pedant with servants, BAPTISTA, TRANIO.
TRANIO Sir, what are you that offer to beat my servant?
VINCENTIO What am I, sir? Nay, what are you, sir? O
immortal gods! O fine villain! A silken doublet, a
velvet hose, a scarlet cloak, and a copatain hat! O, I am
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undone, I am undone! While I play the good husband
at home, my son and my servant spend all at the
university.
TRANIO How now, what’s the matter?
BAPTISTA What, is the man lunatic?
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TRANIO Sir, you seem a sober ancient gentleman by
your habit, but your words show you a madman. Why,
sir, what ‘cerns it you if I wear pearl and gold? I
thank my good father, I am able to maintain it.
VINCENTIO Thy father? O villain! He is a sail-maker in
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Bergamo.
BAPTISTA You mistake, sir, you mistake, sir. Pray, what
do you think is his name?
VINCENTIO His name? As if I knew not his name! I have
brought him up ever since he was three years old, and
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his name is Tranio.
PEDANT Away, away, mad ass! His name is Lucentio,
and he is mine only son, and heir to the lands of me,
Signor Vincentio.
VINCENTIO Lucentio? O, he hath murdered his master!
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Lay hold on him, I charge you, in the Duke’s name. O,
my son, my son! Tell me, thou villain, where is my
son Lucentio?
TRANIO Call forth an officer.
Enter an officer.
Carry this mad knave to the gaol. Father Baptista, I
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charge you see that he be forthcoming.
VINCENTIO Carry me to the gaol?
GREMIO Stay, officer. He shall not go to prison.
BAPTISTA Talk not, Signor Gremio. I say he shall go to
prison.
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GREMIO Take heed, Signor Baptista, lest you be
cony-catched in this business. I dare swear this is the right
Vincentio.
PEDANT Swear, if thou dar’st.
GREMIO Nay, I dare not swear it.
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TRANIO Then thou wert best say that I am not
Lucentio.
GREMIO Yes, I know thee to be Signor Lucentio.
BAPTISTA Away with the dotard, to the gaol with him!
VINCENTIO Thus strangers may be haled and abused. O
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monstrous villain!
Enter BIONDELLO, LUCENTIO and BIANCA.
BIONDELLO O, we are spoiled, and yonder he is. Deny
him, forswear him, or else we are all undone.
LUCENTIO [Kneels.] Pardon, sweet father.
VINCENTIO Lives my sweet son?
Exeunt Biondello, Tranio and Pedant, as fast as may be.
BIANCA Pardon, dear father.
BAPTISTA How hast thou offended?
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Where is Lucentio?
LUCENTIO Here’s Lucentio,
Right son to the right Vincentio,
That have by marriage made thy daughter mine,
While counterfeit supposes blear’d thine eyne.
GREMIO
Here’s packing, with a witness, to deceive us all.
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VINCENTIO Where is that damned villain Tranio,
That fac’d and brav’d me in this matter so?
BAPTISTA Why, tell me, is not this my Cambio?
BIANCA Cambio is chang’d into Lucentio.
LUCENTIO Love wrought these miracles. Bianca’s love
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Made me exchange my state with Tranio,
While he did bear my countenance in the town,
And happily I have arriv’d at the last
Unto the wished haven of my bliss.
What Tranio did, myself enforc’d him to;
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Then pardon him, sweet father, for my sake.
VINCENTIO I’ll slit the villain’s nose that would have
sent me to the gaol.
BAPTISTA But do you hear, sir? Have you married my
daughter without asking my good will?
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VINCENTIO Fear not, Baptista, we will content you, go
to. But I will in, to be revenged for this villainy. Exit.
BAPTISTA And I, to sound the depth of this knavery.
Exit.
LUCENTIO
Look not pale, Bianca; thy father will not frown.
Exeunt Lucentio and Bianca.
GREMIO
My cake is dough, but I’ll in among the rest,
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Out of hope of all, but my share of the feast. Exit.
KATHERINA
Husband, let’s follow to see the end of this ado.
PETRUCHIO First kiss me, Kate, and we will.
KATHERINA What, in the midst of the street?
PETRUCHIO What, art thou ashamed of me?
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KATHERINA No, sir, God forbid; but ashamed to kiss.
PETRUCHIO
Why, then, let’s home again. Come, sirrah, let’s away.
KATHERINA
Nay, I will give thee a kiss. Now pray thee, love, stay.
PETRUCHIO Is not this well? Come, my sweet Kate.
Better once than never, for never too late. Exeunt.
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5.2 Enter BAPTISTA, VINCENTIO, GREMIO, the Pedant, LUCENTIO and BIANCA, PETRUCHIO and KATHERINA, HORTENSIO and Widow; the servingmen, with TRANIO, BIONDELLO, GRUMIO, bringing in a banquet.
LUCENTIO
At last, though long, our jarring notes agree,
And time it is, when raging war is done,
To smile at scapes and perils overblown.
My fair Bianca, bid my father welcome,
While I with self-same kindness welcome thine.
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Brother Petruchio, sister Katherina,
And thou, Hortensio, with thy loving widow,
Feast with the best, and welcome to my house.
My banquet is to close our stomachs up
After our great good cheer. Pray you, sit down,
For now we sit to chat as well as eat.
PETRUCHIO Nothing but sit and sit, and eat and eat!
BAPTISTA Padua affords this kindness, son Petruchio.
PETRUCHIO Padua affords nothing but what is kind.
HORTENSIO
For both our sakes I would that word were true.
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PETRUCHIO
Now, for my life, Hortensio fears his widow.
WIDOW Then never trust me if I be afeard.
PETRUCHIO
You are very sensible, and yet you miss my sense.
I mean Hortensio is afeard of you.
WIDOW He that is giddy thinks the world turns round.
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PETRUCHIO Roundly replied.
KATHERINA Mistress, how mean you that?
WIDOW Thus I conceive by him.
PETRUCHIO
Conceives by me! How likes Hortensio that?
HORTENSIO
My widow says thus she conceives her tale.
PETRUCHIO
Very well mended. Kiss him for that, good widow.
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KATHERINA
‘He that is giddy thinks the world turns round’ –
I pray you tell me what you meant by that.
WIDOW Your husband, being troubled with a shrew,
Measures my husband’s sorrow by his woe.
And now you know my meaning.
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KATHERINA A very mean meaning.
WIDOW Right, I mean you.
KATHERINA And I am mean, indeed, respecting you.
PETRUCHIO To her, Kate!
HORTENSIO To her, widow!
PETRUCHIO
A hundred marks, my Kate does put her down.
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HORTENSIO That’s my office.
PETRUCHIO Spoke like an officer. Ha’ to thee, lad.
[Drinks to Hortensio.]
BAPTISTA How likes Gremio these quick-witted folks?
GREMIO Believe me, sir, they butt together well.
BIANCA Head and butt! An hasty-witted body
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Would say your head and butt were head and horn.
VINCENTIO Ay, mistress bride, hath that awaken’d you?
BIANCA
Ay, but not frighted me, therefore I’ll sleep again.
PETRUCHIO
Nay, that you shall not. Since you have begun,
Have at you for a bitter jest or two.
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BIANCA Am I your bird? I mean to shift my bush,
And then pursue me as you draw your bow.
You are welcome all.
Exeunt Bianca and Katherina and Widow.
PETRUCHIO
She hath prevented me. Here, Signor Tranio,
This bird you aim’d at, though you hit her not;
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Therefore a health to all that shot and miss’d.
TRANIO O sir, Lucentio slipp’d me like his greyhound,
Which runs himself, and catches for his master.
PETRUCHIO
A good swift simile, but something currish.
TRANIO ’Tis well, sir, that you hunted for yourself.
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’Tis thought your deer does hold you at a bay.
BAPTISTA O, O, Petruchio! Tranio hits you now.
LUCENTIO I thank thee for that gird, good Tranio.
HORTENSIO Confess, confess, hath he not hit you here?
PETRUCHIO ‘A has a little gall’d me, I confess;
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And as the jest did glance away from me,
’Tis ten to one it maim’d you two outright.
BAPTISTA Now, in good sadness, son Petruchio,
I think thou hast the veriest shrew of all.
PETRUCHIO Well, I say no. And therefore for assurance
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Let’s each one send unto his wife,
And he whose wife is most obedient,
To come at first when he doth send for her,
Shall win the wager which we will propose.
HORTENSIO Content. What’s the wager?
LUCENTIO Twenty crowns.
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PETRUCHIO Twenty crowns?
I’ll venture so much of my hawk or hound,
But twenty times so much upon my wife.
LUCENTIO A hundred then.
HORTENSIO Content.
PETRUCHIO A match! ’Tis done.
HORTENSIO Who shall begin?
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LUCENTIO That will I.
Go, Biondello, bid your mistress come to me.
BIONDELLO I go. Exit.
BAPTISTA Son, I’ll be your half Bianca comes.
LUCENTIO I’ll have no halves. I’ll bear it all myself.
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Enter BIONDELLO.