The Arden Shakespeare Complete Works
Page 529
OLIVIA That’s a degree to love.
VIOLA No, not a grize: for ’tis a vulgar proof
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That very oft we pity enemies.
OLIVIA Why then methinks ’tis time to smile again.
O world, how apt the poor are to be proud!
If one should be a prey, how much the better
To fall before the lion than the wolf! [Clock strikes.]
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The clock upbraids me with the waste of time.
Be not afraid, good youth, I will not have you,
And yet when wit and youth is come to harvest,
Your wife is like to reap a proper man.
There lies your way, due west.
VIOLA Then westward ho!
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Grace and good disposition attend your ladyship!
You’ll nothing, madam, to my lord, by me?
OLIVIA Stay:
I prithee tell me what thou think’st of me.
VIOLA That you do think you are not what you are.
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OLIVIA If I think so, I think the same of you.
VIOLA Then think you right; I am not what I am.
OLIVIA I would you were as I would have you be.
VIOLA Would it be better, madam, than I am?
I wish it might, for now I am your fool.
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OLIVIA [aside] O what a deal of scorn looks beautiful
In the contempt and anger of his lip!
A murd’rous guilt shows not itself more soon
Than love that would seem hid. Love’s night is noon. –
Cesario, by the roses of the spring,
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By maidhood, honour, truth, and everything,
I love thee so, that maugre all thy pride,
Nor wit nor reason can my passion hide.
Do not extort thy reasons from this clause,
For that I woo, thou therefore hast no cause;
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But rather reason thus with reason fetter:
Love sought is good, but given unsought is better.
VIOLA By innocence I swear, and by my youth,
I have one heart, one bosom, and one truth,
And that no woman has; nor never none
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Shall mistress be of it, save I alone.
And so adieu, good madam; never more
Will I my master’s tears to you deplore.
OLIVIA Yet come again: for thou perhaps mayst move
That heart which now abhors, to like his love. Exeunt.
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3.2 Enter SIR TOBY, SIR ANDREW and FABIAN.
SIR ANDREW No, faith, I’ll not stay a jot longer.
SIR TOBY Thy reason, dear venom, give thy reason.
FABIAN You must needs yield your reason, Sir Andrew.
SIR ANDREW Marry, I saw your niece do more favours to
the Count’s serving-man than ever she bestowed upon
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me: I saw’t i’th’ orchard.
SIR TOBY Did she see thee the while, old boy, tell me that?
SIR ANDREW As plain as I see you now.
FABIAN This was a great argument of love in her toward
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you.
SIR ANDREW ’Slight! will you make an ass o’ me?
FABIAN I will prove it legitimate, sir, upon the oaths of
judgment and reason.
SIR TOBY And they have been grand-jurymen since
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before Noah was a sailor.
FABIAN She did show favour to the youth in your sight
only to exasperate you, to awake your dormouse
valour, to put fire in your heart, and brimstone in your
liver. You should then have accosted her, and with
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some excellent jests, fire-new from the mint, you
should have banged the youth into dumbness. This
was looked for at your hand, and this was balked: the
double gilt of this opportunity you let time wash off,
and you are now sailed into the north of my lady’s
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opinion, where you will hang like an icicle on a
Dutchman’s beard, unless you do redeem it by some
laudable attempt, either of valour or policy.
SIR ANDREW And’t be any way, it must be with valour,
for policy I hate: I had as lief be a Brownist as a
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politician.
SIR TOBY Why then, build me thy fortunes upon the
basis of valour. Challenge me the Count’s youth to
fight with him, hurt him in eleven places: my niece
shall take note of it; and assure thyself there is no love-
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broker in the world can more prevail in man’s
commendation with woman than report of valour.
FABIAN There is no way but this, Sir Andrew.
SIR ANDREW Will either of you bear me a challenge to
him?
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SIR TOBY Go, write it in a martial hand, be curst and
brief: it is no matter how witty, so it be eloquent and
full of invention. Taunt him with the licence of ink. If
thou thou’st him some thrice, it shall not be amiss, and
as many lies as will lie in thy sheet of paper, although
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the sheet were big enough for the bed of Ware in
England, set ’em down. Go, about it. Let there be gall
enough in thy ink, though thou write with a goose-
pen, no matter: about it.
SIR ANDREW Where shall I find you?
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SIR TOBY We’ll call thee at thy cubiculo. Go!
Exit Sir Andrew.
FABIAN This is a dear manikin to you, Sir Toby.
SIR TOBY I have been dear to him, lad, some two
thousand strong, or so.
FABIAN We shall have a rare letter from him; but you’ll
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not deliver’t.
SIR TOBY Never trust me then: and by all means stir on
the youth to an answer. I think oxen and wainropes
cannot hale them together. For Andrew, if he were
opened and you find so much blood in his liver as
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will clog the foot of a flea, I’ll eat the rest of th’
anatomy.
FABIAN And his opposite, the youth, bears in his visage
no great presage of cruelty.
Enter MARIA.
SIR TOBY Look where the youngest wren of nine comes.
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MARIA If you desire the spleen, and will laugh
yourselves into stitches, follow me. Yond gull Malvolio
is turned heathen, a very renegado; for there is no
Christian that means to be saved by believing rightly
can ever believe such impossible passages of
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grossness. He’s in yellow stockings!
SIR TOBY And cross-gartered?
MARIA Most villainously; like a pedant that keeps a
school i’th’ church. I have dogged him like his
murderer. He does obey every point of the letter that I
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dropped to betray him: he does smile his face into
more lines than is in the new map with the
augmentation of the Indies: you have not seen such a
thing as ’tis. I can hardly forbear hurling things at him.
I know my lady will strike him: if she do, he’ll smile,
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and take’t for a great favour.
SIR TOBY Come bring us, bring us where he is.
Exeunt omnes.
3.3 Enter SEBASTIAN and ANTONIO.
SEBASTIAN I would not by my will have troubled you,
But since you make your pleasure of your pains,
I will no further chide you.
ANTONIO I could not stay behind you: my desire,
More sharp than filed steel, did spur me forth:
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And not all love to see you (though so much
As might have drawn one to a longer voyage)
But jealousy what might befall your travel,
Being skilless in these parts: which to a stranger,
Unguided and unfriended, often prove
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Rough and unhospitable. My willing love,
The rather by these arguments of fear,
Set forth in your pursuit.
SEBASTIAN My kind Antonio,
I can no other answer make, but thanks,
And thanks, and ever thanks; and oft good turns
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Are shuffled off with such uncurrent pay:
But were my worth, as is my conscience, firm,
You should find better dealing. What’s to do?
Shall we go see the relics of this town?
ANTONIO To-morrow, sir; best first go see your lodging.
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SEBASTIAN I am not weary, and ’tis long to night.
I pray you, let us satisfy our eyes
With the memorials and the things of fame
That do renown this city.
ANTONIO Would you’d pardon me:
I do not without danger walk these streets.
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Once in a sea-fight ’gainst the Count his galleys,
I did some service, of such note indeed,
That were I ta’en here it would scarce be answer’d.
SEBASTIAN Belike you slew great number of his people.
ANTONIO Th’offence is not of such a bloody nature,
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Albeit the quality of the time and quarrel
Might well have given us bloody argument.
It might have since been answer’d in repaying
What we took from them, which for traffic’s sake
Most of our city did. Only myself stood out,
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For which, if I be lapsed in this place,
I shall pay dear.
SEBASTIAN Do not then walk too open.
ANTONIO It doth not fit me. Hold, sir, here’s my purse.
In the south suburbs, at the Elephant,
Is best to lodge: I will bespeak our diet,
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Whiles you beguile the time, and feed your
knowledge
With viewing of the town: there shall you have me.
SEBASTIAN Why I your purse?
ANTONIO Haply your eye shall light upon some toy
You have desire to purchase: and your store,
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I think, is not for idle markets, sir.
SEBASTIAN I’ll be your purse-bearer, and leave you for
An hour.
ANTONIO To th’Elephant.
SEBASTIAN I do remember. Exeunt separately.
3.4 Enter OLIVIA and MARIA.
OLIVIA [aside] I have sent after him, he says he’ll come:
How shall I feast him? What bestow of him?
For youth is bought more oft than begg’d or
borrow’d.
I speak too loud. –
Where’s Malvolio? He is sad and civil,
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And suits well for a servant with my fortunes:
Where is Malvolio?
MARIA He’s coming, madam, but in very strange
manner. He is sure possessed, madam.
OLIVIA Why, what’s the matter? Does he rave?
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MARIA No, madam, he does nothing but smile: your
ladyship were best to have some guard about you if he
come, for sure the man is tainted in’s wits.
OLIVIA Go call him hither. Exit Maria.
I am as mad as he
If sad and merry madness equal be.
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Enter MALVOLIO with MARIA.
How now, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO Sweet Lady, ho, ho!
OLIVIA Smil’st thou? I sent for thee upon a sad occasion.
MALVOLIO Sad, lady? I could be sad: this does make
some obstruction in the blood, this cross-gartering; but
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what of that? If it please the eye of one, it is with me as
the very true sonnet is: ‘Please one, and please all’.
OLIVIA Why, how dost thou, man? What is the matter
with thee?
MALVOLIO Not black in my mind, though yellow in my
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legs. It did come to his hands, and commands shall be
executed. I think we do know the sweet Roman hand.
OLIVIA Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO To bed? Ay, sweetheart, and I’ll come to
thee.
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OLIVIA God comfort thee! Why dost thou smile so, and
kiss thy hand so oft?
MARIA How do you, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO At your request? Yes, nightingales answer