#Poser

by Cambria Hebert

  #Poser

  The Hashtag Series #5

  Posers gonna pose…

  I’m a man who had nothing but found everything.

  I’ll never go back to nothing ever again.

  I vowed to protect her, and that’s exactly what I’m gonna do.

  The pictures I stumbled upon haunt me still. The secret I shoulder is heavy.

  They say secrets put distance between two people,

  but the truth is far more destructive than withholding it will ever be.

  I won’t ever tell. She can’t ever know.

  When I look in the mirror, my reflection is who I’m afraid I’ll become and not the man I am.

  It makes me feel like a poser,

  no better than all the others pretending to be exactly who they aren’t.

  How does a man keep it together when everything is unraveling right in his hands?

  I didn’t start any of this.

  I never asked for it.

  But it came knocking at my door.

  When secrets and threats knock, I don’t hide.

  I open the door.

  Because the best way to take down a poser is to be one.

  #Poser

  The Hashtag Series #5

  by Cambria Hebert

  #Poser Copyright © 2015 CAMBRIA HEBERT

  All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book, or portions

  thereof, in any form without written permission except for the use of brief

  quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

  Published by: Cambria Hebert Books, LLC

  http://www.cambriahebert.com

  Interior design and typesetting by Sharon Kay of Amber Leaf Publishing

  Cover design by MAE I DESIGN

  Edited by Cassie McCown of Gathering Leaves Editing

  Copyright 2015 by Cambria Hebert

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  eBook ISBN: 978-1-938857-74-4

  Table of Contents

  Contents:

  Prologue

  Part One:

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Part Two:

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Part Three:

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Chapter Forty

  Chapter Forty-One

  Chapter Forty-Two

  Chapter Forty-Three

  Chapter Forty-Four

  Chapter Forty-Five

  Chapter Forty-Six

  Chapter Forty-Seven

  Chapter Forty-Eight

  Chapter Forty-Nine

  Chapter Fifty

  Chapter Fifty-One

  Chapter Fifty-Two

  Chapter Fifty-Three

  Chapter Fifty-Four

  Chapter Fifty-Five

  Chapter Fifty-Six

  Chapter Fifty-Seven

  Chapter Fifty-Eight

  Epilogue

  #Poser

  The Bromance

  (AKA Prologue)

  Braeden

  I suck at good-byes.

  Yeah, sure, technically this wasn’t good-bye. Still felt like it. Still sucked.

  It was more of a see ya later.

  But how do you say see ya later when it’s more like see ya in a couple months? Especially when you’ve seen that person practically every single day since you were in first grade?

  I’d never say it out loud at the risk of someone taking away my man card, but Rome and me had a bond.

  We weren’t just friends. We were brothers from another mother.

  And the part I would never speak out loud? Bromance. We had a bromance, okay?

  I knew this day was coming. Everyone knew it was coming from the second the ink dried on his contract with the Maryland Knights.

  Hell, I knew this was coming from the first moment I saw him throw a football.

  Knowing something didn’t make it any easier.

  So many changes lately. Most of them I was doing good with; some weighed on me more than others. Like a lot more. But I never really thought Romeo leaving for training would feel like such a rift in my life.

  But here I was.

  Feeling all sentimental and shit.

  It was embarrassing.

  When this conversation was over, I was gonna have to go do something manly like build something with my bare hands.

  Or maybe I’d just eat some sprinkles.

  I pulled up next to the Hellcat and parked. I knew he’d be here. If I were in his position, this is where I’d be too.

  I walked through the tunnels, past the locker rooms, and into the stands. The field stretched out before me like the ocean at the beach. The field was immaculate, vibrant green, cut meticulously and slightly damp from the sprinkler system.

  Even in the off-season, Alpha U knew where its priorities lay. This football field represented so much more than a sport.

  To me, it was family. It was life. It was an escape.

  Rome was standing at the railing, looking out across the field we’d played on more times than I could count.

  I couldn’t believe it was over. We’d played our last game together and didn’t even know it at the time. I was glad, though. I wanted that last game to be exactly as it had been. Nothing but the sport and the fun. Nothing but watching each other’s backs and keeping our heads in the game.

  It made for good memories.

  I stopped beside him at the railing, silent.

  We stood there for a while. I knew his thoughts mirrored my own.

  “I’ll never quit you, B,” Romeo said eventually, a hint of sarcasm in his tone.

  It wasn’t the first time he said that to me. I swung my head to scoff at him, but the sound never made it out. His words might be a joke, but their meaning wasn’t. There was no smirk on his face, no laughter in his eyes.

  He meant it.

  “I’ll never quit you either, Rome.”

  He lifted his fist from the rail and held it between us.

  We pounded it out.

  Pounding it out made everything official.

  “Seems like I worked my whole life for this. I waited and thought it might never come,” he said, still gazing out across the field. “But damn, it came fast.”

  “You having second thoughts?” I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye.

  He shook his head. “It’s just hard to walk away, you know?”

  I did know. For a guy who planned to live his wh
ole life in the moment and just for fun, things got complicated. Things got real. It was hard to live in the moment all the time when you sometimes worried there might not be another one.

  Or that past moments would come back to destroy what was today. I shook off the thought. This wasn’t about me. This was about my best friend, my brother, and saying good-bye.

  “You got Rim now,” I replied. “You got responsibilities beyond throwing a ball.”

  He nodded and looked down at his hands. I knew he didn’t want to leave her. Hell, I’d be the same way, especially after everything they’d been through. Just a couple weeks away from Ivy when she went home at the beginning of the summer had tested my patience. I couldn’t imagine leaving for months at a time.

  “But that don’t mean you’re walking away. This is for her too. You gotta build a life, bro. And with this job, this opportunity, it’s gonna give you both a hella good one.”

  “She said the same thing.” He half smiled.

  Didn’t surprise me one bit. Rim knew football was in Rome’s blood. She’d never stand in the way of that. I clapped him on the back. “My sis knows what she’s talking about.”

  “I need you to do something for me.” He looked at me. “Not sure how you’re gonna feel about it.”

  “Dude.” I sighed dramatically. “I told you. That was a one-time thing. If I go running across campus in my boxers again, I might give the old ladies in the office building heart attacks.” I gestured to myself. “It takes a strong ticker to handle all this.”

  “I don’t wanna see you in your damn skivvies.” He flashed a smile. “Though I’d pay to see Ivy’s reaction to that shit.”

  “Hell,” I muttered. “I’d never hear the end of it.”

  Romeo’s smile grew wider into a shit-eating grin. “Rim says Prada has taken quite a liking to you.”

  “Damn rat,” I spat. But then I smiled. It was hard not to love her when she’d come prancing up to the door in a stupid pink outfit when I walked in. And okay, yeah, maybe I let her sleep with us.

  “Who’s whipped now?” Romeo laughed.

  “You kiss your momma with that mouth?” I cracked.

  He laughed and pushed off the railing to sit in the row of seats behind us. I dropped down beside him.

  “What do you need?” He had to know I’d do it. We had each other’s backs like that.

  “I rented a house.” A ring of keys appeared in his hand, and he spun them around his finger as he spoke. “It’s not too far from campus. Nice neighborhood, fenced-in yard, security system, garage…”

  “But you’re leaving for training in like a week.”

  He glanced at me.

  Ah. He was leaving, but Rim wasn’t.

  I laughed. “You rented her a house? She’s so pissed, isn’t she?”

  The grimace on his face said it all. “She wasn’t too happy. Took some work to get her to come around.”

  I didn’t need to know about the kind of “work” he was talking about.

  “I thought she had to live on campus, you know, as part of her scholarship?”

  He shrugged. “I called the dean.”

  That was the Rome I knew. Rules didn’t apply to him. If he wanted something, he had the rules bent. It got my respect.

  “You sure her living alone is a good thing, though? Might be better on campus or at your place.”

  “She won’t stay at my place, not with Mom right next door,” he answered. “I asked Ivy to move in with her.”

  My eyes shot up to his. “What?” I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. “She never said anything to me.”

  “I asked her not to. Told her I wanted to talk to you myself.”

  I started shaking my head. “Them two alone in a house?” I thought about what happened to Ivy not that long ago, what she didn’t even know. I thought about the way she sometimes still called out in her sleep. I didn’t want her alone. “I don’t like it.”

  Romeo nodded like he already knew my reaction. ‘Course, he couldn’t possibly know how sick it made me to think of Ivy alone in a house, vulnerable. He didn’t know everything. I didn’t even tell him.

  “That’s where you come in,” he said.

  And then I knew what he was asking. Romeo wanted me to move in with them. He wasn’t just renting Rimmel a house. He was renting a place for all of us.

  “You know damn well I can’t afford rent on a three-bedroom home. You probably rented it over in the Palisades,” I muttered.

  A smile played on his lips. “It’s four bedrooms.”

  “You totally fucking did!” I accused. “My mom can’t even afford that neighborhood, Rome.”

  “This ain’t about the money.”

  I laughed. “Says the guy with a fat fucking bank account.”

  His eyes narrowed and the look behind them was hard. “You know I ain’t about money. We ain’t ever been about it either.”

  I scrubbed a hand down my face and cursed. “No, we ain’t. I’m not about to start now.”

  “I get it,” he said low. “You’re a man. You got a lot of pride. I’m not trying to take it from you. But you know full fucking well if you had the cash for this, you’d do it too. This is best for them. Ivy can’t keep hiding that rat in her dorm. With the new semester, her and Rim’ll probably be assigned new roommates. I don’t want my girl rooming with some bitch I don’t know. And I know you don’t want Ivy doing it either. People aren’t gonna forget too easily about all the shit the #BuzzBoss said about her. I wouldn’t be surprised if she reminds everyone of it the first week back.”

  “If Missy knows what’s good for her, she’ll stay the hell away from Ivy,” I growled.

  “They’d never admit it, but they need someone looking out for them. I can’t leave here knowing Rim isn’t taken care of. I’m asking you to move in with her. I’m asking you to watch out for her.”

  “I’ve got some cash saved up, and I’ll be working all summer, all the way up ‘til training camp.” I hedged.

  “Rent’s paid for the next year.”

  I shook my head. Of course it fucking was. Romeo always had money; his parents always made sure he had the best of shit. But he wasn’t the kind of guy who ever seemed to think about it. It just was. He didn’t act all ate up, like he was in some expensive, exclusive club. When we were kids, he hung at my place just as much as his. He ate dinner at our kitchen table, and not even once did I see a look of anything but acceptance in his eyes.

  But that didn’t mean I wanted him paying my way.

  “It’s just money, B. We’re family,” he said, almost like he could read my thoughts.

  I groaned, and Romeo slapped me on the shoulder. “Thank God. I really thought you would say no.”

  “I’m doing this for the girls.” I clarified.

  “That’s why I’m doing it too.”

  I knew it was. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about what the fall semester was going to be like for Ivy and who she was going to be stuck rooming with. At least this way she could keep the rat, and I knew she’d have somewhere to go where eyes weren’t constantly following her.

  “I’ll pay as much of the utilities as I can.”

  “Rim and Ivy have insisted on pitching in too,” he added.

  “I can’t believe she didn’t tell me,” I muttered, thinking about my girl.

  “I just talked to her this morning. I asked her not to.”

  “She wanted this too?” I asked. I wouldn’t do it if she had any kind of reservations. We hadn’t been together very long, and now we were moving in together. I needed to talk to her. Make sure this was what she wanted.

  “Honestly, I think she was relieved. I don’t think living on campus was very easy for her at the end of last semester.”

  I knew better than anyone—even better than Ivy herself—why that was. “I should have figured it out sooner,” I muttered.

  “Missy had everyone fooled,” Romeo said.

  “Shady bitch,” I slurred.


  “You know it’s not just Rim I don’t wanna leave,” Romeo said, his voice candid and low.

  I looked over at him. Romeo kept me grounded. Life hadn’t always been easy for me, but he was always there. Sometimes he kept me together. I guess I understood why he was worried about leaving me.

  “I’m straight, honestly.” I promised.

  “You talk to him?” He looked me in the eye.

  He was talking about my father. The abusive man who used to make mine and my mom’s life a living hell. I hadn’t seen him since he was arrested for almost killing her when I was ten. But then he walked into the diner one Sunday morning just a few weeks ago. He came right up to the table like he had every right to my time. Like I would just talk to him, accept his presence as if he hadn’t totally fucked me up.

  “No.” My voice was final.

  “So you aren’t going to?”

  I blew out a breath and stood, pacing a little. Talking about him always made me edgy and frustrated. “I don’t know.”

  I didn’t want to. I could have lived my entire life without seeing him ever again. But I did. And he was dying. It changed things. I might not want to talk to him now, but what about in five years? What if I felt different then? My mom talked to me about closure, about dealing with it all once and for all.

  Deep down, I knew closure would probably do a lot for me.

  But sometimes closure was hard to accept. It was hard to grasp. How did you wrap up something so ugly all neat and tidy and put it away? How did you forgive someone for not being the man they should have been? How did I not feel the effects of his abuse?

  I didn’t have five years. I might not even have two. If I thought I would ever want closure from my father, it was something I had to act upon now, before he died.

  “If you decide to call him, if you want me there, I’ll be there.”

  “Thanks,” I said, feeling a little relieved he wasn’t going to push what he thought I should do onto me. This was something I had to figure out on my own.

  He stood and stepped up to me. His eyes met mine. “I mean it. Just call. I’ll come home. Football means a lot to me, but family means more.”

  I let his words sink in. I felt them for a few seconds. I didn’t think he’d ever know what they meant to me, and I wasn’t ever going to try and explain. I made a sniffing sound. “You got a tissue, man? I think I’m gonna cry.”