by Hood, Holly
I found a radio with this old cassette tape inside and when I push play it’s like the world becomes less loud and more tolerable.
I hum along to the music, I’m sure a young girl lived here in one of the bedrooms. Surrounded by her life, and this tiny radio was her norm. Her means of escape.
I’m not a painter, I’ve never had any interest in the hobby until moving here. I want to put my spin on things—I want this place to be my own.
Stubbing the bristles into my makeshift pallete I back away from the wall. One day I will go into that hardware store and get real gear to get the job done right.
The kitchen door opens—I know it’s Karsen before I see her.
Kidd and her live out in the guesthouse just across the lawn. It’s the only property nearby. And it’s great because I can see my best friend whenever I need to see her.
“Are you painting again?” She asks, surveying my work. It’s focused into one area close to the bottom about waist level. “Do you still think you can turn this entire wall into a mural?”
She rubs her belly. “Is that a tree?”
I tilt my head taking it in. “Yeah.”
Karsen grabs the railing of the staircase and settles down on the bottom step letting out a grunt. “I don’t think I could feel any bigger.”
“I don’t think you could look any bigger,” I tease swiping my hair out of my eyes and take the spot next to her. “You hungry?”
“Aren’t I always?” She looks around the house. “You don’t have anything in this house worth cooking. What did you have in mind?”
“I need paint and supplies. We can get something on the way.” I stand up and she extends her hand. I yank her up and hurry and clean up my paint brushes before we leave.
“You must drive because Elliot took my car.”
“Are they still holing up in your guest bedrooms?” Karsen gives me a knowing expression.
“Yes. And I’m not sure I will ever have the heart to tell them to go home.” I frown, rubbing at my forehead. “It’s hard to do the right thing after what happened with my dad.”
Karsen waits for me to lock up the house. She offers no usual advice about my father because she has nothing to give. She’s never been in the situation. She can’t make it better.
I miss him. A lot. A lot of the choices I made are why he is gone.
“Let’s go.” We start down the steps. And I remember that I forgot to grab my phone in case Slade calls. “I will be right back.”
I climb the stairs and let myself in. Slade’s cologne hangs in the air, along with the wet paint from my mural. Until I round the corner going into the kitchen. I take my coffee mug and stick it in the sink and spin around to get my phone.
The familiar scent of cigarette smoke wafts past my nose. Nobody smokes here. And I would kill Elliot and Easton if they ever started.
The last time I smelled smoke Nona was alive.
An instant eruption of goosebumps rise on my arms.
I make sure nothing is on fire and go back outside because Karsen is waiting.
“Everything okay?”
I nod, coming down the steps. “Yeah. It was the strangest thing. I went inside and I could have sworn I smelled cigarettes.”
Karsen’s blue eyes are tense. “Have you took up smoking?”
I give her a weird look. “No, Karsen I am not smoking in my spare time.”
She tries to keep up with my pace as we head over to the guesthouse to get her car.
“Good, because that’s a bad habit to break.”
I roll my eyes and climb into the passenger side. “Are you sure you can fit?”
She rolls her eyes back. “Hey. I still wear the same jeans I wore before Kidd’s sperm united with my egg so shut your mouth.”
We both laugh. As soon as she cranks the ignition I’ve forgotten the cigarettes.
“You are definitely one big belly.”
“My boobs are getting bigger too. Kidd loves it.”
I am sure Kidd does. He loves everything about Karsen.
“Do you miss Slade as much as I miss Kidd?”
I nod. “I wasn’t expecting to be without my husband so soon after getting married.”
***
We eat at the small delicatessen that has the best roast beef sandwiches in the world. Karsen eats two of everything and I have a hard time accepting she has gained hardly any weight with the appetite she has.
The girl can pack away the food.
“How come you guys didn’t want to find out if it is a boy or a girl?”
She licks her lips and starts on her French fries. “Well, Kidd is all for the unknown. He just wants a healthy baby.”
“But you’re not.” Karsen has never been one to wait. I can imagine how much she is dying on the inside wondering if the child she is carrying is a boy or a girl.
She shrugs. “That doesn’t matter when you’re in love my dear. And Kidd’s right. As long as the baby is healthy that’s all that matters.”
I guess that’s the way we should take on life.
I take a breath and force myself to forget and I try to focus on the meal I am having with my best friend.
Her life is going so well, and on the outside so is mine. I have what I want—somewhat. My father can’t help me with home improvement. I don’t have him around anymore to give me words of advice. I miss the days I was angry with him for drinking too much. The little things seem so big now.
Maybe I am miserable.
I finish my tea and sigh.
Karsen doesn’t realizes what’s going on inside my head. Usually we are in tune with one another. But she is so in tune with this baby on the way and her marriage she doesn’t know how I feel anymore.
I don’t want to burden her with my issues right now, she’s pregnant.
I will just wait until Slade comes home because when he is around I can handle things a little better.
Karsen lights up at the sound of her phone beeping. She snags it off the table. “I love his face so much.” She turns the phone showing me a picture Kidd sent her of him practicing before the show.
I smile, being the best friend. “I’m so happy for you two.”
We finish our food and drive to the old hardware store so I can get paint.
Karsen pushes the cart and I go down the first aisle trying to find whatever I am looking for in this store. I’m just not sure what.
“I’m having some wicked heartburn,” Karsen tells me, she picks up a can of spray paint. “This is a cute color.”
“Too bad you don’t know what you’re having.” I move down the aisle. “But either way, you don’t paint a baby room with spray paint.”
“I have a question for you,” she says, putting the paint back. “Would the baby be considered a witch?”
I raise an eyebrow, surprised she is bringing this up. “It’s hard to say. It’s not like Kidd has practiced magic his whole life.”
I round the corner finding acrylic paints and paintbrushes. I figure this will work for what I am looking to do so I toss various shades and brushes into the cart.
“What if the baby is and I am like the third wheel?”
“That’s not anything you need to worry about.”
We head to the register.
The cashier turns around and looks us over. “Did you find everything okay?”
I nod, tossing the last of my supplies on the counter. “It seems so.”
He rings up my things. “You into painting?”
“Sort of a new hobby I stumbled upon,” I tell him. I notice the display of wine and I find it odd because it’s a hardware store. I pick one up staring at the fancy label. The Life.
“My parents own a small winery and they make me stock the store. It’s not too bad.” He shrugs and scans my next item.
“I’m always willing to try something new.” I put two on the counter.
He nods as if he understands me. He can’t understand me he’s never met me. “Well, I hope the proje
ct turns out for you. I’m August.”
“I’m Hope. And this is Karsen.” I introduce us both and hand over my credit card.
“I know who you are. This entire town heard about the huge double wedding the two of you threw with your rock star husbands.”
August swipes my card and hands it back without even looking at it. “Nice to meet you both.”
My cheeks warm, he is treating us like celebrities and I hardly consider what I am of celebrity status.
“If there’s anything else you need help with call the store. I’m always here.” He tells me.
Karsen makes a face and I grab the bags following her out of the store.
“What?”
“August was flirting with you. And I don’t like it.”
I shake my head, because that sounds very absurd. The guy was being polite. Every man in the world does not have a hidden agenda. “He was being polite. He mentioned our weddings. How tacky would that be to flirt with a girl after you admitted to knowing she is married?”
Karsen raises an eyebrow. “Anything is possible. Men are snakes. John Redcorn tried to convince me to run away with him a week before I married Kidd.”
“Radcom. And John is a total squid.”
Karsen giggles at my silly comparison and climbs into the passenger side of her car. She struggles with the seatbelt while I struggle with the bags going into her trunk.
She hasn’t emptied the trunk full of baby items.
I make do, shoving blankets and stuffed animals, diapers, you name it out of the way so I can drop my bags praying nothing leaks onto her things and open the driver side door staring in at her.
“I take it you want me to drive?”
“My stomach hurts. And my feet are fat. I need a nap.” She focuses out her window.
These mood swings, I am having a hard time getting used to them. One minute she is her normal wacky self, the next she is contemplating the meaning of life.
“Thanks for coming with me,” I tell her. “I needed out of the house.”
She sniffles.
I raise an eyebrow, she can’t be crying. “Karsen?”
I start out of the parking lot waiting for her to say something.
“What?”
“Are you okay?”
She sniffs more before answering me. “No. I think I peed myself.”
I clench the steering wheel scared shitless. I know how labor happens I was with my mother when she went into labor.
“Karsen…
“What?” She sobs. “What kind of person pees themselves? I couldn’t even make it to the bathroom. I am falling apart.”
I nearly miss the stop sign. “There is a difference between peeing yourself and your water breaking. Do you think your water broke?”
“Maybe.” She wipes her eyes.
I groan, I’m getting irritated. I wish I could slap sense into her. “Is it still coming out?”
She lifts up and checks with her hand. “It’s like someone shoved a giant water balloon up there and poked a bunch of holes in it.”
“Oh my god.” I slam on the breaks making a U-turn right in the middle of the road. “The hospital is an hour away!”
I fumble for my phone, listening to Karsen crying as I dial Slade. I’m afraid to call Kidd because he will panic as much as Karsen.
Slade shows up on the screen and he makes a face at the sounds coming from my side of things. “What did you do to Karsen?”
“I did nothing to her. Kidd did.” I take a breath before I confess the news. “And I need you to tell him that Karsen is having the baby.”
“What the fuck?” Slade’s eyes darken, he is speechless. He studies me, his mouth hanging slack.
He’s looking at me like I made this happen.
“Slade!” I screech. “She is having the baby. You need to tell Kidd and get him here before it’s too late. These things happen fast sometimes!”
He shoves his hand through his hair, biting down on his lip ring. “Okay. He’s out back helping with set up. Hold on. Shit.”
The world rushes around me on his phone as he tries to find Kidd.
Karsen is still sniffling. “Everything will be okay.”
“I know. I’m just scared.”
It makes me sad. I don’t want her to be scared. I want her to feel empowered, she is about to bring a life into the world.
“What if I am a terrible mother?” She groans, holding onto her stomach. “Ow, I think something is wrong.”
“Nothing is wrong. You’re in labor. And it’s happening faster than it should be.” I bring my phone back up and search the screen for any signs of Slade, Kidd, someone. All I see is the ground and all I hear is chaos..
Karsen is about to give birth to her baby on the side of the road and I can’t help deliver.
And just before my body kicks into full on panic Slade’s face appears again.
“We’re on our way,” he says. He’s more together, calm even.
“He almost passed out when I told him but now we’re on our way.” He points his phone’s camera at the parking lot and I catch sight of the rest of the gang booking it toward the bus.
Karsen’s phone rings. She fumbles to answer it.
“I am driving as fast as I can to get her to the hospital.”
Slade climbs the steps to the bus, passing the driver and takes a spot across from Kidd.
“Tell Hope to take care of her until I get there,” Kidd says in the background.
“Isn’t he on the phone with Karsen?”
Karsen is doubled over the phone in her grip but not to her ear anymore.
“Hope wont let anything happen to her, bro relax.”
“Get off the phone and pay attention to the road before Kidd kills me.” Slade hangs up leaving me alone in the car with a panting sweating Karsen.
Every minute that passes she is that more miserable.
She throws her head back against the seat panting. “Holy shit this hurts! How much longer?”
“I’m going as fast as I can. Maybe another…twenty minutes.” I floor it through a yellow light and make a right onto the highway.
“Twenty minutes before this baby comes out? I thought people were in labor for hours?!” She groans, tensing up.
I laugh because it’s the only thing I can do. “Not the baby…god I hope not the baby. I was talking about the hospital.”
Karsen groans, practically taking my door handle off with her hand. “Never…again…will I ever have sex with that man.”
She lets out a scream of agony, bursting into tears.
She’s a writhing banshee full of emotions. This labor is bringing out things in Karsen I never seen.
Intros
“Where’s my sex kitten?” Kidd says as soon as he comes through the door of labor and delivery.
“She’s in room thirty with the doctor right now. I was just getting a cup of coffee.” He is ready to plow me over to get to her so I don’t say anything.
“Thank you,” he plants a kiss on my cheek and lifts me off the ground in a giant bear hug. “For taking care of my family and getting them here in one piece.”
My feet dangle, I can’t do much under Kidd’s crushing hug.
Slade is behind him grinning. He sets me on my feet and runs down the hall to her room before I can tell him he should talk to the desk.
Slade brushes the hair away from my eyes. “That was the longest fucking ride I ever had to endure under the circumstances.”
I follow him back to the waiting room and take a spot next to the window. I’m wore out, between the stress and high pitch screams I need a hot soak in a tub.
Slade leans back in his seat and takes my hand bringing it into his lap. He interlocks our fingers and stares off into the distance. “Can’t believe Kidd is going to be a father.”
“I can’t believe Karsen is going to be a mother,” I say.
It’s unreal.
He plays with my hand, sweeping his thumb back and forth and bounc
es his leg up and down. A lot is about to change.
“Do you think going on tour will even be possible after tonight?” I look at him.
“I don’t know. Depends on how big of a deal this turns into for both of them. If Kidd decides his family is more important than we all have to make changes.”
I lean against his arm and rest my head. “And how does that make you feel the thought that the band could change?”
“I know family is more important. Things change, nothing stays the same. We have to learn how to adapt.”
“Did you even get to play at all?”
“No, we were practicing. There’s always next time.” Slade wraps an arm around me. “The crew went home to get some rest. They said they will come up tomorrow to meet the baby.”
I nod. “I wish I could go home and wait. But I know she wants me here. Her mom and dad are coming within the hour.”
***
Slade shakes me. And I sit up looking around at the empty waiting room. I wonder how long I have been asleep.
“Let’s go for a walk,” he tells me.
I stand up and shake the sleep from my body. “Have you heard anything?”
He shakes his head. “Last I heard was she was halfway there.”
“Halfway could mean anything.” I sigh. “What are you doing?”
Slade turns the knob on the door in the hallway. “Looking for a place to slip into.”
“For what?”
“To pass time.” He grins, looking down the hallway to make sure nobody is coming. “Sex always passes the time.”
“We can’t have sex in here. Karsen and Kidd are about to have a baby. What if it happens when we’re in there humping like rabbits?”
Ordinarily I wouldn’t have a problem making hot animalistic noises with Slade but right now Karsen needs me. I saw the look on her face. The least I can do is keep it in my pants until the baby arrives.
Slade sighs, dragging his hand down his face. “Well then, let’s get something to eat before I start climbing the walls.”
I roll my eyes and follow him down the hallway to the elevators. He punches the button for the main floor and we wait for the doors to open.
“She is scared. I have to be there for her. If it were me I would want her to do the same.”
